KHAN + WANTED. Foxdie's Journal

Journals - Major Programs
#62

@Azriel2.0 You were very clear about this, thank you. Trying is always the first step to success and to get something started.

Although Khan is slowly helping me to solve my inner problems I still have a lot to learn and I often ask myself many questions. I lack a bit of experience, the outer game. I often wonder how to be polarizing? Should I be direct, indirect or semi-direct with girls? What exactly should I say or do?
And the answers to these questions are not very clear to me.

Sometimes when I talk to girls Iā€™m afraid of being boring or not sexual enough to bore them but in this case itā€™s all in my head.

2 Likes
#63

Khan ST1 - Rest Day - (Days done: 21)

  1. I have already attached myself emotionally to the girl of the other night (letā€™s call it y-girl = young girl). I am needy, I have that restless feeling when you are waiting for someoneā€™s text, her text. Having few women (zero women from a lot of time) in my life has led to much neediness.
    I have a constant fear of getting to a point of boring the y-girl due to my insistence or neediness. I am afraid of losing her attentions and the cause of this is my scarcity mentality.

  2. Iā€™ve been doing no PMO for over a week and I feel more motivated to hit on girls and my libido has increased.

  3. Maybe I was wrong about the y-girl. Before knowing that we would not see each other tonight, she asked me if I would be there tomorrow. She seems interested, and this is cool, but most importantly, I have to be careful about myself, what I think, because my limiting mindset, which I know Iā€™ve had for too long now, always tries to fuck me and make me believe that I will never make it, that girl is not interested.

1 Like
#64

Khan ST1 ā€“ Day 22

  1. I spoke to several girls yesterday throughout the evening. There was one who was obsessed with me, kept giving me a nickname, and kept repeating it haha. Then I caught her several times throughout the evening and every time, she called me with that nickname screaming. Her female friend was also very friendly and talkative to me, and she stared at me, she showed me her hickey, she wanted my attention. I could have kissed one of them, I felt it, but their male friends didnā€™t let me, I think their where jealous. I donā€™t remember which of the two then, when they found out I was much older than them, she said to me ā€œage is just a number.ā€
    Also a female friend of mine was drunk and told me she wanted to kiss mešŸ˜².

  2. In general I think I notice more interest from girls, with looks, with touches and during a conversation.

  3. I started doing things I didnā€™t do before like trying a cigarette! I know it sounds negative or stupid but I think Khan is maturing me quickly to make up for what Iā€™ve never done as kid. I was always the one following the rules and feeling good for doing it as a little dog.

5 Likes
#65

Smoking does seem to be a behavior many guys good with women do. Not worth my health imo but to each his own.

#66

@SargeMaximus I only tried it but I still donā€™t like it. The real thing I wanted to say is that Khan is make me more extreme in the action I am taking and more inclined to push myself further.

3 Likes
#67

I got you. I also tried smoking years ago for about a month. I quit cold turkey and never went back. My health and my wallet are more important to me

5 Likes
#68

Holy words!

1 Like
#69

Khan ST1 - Rest Day - (Days done: 22)

  1. I made a really strange and significative dream. I dreamed I was in a house with Japanese porn stars. I chose the less beautiful one and had sex with her multiple times. As we did it she confided things to me about herself and confessed to me her insecurities. She told me that she had some physical defects and some internal ones. I reassured her and told her it wasnā€™t like that. She almost felt like I was talking to myself and confronting my sexuality.
    I had another dream then where I was on a bus and I found the controllers but I gave them the wrong ticket, I was in a panic.
#70
  1. Today was a day of zero productivity. I stayed at home to do something and didnā€™t do anything. I have not studied, I have not trained and nothing. The desire was not there. Reconciliation?

I will take another rest day.

2 Likes
#71

I love the way youā€™re thinking long term. Thatā€™s the way to succeed with Subs, a marathon not a sprint! Less is more with subs.

2 Likes
#72

Thank you for your appreciation.

I am trying to run Khan as efficiently as possible and especially Stage 1, I think I will continue to listen to ut for a long time.

1 Like
#73
  1. Y-girl texted me by sending me a video in which she winks at me. Iā€™m glad she contact me. Also yesterday she sent me videos of her sticking out her tongue or something.
    Now everyone in my group is hitting on her, but a female friend of mine pointed out to me that when I make jokes, y-girl always laughs. Who will make it in the end?
#74

@FoxDie can you give me a sense of how well you used to do with women before doing this sub, and compare it to how well youā€™re doing now?

