Weirdest part for me is I went to sleep imagining fun time with the other girl, not Zelda. She didn’t even cross my mind one for that. The conscious mind, anyway.
I bought Alchemist long ago because I got an OTO for it, haven’t really run it to speak of though. After today, I’m figuring out when I can run it.
OTO as in the organization that is fairly well known in certain circles?
I haven’t run it, but Alchemist strikes me as another one that it would be very good to devote a year with that as a main focus.
One Time Offer
That is definitely not it.
ok.
Had the Uber app on all day, nothing but shit stuff that isn’t worth leaving home for…which means if I took it, about 50%-60% of the earnings would be used up in fuel costs.
Wife had her app on today for Instacart, same thing. She got a $51 one for Costco at like 4pm or 5pm. Which ended up being worth it, so we went.
I was in my head while driving there. Thinking stuff like “Man, I’m supposed to be the breadwinner here. She’s making $51 for a double and I’m not making SHIT! Time to get a damn customer service job again, I suppose.”
She could tell (I swear after 27 years she can read my mind at times) that I was feeling bad.
“It’ll be OK blah blah”.
So I was reconning pretty hard this evening.
I’ve been thinking about subs all day, as to whether to keep running the Wanted+S&S+PCC stack. So was probably in recon well before this evening.
After she went to bed, I was just sitting at the table, all up in my head. My hair iswas way long, and my facial hair was getting long enough to what she calls “poky” if I kiss her. My facial hair is not soft.
I finally say “Screw this. I’m tired of my hair, I’m tired of my face.” Went to have a shower, clippered my face her as close as I could. same with my hair.
While shaving my face in the shower, I finally decided to run just primal and ascension for a cycle. The results I got on Emperor/Mogul, Libertine, Love Bomb were best gotten by running masked during the day between deliveries. No bedtime subs.
So I’ll replicate that pattern, but just run Primal and Ascension each listening day.
I was thinking Primal Seduction and Ascended Mogul…since I need money and I like sex haha.
Worried that might be a bit much…I’ve run them both to great effect, so I MAY.
I just figured Primal+Ascension is probably better choice since those each will institute their own form of healing.
If I make ANY more tweaks to that, it’d be Primal+Ascended Mogul, since I need money lol.
Now for the cool report.
In the shower, I felt a bit of horny energy from the stuff I ran today (the W+S&S+PCC stack)…thought about rubbing one out…but I decided in my mind that for the next 30 days minimum, I’m not going to.
Not that I’m a fan of nofap…I just decided I’m not going to release unless it’s with a woman. Nothing wrong with rubbing one out, but doing it as a release because someone doesn’t want sex? No. Not anymore.
It’s like the difference between those who drink alcohol because they like it, and those who drink to get drunk.
So, it was in the shower I came up with the minimal stack of Primal and Ascension. And in the shower when I decided to focus less on releasing for sexual relief and to release only with a woman.
Finished up, started walking to the living room, and I hear the wife say from the bedroom, “Hey”
I go in there, and she says “Why you got clothes on?”
I say “Are you wanting it just because I finally shaved?”
Turns out she didn’t know I’d shaved. Said she started wanting it right before I went into the shower.
So I put ultrasonics of Sex Mastery and Diamond (without ME) on. It was…amazing.
Meaning she wanted it starting right about the time I broke inside and decided to do something (in the form of shaving).
I chalk that up to Ascension Chamber working even more.
In other news, my recon today was able to be alleviated by working more on picking up C from the book I’m using.
It came back once I wasn’t working on it. So just a band-aid. But I may as well learn something while doing the band-aid approach.
Learning C is still making me feel like I did as that 8- or 9- year old kid learning BASIC on his TRS-80 CoCo. Same sense of trying to figure out why the stuff works the way it does.
I realize more and more as I get back into this stuff that I have an almost spiritual relationship with software. Learning and mastering a programming language is (for me) a way of “communing with reality”.
The more I learn C, especially, the closer I feel to cracking the code of reality somehow.
Aside from occasionally talking about Neville, I generally don’t talk much woo woo stuff here. But I have to/choose to believe there is some underlying “code” to the universe that, if understood and mastered, leads one to being able to shape reality.
