Mac's Khan experiences and thoughts


#1

Just a loose ended journal here to share my thoughts and experiences on Khan. Been meaning to write this for a while, wanting to write something eloquent that would give back to the community, but I’ve realized that I just need to get my thoughts down and not let my OCD perfectionism get in the way. :slight_smile:

First, here is some background on my SubClub experiences: I started running S&S back in February (got laid for the first time in several months, with just a lil bit of action-taking) then moved on to Primal for a month or two, before moving on to Emperor as my first subliminal that I ran seriously (i.e. dedicated listening almost every single day – I missed maybe 5-6 days in the 4 months I ran it).

Now, Emperor had some pros and cons for me, mainly money and social circle related.

Pros:

  • After a few years of living paycheck to paycheck and borderline broke (I was literally homeless for a few months), I finally started saving actual money in my bank account and amassed over $1,000 dollars in savings just sitting there. Now this may not seem like a lot of money to you guys, but for me it’s an increase of over 100% from where I was (couple hundred in the bank at most). I’m sitting on a couple grand right now.

  • Set all my bills on auto-pay, and started finally paying down credit card debt (also set to auto-pay), joined a gym, bought a new phone with a great camera (as a business investment to photograph/videograph art projects that I want to create/build and post them on social media).

  • Started waking up super early consistently to go to the gym and do chores (I’m talking 5 am or earlier). This wasn’t entirely positive though, as I did spend the first hour or two simply drinking coffee and watching videos on the internet which interested me.

Prons (both pro and con):

  • Social circle: Hooooly shit. I literally cut off 99% of my social circle and completely stopped going out to bars/clubs (I’d quit drinking earlier this year, so this was sort of inevitable and the path I was headed in anyways but maaaan). I started thinking to myself: “what am I even going here for, these people aren’t really even my friends, they’re drinking buddies whom I hang out with while I’m fucked up. Yeah it’s fun, but it’s completely shallow, and I’m not getting any useful networking out of this” --> in retrospect, this part isn’t necessarily true as I believe going out and socializing is beneficial if done the right way, and business prospects and opportunities do arise – alas this was one of the reasons I decided to switch to Khan.

Actually, one night after months I finally decided to go to my local pub, and all the regulars were shocked to finally see me. One of my friends asked me if I was doing okay (as in, implying if I was depressed. I explained to him that I had quit drinking, and that I was not depressed or avoiding anyone on purpose, and that I was just recharging myself.

Ok, now onto Khan:

Stage 1 (7/28 - 8/26 | ~ 420 hours): Building on Emperor, I wanted to be extra-dedicated to my listening, and so I started my first physical journal in a notebook where I physically put pen to paper. I wrote down any thoughts, feelings, or unusual occurrences I noticed. At a minimum I kept a log of the exact number of hours I listened. (As I progressed with Khan, my notes became less detailed).

My first entry was actually on 7/30, but I wrote down what happened the first 2 days of running ST1.

I listened (mostly) masked during the day as my workplace often has loud noises for long periods of time about 8 hours. Then I listened 8 hours ultrasonic at night. I kept this regimen up for almost my entire Khan run, except the hours eventually dropped form 15-16 i ST1 to around 12 during ST2
1st day:

  • I had one dream where a woman was speaking but couldn’t remember the context).

2nd day:
-On the second day, at work, I had some minor things that annoyed me. I had thoughts of quitting smoking weed to max my potential productivity.

5th day:

  • Some anger/irritability during they day at work when I misplaced a tool.
  • Looked through Facebook comments, having a feeling to want to fit in with my friends (coming off Emperor, this was something new). I had feeling of playfulness/ and optimism.

6th day:

  • Had a dream about a girl I hooked up with this year, and some unread text messages. I had a lot of drama with this girl, and she kinda put me through a lot emotionally, projecting her insecurities onto me and just being an asshole towards me when things didn’t work out.
  • In my notebook I wrote: “Feelings today: Enjoying conversations and/or thoughts of going out and convo-ing”

7th day:

  • Had a dream of a digital watch moving from 6:56 to 6:66. So some minor synchronicity in my dream.

