20 June:
1 x RICH
22 June:
1 x DR
1 x RICH
Day 5/21
Switching because I need to shift my focus. I’m getting sick of my job and my industry and want to continue working on my business.
24 June:
1 x DR
1 x RICH
Day 7/21
Interestingly with RICH I have had two very productive days that not even LE helped me with by comparison. I have been making moves with my business and working towards getting operational finally. Weirdly though I feel much less social in general… just less outgoing, more careful with my words, etc.
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26 June:
3/4 x DR
3/4 x RICH
Day 9/21
Need to cut my loop times again.
28 June:
Extra rest day
Day 11/21
I think I’m experiencing some pretty bad recon, I’m feeling pretty anti-social right now and just bad in general. So I’m going to take another rest day today. I’m at a breaking point with my job and login every day wondering how long I’m going to let myself stay in a career/field I’ve come to hate so much. I have 10 years in software now and I started working on my bachelors during covid to make me more employable, but it feels so useless to work on that when I know that I don’t want to work in software anymore, and that it will only serve to bolster my tech resume.
But I digress; the pay is so “good” for being just a job, that I find it incredibly difficult to leave. Air quotes around “good” because its ceiling is so much lower than running a business. I think that RICH is what is causing the recon because it differs so much from my reality, and I feel like I’m the equivalent of a 14 year old who just started going to the gym hoping to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
I’m not sure what DR is up to lately but I’m just trusting that its script is working in the background of my psyche.
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29 June:
1 x DR
1 x RICH
Day 12/21
1 July:
1 x DR
1/3 x RICH
Day 14/21
3 July:
1 x DR
1/3 x RICH
Day 16/21
5 July:
1 x DR
1/3 x RICH
Day 18/21
I think DR has been more prominent this past week. One cool experience is that a couple days ago I met someone who lives on his sailboat and sails the world six months of the year. We talked about chasing material gain, wage slavery, and a bunch of other stuff and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. He reminded me of my time volunteering on a farm and how much happier I was then. I don’t know how to reconcile my desire to earn big money and my will to be free besides perhaps as a bridge. I don’t necessarily care about the nice house, badass car, etc. as much as I care about being able to be free.
I’ve been having some recon so am keeping my loops short. I definitely had not gone through this much until RICH.
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7 July:
1 x DR
2/3 RICH
Day 20/21
Washout tomorrow until the 13th. I am thinking I would like to do a custom for DR stage 4. I built one yesterday just to play around with the builder since I never have yet. Here’s what I came up with but I think it is lacking on the romance, maybe. I’d really like something that combines the outgoingness I got from LE, the swagger from PS, and of course RICH because I want to build a sizable pile of cash to escape wage slavery and start on my bigger life goals. Who doesn’t. Suggestions welcome.
Debt Annihilator
R.I.C.H. Core
Dragon Reborn ST4 Core
Fenrir
Furious Ascent
Lifeblood Fable
Leader of Men
Yggdrasil
Chosen of Venus
Approachability Aura
As far as progress is going, it’s going. Little changes here and there and I just feel more on track with little habits, even though my life feels very much not on track right now. For where I want to be, anyway. RICH has definitely attuned my attention to making money, prior to running it I couldn’t be arsed to even watch youtube videos about building my business etc. and at least now I’m doing that and making some small moves. Baby steps. I very much know that I am capable because of the way I built my career to a six figure income without even going to college. Now I just need to start over and stop selling my time.
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I’m going to nix that idea, making a custom for DR4. I’d rather DR just be my foundational to make way for whatever I run in the future. I am only doing 1 cycle stages so I am on stage 3 right now. I will run stage 4 for at least a cycle or two and see if maybe I should circle back and do another full cycle or not. I definitely have noticed every stage take its effects, for example now on stage 3 I have noticed the “seeing my traumas from afar” in passing thought and my internal dialogue.
RICH is really pushing me to do a ton of research into entrepreneurship. I have actually been interested in it for a long time and used to spend hours reading r/entrepreneur or watching those “youtube gurus”. However, I haven’t been naturally adept at seeing and seizing those kinds of opportunities so this is a struggle for me. I’ve always been better at marketing myself.
