LikeADrug's Journal

Journals - Major Programs
#71

A few notes and realizations

  1. I’ve had an underlying assumption that I should be worried going to social events, but that’s really always been a hallucination with no basis in reality. I can just drop it
  2. My social anxiety can decrease significantly by visualizing myself in third-person how I come off real-time. Taking videos of myself practicing public speaking also helps similarly. It’s like I’ve been trying to be completely in first-person, carelessly “living in the moment”, forgetting about making any impression or good presentation, but those things are actually important to me and ignoring them is an example of the good ole strategy of trying to solve a problem by ignoring it, plus denying useful self-awareness. My tendency in life is to assume the negative when information is not present. So if I don’t pay attention to my presentation then I’m assuming my presentation is negative by default.
  1. I got my house cleaning almost finished and feel a lot better because of it.
  2. I had one of those moments where you think you’re done with the ZP stack because they make it feel like you’re transitioning fast; plus, there is the fear of doing what it takes to continue advancing to new levels. I am writing to say I am going to stick to the plan and not switch stacks despite temptation. I still have a lot of challenges to conquer, and I shall finish what I set forth. The plan is a minimum of 3 cycles of Daredevil.
  3. People see you how you put yourself out; they don’t know if you thought a negative thought.
  4. I also should state my goals explicitly. They are
    • Develop a profound sense of social freedom. (I go where I want, interact with who I want. I will make a note that going out alone often may not be something I want to feel forced to do since it may not be my style)
    • Rapidly improve your confidence and how comfortable you are around other people.
    • Eliminate approach anxiety, enhance your ability to let go and have fun.
    • Learn to truly enjoy and love talking with others.
    • Be in the moment
      (I am not highly interested in manifesting a massive, ongoing social circle at the moment)
#72

I may actually have legitimate reason to break off from DD. It’s a long story and I don’t think anyone will stop me whether I tell it or not. But, I’ve been working on the betterment of self and life for a long time so I have a good sense what got me to my current step, and I have a sense of current problems. I’ll explain if requested for info. For now I’m going to keep thinking, not suddenly jump, but I may have good reason (wisdom) that even the consensus philosophy within Sub Club would support such change. One stack leads to another stack and each time one gets closer to their optimal for their current step in life. The unconscious and Higher Self are always leading us somewhere, even though we may take tangents which can make the path look jagged. Some of the stacks I ran you (and I) will agree with, others were tangents. But the overall direction was constant. DD may have been a tangent. Or possibly it provided an opportunity to see how I felt putting effort into its goals which gives me further information about my true will which I can utilize. Much I do is a process of elimination. The stack I would be changing to would not be taking me down a path that was decided in only the last 6 months. It would be a stack congruent with decisions made years ago–I’ve been contemplating my life strategy for years, long before I found subliminals. It would not be silly to change my path to do what my extensive self-knowledge gathering indicated before subs. There are precise reasons for it.

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#73

Finally got good sleep. Yeah I don’t need to switch just yet. But I do need to be careful how I put pressure on myself to take action. Gotta ease into it

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#74

Embrace the long haul. A mindset focused on quick results has mistaken expectations.

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#75

I hadn’t thought of Daredevil as something that would affect my business situations; I thought not because of the conventional notion of social life being independent from business. However, I got a really cool idea about the Dd not only being used for “social times” of day, but as an entire lifestyle including working for income. Instead of my usual expectation of business development, especially marketing, being boring and dissatisfying, I could detach from outcome and ride with flow, enjoying my exercise of creativity and learning. My entire life, each entire day, I could be in the moment, having let go. When writing a previous post which hinted at a shift back to a business stack, I did not think of maintaining Dd because of a clash with business. However, Dd+Mogul or something like that could make tremendous sense…because Daredevil is a lifestyle, and one that appeals to my view of things.

Another sub I’ve had in my collection but not yet figured out its place is Sanguine. A few thoughts have been

  1. I don’t want to falsely cover up anxiety if it serves a good purpose
  2. I don’t know how good its effect will be and how well it will help my action toward a goal
  3. It might not be permanent enough, especially considering it came from Ultima and was designed for a quick, impermanent effect
  4. Like many titles sold here, its goal could be achieved by means that would not take up a slot in one’s stack, e.g., anti-anxiety medication or supplements
  5. I may already be too good at positive thinking and hope. I’ve come to a realization multiple times of how thinking positive has led me to just daydreaming rather than being aware of what needs to be done and doing it without over-hyping.

