Man, I feel like I’m getting a nasty wake up call, a phase I’ve been at before where I realize I need to make effort to meet people.
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After walking out to a couple social venues, I realized I need to spend time at organized events to feel social and become talkative as well as being pornfree for conversating. This reminds me of how getting input from actual action (attempts) is so important. I nearly inevitably “use” an introverted loop for imagination/thinking almost every day but it is actual action toward my goal that I avoid yet is what gives me proper information for setting my direction. I have avoided choosing such action but it’s what gives me the information I so greatly need. I’ve feared doing such anymore because I’ve hit dead ends, e.g., not seeing much potential to my goals at certain meetup groups. But what about things like approaching stranger women in public that I’ve stopped effort toward? I’ve explicitly avoided what would give me the needed information to decide what to do to move forward.
This important realization obliterates the illusion of overthinking being time-efficient. When I receive new information from actual attempts, the decision as to what to do next is near instantaneous. Trying to think of everything to do, on the other hand, takes tons of hours and never comes to the sureness of decision from attempting things.
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Yeah upon introspecting, being social isn’t my biggest problem. My problem is that I became discouraged from trying new things and stopped due to painful memories. It’s not because of being hurt by rejection or anything personal like that, but disappointment over not getting what I wanted and, in other situations, regret of letting myself down by not making full effort. Shame perhaps. I don’t want to try the new things that would give me the information needed because doing such in the past led to disappointment which was painful. So this means I try to figure out a healing path in regards to this. I.e., becoming willing to try new things for the sense of direction they provide by somehow reconciling past “traumas” around it. But I will keep Rb+Dd along with social practice for this cycle to keep my minimum commitment.
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Rebirth seems to be helping me become aware of negativity around the past and I’m seeing how I can let it go to unlock energy and actions in the present. Despite not fully sexual, Dd seems to be good in my stack for sexual healing because it’s lighter on the sexual push which allows to prioritize healing since less distraction.
After some intense recon in the earlier part of yesterday after my loops, I’ve felt a chill positivity yesterday and today (excluding the short bits where I felt otherwise). I could see this being the Dd love of life developing. This could be quite enjoyable. Even if I were fulfilling all other goals, I would want to feel like I’m enjoying life anyway, which could also make achieving those goals easier. For those reasons I may end up not wanting to put Dd down. I’ve got a couple social events coming up so I’ll be reporting on those soon.
Went to a thing. Felt decently chill and friendly. Didn’t feel like talking a ton, but maybe more than usual. At least it was good to get out around people.
Wasn’t expecting it, but talked to a couple of people who I was friendly with and made a guy friend whose number I got. The whole time he was negging a woman who liked him. They didn’t know each other before this event.
Multiple people noticed how I was in my head. Though, I think I was generally liked. As for being in my head, I guess I’m quite a way from really following what I’m supposed to for Daredevil. I’ve thought about getting way out of my head before but I’ve always been afraid to fully get out of my head. But I suppose if I were to be highly, highly social, like a party person, then I would be very out of my head in that reality. it’s a scary thing, because I’m afraid of embarrassing myself because things would happen so spontaneously, and I would have potentially more visible emotional reactions at various times, good and bad. And I’ve often been afraid of people seeing into me like that.
Also positive though not the most satisfying being an unsuccessful outcome, I almost seduced a woman but I was waiting on getting her contact info because I was worried that she might be taken. And once I got friendly with other people, my mood had gone up so I planned to go ahead and get her telephone number but she left before the after-party. So I didn’t get it.
Those are my reflections. I think I would probably perform better were I farther away from PMO and, also, I potentially need to do the get-out-of-your-head thing. But that is something I’m often fearful of. And also much of the time I don’t really feel motivated to make the effort because I often don’t see the point in running my mouth in conversations with random people. And part of the lack of motivation is probably that I’m afraid of not conversating in good flow. Sometimes I will get bored in the interaction too. And I often don’t want to force anything.
Next event is in 3 days, I will note down to try to get out of my head and let things flow, and conversate consistently even if I don’t want to or feel doubt. Actually, I may not want to push myself too much yet, since I’ll be taking some classes. We’ll see.
Before, I would feel outcast and discouraged by people pointing out my weaknesses, but I am now motivated to take it as feedback and become my best. This aspect is subtle and I don’t want to be wishful thinking here, but it makes me wonder if it’s the Rebirth or if the ZP base or just Dd has some Negativity Shifter for this improvement purpose. The ability to gather and act on feedback consistently and sincerely is intriguing.
