Sounds so much like Eddie Morra’s NZT blackout moment…Fortunately, you didn’t go further.
Anyway you are have been good results it seems, but you are probably overexposing yourself too. So perhaps you should try cutting back on loops.
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Repurchase as in buy the product separately and focus on ST3/4
I’m a man of my word. Gonna decrease the dosage. I think 1 loop, 2x a week should suffice.
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Sometimes, the routines of the day keep me so engaged, I don’t notice a week go by. However, I can also attribute that to very poor sleep and nutrition. I’ve taken off this Friday and Saturday from going out and just focused on rest. Rest is also productive it seems
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9/5/2022 - Day 69 (nice) - rest day
I sat around and did next to nothing until 7:30pm.
Interesting to note I may have had an out of body experience at 4:30pm. Was trying to stay awake from my nap…but eh maybe it was nothing. Took a good afternoon nap. Woke up early.
Diet choices today:
- Quinoa, rice, soybeans, lentils steamed together in a rice cooker (with some alfredo sauce and mozarella)
- Water 1.5L
- 2 cups coffee
So far, in the past 3 hours, I did the following:
- Clean up room
- Make bed
- Cut nails
- Iron clothing for tomorrow morning work
- Basic stretches
- 3 mins jump rope
- Reviewed my goals and made revisions
Gonna see what tomorrow holds. More revisions to the goals are necessary
I will most likely be keeping an excel sheet to track my progress for everything moving forward.
I cannot allow myself to fail. We fall to the levels of our habits.
Onwards.
9/6/2022 - day 70 - rest
9/7/2022 - day 71 - rest
9/8/2022 - day 72 - rest
I changed up my systems. Developed a checklist on excel.
Today, I woke up from 8 hours of sleep. I’m sipping a coffee. My clothes are ironed from last night. My bed is made, my room is decluttered. I got 30 mins of focused studying done last night. I worked out, did some yoga stretching. Reviewed my long term goals…
Life is good. Yesterday was near close to perfect. I got almost all the things I wanted to get done outside of work.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
The definition of sanity…is following a checklist for your goals. hmm
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9/9/2022 - day 73 - rest
9/10/2022 - day 74 - rest
9/11/2022 - day 75 - 2x loops
9/12/2022 - day 76 - rest
The checklist is wonderful. I don’t have to do too much thinking anymore. It is not perfect, but I am getting shit done. I am getting more shit done. Every few days, I keep iterating the excel, adding colors, adding checkboxes, making it more lively and lucid.
I made some major breakthroughs this past week. My emotions were more potent with my conversations with women. I have more energy now since I’ve been meal prepping and eating as cleanly as possible. I did not sleep too well last night, the green smoothie was a bit too fibrous.
I have not missed a day of jumping rope. It is a wonderful state changer. No matter what state of mind I am in, 3 minutes later, I am in a state of “doing”. So far a week in and counting.
I’ve been stretching everyday, and doing the horse stance. My voice has been changing. My facial expressions have been changing. I’ve become more grounded.
I’ve started viewing my life in time blocks of 15 minutes. 15 minutes is how much average time I need to accomplish any sort of task worth my time. There are a few exceptions.
The checklist survived the weekend. For how many weeks can I hold it up? I don’t know. I just know that all the actions on the checklist are towards my highest goals in life. To be healthy and live long, to make more money and live in a better place, and to find love and peace.
I’ve stopped beating myself up over small things…because the small things are all part of my checklist now. I just execute. The self hatred has been replaced with self-respect.
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Whoa, I just re-read that post like super fast…which reminds me, yesterday I was in some crazy memory-dream state during a mid-day nap. The technical side of this sub is interesting. I’m probably reading faster than normal and forcing my brain to keep remembering things.
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9/13/2022 - day 77 - rest
9/14/2022 - day 78 - rest
“Second Wind”
I sat down on my couch last night around 9:45pm. Only knocked out 4 main items on my checklist. There are like 23 or so items which, if I did them all, I would be in good shape everyday to hit my goals. I felt exhausted.
My daily goals are really small. Small enough for me to say “eh, why not…i have 5-15 mins.” It felt like an uphill battle. I sat catatonic on my couch wondering what I should do to hit more line items.
Around 10:45pm, I felt the urge to work more. I started doing all the small sub-5 minute tasks first. The ball got rolling. I knocked out some of the 15 minute long tasks. I set a timer and stop immediately once it blares the alarm. I felt more energy come back to me with each task that I knocked out.
