I think I’ll run AC solo during the day next time. This bit of having my conscious faculties shut down (sleep) when running subs isn’t always fun.
You have such detailed dreams. Sounds like PCC is doing something.
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I’m here at home waiting on a delivery worth leaving the house for.
I feel my thoughts racing. But they’re focusing in on C programming stuff again. Is this AC at play? Not sure. What I’m feeling in regards to C is the near-obsessive focus/desire to crack open my book and learn more.
For context, I ran a stack of EoG and Mogul with R.I.C.K. (lol) on ultra yesterday in the living room for the wife so she’d get it whilst reading or watching her stuff she has on tv for sound.
I was doing a ton of C stuff in the dining room at the table, so probably heard some of the stack I had going for her.
I’m assuming that AC is manifesting stuff from that in the form of the drive I’m feeling.
I can’t really give in to that urge right now as I wouldn’t want to leave that work even if a super good delivery popped up.
I feel it though. It’s strong. basically the same drive I felt from AscMogul and Limitless before!
As I read back over what I typed, looking for typos (I do that a lot with my posts because autocorrect is a birch), I realize I’m also feelings sense of joy (?) trying to burst through. Joy/optimism/gratitude. Each is those words approximates the feeling, but none of them fully match.
Not sure what to call it.
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Lawl
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Wow.
I got more work to do.
I just saw Zelda “randomly” at the grocery store.
First time since December
In the parking lot. Was so nice seeing her again.
I actually had parked the car after dropping wife off at the door. It’s raining so I am just parking then driving back up to the pickup area when she’s ready.
Parked. Saw Zelda’s car in the lot across from the car.
I thought about going in to see if I “came across” her.
Decided this must be from AC. Got out of the car, walked about 5 feet and she and a friend came around to her car. I waved. We talked.
I asked why she left the restaurant. Apparently they didn’t wanna give her a raise. Understandable.
She asked if i I still go there. I said “Sometimes. Not as much. It isn’t the same anymore.” 
This experience of seeing her brought all of it back. Like, Moonbeam who? Haha.
Ok I’m done now. Sucks I gotta wait until next week to run AC again. More time to bring my regular meditation practice back into play I guess.
Now I’m wondering if I should run Alchemist
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What was her response to the hint in there?
Laughed a bit. Not a lot.
I wasn’t mentally prepared for that ^^^
I was toying with quitting the Wanted + Sex & Seduction + PCC stack because of this.
But I took a breath, and realized this was THE ultimate experience the sub had to use to show me in no uncertain terms that it works. B
And honestly I’m glad it did. In trying to “forget” about her, I’ve really just been denying how much I like her. For whatever reasons, I do.
I know that acceptance of one’s core desires is the realm of Primal. I will be perusing journals tonight to see who has stacked Primal or PS with Wanted.
I have read that they conflict with each other. But I assume that given enough time together, they blend into something greater than each one.
I’m happier now than before I saw her today. I’ll take it.
AC did whatever it did with that stack. And if I’m being honest, it’ll be tough not running it again before next Monday. I’ll survive though.
Even I think it would be easy to overexpose on it.
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Spoke too soon. Feeling good and bad in waves. Recon for sure. From one loop of my stack and one loop of Ascension Chamber.
just realized…the dream I had last night with me thinking of whether to go back for the wife or leave her to be buried alive in the car…was basically indicative of how I was before Zelda left the restaurant.
NLP calls it a parts conflict. One part of me wants to X, another parts wants to Y.
Part of me wants to ask her out, show her what I’ve built so far of my empire (she was actually the muse for a lot of it), and just BE with her.
Another part wants me to do the “right” thing and stay.
That’s what I think the dream was about near the end.
But what I realized is seeing her today in the parking lot…happened AFTER the dream!
I’d expect normal reality to have me meet her and THEN start thinking about her again.
Weird how “reality” works.
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Isn’t it though. I wonder what would happen if I started trying to make things like that happen.
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Weirdest part for me is I went to sleep imagining fun time with the other girl, not Zelda. She didn’t even cross my mind one for that. The conscious mind, anyway.
I bought Alchemist long ago because I got an OTO for it, haven’t really run it to speak of though. After today, I’m figuring out when I can run it.
OTO as in the organization that is fairly well known in certain circles?
I haven’t run it, but Alchemist strikes me as another one that it would be very good to devote a year with that as a main focus.
One Time Offer
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That is definitely not it.
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ok.
Had the Uber app on all day, nothing but shit stuff that isn’t worth leaving home for…which means if I took it, about 50%-60% of the earnings would be used up in fuel costs.
Wife had her app on today for Instacart, same thing. She got a $51 one for Costco at like 4pm or 5pm. Which ended up being worth it, so we went.
I was in my head while driving there. Thinking stuff like “Man, I’m supposed to be the breadwinner here. She’s making $51 for a double and I’m not making SHIT! Time to get a damn customer service job again, I suppose.”
She could tell (I swear after 27 years she can read my mind at times) that I was feeling bad.
“It’ll be OK blah blah”.
So I was reconning pretty hard this evening.
I’ve been thinking about subs all day, as to whether to keep running the Wanted+S&S+PCC stack. So was probably in recon well before this evening.
After she went to bed, I was just sitting at the table, all up in my head. My hair iswas way long, and my facial hair was getting long enough to what she calls “poky” if I kiss her. My facial hair is not soft.
I finally say “Screw this. I’m tired of my hair, I’m tired of my face.” Went to have a shower, clippered my face her as close as I could. same with my hair.