Anyway, nothing tangible manifested from it this past cycle, for example:
I am wondering which deep rooted beliefs I have that may be inhibiting me in wealth acquisition. Consciously, I’m not constructing any new barriers to it, I am for example axiomatically accepting of the fact that wealth is a reflection of the value you provide to others, and have come a long way from my pre-redpill days. However, I think as with sex, Christianity and its beliefs on sex and money that were instilled in me early are no easy thing to reframe and have taken a lot of time to deprogram. I think one axiom that still holds me back is “the love of money is the root of all evil”. It has made me more cautious and limited because I fear that large amounts of money could corrupt me. If I think through it, it’s really a rather oversimplified truism. If anything I think it is more a warning against the miser, a la Scrooge, or Mr. Krabs. I need to trust that my values are deeper than mere money acquisition for its own sake, or the hoarding of resources.
Anyway, that’s really just my rambling attempt at resolving that cognitive dissonance.
New cycle tomorrow. I am just going to continue with what I’m running. I do wish I could add LE back in there, the effects I had the first cycle are very desirable for me. But it did almost nothing for my productivity or working on my business. One thing I am struggling with is the “less is more” aspect of ZP. I suppose I could do the 3 sub pattern but I worry about focusing on too much at once and therefore lowering the overall effectiveness of the stack. Although, now day 5 of washout from RICH and I am still more productive at work and also more productive on my business stuff. My general outgoingness is back to baseline, RICH actually has had a net negative effect on that I think. We’ll see.
I can completely relate to this; I was also raised in a (seemingly) Christian household, and heard the same words I don’t know how many times. I’m sure you’re also still exposed to it from family or old family friends. The power of suggestion is insane; that is one thing I have learned from studying self hypnosis and hypnosis in the past.
I don’t know if you’ve heard of Ross Jeffries or not, but basically all that guy did was to embed the power of suggestion into seemingly innocuous stories, so that they appear to be “normal” conversation. Anyway, my point is that ideas such as “the love of money is the root of all evil” is a suggestion - it’s an idea that we take in, and think about, and can become our own internal thoughts if we hear it enough.
You seem very intelligent and self-aware, so I would side with you on this one - your values will help guide you so that you can use your wealth in constructive ways - I remember one thing Tony Robbins used to talk about was how you can only help others (financially) if you are wealthy yourself - that is also a suggestion.
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Thanks for your insight, that’s a good way to look at it- that our thoughts are not always our own and may be the long forgotten suggestions of others. It is definitely through intentionally reprogramming that I’ve been able to rewire so much of that upbringing, both from SubClub and from various other sources.
It’s interesting that you give the “seemingly” caveat, I think many who were raised in it feel the same and have realized the damage it can do, because of the rampant hypocrisy even at the highest levels. Which, I think comes from the staunch repression of innate human needs. (Not to start any flame wars here, I still believe in the merit of some of the moral tenets, in the Petersonian “don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater” sense).
I read about this guy in Neil Strauss’ “The Game” where he talks about NLP. It was fascinating to read the kind of stuff he did, although it seems a little bit like gray-bordering-on-black magic to me.
Yes this is definitely something I have internalized at this point- the adage “you can’t help others until you help yourself” is something I’ve lived by for the last few years. That and that you can’t help someone unless they want it for themselves. I learned that the hard way with my brother. I digress. I think at this point it is just the stage of resolving the conflicting beliefs. I used to intentionally do this in a private journal where I’d state two conflicting ideas and attempt to resolve them. It does help.
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13 July:
1 x DR
1 x RICH
Day 1/21
Reflecting a bit further on my previous cycle and having to cut the loop times on RICH to limit exposure, I think I will indeed try LE added in. I suppose I will have to run my Stg 3 longer since I’ll be getting only half the loop plays per cycle. So I’ll run it like that for the next cycle too before going to Stg 4. I think LE and RICH could have a nice synergistic effect wherein RICH helps me find the motivation and LE helps me execute. We’ll see.
PS apparently still doing something in the background, my ex I had mentioned in a previous entry straight up asked me for a one night stand before she moves away. Not sure how I feel about it.
15 July:
1 x LE
Day 3/21
17 July:
1 x DR
1 x RICH
Day 5/21
Still waiting for a pile cash to drop from the sky… anyway I’m happy I’m running LE again, I really think it helps me stay on track, if that makes sense. Not much else right now.
