I’ve been using healing titles so long that LBFH is a pleasant reprieve from this singular aim. I’ve going on my second week using it with Ascension, and I’m noticing and feeling welcome changes happen that I’ve only read about before.
Like, actually caring about others without some exit plan in place. I normally am trying to save my ass most days, prompted by fears of reliving a childhood abandonment I experienced. My days often have some internal feeling of “when can I escape?” to hold on to some illusion of control in my life.
I found myself enjoying my time with a coworker yesterday, unprompted by that constant reminder to run. I actually worked my tail off yesterday, which is often associated with complaining and bitching of some sort.
But…I felt good. I even kind of surprised my manager upon returning to the shop. I said spontaneously “It was a good day” with a cheerful smile on my face, after 11 hours in the summer heat. She did a doubletake, looking at me silently for a moment.
When I think of my personal “why” for this, I’m simply valuing myself more day by day. I’ve had small rounds of recon, but it’s usually battling/challenging some old beliefs of not feeling worthy of good things.
I’m also seeing deeper connections, referring to @Fire’s journal posting about seeing that eventually with subliminal use. I’ve seen some truths before, but habitually dismissed them–thinking such good things just weren’t possible in my life. This is new to me, and I’m just allowing these possibilities to surface. I’ll notice something…and allow it to stay in my face for a bit. Such experiences have been very pleasant lately.
Life doesn’t feel so dangerous and fear-ridden since using LBFH. …and just being honest here, I dealt with some dismissal of things I wrote throughout this sharing. But LBFH’s message and memories stand right next to them, saying softly “really?”
Hope lives.