Journal on insecurity

Journals - Major Programs
#1

Thought I should start somewhere and journal here.

Listening to Chosen 2x on MWF, Regeneration 1x on Saturdays to heal insecurity and jealousy. Just started last week. Really nervous about posting here for the first time but here I go.

I’m feeling really helpless most days for the past 2 months around my insecurity and jealousy issues. Helpless that I react out of my triggered emotions, lashing out at my partner, accusing them, trying to control them to feel more secure. I don’t want to be the victim of my own mind anymore and I want to do something about this. If this goes on any further, this life isn’t fun to live in and I will just continue on suffering by the same patterned, anxious thoughts that goes through my mind.

I know many go through the same thoughts. “What if I’m not good enough for a healthy, peaceful relationship?” “What if they leave me because I’m not good looking enough?” “I’m not worthy of love”.

What are some other suggestions you might have for subs + perhaps some things I can do outside of subs to heal this relationship with myself? To truly see and believe that I am a good, loving, warm person that people do like to be with. To see the greatness in myself instead of seeing myself as a needy child who needs attention and constant love for security. It’s getting fucking tiring.

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#2

As soon as it gets updated to QZP, I’d suggest you have a good long run of Ascension. I’m talking at least six months.
Ascension is the most simple and basic way of building up your sense of self value and self esteem, so it would be good to raise that to a better base level before you start with something more complex and focused like Chosen.

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#3

Hey, how do I know when the QZP version is out? Thanks for your response, this really helps

#4

You can simply bookmark the relevant page – there will be a disclaimer when the ZP version is out.

Female version: Ascension for Women: Become the Alpha Female Subliminal - SubliminalClub

Male version: Become an Alpha Male with Ascension - Subliminal Club

There are also announcements in the forum by Saint Sovereign.

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#5

Welcome to the community @m9104.

Healing subs include Regeneration, The Elixir and Dragon Rebirth, as well as the first stage of Khan. I think you’re doing well to use Regeneration right now.

I agree with @COWolfe, Ascension and Ascended Mogul are really the best subs for a beginner, and the former definitely seems to align with your desire to be satisfied with yourself and to overcome your insecurity.

One thing I truly believe is that to see it in yourself you have to do it to a point where you see it yourself. Do things that will allow you to not just see, but make it undeniable that you’re a good, loving and warm person. Attempt great things if you want to see the greatness in yourself. This was the starting point of my journey, and what allowed me to overcome my 4 year old depression.

The subs are a tool to aid you, but action is the be-all end-all; you have to take action in order for the subs to have an impact.

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#6

Thank you for the welcome and the sub suggestion

On top of using subs, I’m practicing consistent, daily meditations and wim hof breathing exercises. A small part of me is resisting to these daily practices because I want results FASTER. But I can see that this is a lot of healing work that I have to do because the insecurities I’m projecting onto my partner is just a bottomless pit that only I can start filling - not him.

I’m thinking about what you said, “do things that will allow you to not just see, but make it undeniable that you’re a good, loving and warm person”. I’ll need to appreciate the good that I’ve already brought to this world and keep striving to do good for others. That’s why I thought Chosen was a good place to start as well, to be selfless and kind to others.

I’ll try ascension when ZP comes out.

When I listened to only Regeneration for a month, I noticed more crying sessions, higher emotional sensitivity. That was a hard fucking month.

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#7

Well we all want results to happen faster. I think my advice would be not to focus on your perceived end goal or finish line, but to compare yourself currently from the day before. Doing that will allow you to be at greater ease with your smaller steps, while still ensuring your consistent progress.

Exactly, the point of that is to make it so clearly obvious to yourself that you can’t deny it. Understand your moral and value system, and live by it strictly.

Chosen is an excellent sub, I’m currently running it and it’s been great so far. I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be a foundational sub or not though and whether or not it’s good for beginners because it’s a brand new sub, so that’s why I recommended Ascension just as a time-tested sub that’s worked for so many of us.

Regeneration will do that. It’s important to get it out of your system, only then can progress be truly made.

I think that’s the best sub for you to run at the moment, and Chosen is a nice combination to run with it. DR and Khan ST1 are more subs that are meant to wipe the slate, whereas The Elixir and Regeneration are really more focused on tying up those loose-ends. Wish you luck on your journey.

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#8

I agree with @bombayduck, in particular about comparing your progress to your old self and not your ideals or others’ ideals.

Spending time in this forum can be both constructive but also have a negative effect on your progress. The testimonials of people’s change can motivate you to believe further in what you are using; however, when you read about someone having achieved something you also desire, you’re subconsciously impressing “lack.” Therefore, you may want to take some time off the forum sporadically to see how this impacts your results. I’m going to take some time off later, too. It’s better to visit infrequently and report some very perceptive observations than to lurk around all day. I feel I’m giving advice to myself, because I am. Hopefully it helps someone you too!

