Fear. We weren’t allowed to think for ourselves, and if we did, we were subject to harsh physical / corporeal punishment. One of the things that was drilled into our heads was that “success” was evil and “of the flesh.” For the longest part of my life, I literally thought that anyone who had money was going to hell – which of course, created some very strong self-limitations in regards to wealth.
When I first started running success subs, my subconscious resisted so strongly that I almost swore them off completely. And it was a string of little things that kept adding up into a larger pattern. For example, at the time, I was driving a beautiful Mustang convertible and one day, I parked into a spot near a wall and knocked off the side view mirror. I tried to put the convertible top down so I could see if the mirror snapped off or if it pulled the screws out. Somehow, a bunch of books were in the area where the convertible top folds into, and it bust out the back window. Over $1500 of damage done in 20 minutes. I also dropped my brand new phone and broke the screen, etc. It was crazy.
Even though I had sworn off traditional religious thought (I’m still quite spiritual, strongly believe in panpsychism), my mind was telling me that I was engaging in “evil” and any time things would start to go well, I’d begin to have this feeling of imminent death. Had no idea where it was coming from, until I read The 50th Law, a collaboration between rapper 50 Cent and Robert Greene of 40 Laws of Power fame. The 50th Law is literally “be fearless,” and 50 Cent goes into detail about how many people subconsciously equates change and success with death, especially in the United States, because we engage in so much fear based marketing and fear based culture (just take a look at US news). He talked about even the subtle fear-based programming we engage in, like how our hospitals are incredibly aesthetically sterile, barren and fearsome. Back in the day (and even in other countries), the place where a healer does their work is full of color, life and a sense of calmness and positivity.
That whole thing changed my life, but I’m still dealing with the consequences of that early life conditioning.