Kahn Journal: New possiblities

[subliminalguy]

I’m back, proud of myself, actually. I wrote the post above, took my shower, and thought about what I wrote. I saw I’d written that, which lacked some truth, but I told on myself too.

I did grow up in the big hair 80’s. But most of the heavy rock…just didn’t hold me like good musicians can and do. I said “rock music”, but mentioned Boston, Chicago, even Michael Jackson. When I was in 7th grade, REO Speedwagon came out with some songs which turned over and over in my mind, as I’d transpose them in my head, and play them on my cornet. I did this continually. Earth, Wind, and Fire is one band with the full horn set which still hits me. True musicians.

Gotta get to work, but I turned on Chuck Mangione. Good music

[subliminalguy]

Despite the fact that I felt vulnerable today, 2 guys I worked with were very supportive today. “Supportive” may or may not be the best word, but it touched me deeper than I realized.

I’d worked with 2 temporary workers in my department. One is a former NYer, and the other is a local guy. What touched me personally is that I didn’t think I really fit in with them. I’m a white southerner who’s tried to acquire wealth recently, and both are black guys from the 'hood. The local guy is the one who touched me inside today.

Somehow in the middle of the workday we were comparing ourselves to other groups, and the issue of people making up bullshit about themselves came up. I admitted openly and almost quietly that I have done the same, and I’m still walking away from it. I remember how I almost broke when I said it, as my voice cracked. I had chosen to air this, to be vulnerable, to risk it. It was accepted and it didn’t come off strangely. I felt relieved.

And throughout the day, that discussion affected our interactions, even to where the local guy conveyed they had white guys in the hood who were safe since they didn’t try to put on fronts. I picked up he was watching out for me here since he brought up another white worker who had recently disrespected him, conveying he was good to people who were respectful to him and others. Like earns like.

Earlier in the day, I shared that I really enjoy being around black people, for in my experience, I’ve seen few black people put on false fronts when I speak to them. They tend to be much more honest of both good and bad, eliminating manipulation and dishonesty coming from me. In other words, if someone comes up trying to manipulate, I will play along for a while. But it feels good to not have to face that pressure every day. It feels good to be honest, and being around honest people helps me there.

This was a constructive day, and it’s still going. I worked on both my scooter and my van, even receiving extra help from a neighbor. I ordered my part for my scooter; this will save me time and money since I thought I’d have to put it in the shop.

So, were I to say why my day was good, it was because I felt weak around others, but did not hide it. Me being honest helped people move in and help precisely where I needed it. The same with me working on my van. My neighbor asked me some questions, I was honest with him, and he filled in the gaps by jumping under my hood since I didn’t have a needed part. He works from home and loves interacting with neighbors since he’s lonely. So he reaches out regularly.

I still feel vulnerable. But I’m ok. I read @TheBoxingScientist’s post this afternoon, and his story today touched me since it altered his day heavily. You’re not alone man. You’re not alone. Our biggest fears and weaknesses all have a flip side. My weaknesses are actually strengths growing up in me. My tears and fears are also a source of courage for me to grow from. I found your courage moving. Your tears were felt. Thank you for including us in your day.

[subliminalguy]

I’ve not been writing lately, and honestly, that’s been difficult for me. Kahn has not been kicking my butt daily. What happened is someone wrote to me, shared a video of a man’s life somewhat similar to mine, but that man is now living at peace with himself, dating whoever and whenever, and he’s mid-60’s now.

He grew up being emotionally traumatized, he got into business when older, was successful, and actually had a major emotional and physical breakdown while in his 50’s. He lost his wife and other norms in his life, and he ended up finding a men’s organization which focuses on gaining true confidence, being honest with oneself and others, and letting go of the old painful messages and beliefs one carries so one can step into being the man they were designed to me.

