KHAN + WANTED. Foxdie's Journal

Journals - Major Programs
#122

Khan ST1 - Washout day 2 - (Days done 28)

  1. I woke up and am in a good mood today and I would say excited.

  2. My desire for study has completely disappeared. What can I do, listen to limitless or other Ultima? Maybe Khan ST1 distracted me from my study goal.

#123

Khan ST1 ā€“ Washout day 3 - (Days done 28)

  1. I feel a sense of concern and lack of something. I feel a need inside me for something to want to fill, a kind of emptiness.

  2. I noticed a calm and a naturalness when talking to strangers. I was a very anxious type and talking to random people made me uncomfortable.

#124

  1. Iā€™m afraid of losing the girl, Iā€™m afraid it will reject me. This makes me realize again how desperate and incapable I am with women. Iā€™m afraid of rejection.

  2. How much I hate myself that I become attached to girls so quickly and immediately become so needy, it doesnā€™t allow me to think clearly and it bothers me because it makes me lose girls.

  3. I begin to feel a strong curiosity in acquiring knowledge on how to seduce women.

Khan ST2 - Day 1
Wanted - Day 1

  1. In the end I couldnā€™t resist and started Khan ST2 + Wanted.
2 Likes
#125

Exciting times ahead :wink:

1 Like
#126

I canā€™t wait to see what these two programs offer me. :smiley:

1 Like
#127
  1. I donā€™t think it was wise to add Wanted already now during Khan ST2, as I listen to it I feel an infinite sense of unease and fear almost as if I were going to die.
1 Like
#128

Itā€™s not too late to do a 5 day washout.

#129

I donā€™t know if I want to do a washout now. I would like to try to continue with just Khan ST2 and add Wanted later and see what happens.

When I listened to only Khan ST2 nothing negative hsppened.

1 Like
#130

I know how you feel! Itā€™s hard staying away from these subs. Your mind tells you that you are wasting time. But youā€™re actually processing stuff, that will actually speed things up in the long run.
It was hell for me to do a 10 day washout.
Take care guy, and good luck with stage 2! Iā€™ll be on stage 2 in about 1.5 months from now.

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#131

Thank you!
First I try to stay on Khan ST2 for some days and if I see that it bringing me peoblems Iā€™ll do a washout as you suggest.

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#132

itā€™s all good!

1 Like
#133

Khan ST2 - Rest Day - (Days done 1)
Wanted - Rest Day - (Days done 1)

  1. I had a very significant dream. I dreamed of being with my father and having a suitcase with 10 million in banknotes. We arrived in the villa of a millionaire where there was a party and he offered us to donate our money to make him become the richest man in the country again, he was envious. Our answer was no.
    The man therefore hindered us by having a great influence and had us banned from all the hotels in the place so as not to allow us to stay overnight.
    I think the meaning is that I am gaining tremendous power but that there is something that is limiting or hindering me from using it.
#134

  1. In the early afternoon I was in a good mood and motivated to do things. During the evening I got terrible anger, because the people in my group are stupid. Two giys run after a girl and they simp. My brotherā€™s girlfriend did not want me with him.
    During the evening the anger had dissipated but then it returned to me for many reasons, including seeing the girl from the other day who went to the club without even inviting me as she said. I feel very irritated and nervous, I feel that people disrespect me, but what really pisses me off is that I acted like a desperate one with that girl last time. I donā€™t want to give her this satisfaction of being another her thumb.

  2. I am noticing that already after the first day of Khan ST2 I already start to feel the desire to be respected, to settle accounts with people who give me problems and not to look for anyone, especially girls.

3 Likes
#135

Little summary of Khan ST1:

it was a really hard stage to run, sometimes I found myself at night thinking about my life and how much it disgusted me and then I was crying like a child because I could not bear all that pain of being helpless and useless.
I felt limited and mentally weak before ST1, I felt like I was having absurd blocks with girls. Khan ST1 helped me to be more independent as a person and to try to do things on my own, it helped me psychologically detach myself from my parents and my fear of hurting them or disrespecting them. I wanted to be free from them and I got to that point, every time it hurts me to have to contradict them but it had to be done, otherwise I will never become an independent and self-sufficient man. ST1 helped me a little bit with women, I felt girls stares on me at times, random touches and other very subtle things, nothing great but I felt a little difference. Iā€™ve gotten to kiss two girls in one night and feel like Iā€™m able to seduce a woman again and feel a little more comfortable doing it. I still have a lot of neediness and scarcity mentality when it comes to women but I believe that with ST2 now all of that will be solved. I have gained so much in these two months of Khan ST1, and as I said already, I have made more during these two months of ST1 than in a whole last year.
Some downsides of healing is that I often felt emotionally too reactive and inside I was fragile, feeling passive and without will or initiative.
I am happy with the results. All the pain and hell that was experienced has served a purpose. Hard work always pays off.