I’m starting to view what I’m doing as getting into my real personality and out of the one I’ve acted out growing up. I will have so much more personal power in doing so, and this is a different perspective from up until now where I was confusedly trying to understand what path of stacks to use, since I now have a sense of my real problem and how to go back to my real self. Maybe this is just my imagination, but it makes sense and is the vision I see. A stack involving Rb&Dd seems very much in line with my proper direction, which is to have the mindset that life is about having a good time. The Daredevil sales page talks about becoming “that extraverted playboy guy”, as is if the intention is to become some infamous caricature seen in culture, someone you’re not. The guy with the mindset that life is for enjoying what the world is, as it is, is my real personality, and I’m using these subs to go back to it as opposed to my upbringing in a family of people with extremely different standards.
Went to my class and had to sit in small talk. I thought I was tense at first but when the hot girl sat by me I quieted and moved my eyes much worse. I walked away thinking, “Damn, my social skills are shit!” So I have clear direction in that regard. I think PMO is the main cause of this problem but I may be able to at least do a little better using intention. One thing I should remember entering any circle is
Don’t wait for other people to fill the silence.
Otherwise, I get into this awkward looking around for who is going to do it. It is best to involve myself from the beginning or jumping in later could seem weird and lead me into a hesitating loop, though it would probably be good to jump in ASAP if I noticed I had been out.
I see a lot of social & dating potential for myself but I need to handle these issues to get comfortable. And for me getting comfortable means acting appropriately. A metric for that is if people say I’m in my head or something. They, especially women, will tell me.
Visited a friend and I think I’m healing. Starting to strength train again which I believe causes connection with the body and getting out of the head and into the present.
I have full belief of success in the near future in the social and sexual realms. Rebirth+Dd is highly effective. I have learned what I want socially much more clearly and where (how) to get it. But, I still have brain damage from PMO as well as letting myself get out of shape. Ascension+PCC led me to change career to focus on my own businesses, but I haven’t started yet. I think it will be good to get the cash flowing again, in my style this time, while allowing the two aforementioned issues to heal. While I detoured into seduction and Daredevil, the actions I’ve taken over the past few months were largely intended for actualized business success, and it’s often unclear in the moment what one’s best priorities are, especially when circumstances have changed and you have to re-evaluate. I know that my lack of social fluency, fitness setbacks, and suboptimal self-esteem are congruent with PMO, and PMO is congruent with screwing myself over in business, which I’ve done through the past. So if I can tackle my business blockages, I will be in a great position for everything I want. The working situations I’ve been in for years have been demotivating despite that I’ve continuously improved them. But I do believe there are certain unconquered aspects that, once overcome, will allow me to proceed through life healthily without causing/allowing my own setbacks.
Yeah I’m gonna have to stay on Dd another cycle. I think I got looking at wealth development because of recon and noticing the hole in my pocket I burned on a Dd custom in combination with Billions’s exciting reviews. When it’s time I build business and get the cash flowing again, I’m eyeing AM,LE,EoG. With only the first two loops of this custom like over 70 hours ago, I’ve already noticed some notable effects. Some of them were noticed after something like 60 hours of the loops. I think I’ll keep Rebirth going since I liked it so much last cycle. So Rb + Dd Custom. I get interested in stacking with things like LD but I also like to keep what’s working going and strengthen it. This custom could turn out phenomenal; plus, I need to get the feel for ZP customs and what I think about using them. Been tired recently but that’s probably because I got my strength training going consistently and probably just need to up the calories. Also had a friend trying to manipulate me into a deal where he gets ongoing free labor from me, yeah no, going to have to Fenrir his ass.
ngl I ran Elx+LD yesterday. I swear Elixir keeps digging up useful sexual insights. I started thinking how I got a belief that great looking casual sex partners are unavailable and I’ll get stuck in a relationship if someone is on the better looking side. Could also be seen as a limit. Going to have to do further work/experimentation with PS+Elx+LD. Maybe I dig up limits with Elx and defeat them with LD.
