yeah man it gets me so anxious, and i keep checking the forum before bed and searching “Low Volume” hahahha but yeah i guess ill stick to low volume or at least “Low” compared to 45% percent
30% is on the low side
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@RVconsultant Wondering if you could lend me some ideas if you have the time. I’m rebuilding my custom and I want to focus on more gentle healing or limited healing in general. When you initially proposed the idea to me a few months back I had too much shame wrapped up in not being able to handle heavy healing and needing to take a soft approach. But I’m making adjustments to make my custom work as well as possible for me.
You had recommended februus which I’ll probably include. Any other suggestions you think would be good? I still have to go through some of the newer modules but I’m looking to shift my approach a bit now that I’m using zp as well.
Definitely going to tweak this custom to target more stuff, less healing focus because I feel zp is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that department.
But I’m going to incorporate the Ultimate Music Producer module again, I miss that. And I have been focused on music production lately so it doesn’t make any sense to leave it out.
My justification was that I was gonna focus on really weak areas and sort of wait then add it. But lately I feel like it’s part of the big picture for me. I don’t want to put it on the back burner anymore.
Doing some module shopping today. I think with all this growth I’ve realized my weak points more, but more importantly I’ve learned how best to approach things to grow. And it’s definitely not about beating myself into submission until I change. How I feel I should respond to subs and grow vs how I actually respond are two very different things. And I’m more conscious of not creating an internal tug of war inside myself or treating parts of myself as an enemy to be overcome or defeated.
It’s just odd how you can have this conscious impression of how everything’s working, but run these subs and your subconscious is like “well actually that’s not true at all and that’s not how any of this growth is going to go down”. Certainly a maze. But I do feel an internal guidance from ZP that’s pointing me towards things that will help more.
Hmm thinking about it even more and definitely coming off what Saint was talking about. I seem to be hyperfocused on prevention in my life. Meaning making myself stronger to never be taken advantage of. But I’m operating out of fear alone. New ideas for a custom coming in now. I need to break this cycle more and get out of this “I’m in danger” mindset.
Hot damn had a huge reconciliation episode after listening to my custom today.
Let me just say this, what Ascension is developing in me scares the shit out of me. Every single part of it, I’m being forced to face things that I don’t want to face. I’ve made it through life so far making my own bubble but it’s incredibly fragile. One thing going wrong or things that don’t fit within my sphere of being able to handle and shit goes sideways fast. I have a very shaky foundation and I’m tired of stumbling through life landing in situations that are ok, but having an ever present anxiety hanging around that says “yeah but if you didn’t have this what the hell would you do”?
Anyway I’m still reworking my custom. I think the core of ascension is the most important part, but everything else is more flexible. The reconciliation was me almost building a new custom with Utimate Artist as the core. I liked UA don’t get me wrong, but it’s not exactly foundation building.
So basically I had an internal back and forth, lots of stress and swearing at myself. A UA custom felt good, I was comfortable with it. So I thought “hey maybe this is better for me”. But upon further reflection creating that custom with UA would be a clever comfort zone seeking habit. Just because it felt good didn’t mean it was right. Yes the ideas I had for running UA were in alignment with myself, but I knew I was using it as an attempt to escape in a way. To get away from the challenges of life I’ve tried to completely sidestep throughout my life and has landed me in the mess I am now.
So to sum up. Yeah ZP seems to have shot my custom into overdrive and I’m filled with a mild panic right now because I’ve realized where my walled off potential is, but at the same time I have an excessive amount of fear about moving past it. That’s the reason for the custom rework, there are some modules I want to use to get me past this wall. It’s no longer about my past hurting me, but the future and no longer suppressing myself as much.
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Congratulations on your progress, keep it up.
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New potential custom. I’m going to sit on it for a bit to see if there’s anything I want to change. But I’ve cut out a few healing modules as ZP handles a lot of healing, based on what Saint said before. I think the only overt one in here is FEBRUUS, the others have a more specific focus. Anyway here’s what I’m thinking and an outline of my reasoning behind them.I think this should pair pretty well with ZP
Ascension Q Core
FEBRUUS
Unlimiter
Potentiator
Unlimiter for relentless limitation removal along with potentiator. FEBRUUS for a more refined approach for things that get stuck.
Gratitude Embodiment
Starfilled Night
Joie de Vivre
Inner Voice
General life improvement. Gratitude is always important to develop, starfilled night to further pull me out of my tunnel visioned focus I get on the world at times. Inner voice, it’s done well for me in taming how nasty I’ve been to myself in the past. And Joie de Virve for building a life of joy.
