I haven’t gone out much this weekend.
But I did go to the doc to get a prescription I need, took care of my home, cooked healthy meals, kept working out, chilled a bit watching anime, I tried contacting a girl I know yesterday to spend the evening partying with her but she didn’t answer. got news today that my mom got in the hospital, she hurt herself trying to move gravel, my sis and I always tell her she should work less, she push herself too hard. I’m worried for her, she hurt herself like that now, she might hurt herself more next time. I wish she’d just call me when she need to carry heavy stuff like that.
for now, I can do a set of 30 pushups a day, 30 deep squats, 30s front plank, and 30s side plank on each side.
I weighted myself tonight, it’s been a while, 99.5kg ouch… I’m 1m86 so it doesn’t pop out too much but still, I didn’t expect to be so heavy, last year I was 10kg less… I should stop eating sandwiches at lunch and start cooking for myself again. when I cook it’s mostly vegs, seeds, chickpeas, beans, etc. meanwhile when I work I get a sandwich for lunch, maybe it’s that? idk
I don’t seem that much wider than when I was 89kg last year…
Meh, doesn’t matter, I’ll just keep working out, cook, and let my body even things out.
What matters most, is the growth of my mindset, of my conscious-subconscious self, more than the physical gains itself, and that’s valid for everything.
If I could get a toned tight body that’d be awesome, but what matter most is developping resilience, discipline, and will; developing strength of mind.
[Edit: Still, I am worried because I am afraid I may not have as much success with people because of my weight, that I might be rejected more, though I know this is stupid because of what I mentioned last paragraph and because I know I was able to get a gf before even with that body, and because people tell me I don’t look fat, and because I know fat people who are socially successful.
I read a bit on ideal weight and for my height it seems to be around 78 to 80. the lowest I got in my life since I was a teen was 87 and that was after a year basically starving myself due to depression. I don’t wanna go through that again and it can’t be healthy. idk what would help. me focussing on mind growth may be a form of resignation. but yeah, again, nothing good will come from worrying about that, especially since I don’t see what I can do about it.]
I got some nice pictures from chatgpt for my future custom thread though my prompts were like a kilometer long, I’m better at imagining and describing than at drawing myself.
though imagining is already half of the work, so I’m certain it’s just a subconscious block that need to be worked on, especially since I already got complement on an unfinished painting of mine, despite me thinking I did basically nothing.
it’s 7pm, I no longer want to cook,so I’ll have to decide between cooking for the last 3 hours before sleep, or give up on the idea of a cake and doing something else, like ordering a new social security card to replace the former and ordering a new driving license since my former demand for replacement 3 years ago didn’t go through and since the last one got stolen 2 years ago.
it’d be good and prevent trouble later on.
Edit 2:
I highly love that creator pranavprakash_3 on Insta, though I rarely access it nowadays.
Description of the reel
There is a subtle, almost imperceptible moment where we stop asking if our lives are true and start asking if they are simply manageable.
That’s when the shift occurs. It isn’t a descent into some grand misery, it’s a drift into something much quieter. Something that doesn’t scream, doesn’t break, and never quite collapses. It just becomes a weight you’ve learned how to carry.
Most people don’t suffer loudly. Instead, they become experts at the math of dissatisfaction, calculating exactly how much heaviness can sit in the chest without interrupting the daily routine. They learn precisely how many times an intuition can be ignored before it finally stops knocking on the door.
And once that equilibrium is found, we dress it up in respectable names. We call it stability. We call it peace. We call it “being an adult.”
The ancient texts were warning us about this long before we had modern psychology to label it. They weren’t terrified of the tragedy of failure; they were terrified of the tragedy of sleep. They saw the danger of a life that never falls apart, yet somehow never actually begins.
This isn’t about pain. Pain is at least honest, it’s sharp enough to wake you. This is about the slow erosion that happens when endurance begins to pass for happiness, and “coping” becomes your only identity.
If this feels uncomfortable, let it be. That discomfort might be the last honest signal you haven’t managed to numb yet.
It’s true, there’s a tendancy to hide misery and disatisfaction as fake “acceptance” and just let ourselves be carried away by the inertia of who we were and what we got. Claiming this is just how things are.
It is much harder to see dissatisfaction and discomfort for what it is. indicators, that we have to move and change things. indicators so that we may change things and find the true path of joy peace and contentment.
Just like I accepted to get with my GFs in the past, though I wasn’t particularly attracted to them, beyond loving that they loved me. This wasn’t fair, either for myself or for them. hence why I broke up both times.
Fear holds me back from daring to step into the best life I could have. and it will continue until I try that fear, see for myself it’s illusionary nature, and know that there is a better path on the other side of it, beyond the ghosts that haunts the mind.
Edit 3:
Also love that other creator thedikshitaanchan
Description of the reel
Episode 50: ‘THE VEDIC NERVOUS SYSTEM’
Modern life problems explained using the Vedic wisdom & nervous system scienceWhen life feels like it’s falling apart, surrender is the last thing your mind wants. But the Vedas, Gita, Upanishads and Tantra all say the same thing: true surrender is not weakness, it’s capacity.
It’s not about control. It’s about remembering that your power, clarity and wholeness already exist.
It’s about holding intensity without collapse, acting where your effort matters and letting go of what is >not yours to control.Every collapse, every moment of chaos, is not your failure.
It’s the doorway.
It’s how your nervous system learns:“I am bigger than this moment. I can hold uncertainty. I can act without fear.”
Surrender opens the space for faith, expansion and alignment & that’s where life truly begins.
You don’t have to wait for safety to feel peace.
You are safe in the infinite.
You are whole.
You just need to remember
It’s very soothing, while being straight enough truth that it helps with understanding the self, and doing what needs done.
Though I still have issues with surrendering completely lol, but it’s only through doing it more and more that I may teach my body how to do it more easily. as the reel in the 2nd edit explained, it’ll stabilize at that level soon enough, I’ll “just” have to keep the momentum of change going.