Concerning myself, I have been recycling my emotional shit here again and again. I’ve been writing for years online, and my main reasons have been to release emotional pain and connect with others. Those are my main reasons I write. I also write since I want to be known for who I am. I’ve looked at postings I made 3-4 years back, and I wrote like a locked-up, fearful kid. And I realized maybe a year back, on a subliminal, that my victim mindset was sickening–to me. I even rejected other’s constant complaining about their lives, and I stayed away. The other side was nice.

But I’ve been hanging on to what I know. I’ve been scared of feeling this my whole life. I’ve used other emotional healing subs successfully, so I wasn’t afraid of Total Breakdown. I knew shit would come up, and I’ve known I’m still holding back. In my life, I’ve had completely different outcomes crying here and there vs. sobbing loudly and heavily. And all those times were when I was around other people. Those latter times, maybe 3, have stuck in my memory, as I wanted to change afterwards. Being very aware of the pain I’m in does not encourage me being passive. When I really feel it, I want it out of me.

So, I contacted the men’s organization I wrote of above, and I emailed the same man in the video. There are weekend intensives for opening the door to change, and I read about week-long sessions focused on releasing the deep emotional stuff. I’m aiming towards the weekend intensive first.

In Kahn’s language, these are some of the biggest obstacles I need to face. I feel fear, but who wouldn’t? And it’s just a fear of crying or wailing–and of being completely vulnerable–when around others. But going through it is something I need and want. And I can’t do it alone.

[subliminalguy]

I am experiencing a lot of deep feelings and awarenesses, but I just realized I’m doing something I’ve heard other TB users speak of: I am isolating myself today, and today I need this.

I’d planned on visiting my mom today, but was reluctant. I’d forgiven myself saying I could do it in the afternoon, began writing and watching a video or 2, and suddenly it’s 6PM. Shit, that didn’t work.

But @amash said he didn’t feel like approaching girls recently, though he did some that same day.
Looking at my actions, I need this. I’m hanging out, alone.

[AMASH]

But @amash said he didn’t feel like approaching girls recently, though he did some that same day.

Yes, I don’t even feel like interacting with people, and I still don’t feel like it.

But I have put myself that in day in an environment where talking with girls was easy, they were all around me in shorts and summer dresses, so that just got me into approaching the ones I felt real desire for.

[subliminalguy]

I want to share a big success for me today. I’ve been watching confidence videos from thefearlessman.com, as I realized he’s not teaching everybody else’s stuff. He shares that the level of tension we can handle determines our confidence. He gives feasible to-do’s, and I was in a frame of mind to just do it. So, I had to do laundry in town, and I chose to go to one which is more expensive, but more women are around. Women seem to be guarded at the other one I go to, since most are married.

I first got into a conversation with an older woman (60’s) in the laundromat. She carried herself like she was still fully alive, and after a few minutes of us talking about how times have changed, she left. She’d just finished her laundry, she said her goodbyes, and she left. I took responsibility for that only for a moment, then let it go.

I chose to walk around the complex after that, for exercise but motivated to see what might happen. Considering most guys report going into bars, I’d considered this since a bar is right next door with pool tables…but I don’t like bars much. And it’s a biker bar. But I was looking for interaction. In fact, I took a detour, again with an agenda to look for women. A Home Depot was next door, so I walked over. I saw one cashier who was well built and attractive, but she was occupied with a customer longer than expected. I kept walking. I walked into the gardening section, with mixed feelings. I made small gardens easily right after college, and I’ve not made one in almost 20 years. I reflected why, noticing my mood shift plus my physical reactions to it. The reason I’d stopped doing it was limiting beliefs (like I’d have to save the world now, seriously. Uggg)

So I kept walking, finding and pricing simple items I’d use if I did it again. I was running TB in my pocket, and I felt a bit melancholy about it. I’d love to do gardening again without feeling compulsive about saving everyone.

Walking in Home Depot, I noticed me noticing and giving attention to women who were hitched already. And it excited me, like it was a challenge. That might be fucked up thinking, but married couples outnumbered singles in there. And looking was free. I just kept noticing them.

