Journey into the Deep

Journals - Major Programs
#100

Honestly, thank you for your message.
I read it earlier, and this is a very useful reframe, it’s true that the subconscious speaks in symbols, and what matters more is the idea hidding behind more than the form it takes.
I forgot that for an instant, so thank you for reminding me.

Apart from that: the news, I went for an haircut and can’t stop smiling when I see myself in the mirror, this is a good haircut, I should groom myself more often. :grin:
Really that’s a huge win.
I also bought a pack of beer and sandwiches for a couple of homeless people and drank a beer and ate with them, discussed for a bit, they were cool people.
Also she tried to call with a friend to give me a lesson on how I “shouldn’t leave someone stranded in another city”, like girl I told you thrice that I’m leaving and asked each time if you wanted to come sleep on my couch or if you’d rather stay here and you chose to stay there.
Choices have results and consequences.
I knew very well what she was doing because she did it already a fuckton of times with me, staying drinking until she can barely stand and then fucking a random guy, and I didn’t wanna stay here to see her like that.

Well, in any case, she exited my life now, so I can focus on getting better, that’s what matters :slight_smile:

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#101

I had a dream last night, and I don’t really know how to interpret it, but I feel it is trying to tell me something important.

So we were at a family dinner at my grandma, for some reason she had a rifle on the pellet stove near the table, that I saw a bit before everyone arrived.
We were having good fun and good discussions, when a turkey showed up and entered the home.
Everyone panic a bit, my grandma stand up, grab the rifle, and start aiming at the turkey, she shot once and misses.
No one moves.
The turkey move to the end of the table.
My cousin is standing slightly in front of the turkey, in a flashy pink outfit, I see her and pull her out of the way just as my grandma shoot, and misses the turkey once again.
But the bullet this time went right through my sister’s skull, that I didn’t see standing behind the turkey. I understood it was a dream around that point, but still I pursued as I should.
I tried to stop the blood and save her, but it was already too late, her breathing stopped, I try to reanimate her but with her brain hemoraging out the hole I don’t have much hope, in the end I wasn’t able to save her.

My interpretation, is that, there is a choice between two people to save but I don’t see it. I only see the most flashy and obvious one the one not quite in the family, but by focusing on her and trying to save her, someone much closer will be impacted instead.

@jelly do you think this is a right interpretation or I might be missing something deeper?
What do you do when you would like more details from the unconscious about a dream you previously had?

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#102

First thing I try to do is break things down to the basics, then add in complexity once I have those down. So first, your grandma, which could commonly refer to someone older, wiser, or in charge, had the rifle from the start. She knew the turkey was coming. The turkey was agile, elusive, and hid behind multiple family members. It was being targeted by your grandma and in the right conditions (being cooked) is food, so we can say that it represents something, mental structure, habit, or attitude that was meant to metaphorically “die”. Your grandma understood this from the start, so I think we can safely say within the context of the dream that this turkey “should” die. So you have an elusive mental structure that needs to die that keeps hiding itself behind multiple others. First was a big and flashy one that stands out, which you were able to save and keep from getting destroyed in the attempt to kill it. I don’t know your relationship with your sister, but just blood relation-wise, she would be considered closer or more important to you. In your mind’s attempt to get rid of this mental structure, it ends up hurting and killing one that’s important and very close to you.

Are there any aspects of your emotional life that you’ve been ignoring in the past few days? Some habit or behavior you’ve been trying to get rid of that could bleed into other aspects of your life that you care about?

Please take my interpretation with a grain of salt and adjust any of the meanings with the detail you have of the complex relationship you have with your family members. I was only able to look surface level at the more textbook relations. Sometimes the physics or “lens” of the dream can completely change the meaning too, so if you think I’m off with this one I’m happy to help you theorize again about what it could be.

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#103

Nothing really comes to mind for now.
I’m getting used to seeing the other party’s viewpoint while putting up my own boundaries and needs. Trying to find my own needs to assert it. Act upon what I need in my life.

This is something that I want to do in my life, because I’ve let myself float alongside the river of life for a long time, trying to be a follower, but being a follower floating about life is limiting and is something that goes against the direction I want to take my life.

Maybe I’ll get more answers tonight.
It is part of the natural unfolding of the self.

Stack wise, I don’t think I’ll start again tomorrow.
I only created my q account 3 days ago (I didn’t know it differed from the main store) and the subclub elite discount might only be applied next week (if the discount also applies to the q store)

So I’ll order the custom(s) after getting a reply from support :slight_smile:
First the WDB name embed, then the Custom when the experimental adaptive scripting module is released ^^

In the meantime, I take action toward improving myself and doing what need done for my life, while learning more.