Thanos had the Infinity Stones and did what he did. Making an active change…but what if he activated all the stones and just used them to perceive reality as a whole? He might have come up with a better solution than he did. By seeing the “big picture” all at once.
Ran Primal and Ascended Mogul before getting out of bed this morning.
Usual Uber shit. I started looking at some available customer service jobs.
I looked at a CS job posting for the place I worked at a few years ago. It was a job taking calls for a water company.
I laughed out loud because in the list of job functions, they actually list out “Handling irate customers.”
Totally true. Though it reminded me one major reason I hated that job. In regards to an overabundance of irate customers, management would tell us to “just do better taking the balls.”
Me being the analytical type I am when I’m in my element, I came up with a list of suggested changes to the IVR/phone system which would cut out a lot of call volume.
The major change there was customers were getting confused about one part of the IVR call flow for making payments.
Swapping that element with the one after it would have answered the confusion, allowing customers to stay on the phone and handle the payment themselves and then hang up. No live agent needed.
By the time in my job there that I’d emailed those suggestions to my manager, I’d already made tins of suggestions and ideas and had been told to “stop making waves. Just do your job.”
She ignored that email. After 2 weeks of no response. I sent it to her again, and cc’d HER manager.
The very next day, her manager “replied all” daubing these were stellar ideas, and tasked her with following up with me to see what we could do with that.”
She’d never taken any of my (or anyone else’s) ideas under consideration.
Now she was all bubbles and champagne, acting as if they were great ideas because I got her manager involved.
I heard from some others in her home office later that she was talking me up to the execs visiting from the water company. Talking about how I was a go-getter and going places. Weirdo. I always suspected some sort of mental issues going on lol.
Anyway. Seeing that job listing reminded me of some stuff.
The recon from Primal and AscMogul was big today. But I think it actually was more just feeling powerless since my chosen income pathway isn’t panning out. The stack itself is solid.
I’ve felt horny all day. To be expected with both Primal and Ascension being represented in the stack.
Another case of ingenuity on my part:
When I worked at my most recent job, I REALLY wanted to make my way into in-house software development.
Most of the managers (including MY manager at that time) I mentioned that to, said “ well let’s focus on mastering your CURRENT role first.”
And I’d say “I’m just looking for guidance of who you might know I can talk with to figure out what I’d need to know to make that EVENTUAL transition.”
“Well, let’s not make waves”. Idiots.
So I finally emailed the guy who is the Senior VP for all software development. Asked him which programming languages would be best to know, etc.
He responded. Gave great advice. Why not go to the guy at the top since he obviously made it that far?
I mentioned to my manager how I got the answers and guidance I needed from him.
She got all weird. “Run something like that by me next time first.”
Me: “I TRIED. That didn’t work.”
I had a weird thought just now. Came into my mind as a fully-fledged idea.
“A woman who has a boyfriend only has a boyfriend until she sees you(me) as having better boyfriend potential”
Is that Primal? The Ascension in Ascended Mogul? Both? Neither?
I don’t know which one it is, but it’s definitely something.
Could be primal.
PS gave me the same
There is a married woman at work who wants me very badly.
I couldn’t imagine making a move on her as soon as she told me…and a big iceberg grew between us because of that.
But she still seeks my attention and wants to be near me, damn shes so sweet
It clicked a couple weeks ago, that if your married you still deserve to be happy even if you have to find another partner
There is. Get to know yourself with the same passion that you have for coding and you will know thyself, human.
I daresay Primal.
Whatever it is, THEM’S FAX BOI
With the recon I’ve got from my last couple experiments, I’ve not felt like the Senate. Not even felt like being the Senate at ALL.
I’m getting back to where I was though.
The Senate requires strength as well as flexibility in the Senate’s daily doings. The Senate would do well to ponder these things.
I realized today that it could have been from Wanted and/or PCC and/or Sex & Seduction. I had only a 2 day-ish period between doing the Primal stack.
That’s a lot of bloom, then. Primal certainly had some affect but to what degree only you can really say.
Deciding not to ejaculate unless with a woman is taking its toll.
Definitely feeling like I should just take care of it and go about my day.
But it’s more like the thing of how some people get more hungry than usual on a night they’re fasting 12 hours for a blood test the following day.