  • My high school friend who I hadn’t seen in a couple years was in town and wanted to meet up. I was actually kinda annoyed/irritable that she hit me up and interrupted my day. I wrote “Some irritability. Meeting with _____ Is it even important? I know it is, childhood friend, etc”

  • I had flashback during the day of the country where I grew up, childhood memories, specific scenes from an animated kids TV show about soccer…Yearning to visit the country where I grew up.

  • Journal quote: " Can I truly be a king with unlimited wealth, travelling the globe, meeting women, having a vibrant, amazing, social life?"

8th day through 11th day: Just logged my hours.

12th day: - Had some detailed, vivid, dreams about my childhood, details such as the feeling and texture of window sills that I had long forgotten

  • During work I had an incident where a property manager client of ours pretty much strong-armed me (or begged really hard/insisted) to get some work done first thing tomorrow morning. I obliged her, but afterwards I felt a lot of anger and regret, that I just rolled over and gave her what she wanted.

13th day:
Something my Mom said to me on a texting app made me mad. I had thoughts of quitting all my useless social media and blocking my Mom. I don’t remember actually doing it.

15th day: Had some sex dreams and dreams of running around the neighborhood/ex hometown where I lived when I went to middle/high school.

Day 16 through 23: Mostly logged hours.

24th day: I did a tally of the hours I had logged in ST1, and calculated that by the next morning, at 15 hours a day for 28 days, I’d have logged 420 hours. I found this to be somewhat hilarious and considered it a sign to move onto stage 2, which I began the latter half of the following day.

ST1 was actually not that difficult for me to run. There were definitely some ups and downs, and anger/irritability here and there. I also did notice some increased sexuality in me, and finding women to be exceptionally beautiful.

Stage 2 (8/26 - 9/22 | ~324 hours): This stage started off as a doozy. At least one breakthrough experience.

1st full day:

  • Was actually a half-day. Nothing noted except “better interactions at ____ office” at one of our property clients.

2nd day: Just logged hours

3rd day:

  • Okay, this is when I realized ST2 was doing work on me. Pretty much, I woke up in the morning and I was making my breakfast, and my roommate came up and questioned what pan I was using to cook. Not gonna go into too many details, but pretty much, he started questioning me and when I answered him satisfactorily, it wasn’t good enough for him. Usually, I would just avoid the argument and just do as he asked, but not today. Because he didn’t get the answer he expected, he back attacking my character, and I asked him to prove his point, and he couldn’t do it. Pretty much, I had the biggest argument I’d ever had with him, because instead of pacifying the situation and de-escalating, I WOULD not back down. I was SEETHING with anger for hours afterward. Testosterone spike like a mofo. I felt FUCKING POWERFUL, dangerous even. It almost sounds stupid writing about it, because it was an argument about some dumb kitchen shit that didn’t really even matter.

My relationship with him changed entirely. This roommate is quasi my best friend and I’ve known him for half a decade. That being said, he has behaviors that annoy the fuck out of me and are really disrespectful toward me, but I just brush it off. I usually hang out with him after work almost every day in his room, but after this I completely stopped hanging out with him for weeks.; we both had busy schedules at this point so I think he might have chalked it up to that. From that point on, I made sure I stayed 100% on top of all the house chores almost with a vengeance, just so he had zero chance to bitch about me, kinda sticking it to him in a way. Anyways I think we’re back to being friends now, but I’ve definitely got some boundaries set up at this point. We still got love for each other though.

Okay, for the rest of the ST2 until day 11, I only logged my hours, and wrote down some career goals for myself and general bucket-list life goals. And after that, I stopped journaling completely.

However… I did have a second breakthrough, and I believe it was in the first week of running ST2. I woke up in the middle of the night and told my long-time platonic friend of almost a decade that I had feelings for her, crazy deep, irrational, romantic feelings. I told her this over a social media app. I don’t know what happened, but I think I was harboring these feelings so long, I was weighed down by it. So when I finally told her, it was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I didn’t log it in my journal apparently, although I did make a post about it in the Khan main Dev thread.