And this was a first for me, actively going out and looking for women. I took action

---

My relationships with 2 friends I’ve known for some years now is growing. I play Cashflow 202 every weekend with them, and the use of subliminals came up a good bit today. I shared about how I’m finally looking at women now with a desire to hook up with one. I’ve been divorced 5 years now, and I’ve dated noone. I’ve not even tried. One of the friends is in a very discouraging marriage with a wife who gives no sex or positive feedback, and he’s finally wondering if he’s bringing this on himself. We talked a lot about this. He’s hesitant about jumping onto a subliminal mostly since he might lose control, and I affirmed his fear was very normal. People living under such tight self controls are understandably untrusting without having more facts. I didn’t have a ton of facts, so I freely shared my experiences. I also said SC subs don’t program one’s mind like most subs do; they tap into what we already know and live by, questioning if certain mindsets help us or not.

I shared how I’d realized recently how I was making things MUCH more difficult than was even needed. Me making things difficult was a byproduct of me feeling helpless growing up. I made everything hard, and TB is pointing this out. I’ve strangled my own success for years, and I’m seeing I have choice now.

I felt good, assertive, and made my voice known. I challenged his doubts with truth, and it felt right. He’s seeing my progress, and when he’s ready, I’m sure he’ll grab on. Living free from one’s own lies is a gift. He’s blaming himself, I think, for finally seeing the chaos in his marriage. I believe he’d start with Ascension if he began.

[subliminalguy]

And I’m choosing to stick with Total Breakdown longer. I’d considered jumping to stage 2 alongside @amash. But we exchanged ideas, and a total breakdown would benefit me greatly.

So far on TB, I’ve not grieved much. The cycle of heavy tears many have reported I’ve not experienced much. While with my friends today, I admitted I’ve seen progress when I stuck with subs at least 2 months or longer. I did some heavy grieving on one 2 years back (another vendor), and even this weekend I cried while watching a movie. The movie was all about hearing the whispers God uses when we’re listening for shouting voices. It hit me, so I cried freely. It’s been true for me. I’m desiring to go through this. I made major changes 2 years back, and some things are rapidly changing in and around me. Bring it on.

[subliminalguy]

I changed something last night, and if affected me a lot today.

Simply, I shut down VLC on my PC, and began playing Kahn on my Chromebook. I’ve wondered if I was hearing it ok off my PC. I did feel vulnerable today, which is positive to me, as it’s pulling up stuff.

I even had been emailing the man who was in a video sent to me, and we talked today for 40 minutes. I was honest. He was honest. And I even cried a few times, and he welcomed it. He said most men he works with come to him having no idea what they’re feeling. TB did open me up today, even to where the words “total breakdown” began to make sense, as I got irritable from feeling so vulnerable while still at work. Nothing bad came of it though.

I’m going to keep on with TB presently. I’m being changed internally by the sub, and I’m getting outside support where I did not have it before. This is good. Real good.

[subliminalguy]

I had a good day today with some changes I accepted. I attribute it to Kahn, as I took action.

I’ve been heading into work now wondering what may pop up, and often it’s something I was not expecting. Around 10, I found myself getting irritable inside over a temporary worker I was with today, and I paid attention to it since I’ve been getting more assertive. I feared overreacting to…something which was…not really clear or obvious.

And this was what cued me. This was about me, not him. I’ve been annoyed at people before, and I’ve learned in recent years that if someone annoys me, most often I’m seeing some characteristic in them which I have too. The annoyance is due to me keeping blinders on to it while others are often much more vocal about it.

And he was very vocal. I realized I was annoyed by him since he kept seeking to be the victim of other’s actions at work. Hearing this (he was bitching loudly to another temp) got under my skin, and when I realized that, I chose to look for something I could do actively. I’d read @amash’s new experiences on Stage 2, of how he realized so many things needed changing, and I thought “hell no! If I can change something now, I will!”

