you rapidly become aware of what is causing subtle or overt emotional anguish under the surface-in your case that may be how fucked up you perceive other people to be and/or possibly yourself.
For me it was the subtle feeling I’m selling myself out, and that everyone leaves or can’t be trusted.
When I ran elixir a couple of hours ago it made me aware of how much I need connection and need tenderness toward myself. And now I feel like it. I forgive myself,love myself and accept myself more.
I already have blue skies also, so It’s working together.
I ran elixir and regeneration last night, and today was a bit rough. On one hand I felt great, but all my concerns were coming up, I wasn’t identifying or thrown off by them, they were just occupying my consciousness until I kept actively feeling them and letting them go. It did slow down performance a bit, but that’s ok for now. I feel more whole and complete.
Exactly @James
And some people that i once liked now really irriate the hell out of me. I can also see lots of flaws on people lol
I’m wondering if throwing in SanguineU for the other part of the day would help. Like ElixirU/Regen before bed…sanguineU in the afternoon.
I ran Regeneration for a couple of loops last night ,QL Stage one for a couple of loops as well , and ran Elixir Ultima for one loop in between. Seems like the perfect stack for me at the moment to work on my trauma and faulty beliefs and behavior because of that trauma. I am curious if running Rebirth Ultima on alternate days is overkill? I feel at times I am so desperate to get over all of this silly shit so I can get on with my life. My only concern at this point is with doing all this healing that I become the epitome of Generation X sarcastic and apathetic. Listening to plenty of death metal is incredibly cathartic as well. I think tonight I may run Elixir for three to five loops while I sleep.
Listens to Regeneration, which acts like a soothing Classical Aria to the subconscious.
Listens to Death Metal to balance it out.
I think that’s what the US considers enhanced interrogation. 
Currently running Total Breakdown to balance it out even more
Bro what in the world… just ran my first loop. This is legit! First 10 minutes were weird. I didn’t feel like finishing my workout and I didn’t feel on
Just finished and I’m out here dancing in my house, humming, laughing at myself in the mirror. Feels like I took drugs lmao. I feel very sexual too. Like if Megan Fox walked in right now and I’d be completely at ease and in the moment. That’s genuinely how I feel right now. Which is huge for me and how I grew up.
Rebirth in the AM, Elixir in the PM it seems like. This morning I experimented with Commander and I was somewhat irritated and very subtlely aggressive at work. Like from the outside looking in you’d have no idea, but internally the reconciliation made me way less productive. Reminds me of Saint’s post of why he doesn’t run T or T2. I can’t afford to not be productive. Rebirth makes me feel really good. I don’t get nearly as much reconciliation on it.
Objectively, I am a very good looking handsome guy. I have had girls tell me this openly. I can consciously look in the mirror and see it for myself. But I have never truly believed it. My subconscious would not allow me. Like I never felt like I was good enough or “in the same league” as girls who are honestly not even all that when I step back and analyze. I am miles ahead compared to where I once was, but this is still something that I am improving on. My self-esteem and self-image.
I think I may have just cracked the code of why this has happened. Probably a few events, but a major one is the fact that while growing up my one brother used to always call me ugly or stupid. I don’t think it was malicious or he actually felt that way or anything. It was more of a big brother messing with his lil bro sort of thing. Being a little kid we are literally like sponges and soak up our environment. What’s ingrained as a child gets reflected in our adult lives.
20 minutes after my first Elixir and here we are. That NLP course I restarted because of Executive also helped me come to this conclusion. (No actual NLP work was done yet but the instructor did a great job of explaining the whole “child soaking up environment” concept)
I haven’t run Elixir yet today but I did run two or three loops of Regeneration followed by at least four of Total Breakdown. Feels like a good combination as I don’t feel really stressed at all although I did have something happen today that would in the past made me panic or anxious. The death metal probably helped as well.
@anon52452268 psych2go on YouTube has several videos explaining how your childhood impacts you as an adult
Here’s a good playlist
I am definitely less anxious than I used to be. It’s a weird but very cool feeling. Now I have to see how far I can take this.
Im think of adding stage Khan st.1 to my tack of regeneration.
Can you point out one difference between the two?
Break down is basically meant to destroy everything holding you back with as little to no remorse as possible. Regeneration will go through the cracks in your armor and slowly help you heal your traumas and weaknesses.
Think of it like this breakdown is like the original emperor script it will tear through you and push you to change at the fastest and toughest it can where as regeneration is like Emperor v4 it is much smoother of a transition on healing and letting go of things. 1 will break you down totally with no remorse to get rid of everything holding you back from being the best you you can be the other will take it’s time going through the cracks and healing the pain slowly. Both work and are effective just 2 different ways of going about it.
It could also be like total break down is like a flame just straight purifying your body of fear, negative habits, negative beliefs, negative mindset, and more with brute force kinda lol. Regeneration is like water flowing through the cracks breaking through them as easy as possible with care.
@Azriel
What do you think?
I am surprised there haven’t been that many experiential comparisons between Rebirth Ultima and either of these two titles as they are in modern times.
To me, so far Rebirth Ultima is the harshest of all the breakdown subs I’ve tried from SubClub, even more than Khan Q ST1. I know this because I really feel it in my brain every time I run it (and that’s not something I experience in other Ultima titles, for those who are wondering if it is just an ultima effect).
nah it’s definitely regeneration or/ reconciliation or some combination with my particular history
of trauma/ptsd.
I’ve been running total breakdown in a custom for months with nothing close to this.
If this didn’t go away when I woke up, I would have sought medical attention.
The last time I felt like this was a few months ago when I messed around with regeneration, so it’s likely from that. I want to heal through this, but just have to be smart and go slower about it.
I’m the opposite total breakdown is clear, quick, and purifying to me
regeneration is slow and difficult.
Each of us has our pathway that is most difficult, Rebirth and Total Breakdown are easier for me, Regeneration is a beast. To others its different.
Interesting, Rebirth Ultima makes me feel awesome. Ran it this morning while meditating and I just felt a body euphoria sort of feeling. It carries over to my work day and interactions as well.
I will be doing Rebirth in the morning and Elixir at night on weekdays.