KHAN + WANTED. Foxdie's Journal

Journals - Major Programs
#102

Khan ST1 – Rest Day - (Days done 25)

  1. I keep experiencing a constant sense of heavy anxiety sometimes.

  2. I keep feeling that I am wasting my life, that time passes and every girl that passes in my life I crisi and burn with her, and that every girl I see I can’t get her.

  3. When I think of all the missed opportunities with women I feel anger and despair, bitterness and resentment towards myself.

  4. My authority and influence is very low with women, I understood this by seeing two girls I know with two guys that they were ignoring them and they melted for them. But how do I become like them? I don’t feel polarizing at all, I feel like a neutron.

#103

I feel that I need a run of Khan. What should I do? I run it or not?

#104

  1. I am experiencing a lot of loneliness and sadness right now. I texted to y-girl and she stopped answering me right away.

  2. I have a big problem showing my interest in girls. I am afraid of being rejected I believe and being hurt. I mask all my intentions in vague or distant phrases, or worse through the use of sarcasm, which is seen as malice I believe. I swear to everyone that I do not intend to hurt anyone, in fact I am the one hurt and I really care about some people.

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#105
  1. After feeling miserable tonight I felt the need to open up and look for someone, I felt the need to write to y-girl and I did. I told her about me and mu ex and she opened up with me too. Talking to her like this has calmed me a lot and made me feel a lot better. I needed to open up to someone.
#106

Khan ST1 - Day 26

  1. This morning I feel again a sense of anxiety. I don’t know if it’s Khan or negative emotions anchored to the summer.
#107
  1. I understand that this healing stage makes me feel a certain way as a result of the cleansing itself within me. Sometimes I find myself feeling frail and weak and feeling that my willpower is failing. I feel like a leaf carried by the wind, without the strength to decide anything, I feel carried away and a result of events. Healing makes you feel fragile on the inside as if the pillars of your self-esteem are about to collapse at any moment.
    On the contrary, from the next stages I expect the opposite: self-esteem like rock, iron willpower and penetrating masculine energy like the strength of an arrow.
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#108

Khan ST1 – Rest Day - (Days done 26)

  1. Because of that girl, the y-girl, I always wake up anxious and with negative emotions. My fear is that someone else will take her or that she has lost interest in me. I’m starting to get attached and I would like her to be part of my life.

  2. I wonder instead if what I am feeling now because of the y-girl is simply reconciliation. I feel a sense of emptiness and disappointment.

  3. @Simon proposed me an action plan with Khan, where the first step is to write down all my sexual and social goals / dreams and what I believe are the limitations that are not allowing me to achieve them.
    I have written in private what I would like and without going into detail I have described that I would like to have a life full of women.

What is stopping me from having all this?
I have a lot of limiting beliefs, I think I’m not the best for women because I’m not good-looking or I don’t have the best body, I don’t have enough money or a job, I have nearly zero experience with women and therefore I don’t know how to move with them. I’m afraid to show my desire to women because I’m afraid they’ll refuse me and that they’ll not like me. I see many other guys better than me and this destroy my self-esteem, I see myself among the scraps of men and the best women would not want me. I have too high expectations when I want to reach a woman and sabotage myself often. I always have this fear when I talk to a girl because I think she is better than me.
I have also let myself be commanded and limited by my parents (especially my mother) for fear of them, instead of behaving like an adult and independent man.

The next steps are as follows:
*“Listen to ST1. (or stack it with later stages if you’re already using them)

Read those goals, plans, and beliefs every day.
Note and update them with any new thoughts you are having, both positive and negative.

As the days go by, you should find more and more of those limiting / failing thoughts that appear like some other idiot’s ideas, and you feel more and more like you can ABSOLUTELY achieve that goal.

This is when the work of the ST1 is complete and you can move on to the ST2. "*

Thank you again @Simon

  1. After the wrongs I have suffered tonight, that is the others people disrespecting me, and see how my female friend that I like goes after a South American psychopath instead of noticing my attentions and seeing the y-girl who seems to almost ignore me, It made me angry, No, I think more, pissed off so much that I feel a fury. I think there is an important point in what I am about to write, because if first I would have reacted with sadness and depression, this time I reacted to all this with anger, then this anger started to dissipate and in its place a strong motivation and determination in wanting to act and change things, because as I am living now it is a poke for me. I really feel taken for a ride by the world and by all those who live in it. My emotions were then replaced by an iron will and confidence. All the need I felt for the y-girl has been replaced by this pissed-off determination, I feel like all of a sudden I have changed, it seems to me as if a lock has finally been opened that imprisoned the brave beast thirsty for desire that was inside me.
    Another conclusion that I have reached is that I never want anyone to put their feet on my head or make decisions for me, not even as a joke, it irritates me so much.
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#109

What else can you do?

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#110

I would say action!