Ultimate Music Producer
The Spotlight
Trailblazer
Self explanatory. Continue to build my music production skills and also build my presence online. Trailblazer for innovation and general creativity within the music production. I don’t know about helping people with it though like the description says, but I’m going to give it a shot to see how it works in the custom.
Omidimensional
The Merger of Worlds
Current Invoker
Jupiter
Manifestation improvement. Current invoker has always interested me, but I’ve never been able to capitalize on it due to fear. Merger of worlds is a must for me, strengthening the link between the subconscious and conscious helped a lot. Omnidimensional just general result enhancement. And jupiter to build my active manifesting skills.
Foundation
Manipulus
Sanguine
Stress Displacement
Negative Energy Transmutation
Foundation has been good for preventing dissociative episodes in myself. That combined with stress displacement because stress is what often triggers the need to detach for me at times due to over-stimulation. Sanguine for overall calm. And manipulus to 100% keep out the snakes that want to ruin my quality of life for their own gain. Negative energy transmutation is also good for using potential negativity around me to energize me more.
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Man I don’t know what happened. I feel like this is the worst recon I’ve been through in a while.
I can’t change the past. How my life unfolded is just a sequence of events and any blame or feelings of not trying hard enough serve no purpose in the present moment. All that matters is the present and future for me.
I struggled a lot in the past but I’m going to make up for it now. There’s always been this feeling inside of me that because I’ve got all these challenges my happiness in life is capped. Like the best I can do is functional or just surviving. But I want more than that. I want to push past all those limits that tell me what’s possible for my own life.
I’ve got a lot of baggage. I’m traumatized in a way from all my micro failures over the years. Having ideas I don’t follow up on, having trouble doing the bare minimum for self care, people poking and proding me to do things that I know I should do but just couldn’t, putting myself in situations where people take my energy and I basically roll over and die because I’m too afraid to move to something else due to strong imposter syndrome.
It all adds up but in a very subtle way where I’m pretty much blind to possibilities or wall them off. Truthfully I don’t know how to tackle any of this except awareness and to just keep going. I still don’t feel like its possible for me to reach.
I don’t know if anyone relates to that. To have this internal feeling of you as a person can’t be more than what you’ve struggled with for years. It feels hard to break free because I’ve been trying to break free for years now. It’s not so much the behaviors or actions in life, those have improved. It’s just this internal state that feels like a stretched rubber band and I seem to always snap back at some point.
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Ordered up my custom. Switched to my nickname from my full name for this one. I thought in my last custom if I used my full name it would help unlock more emotional stuff. But thinking about it again, very often when I was in trouble as a kid I’d be called by my first name. And most of my enjoyable moments in life with friends and family were my nickname. I also feel it’s more strongly linked to my improved self. So yeah might have created unnecessary recon in my last custom by doing that, but you live and learn.
Liminality v3
Adding a break here in my thread to mark the start of my new custom. Not here yet, but I plan to just slip it in to my current stack as a replacement. The core of ascension is the same so it shouldn't be a big deal. Also built this one out in Solace which should also add some improvements.
I can relate to you very much on this. To be honest, I don’t think there is much we can do in terms of changing the past, so we can only look forward to doing our best to live fully the remaining part of the life we have.
I have learnt not to expect the sky and the moon from subliminal audios or other self-help/therapeutic.modalities. Its better this way and I get less disappointed if things don’t work out. More important is the idea of living everyday woth gratefulness and appreciation for whatever we have.
Anyway, one trick I have learnt recently to make myself feel better is to be happy about other peoples’ success because other people’s successes (and failures) are our imagination pushed out. Perhaps you could try it out too.
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I actually did a complete 180 with this and I’ll tell you why lol. You know how Saint talks about lawyer games? This was absolutely one of them for me. Not expecting great things is the equivalent of shutting those great things out. Whether that be fear or lack of deservingness, I was actively cancelling out manifestations with this attitude of holding back.
I actually learned this is a defense mechanism for preventing future hurt based on past failures to change with other modalities. It’s like keeping a neutral energy, things stay neutral but they never explode into something greater. So while I’m not in the depths of depression I’m also not living my best life.
But this is solid advice and I’ll definitely work on this.