I went to sleep yesterday at 12:01am, with about 90% of my checklist done.
I don’t know how to describe this feeling. Feels like I overcame an insurmountable mental rut. Could be the scripting from the sub…but before this, I would bitch and moan and just give up and go to sleep saying “I’m tired, I can’t do it anymore.”
Yesterday was different. Yesterday was…fucking glorious. Never underestimate the power of a second wind!
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Good reminders.
9/17/2022 - rest - day? dunno
Hello darkness my old friend
I’ve noticed the grief wash over me in tremors not as intensely as before but still there like ocean waves in a black sea. Additionally, as I was reminiscing about the romantic conversations I had last night, I had a very vivid moment just now. Accessed a traumatic memory and my left hand was tense. MY forearm was stiff. I was a little child holding back the beating stick to stop the beatings. My entire left arm was clenched stiff. My body got into fight or flight mode.
Seems I have work to do to untangle these deep emotional blockages to having healthy relationships.
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9/15/2022 - day 79 - rest
9/16/2022 - day 80 - rest
9/17/2022 - day 81 - rest
9/18/2022 - day 82 - 2x loops
GRATITUDE
There are no words to describe what happened just now. Emotions are a level beyond words. Moods and emotions are precursors to language. Dogs don’t talk but feel emotion.
I can only describe the past week in a metaphor. I was swimming in my bad moods. I constantly had thoughts of the past and previous traumas and let them guide my body, my thoughts, and feelings.
I recall in the book “Social Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman, the same circuitry that we use for socializing is the same circuitry that we use when we get into a fight. The brain high-jacks the same pathway for fast response times during communication. A communication of the body with another body. We are wired for interpersonal communication.
My initial childhood traumas were blockages because I would get these feelings of grief, terror, horror, during moments when I think of my previous conversations…ESPECIALLY with those who I look up to. I used to look up to my parent, who then betrayed my trust and affection and hurt me. Sure, maybe it was discipline in their eyes…but to me, it has manifested as me wanting others to hurt me somehow or yell at me. I would have these feelings of wanting to cower and cringe. I would have these feelings of holding up my hands to stop another blow…
But, that is not the juicy part of what I experienced. In the deepest of darkness, the smallest dim bit of light is bright. The knife that stabs and hurts is the same knife that can cook delicious food. The muscles, circuitry, nerves in the body are shared not only with the negative experiences and emotions but also the positive ones. Sometimes we laugh and cry at the same time. We have the capability to cry out of sadness but also out of laughter and joy.
I prepared the playlist on VLC with 2x loops. I wrote out a quick list of things that I am grateful for before I started the loops. I sat in silence for a few minutes in prayer. I prayed for my future goals. I have been slacking for the past 3 days. Barely hit any checklist items. I felt emotionally drained and impulsive. I prayed for strength, for a better future. then I pressed the play button.
The first loop - The things that I was grateful for, took on a life of their own. The air sharpened. I could feel my toes. I felt all the tension on my face, in my body, from the moods and emotions that were induced by my rumination on the past traumas and recent negative events. I felt helpless, hopeless, like the world was moving by like a river and I am merely this bystander rock unable to extricate himself from his problems and create a thriving life. The gratitude started shifting my perspective.
I felt like a guy sitting under a tree. Enjoying the shade of the tree. It was a primal feeling. What would a caveman feel gratitude for? If I was a caveman, pre-language, I would enjoy the hell out of the shade a tree gave under a hot sun. The cool air, I can look up and see the leaves rustle as a beautiful wind hits by and grazes my face. Hell, I would take a safe nap there…
I watched my thoughts and moods, and emotions as if they were the leaves. I watched them dance and rustle, make their ripples across my mind, I watched the emotions that they rippled into, both positive and negative. I felt free of them for a second and hiding in plain sight was this endless depth of joy, gratitude…like a kid ready to scream at the top of his lungs only for a scream of joy. Like the scream someone makes when they see someone they love. The scream of joy was such an urge…it was the same urge I felt just recently for wanting to cry or wanting to cower in fear. The same muscles wanted to express themselves another way.
My body went into some sort of healing phase. Every negative thought and mood and trauma that I ever ruminated on, my subconscious cued up in a line. I focused on one memory that was traumatic, but this time, it was enveloped in joy and gratitude. I couldnt hold back my laughter. I was super grateful for the event to occur. But now, I was telling myself HEY buddy stop laughing I’m trying to be sad for a second. And then I was like…LOL and I saw that the same muscles that were wanting to greive or cry were now being taken as a resource for the laughter. I wonder if that is what the guys on Jackass feel when they feel pain. Their bodies are trained to be in a state of laughter during pain.