#75

@Gilligan Before, I was much more indirect and closed and I think I felt invisible to women as well as helpless.

Now it seems to me that womenā€™s eyes are set more on me, I notice more interest from them such as casual touches, looks and interest during a conversation. Internally I feel more inclined to try and show my interest more openly.

The change is subtle.

5 Likes
#76

Thatā€™s amazing @FoxDie !

1 Like
#77

Absolutely :smiley: @Gilligan

1 Like
#78

Khan ST1 ā€“ Day 23

  1. Bad night. I have had some experiences that have helped me understand some things. Two friends of mine separated from the group with an excuse and went to y-girl without saying anything to anyone, they wanted her and her friends all for them. I wrote to the y-girl before they left and he told me to have them take me to go to her, but in the end I didnā€™t, I felt a lump in my throat and couldnā€™t express myself fully today, besides being cold and a little 'exhausted.
    After the two have left, another one of the friend in the group knew they was going to the girls and he wanted to go too. I tried to accompany him but we missed the train, so I reluctantly gave up because it was too far, I just wanted to see that girl, damn! While he came to take a taxi to go to them!
    Throughout the evening I wondered if I had done well not to ask the two guys for a ride or not to go with the one that took the taxi. Y-girl had told me to come but I listened more to my pride in not showing myself in needibess and running after some little girls and try to get them to come where I was, insisting a little. Then she never answered my texts again.
    The boys, on the other hand, ran to them more and bought them drinks! I saw it as a kind of approval-seeking.
    My fear now is that since they have more opportunities to move than me (they have a car) and to go and see the y-girl they have a chance to do something with her leaving me in the shadows, and I like her and she is one of the few girls who have shown interest in me for a long time. Iā€™m afraid of losing her. I know it is my need that speaks and the lack of confidence in my abilities but in the end I wonder: did I make the wrong choice in the end?
    I also heard that tomorrow they would go to her house to maybe watch a movie, that worries me even more. I was thinking of trying to get the y-girl to tell me about this meeting indirectly and see if she would invite me.
    I also Think that the first two guys that goes to y-girl are afraid of my presence and they donā€™t want to take me with them so I not steal her from them.

  2. I always show myself that I donā€™t give a fuck about a girl sexually in front of others and I always tell them ā€œI donā€™t careā€ because I never want others to see me as needy or looking for something. I think this is a form of fear of what other people think of me.

  3. Iā€™m not independent enough, Iā€™m too glued to the group Iā€™m in even if I want to do something else or go elsewhere. I canā€™t practically be alone.

  4. I am not free to act. I feel like a caged bird I donā€™t feel like an adult for the freedom to make decisions or choose. I still have the fear of anger or disappointment from my parents and I am afraid of doing simple things like going to sleep outside so as not to mess with them too much.
    It canā€™t go on like this, Iā€™m grown up now.

  5. I am not assertive enough, I am not direct enough in the things I seek and want, I let myself be carried away and overwhelmed by events instead of manipulating them. For example, Iā€™m letting the guy from point (1) to play his game with y-girl and take her away from me. And whenever I feel the desire to pursue her, I feel an inner force that slows me down and blocks me from doing it with senseless excuses.

#79

Sounds like you have oneitis my friend. Focus your attention on new girls. While your friends can only date within their social circle, you can transcend that limitation.

2 Likes
#80

@SargeMaximus Okay thank you, you are right. Itā€™s better to hit on others girls to see the one girl as anybody else.
Sometimes happen to become attached to a girl and I donā€™t want to be dependent on anyone. Not a good feeling.

1 Like
#81

Khan ST1 - Rest Day - (Days done 23)

  1. I already feel detached from the y-girl this morning. Bringing to the consciousness the fact that I was going into dark places with her helped me to recover quickly, indeed Khan helped me to recover quickly.

  2. Iā€™m starting to notice that I always follow a negative pattern with girls. I meet one, I get attached to her too quickly (really too fast), I become needy, then I find an excuse to detox and detach from her and never try again with her.
    I sabotage myself every time and when I think about it, Iā€™ve had a few opportunities to do something but the emotional need is always lurking around knocking on the door.

  3. One thing I should start doing more is being more assertive and above all ā€œpersistentā€. When it comes to girls, I always try to be aloof. I write little, I speak little to her, I look for her little but I do it in a too detached way. Over time, I begin to become the exact opposite. I have to find a balance but above all not to be needy, because this behavior derives from neediness.

1 Like