Of course, the next morning, I woke up and panicked that I had done that. I deleted my post from the forum, and then I deleted my friend from the social-media app. I didn’t talk to her for about 3 weeks or so after and just focused on work. When I did finally add her back, I saw that she had sent me a message that I never received. I sent her a random message saying hi. She didn’t respond. Then I told her that I was sorry for deleting her and sorry if I made her upset. She said that yes, she was upset. But we bantered a bit, and we’re back to talking-terms again. I haven’t seen her in person yet, but I think it’ll turn out okay. To be honest, she has a lot of great qualities for a long-term type relationship, and I’m pretty sure that’s what she’s looking for. However, I think I still have a lot of soul-searching to do personally and a lot of women out there that I want to meet and experience. So I think it’s all for the best.

So that’s it for ST2. After the first week or two, it was relatively smooth sailing. I had a trip planned for work (I’m on the trip right now), for which I wanted to sync starting ST3. Therefore, I made the decision to cut ST2 short at a bit over 300 hours , especially since it was relatively smooth sailing for the last week.

ST3:

I’m currently doing seasonal work up North and am mostly completely alone with my thoughts. It’s sort of a work-vacation/brain reset, getting back in touch with myself with little distractions.

It’s a bit lonely though. Due to some weather delays I’ve been holed up in the library, trying to do some prep-work to fast-track a career switch to the technology industry.

I’m currently at the 2 week mark for ST3. I listened almost 24/7 for the first couple days, all ultrasonic. Then I came across the post by Saint recommending day-time listening. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten perfect sleep listening to ultras at night, so I’m sticking to day-time, ranging from 6-8 hours every day. It’s a welcome respite from the 24/7 subliminal inundation, for sure.

Glad to finally get this post on the forum. I was trying to concentrate on my self-assigned homework, but kept getting distracted by the nagging thought of not putting this out there (before I was only distracted by Youtube, so at least this is productive procrastination? Lol). So hopefully now I can study! Thanks to everyone who took the time to read my long-ass blurb :stuck_out_tongue:, and huge thanks to Saint and Fire for their incredible subs!

I hope to keep this journal updated at least intermittently from here on out. Cheers.


#2

A great writeup @TarMac, and I look forward to reading more about your progress :slight_smile:


#3

I read everything. I think you are the only person who didnt find st2 hard. How is your dating life since khan comparing before?


#4

Nah ST2 was definitely difficult, and I was very rocky emotionally the first 2 weeks, and gave me the biggest external changes as far as relationships with friends I’ve ever gotten from a subliminal. I didn’t detail too much about this in my written notebook. In retrospect, perhaps I should have run it maybe another week or so, but for whatever reason I was in a rush to get to ST3, as I was going on my trip, and wanted to “hit the ground running” when I returned back to my city in a month.

Nothing really to report dating wise. For context, I’ve only slept with a handful of women, and only lost my virginity a few years ago (am late 20s now). I did have sex with a new girl the weekend before I left though. It was pure luck; I went out on the town for the first time in months and ran into my friends birthday party. At the end of the night when the bars were closing, my friend was talking to a black girl who was DTF (friend has a girlfriend).
She needed a ride home, so I gave her one, and then proceeded to pretty much wasted my whole weekend with her lol. It wasn’t out of the ordinary to the point that I’d say it was because of Khan.

These next few weeks, I’m pretty much working and staying at a campground, so there’s really no “dating” opportunities. On off days I go to the library to study, or at least attempt to.

I’m at a crossroads right now, where I want to quit my blue-collar job bc of the intense labor and exposure to hazards/chemicals (I enjoy physicality, just wanna do it on my own terms/leisure). I’m figuring out aveneues to get a higher paying job, ideally remote, for the interim before making a full commitment to a career switch

You ever have so many choices or paths to take that you get paralyzed and end up choosing nothing and go nowhere? Kind of feeling like that and it’s really bothering me and putting me on edge. Like my mind’s telling me “go! Move! Work! Something, anything!”. Definitely ST3 doing its job; I feel once I get back home, with a bunch more cash in my pocket, I can better channel this fire under my ass. In the meantime I’m taking any opportunities that come my way; if I can’t make money directly, I’m doing work that will make me money in the future, including educating myself. Thankfully weather is better, so I can finally get back to work today and do the job I came here to do.