While shaving my face in the shower, I finally decided to run just primal and ascension for a cycle. The results I got on Emperor/Mogul, Libertine, Love Bomb were best gotten by running masked during the day between deliveries. No bedtime subs.
So I’ll replicate that pattern, but just run Primal and Ascension each listening day.
I was thinking Primal Seduction and Ascended Mogul…since I need money and I like sex haha.
Worried that might be a bit much…I’ve run them both to great effect, so I MAY.
I just figured Primal+Ascension is probably better choice since those each will institute their own form of healing.
If I make ANY more tweaks to that, it’d be Primal+Ascended Mogul, since I need money lol.
Now for the cool report.
In the shower, I felt a bit of horny energy from the stuff I ran today (the W+S&S+PCC stack)…thought about rubbing one out…but I decided in my mind that for the next 30 days minimum, I’m not going to.
Not that I’m a fan of nofap…I just decided I’m not going to release unless it’s with a woman. Nothing wrong with rubbing one out, but doing it as a release because someone doesn’t want sex? No. Not anymore.
It’s like the difference between those who drink alcohol because they like it, and those who drink to get drunk.
So, it was in the shower I came up with the minimal stack of Primal and Ascension. And in the shower when I decided to focus less on releasing for sexual relief and to release only with a woman.
Finished up, started walking to the living room, and I hear the wife say from the bedroom, “Hey”
I go in there, and she says “Why you got clothes on?”
I say “Are you wanting it just because I finally shaved?”
Turns out she didn’t know I’d shaved. Said she started wanting it right before I went into the shower.
So I put ultrasonics of Sex Mastery and Diamond (without ME) on. It was…amazing.
Meaning she wanted it starting right about the time I broke inside and decided to do something (in the form of shaving).
I chalk that up to Ascension Chamber working even more.
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In other news, my recon today was able to be alleviated by working more on picking up C from the book I’m using.
It came back once I wasn’t working on it. So just a band-aid. But I may as well learn something while doing the band-aid approach.
Learning C is still making me feel like I did as that 8- or 9- year old kid learning BASIC on his TRS-80 CoCo. Same sense of trying to figure out why the stuff works the way it does.
I realize more and more as I get back into this stuff that I have an almost spiritual relationship with software. Learning and mastering a programming language is (for me) a way of “communing with reality”.
The more I learn C, especially, the closer I feel to cracking the code of reality somehow.
Aside from occasionally talking about Neville, I generally don’t talk much woo woo stuff here. But I have to/choose to believe there is some underlying “code” to the universe that, if understood and mastered, leads one to being able to shape reality.
Thanos had the Infinity Stones and did what he did. Making an active change…but what if he activated all the stones and just used them to perceive reality as a whole? He might have come up with a better solution than he did. By seeing the “big picture” all at once.
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Ran Primal and Ascended Mogul before getting out of bed this morning.
Usual Uber shit. I started looking at some available customer service jobs.
I looked at a CS job posting for the place I worked at a few years ago. It was a job taking calls for a water company.
I laughed out loud because in the list of job functions, they actually list out “Handling irate customers.”
Totally true. Though it reminded me one major reason I hated that job. In regards to an overabundance of irate customers, management would tell us to “just do better taking the balls.”
Me being the analytical type I am when I’m in my element, I came up with a list of suggested changes to the IVR/phone system which would cut out a lot of call volume.
The major change there was customers were getting confused about one part of the IVR call flow for making payments.
Swapping that element with the one after it would have answered the confusion, allowing customers to stay on the phone and handle the payment themselves and then hang up. No live agent needed.
By the time in my job there that I’d emailed those suggestions to my manager, I’d already made tins of suggestions and ideas and had been told to “stop making waves. Just do your job.”
She ignored that email. After 2 weeks of no response. I sent it to her again, and cc’d HER manager.
The very next day, her manager “replied all” daubing these were stellar ideas, and tasked her with following up with me to see what we could do with that.”
She’d never taken any of my (or anyone else’s) ideas under consideration.
Now she was all bubbles and champagne, acting as if they were great ideas because I got her manager involved.
I heard from some others in her home office later that she was talking me up to the execs visiting from the water company. Talking about how I was a go-getter and going places. Weirdo. I always suspected some sort of mental issues going on lol.
Anyway. Seeing that job listing reminded me of some stuff.
The recon from Primal and AscMogul was big today. But I think it actually was more just feeling powerless since my chosen income pathway isn’t panning out. The stack itself is solid.
I’ve felt horny all day. To be expected with both Primal and Ascension being represented in the stack.
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Another case of ingenuity on my part:
When I worked at my most recent job, I REALLY wanted to make my way into in-house software development.
Most of the managers (including MY manager at that time) I mentioned that to, said “ well let’s focus on mastering your CURRENT role first.”
And I’d say “I’m just looking for guidance of who you might know I can talk with to figure out what I’d need to know to make that EVENTUAL transition.”
“Well, let’s not make waves”. Idiots.
So I finally emailed the guy who is the Senior VP for all software development. Asked him which programming languages would be best to know, etc.
He responded. Gave great advice. Why not go to the guy at the top since he obviously made it that far?
I mentioned to my manager how I got the answers and guidance I needed from him.
She got all weird. “Run something like that by me next time first.”
Me: “I TRIED. That didn’t work.”
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I had a weird thought just now. Came into my mind as a fully-fledged idea.
“A woman who has a boyfriend only has a boyfriend until she sees you(me) as having better boyfriend potential”
Is that Primal? The Ascension in Ascended Mogul? Both? Neither?
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