#111

Khan ST1 - Day 27

  1. Fortunately, this morning too, I woke up with that motivation and self-esteem boost from last night. I was afraid it was only temporary and that after waking up it would vanish, I’m proud of myself.
    I don’t know which key Khan touched yesterday but it must have been a sore point, I feel more changed, Khan ST1 script + emotional reaction to the events in my life have brought me here. The need I felt for the y-girl has been reduced to practically nothing, I feel determined, motivated and confident. All the inner fragility that I felt before is gone, for now, and I hope it will never return.
    I feel like Naruto when he has unlocked a small part of the power of the nine-tailed fox.
2 Likes
#112

Khan ST1 – Rest Day - (Days done 27)

  1. Yesterday was a strange night. I kissed a girl that was with us because I felt that she was looking for me a lot during the evening. Later when I was with the y-girl I hugged her and told her in her ear that I would like to kiss her but that I think I will not, and she told me that I am a friend to her then I kissed her anyway because I saw who kept looking at my lips. After the kiss she told me I’m too old for her. I don’t know how it will end from now on with her.
    I have to be honest, after that kiss with her for the rest of the evening I felt rejected and didn’t want to get near her anymore, but when I think about it now I think what she said could just be an obstruction of her conscious mind and that she is attracted to me.
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#113

  1. I feel bitter overall but I also feel more hopeful with women after yesterday’s two small experiences.

  2. I slept badly last night because I kept thinking about the y-girl.

  3. I noticed that my gaze yesterday was very intense with women and I was approaching my body and face to them at close range without anxiety. I touched everyone without problems.

  4. I continue to feel a sense of disgust, bitterness and almost guilt. I believe the y-girl is not my only reason for these feelings. I think I’m afraid of what I’m becoming.

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#114
  1. I feel a weight in my chest, a sense of guilt for what I did yesterday with the two girls. I would like to drop everything and not think about it, I would like to take this weight off my chest. Have I gone from doing nothing with girls to kissing 2 in one night ?! All this is too much for me.
    Am I sabotaging myself?
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#115

That guilt is just the old self making a last stand IMO, old programming that don’t serve you anymore. You picked it up somewhere on the way, and we all have destructive programming to work with. It’s just beliefs and those we change through taking new actions and reaffirming our new beliefs that we get from the subliminals.

Guilt is just a smoke screen, don’t hide from it, look at it directly without judgment and let it come up to the surface and release it. Kissing two girls in one night is not to much for a man that loves himself, and likes to share that feeling with the world :wink:

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#116

I see. I thank you for the encouraging words. I will try to face those fears and feelings of guilt and not allow myself to back away.

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#117

I’ll add on to what @Tobyone said. I think that you just shocked your system by doing something that you previously thought would always be impossible for you. The concrete proof that you CAN do that probably shook your negative self image to it’s core and that part of you is in a panic right now. It’s throwing every thought it can at you to get you to STOP.

Don’t.

One of the purposes of Khan is to turn you into the guy who CAN make out with every girl at the party and take his choice of them home. That doesn’t mean that you have to be the guy who DOES if thats not what you want to be. Once you know that you can have your choice of women at any given time, you have the option of focusing on finding a good longer term relationship, or whatever it is that you want to do.
You will have better relationships with better women if you’re the guy who can make out with multiple women. Keep going, you are on the right track!

4 Likes
#118

this is all great! Reading these words is so encouraging and motivating.
Let’s see where Khan will take me.

Thanks for the feedback.

#119

Khan ST1 - Rest Day - (Days done 28)

  1. I dreamed of a female friend, with whom I am not very familiar, is more of an acquaintance, who was crying, so I put my arm around her shoulders and started to console her.

  2. I noticed that my desire to search for porn has gone to zero. I no longer feel the need to look at it. I also begin to find it boring and repetitive.

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#120

  1. After my birthday I started to feel old. My parents still keep the handcuffs tight on me and I am now starting to rebel to claim my freedom. It makes me a little uncomfortable to go against them, because I always wanted to respect them and show them that I was following their orders, but now I fucking grown up and things have to change. Until recently I felt like the little elephant tied to the pole that, despite growing in mass, did not pull the rope to free itself due to the psychological limitation. I am slowly trying to break away.

  2. I saw one of the Girls I kissed the other night today we shared some deep stories and then when I tried to kiss her she subtly refused me. Why do you make me suffer? I was destroyed by it. I proved myself to her like another one of the poor losers who desperately seeks her out.

  3. I have decided that I will start ST2 in a week, after a washout, I feel too disappointed for today, an infinite bitterness. Khan was started because of that girl, is ironic, and ST2 will start because of her too. I will also add Wanted.

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#121

Khan ST1 – Washout 1 - (Days done 28)

  1. After yesterday’s experience with that girl I realized one thing: I’m too a nice guy and women magically after talking to me understand that they have to go to someone else. I’m too nice and I have no sexual power because I look like a .

  2. For the first time I begin to understand what a useless person I am. I feel an incomparable feeling of worthlessness inside me. After doing nothing with that girl and feeling her ex make her shake every time she sees him. Sometimes I ask myself why did I come into the world if I can never leave my mark?

  3. In general I have noticed that Khan ST1 has made me very emotional as never before in certain situations, I believe it is a consequence of healing.

  4. The yesterday girl answered to my Instagram story today. I noticed a little interest. I hope I have left my mark on her. This interest from her calmed my soul.

  5. Looking in the mirror I feel more attractive.

  6. I’m starting to feel more confident around women in general. After the experience with the two girls I think now I can do it again, I can kiss other girls and I hope to do something else.

  7. My father told me today that I am too nice. I know it. During this stage I have also felt so passive and with no will power many times. I hope that from ST2 I start to get more assertive, because now I feel cleaner inside but made of jelly.

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