Once that cutoff time comes around, they suddenly are hungry. Purely mental
Probably a bit of recon. I had ab it of a blowup yesterday, and sat in the car and ran a LOT of subs . The thought process was “If i’m gonna feel like this ANYWAY, may as well have a reason.”
NOW, I feel hornier than ever, she isn’t interested. My brain is all “Just rub one out and your day will flow better”
For the past hour or so, I was “transmuting” by helping le partner de biz to troubleshoot email server issues on the email server our shit web host company has.
That’s fixed, so not sure what I’ll do now.
My glasses broke today, so I have them sitting delicately waiting for the gorilla glue to dry that I used to try and fix them.
My vision is blurry af…nearsighted enough where shit gets blurry a foot from my face.
I remember reading that vision problems like this are sometimes psychosomatic.
Jacob Liberman wrote a book called “Take Off Your Glasses and See” talking about that. He noted how a lot of his patients seemed to suddenly need glasses at the age their parents got divorced. other traumas, to.
But that one was common he said.
I was 9-ish and needed glasses…which is right when my parents split for good.
So, assuming I have something like Liberman talks about, Dragon Reborn should help with that somewhat.
Today, less recon. Felt more sexy and powerful.
I’m runnng 2 separate stacks at the moment. Separated by time throughout the day.
One is for wealth, the other is for sexduction. That stack is working on my tendencies to be “Nice Guy” and get oneitis.
I ran that huge megastack I mentioned the other day…it was either yesterday or the day before. I forget which now.
Today, for the wife and I, I ran
Heartsong
Libertine
Mind’s Eye (I suspect this helped lead to what happened today)
Today, I’ve been basically a walking ball of horny. Between the stacks and not releasing for at least the next 30 days unless it’s during the actual having of sex.
While the stack was running, I was at the kitchen table. Working on computer-y stuff. Also perusing looking for jobs worth applying for.
I felt mainly calm while the stack was running (forgot to mention this was an ultrasonic stack on my bluetooth speaker)
All of a sudden, at one point, I felt my nether regions come alive. Started just thinking about sex and nothing but. Mainly imagery of me having sex with many women I know (one at a time lol)…in quite as many positions too.
One was even me nailing a Twitch streamer I follow while she’s pinned up against my refrigerator. It hit me like WOW all this.
Several times today, I came close to just masturbating to relieve that energy and tension…I was strong somehow. It was like a battle in my head.
One Admiral saying, “Shipmate, just do it. The relief will unstick everything bothering you, then you can get back to work.”
The other Admiral saying “You can if you want, but then you gotta start the 30-day clock over. And you’re just under 4 days into this thing. Let’s see how far we can take this and see what we can do with the extra energy and focus.”
So I didn’t. I’m fine now (for now lol). Definitely felt sexy all day. Weird thing is, just after that stack ended and I had that initial surge of horniness and stuff, the wife got a double delivery that came up worth taking. The strangeness is this is the first one she’s taken in 4 days…they’ve been shit for the past 4 days. Weird timing.
So it’s almost like if I DO let myself release, it might get us deliveries (?) but not sure about that. Could be coincidental.
Wife doesn’t seem responsive to the stack in terms of horniness or talking different or acting different.
One thing I did notice, while I was driving us back toward the house from the last delivery of the night, I reached over and held her hand. I do that sometimes, but it’s usually conscious.
This was just my arm reaching over and doing its thing.
After a bit, then put my hand on her leg and just held it there.
She took my hand and moved it up a bit lol. So I guess that’s SOMETHING. We didn’t do anything in the car.
Kinda reminds me of when we were dating in HS, I would put my arm around her very carefully like when we were watching TV at her sister’s house.
barely on the shoulder, trying to be “respectful”…she’d grab my hand and just put it on her breast. “That isn’t so hard, is it?”
She’s more “take charge” than I am. or was then at least.
I credit Heartsong with that part today.
Forgot to mention, I was noticing women a LOT more today. Or at least keeping my attention on them longer. A few of them seemed really beautiful to me for one reason or the other.
One in particular was a “cart pusher” at the grocery store. I’d not seen her before today, I just saw her, thought she’s cute, made eye contact as we passed each other. didn’t break it.
She looked a bit surprised to see my looking at her. I walked past her, turned around to check her bum out some more, and she turned around and saw me doing it. Then we both just kept walking. Libertine I suppose lol.