I went through I don’t know how many memories and experiences. They all were like drenched in joy and gratitude. I seasoned my own memories. They were bitter but now I gave them all a bath in hot buttery warmth. I couldn’t stop laughing. I don’t know I could laugh this hard. I was not maniacal. I felt muscles deep near my diaphram contracting. These probably would be the same muscles where the deepest of greifs would be stored.
I cannot believe that all happened in 15 minutes…
Loop 2 - Aggressive Gratitude
This loop dived deep into my recent endeavors at the bars and clubs. I went through a few of my rejections that hit me emotionally. I watched what emotioned piled up: jealousy, anger, sadness…AND THEN OUTTA NOWHERE THE BUTTERY GRATITUDE SWOOPS IN…HEY BUDDY STOP THAT IM TRYING TO FEEL SAD LONELY AND ANGRY RIGHT NOW!..I try not to laugh…BWAHAHAHHAHA AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. At this point im crying, my cheeks are hurting. My body is making voice tones of laughter I have never heard before or rarely have. Maybe in a few Smosh videos.
However, the deeper emotions rose here. I got serious for a second. Vengeance, hatred, Frustration…These were deep seated…but at their root was this aggression. This wanting to do something about it. At first it was to lash out. To hit and hurt. But that was a remnant of the past. My left fist clenched. My right hand was loose. I gave my fist a hug with my right hand.
I felt postive joy, but also a very very serious aggressive intent. It might be what I felt in focus mode but could not verbalize. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Working without fear, anger. Just pure bright focus. Pure bright action towards my goals. Efficient with no cringing. I will have to stop myself from enjoying working too much!
I had tears and drool from laughing. I was focused by the end of the second loop. And then it all crescendo-ed. The same fist that was clenched earlier from the trauma, I clenched my whole upper body. I wanted to roar. I wanted to yell at the top of my lungs like Iike was the king of the goddamn playground.
I’ll stop writing here for now. But this is close to the best description of what I can verbalize was a pure emotional journey for the past 1/2 hour.
What fun!
ONWARDS!
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"It is very important for athletes to do this kind of visualization work, in a form appropriate to their discipline, but often when we are caught up in the intense routine of training and competition, it feels like we have no time for the internal stuff. I know this quite well. Sometimes when I am in the heat of tournament preparation, months will pass with brutal sparring, constant pain, hitting the mats hundreds of times a night while drilling throws, and then I’ll realize that I’ve moved away from what really makes things stick. Then I’ll spend a week doing soft, quiet work on timing, perception, reading and controlling my opponent’s breath patterns and internal blinks, subtle unbalancing touches that set up the dramatic throws that ultimately steal the spotlight. After those periods of reflection, I’ll almost invariably have a leap in ability because my new physical skills are supercharged by becoming integrated into my mental framework” – Joshua Waitzkin, Art of Learning
Since the last post a lot has happened. I’ll just list out the time line.
- Fell in the bar, almost hurt myself while drunk. Stopped drinking so much. Sober life for me.
- I switched over to 50% caffeine Folgers to curtail the caffeine consumption. Improvements in sleep. Huge decline in motivation/drive. Did almost nothing for a whole week.
- Past two weeks I had a nasty flu. Coughing and fever. Low sleep quality.
- Huge decline in work output. I focused on survival and comfort.
- Lots of introspection. What behaviors stick and what did not? Was I running some rat race with the checklist?
a. Upon reflection, no I was no running a rat race. The checklist needs some modification, but it felt so frantic at times. - Currently, right now, I am on day 2 of 10-25% caffeine coffee. I mixed decaf into the remaining coffee. Soon it will be 0%.
Not gonna lie, I feel like a totally different person after decreasing the drinking and the caffeine. There is no more “frantic anxiety.”
Another weird observation was that I had to be in the “fucked up brain” headspace to even get work done. I guess for a long time I have been a dopamine junkie and was riding the highs and lows of my feelings to get work done. Now, I feel way more mellowed out. The drive is there, but so was my sickness. I must have been a high functioning druggie of sorts. That is going to change.