But now that I’m thinking of a full Dd lifestyle, spanning into business, Sanguine could be useful for practicing and instilling a way of living, including income generation, with trust in constant outcome independence and enjoyment of free-flowing creativity. So maybe my stack will turn into Dd+Mog+Sang. As I always say, my current cycle will remain Rb+Dd.

One of my most personally profound ideals that I’m envisioning the grand, yet possibly lofty attainment of, is that of living consistently across all of each and every day, where each aspect of my day is as flowing as all the others, my attitude bringing the same flow, creativity, and detachment of outcome, yet producing enjoyable, effortless results, wu wei as you might say. An engineers’ dream applied to life, such approach has the potential of perfection due to ubiquitous repetition. The hammer has been perfected just as the nail.

I could also use Mind’s Eye to put an emphasis on continuing to visualize myself in 3rd person which is my new way of doing it. Mogul may not be needed since my approach to making money is more about enjoying the process and I don’t need the boost in this area as much as many here. Enjoying what I’m doing is most crucial. I have killer ability to take action and learn money-making skills. Being present in life and enjoying the process is most important. I could use Mog for a boost perhaps if I got into such phase.

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#76

gotta credit @Billions for reminding me of a motto that has given me much well-being the small times I followed it before. This is straight up gold:

It’s very similar to a spiritual saying you’ll hear various entrepreneur-ish ppl say about “people keep thinking they’ll be happy in the future after, A, B, C, or D, etc.” For me it is best to think the below mantra rather than “be present” or “be happy now”. Me forgetting this advice leads to not taking much action, sitting around daydreaming, waiting until I get A, install habit B, figure out aspect C, etc, …

My ultimate mantra for myself: "Embrace the long-term"

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#77

A lot of stuff that helps me is counter-intuitive. For me to fall asleep without using a podcast or some audio to calm my mind, I have to say to myself, “I am not going to fall asleep, I’m going to stay awake as long as possible.”

To be present, meaning to use time wisely, I have to say, “Embrace the long-term,” then I actually take action in the present.

Wonder to what all I can apply that…

Maybe that’s why I feel more business motivated on Dd, because I rebel against whatever I’m told to do, even if who I was told by was my own plans. :speak_no_evil:

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#78

Since the subs seems to be keeping me awake with listening before sleep, maybe that indicates I should use starting the day or before going out.

#79

Went out for lunch today, sat at the bar, waitress was attractive, it occurred to me how I can’t pull off seduction without fluent chatting ability; the style of approach I envision wouldn’t be blunt just charged so I’d have to be able to chat. I was a bit shy with the main waitress especially with this being out in a while in addition to her attractiveness. In the past I saw the potential of going out as such on a regular basis and developing spontaneous conversation but didn’t stick to it and saw it as a high challenge. Now I have a sense of the importance of this goal along with my commitment to bettering myself in this area so I will likely make it a 1-2x daily task to head out there and work on the spontaneous connecting.

I wasn’t particularly anxious with the number of people and staff in the area and I could have gotten myself speaking more; I just need to choose to be more spontaneous. I wasn’t overflowing with things I could say but there were a small number of things under my tongue that could have gotten things started. There’s another idea I’ve had for a while but I haven’t been brave to seriously apply it for an extended period which is to open my mouth without thinking and whatever is said is said. Do you think I should do that? Maybe that’s what the Dd tip “Try to stay ‘out of your head’ when interacting with others, allowing your natural personality (enhanced by Daredevil) to shine”. In the past I’ve gotten rejected a bit from apparently saying uninteresting things to the wrong people so that inhibited my confidence to speak freely.

The waitresses seemed interested, including one not serving me who spoke. At one point I decided to say something to a third one of them, and it went well but was short-lived. I saw how I would potentially have a good time were I to pull off talking to all people around me on a frequent basis. With the one I spoke to shortly I decided to just ask something like I would a friend and it worked. There was still a bit of anxiety to keep it going but I think I could work on proceeding with a tolerance for that. It does seem my experience was a bit different having run the Daredevil. But I also have to consider I didn’t sleep hardly last night and I’ve had certain supplements recently which contributed to my state. I still think it’s likely that the Dd made an impact though; usually I’d be quite irritable with low sleep and NoPMO violation.