#5

@TarMac - I can absolutely understand the feeling of being paralyzed with regard to having so many options. I want to do everything and be good at all of them but end up doing nothing haha. All the best, man.


#6

Good going @TarMac and nice to see the steady progress you’re making on ST3. Keep it up.


#7

Hey everyone, just wanted to throw out an update. I ran ST3 for 200 hours before jumping into ST4. I switched to ST4 on my drive back to my home city, where I arrived back the first week of November. I ran ST4 for a month before returning back to my favorite subliminal: Emperor v4, which I started running on ultrasonic overnight the minute it came out.

Below is my ST4 experience that I left on preview mode and hadn’t published. Emperor V4 thoughts and experiences will come after this post:

Just a quick update . Switched to ST4 2 days ago (am on my third day now). I completed ~ 200 hours of ST3. I actually had some stalling/slippage on my goals. Because of inclement weather, I decided to get a hotel for a couple days and treated myself to a couple days of smoking weed and procrastinating.

After that though, I got back on the ball and trudging through an online web dev course I bought for myself. It’s a struggle, because of my ADHD (I actually found out earlier this year that I have it based on a family member getting diagnosed). A lot of my difficulties paying attention in class throughout highschool and college have started making sense to me. Hindsight and all that).

My computer is a double-edged sword, as at my fingertips is a tool for maximum productivity, but also a tool for maximum procrastination.

I’m considering setting up a separate profile for work exclusively, but don’t think it would help too much as I need internet access for my course.

They’re just excuses though. I kept having thoughts of quitting “do I really want to go through all this.” To be honest, I’m going this route because of financial and freedom-of-time/location benefits. Really, I’d like to use the income from a tech career to fuel things like a dropshipping store to multiply my money much quicker. I’m just very risk-averse, and don’t want to dump several thousand of my hard-earned cash into something that I’ve already failed at once (Had a dropshipping store that was profitable, but ran into supplier issue).


#8

I ran Emperor V4 for a week before going 50/50 with Emperor and Khan ST4, which is my current stack I’ve been running for about a week.

I felt the effects of V4 within the first 2 days. (This is not new phenomenon with Emperor, as I experienced similarly immediate effects when I first ran V2 and subsequently V3 earlier this year. On the first day running V2 I actually received some surprise bad news from an ex-partner that would otherwise strike fear and panic in me, which I handled easily and with zero stress. I specifically remember being in awe of how calm I was while it was happening).

The effects on EV4 I noticed were rock-solid confidence, especially notable while talking to people. I noticed an unwavering deep voice and solid eye-contact. These effects continued for about 5 days, but on the 5th and 6th day, I started feeling a bit under the weather, and my short-temperedness and light anxiety undertones spiked up, a whirlwind of emotions and mood-swings. I attributed this to reconciliation (by the way, I’d been running ~7-8 hrs masked during daytime on earbuds).

And so, after a week I decided to re-incorporate Khan ST4 and run it 50/50 with Emperor V4. It’s been a week now running this stack mostly during daytime on earbuds. I’ve decided to incorporate one/day a week for no-listening, or listening to a few loops only. On two nights, last night included, I decided to run EV4 only ultrasonic at night.

With this stack, I hope to manifest more social and romance aspects of Khan, along with the proven (at least to me) discipline and productivity benefits of Emperor.

In hindsight, I didn’t give Khan the maximum opportunity to work for me. I cut ST3 short and jumped right into ST4. I haven’t taken enough action to go out and socialize to allow Khan to do it’s work in the background. To be fair (and kind - to myself) I have been grinding the hours in at work, and it’s been a pretty heavy workload. Also, I still feel like I’m in hibernate mode, focusing on myself, letting my brain repair itself this year, after years of alcohol and other drug abuse.

As far as this KST4/EV4 stack goes, I’ve been noticing clear effects and results…

  • Strong desire to quit my job or transition out. I can almost guarantee this is Emperor taking effect. 2 days ago, I actually had a major brainstorming session, where I looked into a profession where I can work remotely online, and choose my hours. I set out an ideal plan where I could work this job on the weekends to get my feet wet a bit, and eventually transition to doing it full-time, or working less for the same amount of pay I get now.