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Running 2x loops today
Day- ? Will figure it out
The pros:
- Intermittent fasting
- Very low to no caffeine every day (0-20mg)
- Cold Showers since 10/9/2022
- Been sleeping like a baby
- Voice is deeper, more controlled
The cons:
- No energy, low motivation, low drive
- Sickness caused huge momentum loss
I feel like a normal person. I go to work for 9 hours, then I come home and sit and watch Youtube and chuckle and get to sleep. I wonder how much extra calories I was burning from all the extra work. I will get back to it in time. Just, right now its like an uphill climb. Momentum loss is such a stupid phenomenon. Soon…
10/26/2022 - Day?? Loop???
Running 2x loops right now.
So far, it has only been weekly, 1 day for 2x loops.
The lack of caffeine has been interesting. I chose to drink a large McDonald’s coffee this past Saturday out of curiosity and ended up staying up from 9:30am until 4:30am the next day. I could have stayed awake even longer. It was wonderful. Knowing this, I will only use caffeine only when I need it and not when I want it. Rarely is the case that I will need caffiene. It is like a wonder-drug when used in rare occurences.
It is weird for me that everyone drinks coffee now. It is weird people are on their phones or electronic devices for prolonged periods of time. It is weird to take a hot shower. It was not natural back in the day…why now?
Focus mode kicked in at work today. I missed it. Time slowed down today. I have been sleeping quite well recently with very vivid dreams. Seems I had a sleep debt to pay off.
Recently, I learned about the book “Making it Stick”…we are in a constant state of forgetfulness.
My next strategy for the next 30 days is to have a Harvard-student style study schedule. Rigorous and efficient. I need to make flash cards and start memorizing the important things. If I want a job that Harvard grads compete for, I will have to study like one.
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2x loops on 11/6/2022 night.
Good ol’ focus mode was back yesterday. It feels weird to call it a “mode.”
Looks like i didn’t need caffeine to focus.
I’ve lost all momentum from being sick but I am not giving up. Every area of my life has improved so far. Every day there is an imperceptible level of growth.
Progress update:
I’m going to sleep early. Had my smoothie. Made an Anki flash card as a test today. Will make more.
Focus mode at work was not as great today, only on 5 hours of sleep. Coworker slapped the shit out my desk today.
The recent tech layoffs have gotten me a little bummed. MIT graduates have been let go from FAANG companies. I guess I am not bummed. Just a bit apprehensive and hesitant to continue. But I will continue regardless. I know that my actions so far all have been investments. My progress has been at a snails pace. I will be patient and let the roots grow.
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The work felt effortless today. I drank 1 cup of green tea in the morning.
I’ve been experimenting also with 500mg of Tongkat Ali every other day.
The focus mode…was much stronger.
Mind you, I’m still sleep deprived and improperly nourished.
Caffiene is so much more potent when you don’t drink it everyday.
…hmm…would the same be true for jerking off?
Onwards.
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Hi how is your QL custom going for you?
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Hello. It has been far too long since an update. I am not sure if the creators of this product made this as close as possible to the movie but damn do I feel good about my outcomes so far.
A lot has happened since the last post of 11/22/2022. I will try my best to succinctly explain.
The club I usually frequent went under and closed down. I was sitting there on its last day, wondering whether to feel sad or happy. I cannot use this place as a cocoon of comfort anymore. Everyone who frequented that place now has to adapt to the new status quo. Other nearby areas will absorb the volume. I have primed my brain to accept new and far more difficult hardships.
Although it is winter, I did not bother wearing any jacket. I wanted my body to adapt and grow its brown fat stores. I went home that night with the greatest gift. I didn’t know it at that time. The girl tore me a new emotional asshole in a manner I was not ready for. She may have also been upset at the closing. Anyways, I woke up the next day in a new manner. My emotions were gone. I was torn out. I was not feeling apathetic but a VERY STRANGE SENSE OF PEACE.
It is odd to explain, but the muscles that held anxiety in my chest just stopped working and stayed relaxed. I felt some relaxation in my diaphragm. My voice deepened. My facial structure changed. My posture changed. Relaxation is the key to all of this……………(hint)
I felt this peace and wondered, is there someone else inside of me? Is there an entity in my head? Is this subliminal programming to blame? The answer is a resolute FUCK NO. I realized I had all these tensions in my head from all that emotional baggage. This state of peace is LITERALLY MY ACTUAL SELF and nothing else. A metaphor here can be a rusted pipe vs a polished pipe. Time and experience had worn me down emotionally and my own self sabotaging actions led me astray. I was used to this neurotic fanatical way of thinking and my thought patterns were all fucked up from my degeneracy over the years. However, this peace told me otherwise.