I canā€™t wait to find out what ST2 offers me. Some goals that I set myself for this stage are:

  • Feeling less needy or attached to girls or a particular girl (I want to avoid one itis)
  • Be more confident and strong
  • Having a natural social domain
  • Respect from people
  • Be a magnet for girls and donā€™t follow them anymore or being a simp.

Thatā€™s itā€¦

ā€¦For now!:grinning:

2 Likes
#136

Khan ST2 - Day 2
Wanted ā€“ Day 2

  1. I dreamed I was with the girl I kissed and my brother, she was trying to kiss him. She hurt me deeply. I am so afraid of losing her I think, I am so afraid that someone else will conquer her. Iā€™m afraid that after she tells me sheā€™s not ready for a guy, as soon as someone attractive enough arrives, sheā€™ll indulge in him in no time.
    Why do I see her like this? She is a girl like many others.

  2. I feel a great bitterness and a feeling of anger mixed with sorrow.

  3. I feel a huge energy inside me composed of anger but also desire, all this energy would like to overflow out in the form of something or an expression of myself but it seems trapped or locked up. It is such a strong impulse as if I were about to explode.

1 Like
#137

Khan ST2 - Day 3

  1. I have some doubts about myself and who I am. I donā€™t feel enough. Thinking about the girl Iā€™ve kissed I compare myself with his ex and I donā€™t feel up to it.

  2. Sometimes I hear a voice inside me telling me that I have to be strong, I have to be tough and never question my worth.

#138
  1. With ST2 I feel I am becoming more selfish. The attitude that is starting to emerge is that of a bad boy: serious, selfish, sometimes silent and talkative when needed, more indifferent to other peopleā€™s thoughts.
    Letā€™s see how it evolves over the days.
1 Like
#139

Khan ST2 - Rest Day - (Days done 4)

  1. Last night a girl, who is engaged, was in the group with us and kept touching me, even though her boyfriend was there. She then took me by the arm and said ā€œdonā€™t worry my boyfriend wonā€™t bite youā€, he is a bit of a .
    Later came another girl with whom I flirted and teased. She seemed to appreciate it.

  2. I feel like Iā€™m getting more asshole and I donā€™t like being disrespected. It is as if I am embracing the dark side of the force.

  3. The image I have of myself with women is improving. Iā€™m starting to see myself more as a Latin lover who gets it right with women.

6 Likes
#140

Khan ST2 - Day 5

  1. I can no longer classify myself as a nice guy, I begin to feel that that part of me is disappearing. Iā€™m getting tougher, more indifferent, more asshole, more confident in myself in general and with women, more selfish, more independent of people and of womenā€™s affection. Things like making out with a random woman or hitting on a engaged girl are taking off in my mind. On the other hand, lately I have not done many things that can be considered as a nice guy, I have quarreled with many people, not out of anger but out of misunderstanding or things we donā€™t get along with.
    As I explained yesterday, I feel I am acquiring a new personal power and this approaches the dark and forbidden side of the force. I can feel the first effects of what it means to open Pandoraā€™s box.

  2. The group Iā€™m going out with is becoming boring to me, they are time wasters and some of those people are shit people, I want to break away from this toxicity.
    I didnā€™t go out last night because I had to study, but there was a party full of hot girls with the desire to have fun and these idiots stayed on some benches somewhere else drinking beer. Stupids! Iā€™m starting to hate anyone who misuses his time in this way.

2 Likes
#141

Khan ST2 - Day 6

  1. I woke up sad. I also had a lot of intense and unsatisfying dreams.

  2. Iā€™m thinking too much about a girl. I feel needy and I am thinking about a guy that can take her from me.
    I hate this feeling of dependence.

  3. I feel tired and unwilling to do anything.