I chose to seek him out to talk and listen to him. I didn’t want to give in to the victim mentality myself, and I’m glad I didn’t. My day settled down almost immediately once I sought him out, seeking to see something I’d not seen. I got to know and accept a man who just wished to be heard, nothing else. It was truly empowering, me taking action.

My mindset is changing. I’m glad I’m using my Chromebook for Stage 1 now, as it is definitely affecting me. This decision today was truly empowering. Taking action is how these subliminals show our changes, and I truly enjoyed today’s outcome. I look forward to more personal successes like this.

[subliminalguy]

Long post.

Total Breakdown has really tested me these last 2 days.

It started a week ago when I was not paid once I’d submitted my deposit to Blockchain. No payment, no email, nothing at all. I found out later that my last payment, a measly $125, was not accepted since it came from a 3rd party (another bitcoin miner). This has been the catalyst for a lot of anger these last 2 days. I acted out on it yesterday, and today I was wanting to pull out completely. I was pissed today. “Total breakdown” is taking root now.

Why was I pissed? Since my miner literally vanished once this went down. Her connections are still active, but she’s not replied once in the last week. The bitch deserted me, and with it, my old trauma abandonment wounds opened up freshly. (This is the core of my anger).

I reacted to my daughter who’s visiting since she ignored texts I sent when we were supposed to meet yesterday. I was supposed to join them for fireworks last night, but I was soooooo pissed, this whole thing brewing. My daughter’s only 14. I texted her saying I wouldn’t be with her tonight. She replied “awww why?” I said “I asked you questions. I was ignored. I don’t like being treated like that”. She only replied “ok”.

It points more to how dismissive my ex was and is, and that was boiling in me. I felt alone whenever we went somewhere together. Anything or anyone that excited her was chosen over my company, and my daughter is now her sponge.

Today, that pain pointed towards my bitcoin miner. I texted her this morning “are you available?” Minutes later I shared how it worried me how she’d disappeared during my last 2 withdrawal attempts. I said it’s like something is in her head, and I’m paying for it (though I realized I am doing exactly that back to her today). My last words were “this angers me”. No reply. I thought of this “sweet or sour” approach throughout the day, and I sent one message this afternoon asking if she was ok. Another miner I work with, his mom died two months back. He’d gone incommunicado during that time. I’ll message her sister tonight.

Handling stress–since a good friend loaned me $2000 for the deposit–Total Breakdown is removing my normal escape hatches, denial being my main one. I thought of (and saw it yesterday on IG) a quote by Warren Buffet. He said:

“The most important thing to do if you find yourself in a hole is to stop digging”

Today I considered saying "fuck this!!’ and pulling out. My emails to Blockchain have been ignored, my miner’s ignored me, and I keep digging by seeking any communication from anyone. I’d say they’re all a scam, though it’d be said out of spite and anger, not truth. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be learning here.

I strongly considered picking up EoG today, but didn’t mainly since I’m in the hottest heat so far, and I’d be quitting on myself by jumping out of Kahn while lessons are likely everywhere. For additional income, I did pick up something I’d purchased 3 months back and not used, a simple SMS marketing tool, as it’s cheap marketing and an income earner since I can promote many products. Money comes from many sources, and this one I’ve thought of dozens of times, but not jumped in.

Kahn is definitely lighting my fire and awakening my anger at circumstances. Since I’ve dismissed so many little things, relationally and financially, I am accepting of this challenge to face them. Real life requires my eyes to be open to reality, and Kahn is doing a lot of work on this.

Lastly, I should be starting Stage 2 around the 15th…hmmm…I’ll be visiting my daughter during that time. I’ll likely wait until I’m back so I don’t damage the relationship. I’ll take advice.

[subliminalguy]

Despite TB putting me through rough periods, I’m desiring this experience. It’s digging up those little, but BIG, decisions in my life to question if they’re really good for me. The things which have felt wrong and I’ve ignored them.

