Liminality custom Qv2

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#381

Not enough momentum in my life or action these past weeks. 2 weeks is probably too much. But I’m glad I tried it, at least I won’t have that what if hanging around my head.

So what I’ve determined. More rest, while important, has diminishing returns for me. I was wrongly attributing my inability to process with the frequency of listening. Still have to figure this out. It’s not really reconciliation from the sub. Rather it’s been my habits putting me in unfavorable states of mind. And possibly some outside conditions like @RVconsultant pointed out. Which is important because it’s easy to start associating feeling bad with the sub and avoiding it too much. Seems to be my case.

Right now I’m working through the chaos of my job until I hit this promotion in Jan. If things don’t smooth out from there, I’m done with the company. This is the last chance I’m giving them. I’ve gotten better at fending for myself here, but it’s been too much and I slide into old habits and screw myself.

#382

I may have done this too without realizing it. I’ve found acupuncture and Naturopathic Doctors to be helpful in trying to figure out any health issues.

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#383

So hard to find a good naturopathic doctor. And then there’s the cost too. But I am going to keep exploring anything else that could be contributing to my poor well-being.

#384

Do you have a gratitude journal?

#385

I don’t. I tried for a bit and it just became one more obligation for me that stressed me out and defeated the purpose of the exercise.

I do have a gratitude module in my custom because I know I have to be better with that. Gratitude is a hard thing. I feel guilty that I’m still capable of feeling bad given I have infinitely more than some people out there. Occasionally I’ll have moments where I experience real gratitude, usually as it pertains to living in a safe area and not struggling to survive on a daily basis.

#386

Your abstract, imaginative mind is kind of like a V-12 engine. Powerful, fast, and easy to lose control of.

When it’s working for you, that’s great.

But when it’s working against you, it’s going to be very difficult to bring it to heel if you’re fighting it on its home ground. (In other words, if you’re trying to use abstract debate, imagination, and analysis.)

Taking things to a more concrete, physical, action-based, experiential context might have a better chance.

It’ll be harder for your mind to reason or analyze possibilities out of existence when those possibilities are actually physically right in front of you.

For this reason, I’d try to ground your various health-strategies and change-strategies in concrete, physical, (and possibly interpersonal), contexts as much as possible.

Give your mind something that is harder to argue away.

It easily gets wound up and stuck in itself. Give it experiences that force it to draw the focus outside of itself.

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#387

This is so spot on. Trying not to do the same thing with this post and it’s hard lol. But I agree with you. I think my immense difficulty to take action for most of my life has resulted in this tendency to try to engage in these abstract debates to solve issues. My mind just goes there, its always running high so to speak. A lot of restless anxiety when I can’t put thoughts into action, so it devolves into more chaotic thinking.

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#388

A brilliant mind.

High-performance.

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#389

Ran my custom yesterday. It was a little rocky processing it through the day but much needed. What I’ve learned is that I want qv2 to be smooth for me and it tends to not be. But it really is like doing a hard workout, there’s that point where it doesn’t feel so great but you know the benefits are down the line so you keep going.

My mind has been through any and all ways of alternative listening at this point. So crunching all that data in my head, I have a better picture of how it all works and what is really good for me vs what I think would be good.

Especially having been off the sub for two weeks and noticing the issues unrelated to the sub. In fact I think more consistent listening is beneficial to me because it helps me integrate the beliefs and strategies to prevent the usual energy drain I get from working at my job.

#390

Decided I’m going to give every other day a shot again. Gonna see how this goes.

Last night had a nightmare about my childhood recurring monster showing up. It was entirely unexpected. Bumped my back into a closet and it popped out. I moved away and the door closed. But then I turned around and faced the door and he showed himself entirely. I just stared him down, nothing happened but he no longer felt like he could hurt me. This thing routinely killed me as a child in my dreams. The worst part is the dreams were usually a 1 to 1 replication of my bedroom so when when I was awake it felt too familiar.

So I’m fighting through a lot right now and I’m going to keep going. I know all this fear holds me in place and the best thing I can do is remain consistent with my custom. My mind was trying to find ways to get me to listen less because it knew what I would have to face if I listened more.