Today, I had a good discussion with my cousin, which is self made, makes good money with multiple businesses and income flows. I admire him. I want to do even better than him.

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#104

Maybe killing the turkey signifying setting boundaries? With the act of setting boundaries naturally meaning other things you used to hold close to you now getting metaphorically killed. But you inherently know that this is best for you, which is why it was an older or wiser family member doing the act. Has setting boundaries been something you’ve struggled with for a long time? Has it entangled itself into your other relationships or mental structures?

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#105

It’s been something I’ve struggled with my own life.
I’ve been working on my self esteem for more than a decade, actively working on being more assertive for about 5 years, on being more myself for 3 years.

It’s a process, but one that become easier the more I advance on purifying my life and destroying my limiting structures, because it makes me stronger.
My life got turned upside down more than I can count, but I feel I’m on the way to what I choose to do with my life.

There will be struggle still, and I am uncertain as to how it’ll go, but I know that all will be for the best. For I am stronger and more capable than I was last year, and next year I’ll be stronger and more capable still. On all points.

There is a price to pay for everything, and the price of time, uncomfort, and effort has to be paid to unlock the full extent of the prize that is life.

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#106

It seems like that could be an interpretation then. Since you’re able to firmly draw the line now, you have to say goodbye to some of the things that came with low self esteem, to make room for what’s coming into your life as you become your own inner authority. Really happy to see you grow past what’s been holding you back!

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#107

Can’t wait for Tale of the Dream Boy, which will probably be mid to late next week (up to 4 days for the aspirant discount on Q, or confirmation that there’s no discount on Q, then the time it takes to make a custom. Maybe I’ll take express so I can start on feb 2nd instead)
Maybe it’d be smarter to just take it without express, I’d pay less than with express + discount. Yeah…

Anyway, I know the rough form of what my defense might look like in court, but it will refine my presence, wit, and language skills further.
Something of a repentance, and how I learned that I should love my enemy, even when they attack me with weapons while I have nothing but the body I’m born with. That language should be the only thing I should ever use, even when someone come at me with a knife telling me how they’ll slit my throat. After all, lawyers and negociators only use their tongue, so what right do I have to use my feet and fist to defend against an armed opponent?

Furthermore, it’ll allow me some good times, as well as greater presence in the workplace, and greater ability to coordinate and communicate with third parties, instead of causing C-suite of each party to meet one another following one of my mail (lmao)

And great times outside too.
I ordered pheromones as well for the first time of my life, they should arrive around the time when I’ll go on vacation in the Thailand south, by the end of February, I’ll see how that goes as well lol in any case I’ll tell y’all about it here.

Edit: Alright let’s gooooo :crazy_face::flushed::yum:

Order: Tale of the Dream Boy

Tale of the Dream Boy

Edit 2: I’ll start with 30s, solo, and add 30s every time I listen unless recon, and I’ll go back to 30s when I’ll add the custom the next cycle, and when I’ll add Khan the cycle following the custom, and treat both the custom and khan the same way, so I don’t over-expose.
and maybe instead of listening Mondays, Wednesday, Fridays, I’ll only listen Mondays and Thursdays, skipping every third Thursday.

Edit 3: and maybe wait 2 cycles instead of one before adding the custom or after the custom before adding Khan.
That way I can get a bit more used to the titles, I’ll see how I feel.
I also ordered nootropics so it should also help with processing

Edit 4: That’ll be full on experimenting :woman_scientist::test_tube: but it should be awesome, I don’t see it going wrong as it’ll all be result enhancement :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

Edit 5: Oh… Main Disc. Thread - Name Embedded Major Titles (Testing Period) - #119 by SaintSovereign Well, it sounds like I didn’t need to buy the core and synergy then if the price of the title and the module are included for the name embed…
Well at least it’ll help them make even more awesome things

Edit 6: from my understanding, the ZPU Saint and Fire are building would be something like ZPQ + NSE + Adaptive Scripting, with maybe some more technological improvements and fine tuning based on feedback,
I’ll try ZPQ with that WDB name embed, and introduce the adaptive scripting in the Roman Baths custom two or three cycles later, hehehe :stuck_out_tongue: Hopefully I’ll survive these 🫡

Edit 7: I’m excited it’ll be fun~ though since it’s quantum I should maybe take it slower still