  • I decided to revisit the Meyer Briggs test, and I reaffirmed, for like the 5th time this year, that I’m an INFP. This time, however, I decided to really dig into it, and boy, I’m truly getting a different and seemingly profound perspective on my behaviors, inner-dialogue, and value-system. I also looked into careers for INFP, and one of the jobs matched the remote job from my earlier brainstorming. So that was a cool coincidence. Being an INFP, I have a strong sense of idealism and what’s right and wrong, and my inclinations to being a political junkie, and this deep inner desire for things being just and being an activist are starting to make sense. However, this idealism also affects my life personally, as I have an ideal version of myself that I’m always striving be, and I feel like I constantly fall short of it, leading to feeling really shitty. My standards for myself are actually super high, and I’m operating at 5% of my true potential any given day. I constantly feel like I can’t reward myself by going out and socializing or having fun because of that nagging voice:“what have you done today to deserve to go out and party or hang out with your friends or have fun”. For years, I circumvented this nagging voice, dulled it with alcohol. Thank God I only did it for so long, before my body really started to pay (and who knows, it still might, years or decades down the road).

    Long story short, I feel like I’ve had an “aha” moment these past few days running this stack. I’ve now got a plan written down of what I should do, at least for the next few months. Now I’ve just gotta execute…I’ve got conflicted feeling in this moment: I’m shifting between two emotions…In one, I feel like I’m staring up a mountain, and I’ve gotta use a pickaxe to chop down this whole mountain; it feels overwhelming. But on the other hand, I feel like I’m on the cusp of something big, it feels my life’s a jigsaw puzzle, and I’ve just started to notice a pattern to begin to put it together…I just gotta take action and start chipping away.


#9

Another couple tidbits:

  • I keep seeing 11:11, etc. Every single day, unaffected by going from ST4 to EV4 to the 50/50.

  • To go even more meta, I’ve been talking about Meyers Briggs. Today, a friend posted a podcast on synchronicities to their social media, and I found a podcast dedicated to Jung.

I recall studying Jung in high school psychology class, but now I think I’ve gotta revisit it.

  • I’ve discovered that I can listen to masked track at lower volumes than I ever thought I could.
    I deduced that the ultra-low volume at which I listened to masked track (5% as opposed to the 15%-20% I usually listen) I could hear the scripts at an equivalent volume to if a person was standing a few feet from me and chatting. So listening at ultra-low volumes is a thing I"m going to be doing more often now (2 volumeticks on Android 10). Why put undue stress on the ears when I can get great results at low volume?

#10

You listen on headphones or speakers?


#11

headphones for masked during day. on phone or laptop speaker at night


#12

Regarding Myer-Briggs this is maybe of interest for you:

Also HEXACON is a more accurate model. Its an extension of the big five.


#13

New Year update: Switched back to EV4 fulltime from my KST4/EV4 stack.

Am contemplating doing a KST3/EV4 stack for more action-taking as KST3 push to action reminded me more of EV2/EV3 than EV4 does.

Think I might be experiencing more reconciliation and resistance running EV4. I’m not noticing as much of a ruthless “push” to get shit done that I felt with EV3. With EV3, it felt almost physically painful to not grind and get shit done. Like if I procrastinated, I would hate myself. When I grinded and got shit done on EV4, I felt this almost sadistic pleasure. Not so much for EV4, but I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing.

Not sure if I mentioned it above, but with EV4 the desire to quit my current job is peaking, and I’m formulating a plan to grind out a few more months and go into savings-mode one last time to gather up cash. This desire to quit my job and branch out into other things is more pronounced in EV4 than EV3.

My job is very physical, and there is risk of injury, and other hazards. I actually had an incident a couple days ago that could have potentially been deadly, among other weekly injuries I usually incur on the job. There’s a definite feeling of dissatisfaction, and I feel these incidents are the universe telling me to move on from this line of work. I’m gonna tough it out a few more months though.