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#9

This is a really good point speaking generally about the whole personal development field. Where it can get dangerous when we compare ourselves to others’ successes and journeys. Thank you @anon84605638

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#10

Don’t want to deviate the attention from this journal

But…what do you think about Emperor? it has ascension incorporated…that should help with the complexity of the rest of content in this sub.

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#11

Emperor is going to be a lot harder for a beginner, especially one with insecurity issues to run. That simple increase in self value from Ascension will make running the more complex things much easier later. I’d say switch to Emperor after maybe six months.

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#12
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#13

Anyone here experience minor or major side effects from running the following subs? Regeneration, Elixir, Chosen, Heartsong. Looking for some insights on how it shifted your mood, energy, experiences, emotions, thoughts etc… the good and the bad

#14

A few threads you may want to check out: Everything Regeneration, Raphael’s Elixir Ultima + RegenerationQ Journal, Lisa Journal Ascention & Regeneration, My first night with Regeneration, Elixir of Regeneration.

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#15

Day 14 Jan 14, 2022

Last week, my listening schedule was: Chosen MWF, Regeneration Tues, Heartsong Thurs. Break Saturday Sunday. A lil too much so we’re turning it down.

New listening schedule: Chosen from within MWF 1x loop

Goal:

build self confidence and security to thrive in relationship and build my own business (on top of my 9-5 tech startup role)

The current situation:

I can honestly say that I’m seeing small wins pretty gradually. I realized today that this goal is never going to be achieved all at once. It’s not like one day, I’ll wake up and not have crippling anxiety anymore. I notice that I am capable of feeling waves of anxiety on a day to day basis and it’s how I handle it at that very moment that defines my journey and growth.

Before, when I feel anxiety coming up, I let the thoughts take over my life. I would try to distract myself by scrolling Instagram videos, by projecting on my partner, or by drinking alcohol and going out with friends. Now, I just sit when the feeling of anxiety comes up. I sit there and feel it, I watch the thoughts but now I don’t really listen to them anymore.

It’s the same thought patterns that create my situation, “he probably wants a different life, one without me” “he’s probably better off without me because I’m not good enough of a partner” “Oh no, what if we go to that party and he connects deeply with a girl and falls in love with her?”. And I notice, the thought patterns are my anxiety talking about him but never about me and the root of it all. Do I like myself? Do I take care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally? Do I want to be with myself? It’s difficult to catch my anxious thoughts about my partner at the moment but after I let it pass, I can recognize that I need to put that energy back in myself.

A couple of wins:

  • Staying calm and collected in a recent tense discussion about money with my partner. Not using swear words, standing my ground but being gentle, listening instead of interrupting, staying in the room instead of walking away when the conversation’s getting tough, not taking anything personally. That last one, not taking anything personally, is a game changer. I think this a bigger win than anything because I’ve been really judging how I can be aggressive in arguments. Anger is okay, it’s a natural human emotion. Aggression on the other hand, is never good in a relationship and that can take a toll on our union. So this was cool to see me respond differently!

  • Consistent in my daily meditation and breathwork practice to lessen anxiety. And it’s working! My mind feels at peace most days, it’s really nice. For those that don’t have anxiety, I want that all day…!

  • Proving my leadership and commitment at work every day at the job I love. Leading with love and care, contributing when I have something to say, initiating a stronger relationship with my mentor/boss. All with confidence!

  • Keeping a paper journal on my small wins during this time of listening to subliminals. The journal really helps with processing my thoughts patterns, fear patterns, and the best parts of my life. I stopped journaling from Oct21-Jan22 during one of the most difficult time of my life. I was scared to journal about my feelings, scared to open the flood gates and process everything that had happened. Now that I’m back into journaling without judgment, I feel lighter.

  • Not really anxious about my partner taking calls in the house anymore. I see that he’s doing business and sometimes, his calls might be with another female. That used to scare me SO much, and now it really doesn’t trigger anything.

  • I had been sitting on the idea of leading a dance workshop. I finally pulled the trigger a couple of days ago and have 20 people signed up before I even secured a studio space! Talk about confidence in my abilities to lead, lol!

Even though I have all these small wins, I can see that I’m not “there” yet (maybe there is no “there”, no destination). Some nights ago, we caught up with a friend and was open to inviting us to his future house parties. I immediately felt a jump in my heart and anxiety started flooding in about other beautiful women (who are poly or open, more confident than I am). I’m not ready and that’s okay. I’m okay to not be ready. I’m telling myself that I approve of myself even when I’m not ready.

I guess that’s all from me. I’m going to keep listening to subs, keep journaling, stick with the affirmations, breathwork and meditation. I can do this. One step at a time.

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