Lots of numbers calculating listening durations

already with the three titles 2 days a week it’ll be like

M1 - RB (Roman Baths) + TDB (Tale of the Dream Boy
W1 - RB + Khan
M2 - RB + TDB
W2 - RB + Khan
M3 - RB + TDB

They’re would be a total of 17 cycles in a year (so 357 days)
So in total listening days there would be
(Healing) RB = 85 ld
(Skills) TDB = 51 ld
(Drive) Khan = 34 ld

If I increase 30s per week for all, by the end of the year there will be 8m30s for each, except Khan 8m (due to the 3rd week of the cycle having no khan, and so will the increase be 30s, 1m, 30s, 1m, instead of only 30s increase)
So maybe start with lower increases still, but increase the increases, like,
Week 1 to 17:
01 10s 10s
02 10s 20s
03 15s 35s
04 15s 50s
05 20s 1m10
06 20s 1m30
07 25s 1m55
08 25s 2m20
09 30s 2m50
10 30s 3m20
11 35s 3m55
12 35s 5m30
13 40s 6m10
14 40s 6m50
15 45s 7m35
16 45s 8m20
17 50s 9m10

Mmh

Week 1 to 17:
01 10s 10s
02 15s 25s
03 20s 45s
04 25s 1m10
05 30s 1m40
06 35s 2m15
07 40s 2m55
08 45s 3m40
09 50s 4m30
10 55s 4m25
11 60s 5m25
12 1m5s 6m30
13 1m10s 7m40
14 1m15s 8m55
15 1m20s 10m15
16 1m25s 11m40
17 1m30s 13m10

Now that one look like a good progression in listening times, though very unintuitive (… which kinda go against the unconscious in a way lol)

I might just start slow and go with how I feels, listening time wise. Maybe add informaticon to the custom, though I hope the ZP standard custom won’t be overpowered by the ZPQ name embed if I run the custom before the name embed.

I’ll prob start a new journal on the custom section once I start using the custom(s) so that it’s easier to follow.

In any case, these few months of Regen, LBFH, and AoH greatly helped pull me out of the hole I was in after breaking up with my gf, and raise me anew to the highs I was in a couple years ago after a spiritual experience with archangels and the architects of the world (though I have yet to manifest obviously strange encounters like I had at the time lol, but I got no doubt it’ll happen eventually as I grow myself).
They made me more resilient against emotional upheaval than I ever was, and with more drive to improve myself, seize the day, and do what I must for my future and the future of the world. It makes me hopeful that I’ll be able to accomplish my goals, create what I want to create, work with what and whom I want to work. Participate in the process of Creation. I don’t wanna jinx it, hence why I stay evasive on the details, but it has to do with AI, Quantum Computing, VR, and space exploration.
I acted in the past toward it, but I wasn’t quite ready, I know these subs and life alongside are pushing me toward giving the best of myself so I may become the kind of person able to realise such goals.

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#108

I’m high key like a kid on christmas eve waiting for the gift to arrive, thinking about the WDB name embed
though I know I’ll only be able to start next monday most likely, 6 days from now.
and though I am aware results come from actions and so won’t be immediate probably.
I must find actions to do, I must be active in that, find a way to release surplus energy from being on washout, or I’ll go crazy from the wait.
I should go to the club at least one evening of the week, and maybe this weekend too.
Maybe make online dating profiles, even before WDB.
I started taking good pictures since getting a haircut, that’s a great start. I got good stories to tell too.
daily routine is no longer enough.

Edit: Maybe finally get on finding the doc and putting that Turbomolecular Pump on Ebay instead of letting it sleep in my room lmao

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#109

Two days after starting ZPQ I got a call about a 6-7 figure opportunity :joy:

You’re on the experimental path now :smiling_imp:

We don’t live on the standard roadmap of results

EDIT: Intuitive listening is everything. As you start to understand yourself and the sub more, you tend to know how your processing and execution are going.

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#110

True, true, there are paths of manifestation that give immediate results, as long as we’re open to receive and don’t have limiting beliefs. :laughing:

Congrats on the opportunity btw, you’re awesome! And thanks for coming here and telling me this :slight_smile:

I did already get instant manifestations in the past, with subs and without subs so I should know that, but I forgot, lol (though manifestations without subs were quite chaotic lmao, manifestation through subs are directed)

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#111

I’m more open to talk about specifics in PM but it wasn’t just one, things just keep happening. It’s almost like your subconscious is trying to find the perfect opportunity to get you to take action and have you grow.