I had been holding off on going out, wanting to get a few loops of my subs in and feel it out a bit before getting started. I have now taken this planned step and saw clear reason why I need to keep going out to work on conquering this issue. I have considered adjusting my stack, perhaps with some alternate boosters, but seeing the clear sense of direction and difference between my current and ideal self, I plan to stick with Rb+Dd for at least this cycle if not longer (well we’ll see, maybe I’ll feel like throwing in some LD). I will have the main focus of practicing my spontaneous talking, along with a couple other good habits such as NoPMO, working out, and eating well, forgetting about sex and having a wild social circle for the time being. If I can commit to doing something 1-2x per day toward this goal, just imagine where I could be after 3 months. Unlocking such ability would open many doors and grow me as a person. However, I’m not going to only focus on finishing this goal in a fixed amount of time nor trying to force perfect daily adherence: as I said, I will embrace the long-term. It takes however long it takes. I will take the action fitting where I am currently at and embrace however long it takes, not the mindset of insisting on “the goal must be done by X date or else…”

#80

I think I’m feeling strong Dd relaxation 14.3 hours after the loops. Writing this so I time things well next time. I went out a bit earlier today than when this came on.

#81

Stemming from my long post earlier, I realized the need to be awake and living one’s current life fully and presently as is as opposed to running away or trying overly hard to feel good. It’s like I’ve been more asleep and living in a dream than present, with the underlying premise that “This is not my life. And I will awaken to my real life any moment.” I often envision letting my enthusiasm flow carelessly but really there are feelings down under which acknowledge the slowness, challenges of life, rules of social reality, and dissatisfaction of one’s current situation, and to be disconnected from such is not a great option according to my life experience, so there is a reframing I should picture where I can be enjoy being social yet in tune with my accepted feelings including the need for patience in life. Becoming a Daredevil doesn’t mean just going out and acting crazy. I have formerly seen socializing while accepting negative feelings (impatience, challenge, doubt, etc) as contradictory. I think that is because I did not properly identify what feelings actually were and the potential of their validity. The more I go on the more it occurs to me that I have ignored that important aspect of orienting toward success holistically, mistaking it for a contradiction to satisfaction. Another contributor to misunderstanding I think is that a lot of people socialize for the wrong reasons, but their hand in life led to pleasure and popularity despite the wrong foundation, and I try to avoid blaming others or be negative about their success (I’m not quick to choose envy) so I get tempted to emulate the successful’s behavior, but at the same time I’m aware of problems in doing so, such as doing it for the wrong reasons, not being authentic, etc.

#83

I was wrong when I said I might should be afraid of Sanguine’s positive thinking, that positive thinking can be too much. No, riding a current of positive DGAF energy can be powerful. I’m starting to get a sense of the seductive DGAF vibe of Daredevil. As I had thought after only a couple loops, I’m still feeling positive about this sub being right for me.

#84

Man, I feel like I’m getting a nasty wake up call, a phase I’ve been at before where I realize I need to make effort to meet people.

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#85

After walking out to a couple social venues, I realized I need to spend time at organized events to feel social and become talkative as well as being pornfree for conversating. This reminds me of how getting input from actual action (attempts) is so important. I nearly inevitably “use” an introverted loop for imagination/thinking almost every day but it is actual action toward my goal that I avoid yet is what gives me proper information for setting my direction. I have avoided choosing such action but it’s what gives me the information I so greatly need. I’ve feared doing such anymore because I’ve hit dead ends, e.g., not seeing much potential to my goals at certain meetup groups. But what about things like approaching stranger women in public that I’ve stopped effort toward? I’ve explicitly avoided what would give me the needed information to decide what to do to move forward.

This important realization obliterates the illusion of overthinking being time-efficient. When I receive new information from actual attempts, the decision as to what to do next is near instantaneous. Trying to think of everything to do, on the other hand, takes tons of hours and never comes to the sureness of decision from attempting things.

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#86

Yeah upon introspecting, being social isn’t my biggest problem. My problem is that I became discouraged from trying new things and stopped due to painful memories. It’s not because of being hurt by rejection or anything personal like that, but disappointment over not getting what I wanted and, in other situations, regret of letting myself down by not making full effort. Shame perhaps. I don’t want to try the new things that would give me the information needed because doing such in the past led to disappointment which was painful. So this means I try to figure out a healing path in regards to this. I.e., becoming willing to try new things for the sense of direction they provide by somehow reconciling past “traumas” around it. But I will keep Rb+Dd along with social practice for this cycle to keep my minimum commitment.

