Wanted got someone to send me nudes and talk about wanting to have sex. Nothing “respect-wise” from men, though.
To be honest, however, I’d rather get the women results anyway. I couldn’t careless if guys “respect” me if I’m too busy getting women to notice me. haha.
Well you got a good point! I would trade effects with you haha. I am yet to experience something like that on Wanted.
Also remember, that stuff happened with the private-testing version of Wanted stacked with Diamond. I don’t remember which versions of each it was without digging into the private journal.
Just clarifying since I haven’t run Wanted really since the private tests. And that girl and I don’t talk as much because I’m not all that interested.
Taking a break from my stack so I can take care of something. I’ll be back next week.
Still not running any SubClubSubs this week (because of the other stuff I’m doing).
Just wanted to post here that I just got the green light from Saint regarding that Ultima custom I have planned.
So here is what I’ll be building.
Core:
M1 Support:
M2 Support:
M3 Support:
Overall Sub Support:
Mind’s Eye is the only core I could think of that I would likely NOT run in ZP regularly.
I probed a bit before about doing just modules in this Ultima and no cores. Saint said the only way that would be really effective is to run it right after Zero Point, as the modules with no cores likely wouldn’t “hook in” as well or something.
I’d honestly run an hour sub on its own day than cram it after 2 or 3 ZPs. That’s my biggest deciding factor on including one Q store core.
Mind’s Eye as a core will basically enhance ANY other sub I run, regardless of the build method.
The Modules were picked (as well as I could…Had to give up several to get this down to 20 haha) so that this sub will ALWAYS be hitting on my idea for M1, M2, M3.
No matter what subs I run in ZP, this will only enhance them as well as ALWAYS enhance those areas. So even if I run a fully wealth-focused ZP stack, I’ll still get some in about manifesting amazing sex and relationships with my wife and/or other women.
EDIT: Forgot that I didn’t end up getting Intuition Enhancer…went with Furious Ascent since I have Submodel Alpha already. Was short money to license Intuition Enhancer if I recall. And Furious Ascent should work nicely.
Continuing this from my post on the Heartsong thread somewhat
I talked to my dad tonight, and he said that he feels like he failed as a father, since I seem to have “forgotten” all he taught me. He’s basically bummed that I don’t call him daily (sometimes more than once a day). Also pissed that I moved to the PACNORWEST instead of staying in boring-ass Kansas.
He legit said tonight “I always imagined you’d take care of me in my old age. I don’t expect you to, but I always thought you might.”
One time years ago, he told me one of the worst inventions is the (his words) “dependable fucking automobile. Because kids can just up and leave home now instead of staying home and keeping family strong. Kids should stay home”
Back to tonight:
He says “You’ve changed as you’ve gotten older and you just aren’t the same anymore”
And when I casually said “Everybody changes over time” he said “Other than being more vocal MAYBE, I’m still the same person I was at 13 years old.” Yet somehow I’M the one with the problems? Anyway yeah. I’m done caring about decorum and bullshit. All around.
#Rant/VentDone
EDIT: For time perspective , he was 13 in 1965.
There have been studies done about the mental age of most adults, and I remember seeing one as low as 12 years old. But at least hes has some awareness to actually see that, but as most, not the will to change it.
He thinks he’s actually a “whole” person. Not that he feels 13. He honestly thinks the world is “going to shit” and he blames it on whoever the sitting Democratic president is. When a Republican is in office, they can do no wrong and “deserve the benefit of the doubt”.
It’s a mess.
Yep, learned helplessness, the biggest epidemic in the world 
It’s worth it. I have it on audible and have listened to it quite a few times.
Ooooooooooo.
I just had what I’ll call a “pirate” moment.
When Steve Jobs got kicked out of Apple, he went and started NeXT, he flew a pirate flag atop the building.
After the shit “phone conversation” with my dad last night, among other things, I decided I’ve had it. With everything.
Went out with the intention of doing some Uber deliveries. I still have the app on but I am turning down anything that isn’t well over $1 per total mile, and not too far away.
I got on the highway to go to the next town over. But on the way decided to keep going to the town after that.
On the way, ran my alpha music full blast. “Hoist the Colours” came on. That song at full blast with the bass pumping is almost otherworldly. At least it was today.
That’s what made me think of Steve Jobs.
I thought about planting a pirate flag on my house.
Anyway, no orders in that town and I’m tired as fuck of sitting around waiting. Then I got an urge to do something very weird. To say something to a Moonbeam. I’m not afraid anymore.
I drove back to my town at 20 over the speed limit so I’d get back before she gets off work.
I made it back. Went in there and said “You’re beautiful”.
Also, after this delivery I just accepted, I’m going home to learn Python. May as well get paid sooner rather than later to write software.
I’m done with this crap.
Today’s events must be a combination of bloom from SubClubSubs and from other the stuff I’m doing this week.
I’m alternating between a sort of “fuck you” type of low-burning anger and feeling dead inside. I prefer the anger lol. It seems like it could be used for fuel more than inner numbness.
I’m sitting here going through a “Beginners Tutorial” for Python. It’s hella easy so far. Probably helps that I was first programming (I HATE the term “coding”) since I was 5 years old. That was in 1980 on a TRS-80 Color Computer.
I still feel sorta driven in a “fuck you I’m gonna do this shit” kind of way. I started thinking about Moonbeam a bit…but felt my brain clamp down on that. Like an inner voice saying “You can think about her when you aren’t busy working, plebe”
Dreamed I had a huge bookshelf. Tall one.
It’s one of those that maybe the middle shelf is permanently attached. But the others rest on the pegs you put into different holes.
Has books on the very bottom, with a shelf above it. But one of the back pegs was gone or fell out.
So the shelf was falling down in the back part, Both it and the bottom one were full of books.
In the dream, I had the sense this was like this for a very long time (ahem). But I either didn’t know how or just didn’t ever fix it (ahem).
At one point, I finally said “What’s the point of this bookshelf if I can’t get to the bigger books on bottom because they’re covered up by the shelf above just falling down and not staying up?”
So I fixed it. I put a peg in, arranged all the books on the shelf properly, pulled them forward to be flush with the front.
I felt so much better/happier in the dream after doing that.
I woke up at 7:30am (just about 20 mins before posting this) and that’s about an hour or two early for what I’ve been getting up lately.
I feel ready to go take on the day.
I think about this Moonbeam girl and I feel perfectly fine about her.
With Zelda before, I never fully honed in on being able to imagine that she’d go for me.
Like “What would a beautiful, young girl like her see in an older guy like me?”
With Moonbeam (who is the same age or a year older), I get NONE of that. I can totally see myself being the man (or one of them) in her life. No blockages I can sense. I’ve just to go make it happen if I decide to do that.
Today is the day where I drive the wife around for Instacart, she shops, I deliver it to the door. I wish she could do all of it, so I could focus my time on productive stuff.
Anyway, that isn’t in the cards at the moment, so my inner Stoic is all “Worry about it later.”
I’m listening to “Hoist the Colours” on my laptop here at the house while we wait for the first order to come up that’ll be worth a shit.
I’ve been cycling in and out of that “fuck you Imma live my own life” anger. Tonight is the night I usually call me dad (I call on Wednesdays and Saturdays).
I’ve had several “mental conversations” with him since Wednesday night.
If I’d been running my custom, I’d say it’s Submodel Alpha at work. Had that happen before regarding other people.
I’m resolved that if he starts saying crap tonight about how I don’t call enough, I’m gonna tell him to stop wasting the time I do call with that. I. AM. DONE.
I still have the same money issues I did before Wednesday night (talking to him) but I feel different now. I had what basically felt like a near-instant shift Thursday (which I posted about above).
One thing I forgot to post is prior to the pirate stuff, I was on the highway rounding the little body of water between my town and the next one over.
The sunlight hit the water just right or something, it looked so beautiful that I nearly cried. Eyes got a bit moist, which as anyone who read my private ZP journals knows that’s an achievement. Also thanks to dad.
I remember several times as a little kid him telling me shit like “big boys don’t cry”. And a kid tends to internalize shit like that. I’ve tried to get past that but I suspect only a serious run of something like DR will fix that.
Funny enough, he uses the waterworks now whenever he’s going on and on about how hard life is. I try to be sympathetic but he always finds ways to turn it around to being all about him
I’ve also been mentally cataloging the different ways he’s changed over the years that I personally remember him. In case he brings up the whole “I haven’t changed much since I was 13.”
I like this newfound sense of determination or whatever it is I found on Thursday. I’m just waiting for it to normalize and level out before I go back into any stacks. I know I can’t maintain this state of mind forever. Not even sure that would be a good idea if I could.
That would lead to burnout. “I HAVE FORESEEN IT”
I’m discovering a newfound appreciation for the Imperial March song from the SW Universe. Even though it isn’t Palpatine’s Theme, it still evokes the same kind of stuff.
Bloom from subs or recon?
Bloom from subs.
Everyone associates recon with “bad shit”.
Recon. Actual recon, happens EVERY TIME you run a sub if your beliefs aren’t already perfectly aligned with what the subs are putting in.
Some recon feels good, some feels bad. Some you never even notice right away.
Fuck Mediocrity