Basically everything from this post was caused by my ASBR manifestations. It’s almost like circling a bullseye. Will you take action if this happens? No? What about this more obvious thing? No? How about now when it’s literally in your face? It’s honestly changing my relationship with subs and my subconscious in general. I’m still trying to figure out if this is the general mechanism of manifestation or just how the deeper subconscious likes to do things.

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#112

I will do my daily cooking and meditation walk then get back to you in DM, we might both grow from exchanging our insights :blush:

I learned a lot from meeting an archangel and multiple shamans, energy workers, cultists, and other non-humans that “just happened” to meet me on my travels 2 years ago onwards, (including having amma visit my hometown, I met one of her disciple but didn’t take the time off work to actually take the opportunity to go and meet her… well, there will be other occasions to meet yogi and gurus)
though what I learned is little compared to the infinite knowledge of all there is and all there is not.

But well, if I knew all I’d be kicked out of the game :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes: so I might as well not yet, I’d like to keep playing some more. :yum: :innocent:

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#113

Might as well enjoy being good at the game a little before outright winning it.

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#114

Little morning insight,
Processing subs uses energy
But it’s not really because of the subs, the subs are tools used by the subconscious to create new energetic pathways, new ways of thinking, dealing with emotions, acting, to find better ways to get results and destroy what no longer serves.

And it’s these acts of modifying internal pathways, of the subconscious modifying itself using the provided tools and knowledge, that use energy.

But then, it is never wasted, because a path more traveled becomes easier to walk upon, when we walk every day, it becomes easier to walk, when we do push-ups every day, it becomes easier to do push-ups, these behavior pathways becomes easier to perform.

And it may be the same for the pathways created and used by the subconscious while running a title.

Hence, even a pure aura title (or other “short term, fast acting” titles) might leave a permanent mark, and that mark will be greater the longer we run it, and the more deeply it impact us.

I really should run QL at some points lol, it might have interesting results

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#115

So, If I add the Experimental Adaptative Scripting Module, that would mean being able to transform recon into action, so if I’m careful into what to add, I could maybe fit a few more, so maybe have the custom be :

  • Love Bomb Core
  • Dragon Reborn: Regeneration Core
  • ESSENCE: A Perfect Unyielding (3 slots)
  • Synergy: Wisdom of the Ages (4 slots)
  • Synergy: Subconscious Mastery (2 slots)
  • Synergy: Venus Unveiled (3 Slots)
  • Experimental Adaptative Scripting Module
  • New Beginnings
  • Joie de Vivre
  • Carpe Diem Ascended
  • FEBRUUS

So, 21 actual slot, 11 taken slots, kinda heavy, but hopefully not so much that it becomes untreatable. well, it may seem a bit silly thinking like that, given I’ll be running a ZPQ for the coming cycle lol

the joie de vivre, carpe vitam, and other modules of venus unveiled should go well with both love bomb and regen, I believe, though maybe there could be recon between Carpe Diem’s “I find joy in everything I do!” and Regen’s “Learn to chill and relax a bit sis… take it easy puff smoke”

If I wanna be a bit crazy, maybe add Informaticon, Hegemon, Naturalizer, and/or DEUS, though Hegemon might be a bit out of focus compared to the rest and cause recon between the different concepts, and though DEUS might be too strong (but it would be easier to handle than hegemon as it is a pure result/intensity booster).

I feel naturalizer would smooth things out further and Informaticon might help with the intuitive listening length finding, so they may be valuable for smoothing things further, despite the added module load?

should I remove the wisdom synergy and instead add informaticon and naturalizer to center it further? should I leave the wisdom synergy?

Well, in any case I’ll have enough time to think on it, and discuss with myself if that’s not too much
A whole cycle in fact! A cycle of WDB + TotD name embed ZPQ :heart_eyes: (along with RoTNW hehehe :smiling_imp:)

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#116

I’ve been thinking, if I’m gonna be running a sub like RotNW, I might as well also run a performance title, maybe PN?

But then I reminded that I plan on having Khan in my stack and I never clapped a** as hard as when I was on Khan (the couple times my GF at the time let me…) so I might as well do a couple cycles of WDB + RotNW + Khan before replacing RotNW by the custom.

I only ever had a spontaneous offer to ONS twice in my life, from women who like it and weren’t that attractive at all to me, but I went to it cuz I was starved.

My two former GFs were a blind woman and a homeless woman I let sleep on my couch (initially) and both aren’t top models at all, I liked them more because I could help them and be loved and because I had no one else, hence why I ended up leaving them, the first one in a bit less than a year, the second one after a year and a half.