With women. Attractions are growing and escalating.
With money. I’m wondering about possibilities which have been right in front of me.
With family members. I’ve put on a nice guy face with them seeking any attention

This last one has been a focus lately. And I’m writing about it not to stay in it, but to give more life to the change which is needed. I came here to gain more personal power and control over my own life. It is happening, and I’m allowing it. I’m finding my courage in the midst of it.

And that is a very good thing.

[subliminalguy]

I am feeling scared as fuck writing this, but if I don’t ask for assistance, I’m unsure what’ll happen.

My mom’s been in the hospital 3 different times in the last 4 months, even now. Last Sunday
I went to visit her at the rehab she’d been in, but she wasn’t there. On this very day, she’d fallen out of her wheelchair while alone, and they ambulanced her to another hospital in a different county for possible trauma. I visited her Tuesday (the hospital’s 20 miles away), and she was heavily medicated, talking to me like she was in the middle of a dream. Later, when my brother’s visited her, one told me she’s behaving like a young child, and still speaking like she’s in a dream state.

I was using Kahn Stage 1. And being around Mom triggered old defense mechanisms, old norms in me. I mentally went to an old place where denial played out consistently, and it felt like hell. I wasn’t loving her, nor myself, and I felt nothing but pain. But I was seeking something which took the constant pain away. Knowing what I sought out, I turned back on a major emotional healing sub I’d purchased earlier this year, which worked well for me (another vendor). I felt physically uncomfortable for a few days as both subs collided with each other. Small headaches, which I don’t normally have.

I felt more competent emotionally, less reactive, and more in touch with myself. I’ve had enough experience using the emotional healing subs, yet things escalated still.

Friday afternoon I got a call near the end of my shift from the hospital’s caseworker. My mom’s treatment is unsustainable and ineffective, and they’re suggesting wisely that she go on hospice care. One brother is her proxy (meaning he makes decisions for her when she’s unable), and he’s already signed a Do Not Resuscitate form, for she’s just suffering. I’m heading down there to visit her today.

I’m writing since I feel very shaken up. I feel like I’ve opened an emotional door which I’ve kept shut so long, and my scrambling around is me seeking to find some norms or controls for it.

[subliminalguy]

Which makes me think “why do I come to SubClub?” Since there’s more community here, more freedom of speech. More freedom. I did start Kahn June 1st, ran it over a month, and I only jumped off due to old survival mechanisms surfacing when around my mom.

Which brings me to what’s on my mind. I listened to a spiritually based talk this morning about inner vows we made when younger which still run when prompted. I heard one which scares me since I’m about to face this. This coming Tuesday I’m heading out of state to see my daughter, and I’ll be with her 4 days. I’ve felt tense about her, but haven’t known why. The talk I was listening to shared how (in one example) we can invite them into our space, but unconsciously choose to hurt a loved one since they cross that inner vow. My own vow is close to “I’ll never let a woman love me”, and I’ve seen this when one gets close, and I find little comments, diggs, or insults to say covertly “GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME NOW!”

I’m wishing and praying I won’t attack my daughter again. I had quite an emotional upchuck at her last year during a visit. And I was reacting out of fear. Even while I was doing it, part of me said “why??”, while part of me said “PUSH HER AWAY!!”

I have no idea why I’m writing all this. But this is my concern about my week coming. I’m praying a lot lately. Seeking hands bigger than mine for freedom from this.

[friday]

Hey, how is it going for you?

[subliminalguy]

While spending the weekend with my daughter and ex-wife, I realized that Emperor4 was clashing too much with my long-held desires. I wanted to heal and build relationships, and something in emperor was making me angry and driving me away from them. I know that their spiritual and financial direction is different from mine, but for me no, I did not want to damage my relationships and sit with regret later. I began on Kahn 2 days ago, mixed it with Godlike masculinity, and have been doing very well with it. I’m receiving a pretty even mix of both push and healing, which is desirable.

I’ve been looping Kahn and GM except for sleeptime, and I’ve had restful sleep. I’m having some new independent thoughts, not seeking validation of them, and this has me at peace with my direction on Kahn. I think GM is doing this too, which is why I’m running it.

My stance is strong, my head is up, and I’m also aware of people around me, in a healthy way. I’m aware of social clues, and this allows for connection in many ways. That makes life meaningful for me, so I look forward to running my loops.

I’m waiting to take off from the airport now. Looking forward to the subliminal journey. Am taking action now by getting off my phone

[subliminalguy]

Kahn is working a little differently in me this time, as I just corrected my daughter. She’d asked me to text her when I was home from the airport , I did, and added a note about something I’d cooked there yesterday. Her response: “cool man”. It bothered me since she showed blatant (and allowed) signs of disrespect while I was there, and I corrected her once 2 nights ago. It was just me and her, she’d pushed by me like I was some annoying peer, and I didn’t react straight off–I’d gotten offended a few times being on Emperor, and I’d purposefully held back so as not to be a dick about it. After 5 minutes I told her about it and said quickly that I stay away from people who treat me like that. She got it.

Today, I purposely sat on my reaction, as anger rose quickly. I have allowed the disrespect, but overreacting will do harm when I could just place a boundary. I texted back that I wasn’t her friend. I was her dad. She gave a lame “sorry to offend”, as if anything changed. I shared I didn’t find it respectful. She defended it saying it wasn’t meant to be disrespectful, just a friendly reply.

I had not laid my boundary yet. I told her not to talk to me like that, and I would accept no more excuses. She replied “ok”

---

Me being on Emperor with such disrespect initially had me wired, way wired up. I’d have my loops running in my pocket, my mood would suddenly change (I was looping Emp4 and GM originally), and I’d be fuming to where I shut off Emperor a few times, and finally kept it off when with both my daughter and ex. I transitioned to Kahn to test my reactions, and I had much more self-control, so I switched mostly due to that.

I was much more loving and caring around both, with me being aware of old habits I’ve had in trying to “secure love”. I’d do and say things in times past and I was a total patsy for either. And in fact, something came up 2 nights ago which further cemented my move to Kahn. My daughter had been shocked by a guy on Twitter sharing his view on how girls should be girls (stupid, yet very courageous). His points were accurate, and he received hate replies. But he then addressed guys, and my daughter read it. It shared how guys should be assertive and make their stand, how women walk on patsies, and how their children resented having fathers with no backbone. My mind has replayed that reading since hearing it. So I corrected her not to burn her, but to clarify my boundary. I’ve done it before, but it came out clearer this time. Wheww.

Lastly, women and girls have given me more attention than usual. I’d not been looking for it this afternoon, but I had to return to the supermarket to get some things for a dish I’m preparing. I’d seen some underage manager (18-ish) cutie the first time, and I was purposefully ignorant of her, as she was eyeing me and trying to get my attention by her proximity. (I don’t know her age, but she could easily still be a minor, so I’m cautious) When I returned to the store the second time, she seemed to try to be in the very isle I was returning by, I said something and smiled. I noticed I was all smiles the remaining 5 minutes I was in the store (@fire–did you script this? )

I could write and write all the sub awarenesses I’m having, but this post is long. I’m enjoying this–again.

I lied. I’m loving this push, this " I need to DO something, CHANGE something…take ACTION!" When I dropped Kahn the first time, I’d been running it long enough thinking it was “normal”. But the internal push ceased shortly after stopping Kahn. It pushed me in many ways, and personal development was a big focus. This time, my attention to women has jumped. Literally. I think that’s why I was smiling in the store, for I am actually seeing myself with women in my thoughts this time. I’ve not been on a date for almost 18 years now . Looking forward to this.