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My class was much better yesterday evening than the previous week. I went to the event after and I enjoyed it, got to know the people better. I was decently sociable, though still a bit self-restrained. Seems to be getting better. It’s a result of my various practices I’ve been doing including pornfree, working out, supplements, Daredevil, practice, break from work. I will keep this going and heal myself to a new degree. There is a definite discrepancy between how some people on online seduction spheres talk versus how people in real life talk about seduction. There is something to reconcile and as of now I can only speculate. In any case, I’m planning to use Elx, LD, etc alongside my Dd custom to heal seduction issues. Becoming social and away from porn is making my life more pleasant as I like company. I could probably start making money without wealth subs because the pleasant life has to be funded. I will keep using my Dd cust + seduction healing and possibly soon do my business stuff with no corresponding subs. One thing that arose in my mind recently is the realization that I’ve been holding a sense of being disqualified from the desirable partners I used to aim for. It’s like I gave up. I think I needed like 2 tips for my issues at the time, (1) don’t be so nice/overly gentlemanly (2) escalate. If I had just gotten those tips and left I could have gone back to what I was doing and done a lot better, but I got sucked into the writings of pickup and that I was missing knowledge and that the whole thing being intellectualized to a predictable science justified fantasy. Then I came across the notion of starting with easier, less attractive partners, plus the idea of approaching all opportunities regardless of personal desire, which I think I have no intrinsic motivation for so it’s prevented me from approaching.
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Sanguine | 1 | 1 | 1 | w | w | w | w | ||||
| Alc 1 | 1 | 1 | w | w | w | w | |||||
| ElxLD* | 1 | 1 | 1 | w | w | w | w | ||||
| done | x | x | x | x Asc. Ch. | x | x | x | x | x | x | |
| 6/19 | 6/26 | 6/29 |
The couple runs of Alchemist seem to have done some interesting things. At one part, felt like on LSD, in another, envisioned having insane manifestation power due to feelings of spiritual alignment, also been reading manifestation texts and gaining repeated optimization ideas for a custom, as well as realizing the simple fact that I need to run Primal since it fits my manifestation need as opposed to action which I’m already good at, got contacted by a friend of a friend for a gig he will pay me for and I quoted over double what I normally would and he accepted, later noticed gratitude that I have relative financial liberties while observing something across the room with a spiritual sparkle to it, earlier that day sense of awe and color. 6/27 1p - still getting effects from Alch, was connecting with the loving spiritual energy.
suffer fools gladly
Been getting good insights, most of which are probably from the Elixir. Figured out I was attaching sex to self-worth. And I have carried some unworthiness for a while. Letting go of the sex attachment and accepting the current feeling leads to the question of what to spend time on if not pursuing pleasure. I was working to clear the unworthiness but the energy field was not integrating, so perhaps it has a connection to anger or needs to be considered anger, something I’ve visited before and made big life changes from, though all the anger isn’t fully handled yet. Since I’ve struggled to clear all my feelings but am considering it’s because they were misidentified anger, re-embodying the anger typically means a tremendous energy boost since there is more energy and grounding in the body. So I would have extra power toward whatever I do choose for my time. Without the need to prop up worth with pleasure maybe it will lead to my business pursuits again. Whatever it is, perhaps it will determine the next stack.
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It was revealed that a main issue of mine is not trusting my ability to manifest. So I will focus on manifestation specifically.
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Feeling unbullshitted
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| sang | 15min | 10min | w | w | w | w | ||||||||||||||||||
| Rebirth | (refreshed) 15min | 15min | 15min | w | w | w | w | |||||||||||||||||
| ss*2 | 5min | w | w | w | w | |||||||||||||||||||
| ss | 15min | 15min | (ZP Refresh!) 15min | 15min | 15min | 5min | 3.5min | w | w | w | w | w | ||||||||||||
| Libertine | 5min | 3.5min | w | w | w | w | w | |||||||||||||||||
| ascch | 1 | 4min | w | w | w | w | w | |||||||||||||||||
| done | x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x |
| tiredness | high | med | med (W.O.) | high (socialized a lot) | ||||||||||||||||||||
| headache | low | low | low | low | head overloaded | |||||||||||||||||||
| 6/30 | 7/7 | 7/14 | Fri 7/22 | 7/23 |
| dropped | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| ss* | 15min | w | w | w | w | w | ||||||||||||||||||||
| LD | 15min | 5min | w | w | w | w | w | |||||||||||||||||||
| done | x | x | x | x | ||||||||||||||||||||||
| 6/30 | 7/7 | 7/14 | 7/20 |
Had a good social event. Things looking positive. Was much chiller than usual and seemed to be attracting my classmate but she’s married. Manifested a cool new friend.