Before I’ve been with broken women, I’ve only had a single relationship, it was with a good looking, well off, smart woman and lasted less than a year because I was an asshole who mocked her little brother for being autistic (despite being autistic myself…), I never had S with her since she didn’t want to.

I never ever been propositioned for a HJ or a BJ, my last relationship I had to wait a year before she decided we’ve been long enough together for a BJ. The one before didn’t want to because it was too big for her.

So there you have it, the baseline, one who has never gotten a HJ or a BJ despite having been taken to the toilet by women at parties to do C and having been taken backstage by DJs who were quite sexually liberated. (Didn’t have sex with them either, it seem from my perspective everyone like being my friend but nothing further…)

But yeah, though I am confident I can make finish anyone that I sleep with, my confidence regarding ending up the night with someone are nil.
It’ll be interesting to see how it develops.

Btw, I didn’t told y’all but I started working out again! Before Covid I did daily strength training with a guy at work, push ups, squats, pull ups, core training, jogging. And got to a nice level of being able to do a 11km long obstacles race.
But then covid came, I stopped and struggled with starting again. I did some gym there and there but struggled to get regular.

I got a nice core and powerful legs, most likely from having spent most of 2022 and 2023 dancing at festivals and parties, but my arms are lacking. And though I’m not fat or too chubby, I’m far from being lean. I’d say I’m average shape-wise.

Well, since a few weeks ago I started walking more, and doing pumps and squats in the morning daily :grin: and boy does it do a difference to energy, this is crazy!
I should maybe add core training so I target most areas, and then later on turn that walk into jog.

Screenshots of the podometer and push-ups app

Screenshot_20260129-053244_Push Ups
Screenshot_20260129-053244_Push Ups1080×2220 104 KB

Screenshot_20260128-192656_Pedometer - Step Counter
Screenshot_20260128-192656_Pedometer - Step Counter1080×2220 195 KB

2 Likes
#117

Reading Fire’s Five Steps to Power

That’s very interesting, and I have some things to work through:

  1. as explained in the message just above, I’ve started working out again, though I could do more, I did more in the past.

  2. I haven’t done martial arts since I was a kid. I wanted to start muay thai last year but got lazy and never ended up registrating to the dojo in the town near my place… I def should start doing it at some point, prob once I get a good momentum with working out. fear of not having a good enough condition to do it fed my laziness back then.

  3. I started doing meditation more regularly, and in a more structured way ; meditating with an app while walking after work, rather than rogue half-meditating during downtime at work. It doubles with acting as a clean cut between work mindspace and home mindspace. Though I don’t yet have the regularity of doing it every day.

  4. While I love learning, I have trouble with taking action, such as how I should be looking for an internship to do on the weekend for a diploma I wanna get, in order to access government funds to start an agrocultural business (that I plan on using as a workshop to develop as close as possible to a fully automated aquaponic systems, using my knowledge of AI and robot automation). In a way, I think I use learning as a way to avoid taking action from fear of failure and being mocked and rejected.

  5. This is the one thing I do really well, I constantly self-reflect. and I even learned how to do it without judgement these days. though my emotions are a bit shunt, they were bolder when I was on HRT, but I stopped for now in order to preserve my seed, which given the wait times will prob take a good part of the year. Meh, it matter less, I can shapeshift even without that, and can learn to feel and express my emotions even without that. Medication is just a helper, it’s my body who do the work.

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#118

So I woke up early this morning, did 21 push-ups, 20 squats, also read a few pages of a book on NVC, and 3 chapter from the Bible (I’ve been following a plan for 28 days so far, out of a year to read all of it)

It’s true I have to improve still, but I can appreciate the discipline and amount of action-taking that I’m able to do now, that I wasn’t able to perform before.

This is a great improvement already, it goes to show how low I fell lol, but now I rise :muscle:

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#119

ok this morning I drank pineapple juice, ate some bread and honey, took nootropic supplement, choline and vitamins, drank an activia kefir yogurt.
did 21 push ups, 30 squats, and read a bit, both the bible plan and a couple pages off the NVC book

and now I’m at work, I arrived on time, though later than yesterday, but not late.
and I feel so hungryyyyy :sob:

I really should buy fruits so I got something to eat in the morning outside of honey and bread, maybe nuts too for proteins…
Also! Since I got the name embed order on Monday, (in 20 minutes it’ll be precisely 4 days ago), I might receive it today! or next Monday, the fifth day.

In any case, I don’t intent on listening before monday, I mustn’t, I want to keep to the planned listening days, mondays and thursdays, so I can maximize results and diminish recon, giving more time to process.
Though I’m excited to see what going to clubs will be like while running those :yum: