I joked to a friend tonight that the only thing more bitter is my soul
And “aardvark”? I thought I was being clever with numbering my exes.
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You are the smarter between the two of us. You call them by numbers. Treat em like inmates
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My stack plan of incoming in the next few minutes
Just deciding between Emperor and Mogul
Outmates, hopefully for the rest of my life.
I don’t know, Crazy, Spacey, Naïve, and Harpy would do nicely. Though Spacey was more psychological game player than I thought.
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After what happened today, I’m gonna put R.I.C.H.ZP, Mind’s Eye ZP, and Rebirth ZP to the test (not really a test as much as I want more kickass result)
Day 1:
EmperorZP
R.I.C.H. ZP
Mind’s Eye ZP
Day 2: REST (Or BILLIONaire V3 OR EoG4. To be determined)
Day 3:
Emperor ZP
Mind’s Eye ZP
Rebirth Regen ZP
Day 4: REST (Or BILLIONaire V3 OR EoG4. To be determined)
Day 5:
Emperor ZP
Rebirth Regen ZP
R.I.C.H. ZP
As you can see, no more than 3 subs/loops per ZP day. Emperor is the featured sub of each day.
The other 3 are staggered out. Using Emperor since I’m wanting an empire and I want to feel like a man. I want to be a better man. I want to be a man who goes after his shit.
The main reason that Palpatine is my #1 fav character from all of Star Wars is he’s the one character I can think of who never complained about how hard it is. He had literally nobody really to even complain TO.
He just went and did shit. He literally toppled the Republic by getting them to do it themselves. He installed a literal Empire by getting the people to WANT an empire.
Anyway, chose Emperor over Mogul this time around because I need the money side AND the “Alpha” side.
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I keep going back and forth of whether to do regen or rebirth. Saint said recently Regen is more of a “Clearing” tool where Rebirth is a tool to help me be able to see myself as the person the subs are helping me to become.
EDIT: fuggit. Regen it is. Best to just rip the band-aid off. I’m keeping Mind’s Eye for the visualization and possible learning aspects.
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How can you listen to so many titles? Have not you got any recon?
No. Not really. But I’m also not afraid of it, either.
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Damn, programming both an Arduino and your own subconscious mind. Not bad 
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In bed: Ran EmperorZP, R.I.C.H.ZP, Mind’s EyeZP
Played a couple attempts of level 416…failed…but didn’t feel frustrated like usual. Felt more like a curious, inquisitive mindset. Like I was studying the level to understand how to beat it.
Fell asleep after that.
Dreamed a huge dream.
One really interesting bit was I’m a senior in High School. Not one of those “I’m in high school again” but more I’m my age and went back to HS to finish up my senior year.
I’m in an elevator and get out, and this totally beautiful blonde girl walks out of the elevator with me and is all over me. Following me, outright saying she wants to be my girlfriend. Very affectionate. I want her badly, but since I’m married, I think about the logistics about it
Almost feels like it’s the dream-life equivalent of how things would be with Zelda if I knew for sure she wants me.
Anyway, I tell the girl “I like you a lot, and I’m very flattered. I’ll gladly be your friend, but I’m very much married” and point at my wedding ring. Somehow the presence of the ring didn’t clue the girl into that I’m married.
Sadly, she got all grossed out that I’m married and old. Because she also didn’t realize I’m ini my mid 40-s in HS. lol. I told her I’m just here trying to finish up High School as a challenge to myself. She stormed off after realizing I’m “so old”. (Symbolism and issues there I’m sure)
Another bit involved an old guy who went to the same restaurant each day.
I’m not sure if I work there or am just a patron, but seems like that isn’t relevant.
He was from some country I’ve never heard of. Sounded maybe Polish or Slavic/Russian in accent. The restaurant had these little jellied candies called (lol) “Contrarian Contrarian Air candies”
Somehow they were made with jelly that was whipped and “puffed” with air…and then turned into chewies.
He said “These are much better from my home country.” Seems the guy was rich or something so he imported them from his home country. You could barely tell the difference unless shown it. One of the restaurant workers showed me. The legit stuff from his country were more “muted” in color. slightly more gummy/jiggly to the touch.
Not as sure the symbolism for this, but my dream recall is back full-force… Now @Sage_Ninjistic is gon be jealous.
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What I’m getting from the first half of the dream is that it’s a symbol for how you have what you want until some limiting belief gets in the way.
I wanna be jealous. I do.
But Little Bill didn’t feature in this account 
Edit: Also, you didn’t reply to her “I AM THE SENATE” in response to her disappointment in your marital status, overall 8.5/10, story needs more Senate
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I now sometimes refer to it as Palpatiny
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Been thinking about the girl in the dream. I can view the dream as one of two possible symbologies.
- Even in my dream, I’m faithful
- I “settle” in real life when it comes to what/who I want.
Leaning to #2. Because I’m the dream I really wanted the gorgeous blonde. But felt in the dream that I should be “good” and “respectable”
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RegenZP does NOT disappoint,
My dad is sorta passive-aggressive with wanting me to call DAILY “to talk.”
On a recent phone call, he said “I sometimes wonder, son, if you even care about me. I wish you’d call more.”
The Guilt Trip is strong with this one.
I shoot for talking twice a week MAYBE.
I talked to him Saturday to wish happy new years. he called twice on sunday, thrice on Monday. I usually let it go to voicemail.
I was planning to call today…Tuesdays and Saturdays is as good a schedule as any.
So I’m sitting in the home office trying level 416 again (the post above) and psyching myself out to call him (I have to prepare myself since he’s negative about everything)
As I’m psyching myself out he sends a text “Call me so we can talk”
ugh.
I call him. we talk.
But the whole time of me psyching myself out, it ended up being the “mental conversations” I have on healing subs…I was telling him off about how I really don’t like talking on the phone often. Let alone as often as he would prefer.
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I’m reading back over the posts in this journal to see if I want to keep this journal up or start a fresh one. This quote jumped out back out me.
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I’m not sure if this is the same blonde I dreamed about in the recent High School dream.
ugh. Might have been a mistake re-reading my journal. Do NOT want to relive that time of my life. Just reading this brought back a bit of the feelings of stress from this. I’ll keep this up. It’s probably good for me. But it hurts like hell.
Once I read this, I may archive this journal and start a fresh one.
I have to assume this sudden urge to read back over my failings and successesis from RebirthZP and RegenZP yesterday. To think I was briefly considering running both of those in the same stack!
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I forgot all about this dream. I was close to “having something in my eye” from remembering it as I read. Wow. Regen, you have my attention now.