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#87

Rebirth seems to be helping me become aware of negativity around the past and I’m seeing how I can let it go to unlock energy and actions in the present. Despite not fully sexual, Dd seems to be good in my stack for sexual healing because it’s lighter on the sexual push which allows to prioritize healing since less distraction.

#88

After some intense recon in the earlier part of yesterday after my loops, I’ve felt a chill positivity yesterday and today (excluding the short bits where I felt otherwise). I could see this being the Dd love of life developing. This could be quite enjoyable. Even if I were fulfilling all other goals, I would want to feel like I’m enjoying life anyway, which could also make achieving those goals easier. For those reasons I may end up not wanting to put Dd down. I’ve got a couple social events coming up so I’ll be reporting on those soon.

#89

Went to a thing. Felt decently chill and friendly. Didn’t feel like talking a ton, but maybe more than usual. At least it was good to get out around people.

Wasn’t expecting it, but talked to a couple of people who I was friendly with and made a guy friend whose number I got. The whole time he was negging a woman who liked him. They didn’t know each other before this event.

Multiple people noticed how I was in my head. Though, I think I was generally liked. As for being in my head, I guess I’m quite a way from really following what I’m supposed to for Daredevil. I’ve thought about getting way out of my head before but I’ve always been afraid to fully get out of my head. But I suppose if I were to be highly, highly social, like a party person, then I would be very out of my head in that reality. it’s a scary thing, because I’m afraid of embarrassing myself because things would happen so spontaneously, and I would have potentially more visible emotional reactions at various times, good and bad. And I’ve often been afraid of people seeing into me like that.

Also positive though not the most satisfying being an unsuccessful outcome, I almost seduced a woman but I was waiting on getting her contact info because I was worried that she might be taken. And once I got friendly with other people, my mood had gone up so I planned to go ahead and get her telephone number but she left before the after-party. So I didn’t get it.

Those are my reflections. I think I would probably perform better were I farther away from PMO and, also, I potentially need to do the get-out-of-your-head thing. But that is something I’m often fearful of. And also much of the time I don’t really feel motivated to make the effort because I often don’t see the point in running my mouth in conversations with random people. And part of the lack of motivation is probably that I’m afraid of not conversating in good flow. Sometimes I will get bored in the interaction too. And I often don’t want to force anything.

Next event is in 3 days, I will note down to try to get out of my head and let things flow, and conversate consistently even if I don’t want to or feel doubt. Actually, I may not want to push myself too much yet, since I’ll be taking some classes. We’ll see.

Before, I would feel outcast and discouraged by people pointing out my weaknesses, but I am now motivated to take it as feedback and become my best. This aspect is subtle and I don’t want to be wishful thinking here, but it makes me wonder if it’s the Rebirth or if the ZP base or just Dd has some Negativity Shifter for this improvement purpose. The ability to gather and act on feedback consistently and sincerely is intriguing.

#90

I’m starting to view what I’m doing as getting into my real personality and out of the one I’ve acted out growing up. I will have so much more personal power in doing so, and this is a different perspective from up until now where I was confusedly trying to understand what path of stacks to use, since I now have a sense of my real problem and how to go back to my real self. Maybe this is just my imagination, but it makes sense and is the vision I see. A stack involving Rb&Dd seems very much in line with my proper direction, which is to have the mindset that life is about having a good time. The Daredevil sales page talks about becoming “that extraverted playboy guy”, as is if the intention is to become some infamous caricature seen in culture, someone you’re not. The guy with the mindset that life is for enjoying what the world is, as it is, is my real personality, and I’m using these subs to go back to it as opposed to my upbringing in a family of people with extremely different standards.

#91

Went to my class and had to sit in small talk. I thought I was tense at first but when the hot girl sat by me I quieted and moved my eyes much worse. I walked away thinking, “Damn, my social skills are shit!” So I have clear direction in that regard. I think PMO is the main cause of this problem but I may be able to at least do a little better using intention. One thing I should remember entering any circle is

Don’t wait for other people to fill the silence.

Otherwise, I get into this awkward looking around for who is going to do it. It is best to involve myself from the beginning or jumping in later could seem weird and lead me into a hesitating loop, though it would probably be good to jump in ASAP if I noticed I had been out.

I see a lot of social & dating potential for myself but I need to handle these issues to get comfortable. And for me getting comfortable means acting appropriately. A metric for that is if people say I’m in my head or something. They, especially women, will tell me.