Speaking of self-sabotage…:
There are certain illogical things in my life that stemmed from the past of video game addiction. Once of these is having to play some games that I own all the games for. God of War Ragnarock dropped on November 9, 2022. I secured myself a PS5 on 11/19/2022. Couldn’t get it on the same night. This was not planned…but, this game is an extension of my childhood. I have to play it. There are no exceptions. I changed. I became focused. Knowing that my order is arriving, I predicted how bad my behaviors will get. I knew that I will go into sitting down and playing video games for hours and hours and hours on end. I know that I am that type of degenerate. Jerking off and playing video games cyclically is a wonderful way to break the dopamine circuits in the brain. As a response, I started working at my job like a crazed madman. My coworkers were wondering what has gotten into me. Sheer ruthless focus on my work. I needed to overwork for the impending under-work lol.
A tangent here on the focus mode. I hate calling it that…too egoic. Sounds like some anime bullshit. I only say this because although I love anime, the delusions spurred by it for me are unhealthy. Anyways, when we were hunters, we had to kill animals to survive on meat amongst other things. I watched my friend’s cat play trying to chase me. Play is just training for violence for these animals. However, I noticed the cat’s eyes shift down into a more focused state……like my eyes….the animal wanted to kill me……and I wanted to kill my goals. It is sheer ruthless focus. I look down at my goals like a piece of meat ready to be butchered.
I hope this set-up is coming along well. Keep reading…
I did not know what I stumbled upon. I love surprises. This product is…a fucking surprise. I feel like that bald goon in that Limitless movie. Just wonderfully surprised.
My PS5 package arrived at my door on a Saturday evening 1 week before Thanksgiving. I went out of my way to buy both smoking weed and edibles for the occasion. It was a celebration. I ordered a feast on UberEats. Impulse control was out the window. The club I usually frequent closed down. I was tired from going out 3 nights a week for the past 4-5 months. Everyone was going home for thanksgiving. People were going to chill with their family and friends and loved ones. My family was getting together too. That first weekend, I started off with 60mg of edibles and worked my way up into a high hundred edible mistake on Sunday (I called in sick on Monday and I was barely coherent on the phone…like some asshole who took ludes or something.)
The PS5 is set up. The game turns on and I look at the difficulty settings. Remember that scene from the movie where the dude just jumps off a cliff? He just wanted to do it. I looked at the game with a sense of rabid excitement. My eyes went into that strange peaceful state of ruthless focus. For years….I floundered around in video games with no discipline. This game will be a test of the programming. I chose the hardest difficulty. GMGOW. Fuck it. I’m gonna figure it out on the fly on hard mode and see what happens. Additionally, I’m going to impair myself with as much weed as possible. “Fuck it” was my mental state followed up with sheer ruthless focus on the thing in front of me. Within 31 days, I beat the game. 100% plat on GMGOW. It took 161 hours. I played roughly on average 5.3 hours a day. I would aim for 16 hour stretches on the weekends. On top of this, I was blasted out of my mind high. I bought the strongest shit I can find both smokable and eatable and pushed the limits of my stupid actions.
There would be days where I would be so high, I would sit on the sofa, staring at my TV in a high stupor, barely able to move my character. I would literally sit on the sofa for 8-10 hour stretches. Water pooled up and swelled up my feet from inactivity. I would be in a blur of consciousness. One moment, I would be at my office working and crushing it. Another moment I am at home and playing video games. Weed tends to fuck with your perceptions of memory and time distortion. I would pass out and sleep on my sofa. Wake up, play, smoke weed, get ready for work, smoke more weed, work, smoke weed during lunch, work, go home, play video games and smoke some more weed, eat an edible and pass out on the sofa around 3am, get 4 hours of shitty sleep and repeat variations of this cycle for 31 days. I did not go outside or socialize outside of this.
Why am I telling you all of this? This sounds fucking terrible.
Here is the hint. I relaxed. I offloaded all the troubles of my mind for 31 days. The sheer amount of focus I felt was unexplainable. I decreased every other stressor in my life. Fuck what food I eat. Fuck what others think of me. Fuck chasing girls. Fuck shaving. Fuck ironing my clothes. I paused 80% of all activities that were get wells. Fuck my datasci goals. Everything was toned down to a minimum. Thanksgiving was a 4 day weekend. I didn’t shower or shave for 4-5 days.