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Well, you could possibly aim for the stars and at least land on the moon…
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Alright i swear I’m feeling the influence of wanted ZP and I haven’t even run it yet. And I don’t think this is Ascension? First off my sex drive is through the roof, that’s something I’ve definitely suppressed in the past and now I’m getting more comfortable with the sexual energy. Second I’m getting these sort of daydream fantasies of women just being obsessed with me, like my mind is expecting an external reality. Third I used to feel bad about the idea of not giving a woman enough attention to make her feel good, but now it’s shifting towards an expectation for me to have that experience. And taking on the mentality that they’ll like the thrill of the chase and it’s novel for them so it’s a win win.
I mean this could be ascension but it feels too close to that coquettish hot and cold mentality. And why now if I’ve been running this custom for a bit now? Granted ZP is definitely unlocking some stuff, but this feels too specific and targeted.
I’m another week out from my 21 days and then planning on stacking on wanted zp. So maybe that’s why? Am I crazy for thinking this?
Well looks like I wasn’t ready to accept that one. I just dove headfirst into recon once that awareness hit.
Yes.
First, sorry I didn’t get to you in time before you ordered. Any ways, here are my thoughts.
Fenrir
Fearsome
Foundation
Februus
Eye of the Storm
Atman
Unlimiter
Limit Destroyer Ultima Core
New Beginnings
Courage Reclaimed
Code of Loyalty
Discordia Deliverance
Divine Self-Image
Elixir Ultima Core
Empath
Energetic Development XI
Harmonic Singularity
Gratitude Embodiment
Inner Voice
Limiting People Remover
Manipulus
Natural Winner
Negative Energy Transmutation
Negativity Displacer
Negativity Shifter
Path of Forgiveness
Pride Unbroken
Sanguine
Sanctuary
Strength of Gentleness
The Boundary
Untouchable
Virtue Series: Hope
Asclepius
Health Codex
SPS: Nervous System
Codename: Umbra
Immortal’s Courage
Mountain Breaker
Vortexdive Crucible
Whispered Power
Elixir Ultima Core
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Now about your reconciliation. You can take more rest days.
No worries. Appreciate the help! I’ll keep these around for next time
I will have to start doing this. I’m not sure if I need more rest after ZP or QV2. But it feels like QV2 is the more demanding one that I don’t bounce back from as fast.
Decided I’m going to go the rest days as needed route vs a static schedule. Feels like I can be all over the place sometimes needing to be set straight vs needing to rest. It’s so variable I need something flexible to work with so I don’t under or over do it
Went from on top of the world Monday to crashing hard into feelings of wanting to quit everything I’ve ever been working on because it’s all just too much effort. Clearly recon. I felt a little better today so I ran my custom. Still very experimental with all this. I don’t know if that was the right call today.
I need to be more vigilant at spotting recon vs beating myself up for not having energy.
Currently negotiating a new position/compensation at my job. So far not liking what they’ve offered me and expected me to be happy with. They’re trying to bump me to salary but the salary wage they gave me isn’t worth the headaches of being salary. And I’m pretty much done with the whole “prove myself as a capable individual in the business world” thing, I don’t give a fuck. That means a position that tacks on more responsibility and leadership isn’t gonna make me feel fulfilled in any way, that’s just the way it is with me. I’m not gonna get an inflated ego about moving up in the hierarchy.
So yeah I needed to sit on this because initially I was like “well it’s better than what you’re making now and it would look good on the resume and you can always leave after taking it, and blah blah blah”. But it’s just that scarcity mindset, “Oh gotta take what I can get and not be picky, not a lot of other opportunities out there”. But to put myself in a position of more stress for minimal compensation? Not worth it, fuck it.
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Might have locked in a new hourly wage that will give me a bit more financial freedom and shield me from unending stress and demands from the job. Thank you manipulus and ascension. A few months ago I wouldn’t have had the balls to negotiate like I did. Still have some recon from that because I’m so unused to valuing myself and having that much leverage to get what I want. But I 100% did not trust this company putting me on salary.
I’m still adjusting to understanding when to trust people vs be on guard for the manipulation. It’s not easy. I’ve gone from fully trusting, to anger, to a more calm calculated manner of interactions. The problem is that people talk and say things that make them appear one way, but their actions send a different message. I want to trust people, at the core of my being I still feel the urge to see the best in people and always re-evaluate my perceptions of people. But it needs to be tempered with protecting myself which I still haven’t fully accessed.
People are confusing as hell and sometimes I don’t know how to feel about them.
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