Edit: I was kind of busy when I wrote this update. What I meant to say is that it keeps me on-mission and helps me be assertive and articulate, in addition to the social boost. When I first started running it I noticed this perk and I’m noticing it again. I will say, LE has been my absolute favorite companion to DR as far as what it helps me express. RICH and PS have been ok, I don’t want to stop running RICH because I really need to focus on my income.
19 July:
1 x LE
Day 7/21
After my loop today LE got me feeling fired up. Just want to fucking crush rocks and shit. Did a rune pull last night and got berkano reversed, meaning stagnation or “growth difficulties”. Of course now I feel the need to aggressively break past whatever it is. It is on par for what I feel right now. I am having a lot of trouble reaching that next level: in my career, in business activities, in the gym and with my body recomp, at jiu jitsu. Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m climbing stairs in an MC Escher painting. Not much I can do but keep climbing…
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Some notes for the day. I haven’t been getting the pit feeling running LE these last few days, although I think the first day I ran it this cycle I did have some general uneasiness. I feel a bit off kilter just in general. I missed a day at the gym last week and haven’t fully made up the schedule yet even though I’m back on track. I also have been absolutely pouring myself into a video game I used in the past as a therapeutic escape. It’s been so long since I’ve played video games regularly that I’ll take it as a necessary respite from the mundane grind of daily life, and disappointment felt when expectations meet reality. (e.g., just how freaking long it takes to move from significant milestone to milestone).
Maybe it is a form of visualization? I didn’t want to mention the game but it is Stardew Valley. Interestingly, the first time I got into it and played it for a month or two, I think I later manifested it to some degree. I ended up volunteering on a farm with many of the circumstances being not too unlike what I experienced in the game. The people, the feel, and importantly, the magick.
I digress, back to being off kilter. I felt quite angsty today, before going to the gym and absolutely crushing some rocks listening to heavy metal. Definitely did not want to go to either the gym nor jiu jitsu, but I did and I’m happy for it. As for what that means for my stack, I’m not sure. I have hit a roadblock with my business. Specifically, I have no fucking clue what I’m doing and no amount of research seems to help that. I can’t afford to “just start”, either, because I can’t run ads and burn through $2,000 for no good reason. I suppose this is what berkano reversed foretold. Or, simply revealed. I am confident that I will move past it, anyway.
To be clear, I’m not thinking of changing my stack. I am happy that it is challenging me, or else I would assume that it doesn’t work.
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21 July:
1 x DR
1 x RICH
Day 9/21
23 July:
1 x LE
Day 11/21
This is the day I’ve been switching my DR stage each cycle. Last cycle I was running it from day 11 to the end, so that’s 5 loops, then so far this cycle I’ve gotten 3 so far and will get another 3 which means I can move to the next stage on my next cycle. I will run the last stage for 2 to 4 cycles since it is the full fruition of the sub that can be run without the prior stages (per the sub’s description).
After that I think I will build a custom. I’m not sure what cores to use, I’ve had my interest piqued in Chosen or CWON but I also really like LE. And then I could just do something like Stark, Emperor or even Ascension. Probably not Emperor. Maybe CWON and Stark and I’ll call it something smancy like Chosen of Cernunnos.
I have been really struggling this past week. Maybe reconciliation, but I had an expectation of doing inner work running DR anyway, so I feel like it’s more of that. When I say struggling, I just mean that it’s a lot to sort through and has me feeling a certain way. I feel less and less attached to certain aspects of my life, especially working in tech and continuing to pursue a cybersecurity degree. If I had an out, or, when I find an out, I would definitely jump on it without hesitation… doing it as a career has totally disillusioned the creative spirit that initially spurred my interest. Especially considering the pure evil that tech has unleashed via the big tech companies. Although, that is somewhat of a motivation for me to continue pursuing it. But from a different perspective, instead of the one that I have now (that of being entrenched in the industry.)
Anyway. I’m over the video game for now. It’s always a fun escape but it’s a total time suck. Nothing else for now.
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25 July:
1 x DR
1 x RICH
Day 13/21
27 July:
1 x LE
Day 15/21