[subliminalguy]

I woke up this morning noticing I’m coming closer to a change in direction. I’d tried to pass it up, but I just read Bujin’s post in the Early Emperor v.4 Impressions Thread. He had a dream showing him seeing a window of opportunity, but also having awareness of his own denial and truth blocking. I can identify with this symbolism. I turned on ST1 and GM upon waking, and am listening now.

I’m in a very similar spot. Denial teases and invites. Truth invites, but doesn’t insist or shout. Truth will always be there, in good and bad, in feast or famine. I had a sense this morning, a foretelling maybe, of the tears of release, of letting go of a hold on fantasy which I’ve hung on to for decades. A denial slipping away. A growing into who I am, who I’ve wanted to be, free of superficial storytelling to myself, and ultimately, a freedom which can’t be faked.

I’ll go forward. I look forward to today.

[subliminalguy]

I’m facing that reconciliation that came with my first months of Ascension a year back. I’ve been nervous some today, I thought it was caffeine, but I don’t really believe that. In the last hour, it seems narrowed down to the anxiety in the question “am I man enough?” I’ve seen me questioning everything about myself, and it showed in almost every interaction. I work with guys only, so this was on my mind all day.

Been thinking differently today, like my whole foundation is changing. For example, since my divorce 5 years back (and even before then) I’ve seen women like I was still a raucous teenager, like I’d get what I wanted, but give nothing back. The long and short of it is I was afraid of them knowing me, the real me. Just now, I thought of women, and I couldn’t even go the “safe, familiar” route I’ve normally gone. Yes, my foundation–or something–is changing.

I thought I should begin sharing some thoughts I’ve had. Almost 2 weeks back, I began Emp3 after being on another subliminal for 3 months. What came up for me was an old self-pitying survival tactic where I’d play small and seek someone to come and tell me what to do. I used to do this regularly. But I asked a question here almost a year back wondering what would help battle this victim mentality, and Saint advised Ascension, Godlike Masculinity, and Rebirth. So that’s why I added GM to Emperor, and now Kahn. It may be Kahn too, but I’ve not even gone down the road of “I can’t do this”. It’s a hopeless mentality which has been a deceptive stay for me many, many times. However, I’ve not been there the entire time on Kahn. Not even thought about it. That’s awesome

Lastly, I’d not used Regeneration during my first run of Kahn, as TB (ST1) is much more comprehensive than it and Rebirth. However, I’d been reading @Michel’s Kahn journal, and he began Regen recently with positive results. Out of insecurity (reconciliation, maybe), I added Regen to my stack last night, slept with it on, and played it with Kahn and GM today. I got home an hour ago, I stacked similar to how @Simon suggested to someone:

3x Kahn TB
2x Regeneration
1x Godlike Masculinity

Looping it now. Kahn is a very inspiring subliminal. I am grateful I have this.

[subliminalguy]

Good news! I’ve been past due for months on my school loan, a loan I’ve had since 2003. Something in me has been willing and ready to tackle this, so I just got off the phone with a loan rep, and I am in the black once again! I seriously thought I was close to defaulting, and I did NOT want to do that. The “get up and go” got into me and I took care of it!

Wow!!

I’d seen evidence of this “push” last night when cleaning up my kitchen. Doing the whole thing has been a real negative in my mind, keeping me feeling trashy and completely undirected. Last night I did something I’ve never done. I had a pot of stew I’d made and cooled down, and I picked up one piece of Tupperware, filled it, and froze it. 5 minutes later, I got another container, filled it, and froze it too. Did it 3 more times successfully. Then I desired to clean it all up, so I did. I woke up with a clean kitchen, and came home to one.

Fire had spoken about scripting he put in Regeneration where it’d prompt a single action to begin completion of bigger projects. I wasn’t running Regen yet, so I’ll take it that it’s in TB.

It feels good!

[Michel]

Fire had spoken about scripting he put in Regeneration where it’d prompt a single action to begin completion of bigger projects.

Really? Interesting to see what will happen in the next couple of weeks.