#391

Im at a point right now where I just want to throw out the “rules”. Let me explain. Everyone always says you need this experience, this degree, this knowledge to make a certain amount in a job or something. Some kind of checklist that just guarantees an outcome. But what’s usually the goal? Money right? And what does money provide? Security. So why not just toss out all that bs and headaches and manifest security directly?

Some people might say it’s not realistic to expect that. But what the hell is realistic at this point?

Thinking this might be the tyrant module. I don’t have any desire to live in someone else’s constructed reality with their rules. Following some path that I just resent.

To a degree we’ve all been stripped of our personal power and shuttled off on tasks to benefit other people a lot of the time. I don’t want that anymore. I’m tired of it, and in the future I expect to be living a life where I don’t have to feel like I’m conforming to fit some role that agitates me.

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#392

I had a moment today where I reached a level of muscle relaxation and mental calm that I can usually only get after weed. It seems like so far I can handle every other day.

So the question, was once a week enough for me? I don’t think so. Not enough to break through and override old habits. That might have been where the overthinking was coming from. The influence of the sub wasn’t strong enough so I had to fight to keep it on track. These past few days I feel like I don’t have to monitor that as much, I just do things in a way that are good for me.

Every once in a while things come to the surface I have to face. But it’s much easier not to dissociate or hide from them. It’s challenging but I know I need to do this to get the freedom I want in life.

I don’t know if ascension has anything for sexual energy in it. But it feels like it’s circulating through my body more and pushing out. Trying to get used to this feeling. I definitely repress this for some reason.

#393

Retracting that conclusion. I’m getting hit hard with delayed recon today. Ok so 1 time every two weeks isn’t enough. Once a week isn’t either. Maybe twice a week would be good.

Still have to experiment with this. Seems like I have a 3 day buffer before stuff really hits and anything picked up in the time span is added.

Shit. Regretting my decision right now. Work is gonna be tough today.

You know when you want to change so bad you’re willing to destroy yourself in the process? It’s not healthy, I do that sometimes.

#394

What are your thoughts on that vs maybe once every 10 days?

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#395

Yeah I should try that first, the 10 days.I’ll give it a shot. Might need 2 weeks to recover from what I just did this past week.

#396

Recon has been rough. I’ve noticed 2 things, both of which I’ve had to constantly remind myself.

  1. Stop giving so much to this company I work for. I work too hard and if I fall behind working at an acceptable level that’s the companies problem not mine. They need to hire more people in my department.

  2. Need to stop being a people pleaser. If people dislike me then so be it. My job on this planet isn’t to have everyone like me. The next coming weeks I’m not gonna immediately jump to help people at my job unless its an emergency or I feel it won’t burn me out more. It’s time to focus on my own well being, not what this company needs.

Honestly what I’m looking forward to the most with qzp isn’t wildly extravagant stuff. All I want is to be in control of my life and to stop running myself into the ground for people. I 100% do this to myself. Just to have the freedom to say “nope this isn’t working, on to the next thing”. Instead of all this fear and self doubt and hanging around situations that suck for me.

If I’m being 100% honest I am absolutely fucked in how I perpetuate my own misery by letting people get their hooks into me. And I’ve told myself over and over not to do it, but I just end up performing the same tired shit that makes my life miserable.

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#397

Ask yourself : who decides it’s an emergency? If it isn’t you, how do you gauge the urgency of their requests and would you agree with them?

I wonder how a day of placing your own needs above others would help in loosening this grip, purely as a thought experiment.

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#398

I’ve definitely got a few people who panic at my job at the slightest downtime. So it can be impossible to tell sometimes. Especially if they’re loaded with work and doing too much, the slightest hiccup sends them spiralling.

This is what I’m trying to do. It’s just way too easy to get wrapped up in the shit and start autopiloting behaviors that do me no favors. I’m trying to be more conscious of it but it’s been incredibly difficult to keep it consistent.

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#399

I think this is the first post of yours I’ve read where I clearly see assertiveness, as well as setting boundaries on others and yourself.

WOW! Great, dude!

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#400

Thanks. Just have to remind myself to keep it up. Talk is cheap. Hoping this mentality starts expressing itself more naturally in my life without having to battle to maintain it.

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