I’ve been brainstorming different ways to make money that align with my creative pursuits, including starting an IG page for art (I already have one, but I’m thinking about different niches, themes, and concepts that look cool/funny, etc, that people would find appealing and engage with). The end goal will be monetization, but right now it’s more important to create great content that resonates with me and gives me personal satisfaction.

Also, my new goal for 2020 is to quit consuming cannabis (2019 I quit drinking alcohol, so this is a natural next step). When I don’t have cannabis to fall back on, I tend to do much more exercise and maintain a better schedule overall, as I don’t succumb to being essentially couch-locked for days, moving on autopilot.

Finally, some thoughts on subliminal listening patterns. I’ve been reading posts here about subliminal tolerance, and I think it has some validity, as I seem to “feel effects” of a sub very rapidly when I switch subs or start a new sub.

One thing I could do a lot better is taking more action, so this morning I thought of implementing a reward system in which I’m not allowed to listen to a subliminal until I’ve taken a certain piece of action.

For example: If I don’t clean my room today, I’m not allowed to listen to Emperor. Or if I don’t go out tonight at least for one hour and talk to at least 3 people, I’m not allowed to listen to Khan. This will create a positive feedback loop.

I think another worthy goal might actually be to establish daily time limits for my subliminal usage. I’ve learned from experience that I’m prone to overuse of shit, whether that be drugs and alcohol, food, exercise, you name it, I always take it to an extreme. Subliminals are no different. By establishing ,say, a 4-hour limit on usage, I can then check off that box for the day and actually focus on action-taking and goals.

Anyways, that’s my ramblings for today .Happy New Year everyone!


#14

@TarMac - this is an excellent idea. I will make use of this novel technique to balance listening to subliminals and taking action too


#15

Thanks, I owe @blackadder, @Simon, @Hermit, and others on the V4 impressions thread for their ideas that got me to think of it.

Hopefully, I can put this plan into action and stick with it. :stuck_out_tongue:


#16

Interesting idea, but the problem with that is that the subliminals themselves arent rewarding for your… system, either challenging. When the subliminals make the mind create resistance it means it doesnt like it.


#17

Well the thing is, I didn’t experience resistance the first week of running EV4 (6+ hours masked in daytime). In fact, I felt a craving for listening to more loops. It wasn’t until near the end of the first week that I started to feel bogged down and just overall shitty.

I just have a tendency in general to overdo things, in this case over-exposing myself to subs, and over-emphasizing their importance. So by using this reward system, I hope the end result to be to take more action.

It’s an experiment and I’m not claiming it will work for everyone (or anyone), but I suspect it might be useful for me.


#18

Well, let us know how it works then!


#19

Yes. Ev1/v2 didn’t like jobs either.

Ev3 was designed to allow the “grind out a few more months to gather up cash”.

Ev4 prefers to find/create alternate pathways, instead of supporting drudgery. :smile:


#20

Note to self: don’t copy and paste a dream outta here, you’ll lose the entire post.

Here I go again.

I’m running through what seems like my city streets at night, maybe with my partner. We’re maybe going on what’s later revealed to be a race with checkpoints, but at this point I feel like we’re going to go place to place on some sort of sex rampage in risky locations---- oh! Now I remember…I got jipped on some weed earlier, but I didn’t have a good dealer to I took some overpriced weed and a pretzel from these young guys. When I asked the price I was infuriated at their obvious fucking over of me – Though the sky above is dark and there’s a sky we’re actually underground. I feel that we’re being chased by cops, but no one ever catches us. I feel extreme fear and goosebumps all over my body as I try to turn my legs over as quick as I can, but they only move in slow motion (I recognize this primal fear from a previous dream or two I had last week on EV4 which I knew was significant, but I could never remember). That being said, each stride takes me quite far, almost bicycle style. Very lucid-dream or astral projection vibes [unrelated: I gotta tell y’all about a crazy accidental projection I did, and meeting someone else who was astrally projecting at the same place years ago].

Anyways, we get to the checkpoint in a boiler-room. The short-haired female guard recognizes me from a previous encounter, and starts to ruffle me around (like she was straight INFURIATED), but says I can still go in (or maybe another manager lady does). I get to a room with desktop computers and talk with another guy who’s also scavenging. He seems friendly, but I forget what he told me…