December came around. The entire month of December was taken largely in part with the weed and video games.
161 hours later, I can feel all the joints in my fingers. The muscles in my hands were aching. The thumb that moved the left joystick controller was inflamed at the lower joint.
I became faster, sharper and more ruthless. I forced myself to respond to faster stimuli while under impairment. I forced my hands to move when all I wanted to do was close my eyes and sleep. For 161 hours it was me and that stupid fucking game. Locked in a dark dungeon circling each other like degenerate gladiators. My coworkers knew something was off with me. I was unusually quiet. Little did they know I was going home to die to some boss for another 8 hours and cry myself to sleep.
My fingers were faster but were in pain. My typing speed improved. My mouse click accuracy increased. I can follow the mouse around the screen faster. My office desk became organized. I started killing the issues at work similar to the little creatures in the game. The high levels of THC addled my mind and blurred the lines of reality. I lined up the problems at work and worked at a new level of layering multiple work flows over each other and finding higher efficiency behavior sets to output more work within the same amount of time and minimize mistakes. Because I cried myself to sleep trying to kill a boss I couldn’t understand under impairment, I was releasing even more emotions through those tears than usual. My goal was right in front of me and to kill this boss, it will take me another 12 hours and maybe another 100 attempts.
I beat the game and gave the PS5 away. Within 36 hours I cleaned up everything. Like a automatic machine. I cleaned up all the junk, all the trash. I went into my room and started pulling everything off the shelves. Like the speed cleaning scene from the movie. The trash and clutter of 31 days of degeneracy. Mind you, the movie makes it look so cool. Reality I that I was in the super-focused state of mind and reorganized my living room and my bedroom within a few days. For the past few years, I thought I was organized. This was on a whole different level. I was in a constant state of organization. If I had 2 seconds, 5 seconds, 10 spare seconds, I can throw out a piece of trash here and there. If the action can be done under 1 minute, I do it immediately. I kill it like one of those little things in the game.
I treated the cleaning and organization of my entire environment around me like one of those bosses in the game. It didn’t matter how long it took. I wanted to achieve the standard/outcome. I wanted to achieve the feng shui. I want to reflect the peace in my mind to the world around me.
Additionally, this past week, I stopped all thc intake. I am curious what the speeds be without the shackles of weed.
I have these urges to show up hours early to work just to crush every single task required for the day. I haven’t acted on those urges because I would rather spend my morning on more productive self-goal oriented shit.
Speaking of goals. In the past 31 days, I attacked my list of getwell thoughts in my head. I bought a Bluetooth scale to track my weight. Lost ten pounds in water weight so far. Might actually be 8 lbs due to the clothing I was wearing. I meal prepped salads for myself based off the Sweet Greens recipes on Youtube. Hell, this damn essay is hitting 1900 words and I only started an hour ago go figure.
Oh, and, I hired a new coach 2 days ago for data sci. Lets just say there is a silver lining when it comes to these tech firings…Opportunity is all around me. My life is on afire.
Here is the bottom line, the TLDR:
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This shit works. Give it time. I stopped the loops completely for 31 days and let the sub do its work.
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I am calmer than usual (probably due to all that weed)
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My face straight up looks different now. From all that staring at the computer monitor. I have this intense stare sometimes. Sometimes during work, I get up during my focus mode and walk around the office fixing little things here and there. I work fast but walk relaxed. I also didn’t drink alcohol for the past 31 days. My face is much less puffy.
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My interactions with my clients improved significantly. I am able to get to their root problems faster. I am able to keep them emotionally calm to get them through their issues. The anxiety is manageable.
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Organize Organize Organize. My body and mind and state of being are in this state of self-reorganization. If there is a paperclip on the floor. It takes 2 seconds to pick it up and throw it into the holder. If the floor is dusty it will take 5 minutes. I set a timer and kill the task. Standard routine things like laundry, cleaning a room, and general decluttering habits have all ramped up significantly. The organizational abilities are getting close to 2nd nature.
Gif for effect hehe
- Work (of any kind) feels like a slow drip sense of mentally cumming. I wish I can explain this feeling. It does not really matter what is in front of me. I will pick it apart and break the task down into its fundamentals and create a solution that was not there to begin with. I will find faster and more efficient ways of doing things so that I can free up more time for myself both mentally and physically.
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