Itās interesting what subliminals and everything that goes into it teaches you about how your mind works. Ever since Qv2 came out I have been tinkering with listening patterns and learning more about how I react to the input. Everyday I journal about what I feel, what I think, and other sensations in my body, and ever so slowly my awareness grows bigger und groĆerā¦
This makes me think about the pre-sub era in my life.
Shortly after beginning my subliminal journey, I was in a quite depressed state after a year of many internal changes. In January I took a time-out from society for three months, I just sat with myself for that time. So for that time period, almost all my input was coming from subliminals(mostly Khan), no wonder my brain was confused after coming out of hibernation months later, and the kinds of reactions I was getting from the outside.
I never thought about this connection between the subliminals and me withdrawing my attenition from the world for a while. I mostly thought to myself that it was just coming from me being a bit depressed from all that happened during 2020.
But this gave me a lot of knowledge on how habits are formed and how to drop old ones. Itās just like relaxation of the body, if you are loose and relaxed it becomes very apparent where you have any stiffness or tightness in the body.
I remember sitting around and just watching thoughts and pictures related to old habits coming up in my mindscape, and wanting my attentionā¦ 
ā¦ but instead of rallying the troops and going to war, I just watched it, like in a movie theatreā¦ And because I was not moving about in the hectic world outside, I could just sit there and watch, and also watch the impulses wither away after a while because I was not reinforing it, just observing it.
Also during two of these months I ate minimalistic, which probably was not the best thing for the sbliminals to work, but it was a very interesting period. My diet for 60 days consisted of macaronies and salt only, plus alkaline water(I have a Kangen water machine). My total spending was 2 dollars a week, period. Others looking in would have tought I was crazy! But it was not about that ,I just didnāt want to be bothered by the outside world. I never felt as my life was in danger, but I felt the push how it is to always have to find money to be able to eat every day.
Itās not hard merely surviving if you are born into where I grew up, even an ant can ājustā make a living. If one has to fight for survival than that takes up all time, but if one has to much time and too much of everything, sooner or later the thought of; who am I, what is this, whatās the point, comes up.
Some days I had to go out finding cans to recycle just to find money to buy more macaronies and salt, and some days I just fasted. I was actually amused about how comical it all seemed. It was interesting not to have any surplus of money, and actually have to struggle a bit for food. After two months I had lost almost all my cravings. In Mars my weight was 62kg or 137lbs, the last time I was so light was in my teenage years.
Something tells me that in another lifetime I must have been living this way, because it sometimes felt all too familiar. Who knowsā¦?
Another lol was when at the recycling machines in the store, there usually sits people begging for the recycle receipts. And then trying to explain that they probably have more money than me was kind of interesting 
Also,sometimes when I had a surplus of cans, Iād sometimes push the button to send the money to charity instead. So that would equal sending you sending maybe a third of all your earned money to charity 
It hurt but it hurt good.
When I entered this period I had nicotine withdrawal(one of the stronget nicotine puches sold in sweden), so that was interesting to just observe. Also all sugar cravings went away together with all other food cravings, and I consumed no alcohol or other beverages. No watching media, maybe just once or twice to see if the world still existed during this period. It was funny when a friend bought me Sushi after 90 days of macaronies. It did not taste anything special because I had no expectaions, it could have been macaronies for all I was concerned
Pro tip: If you want to quit smoking or quit nicotine pouches, just make sure you donāt have any money. Works like a charm 
Also another thing I noticed was all the small cravings just to buy things for the sake of buying it. Before I could just go to the store with no intentions other than to just buy something, like a candy bar or some kind of drink or whatever. This impulse was also interesting to just watch until it disappeared, and the same with binge eating.
Another thing that seems so foreign to me still to this day is advertising and commercials. It just seems stupid when you see through it, the whole consumerism society, and how constipated we are from all mindless programming. I also used to study a lot copywriting, so I know all the triggres and how it works in my own head. Iām still being programmed like everyone else, but I limit and avoid even listening or watching anything if possible. Just a little bit more aware than I used to be of it.
One particular question popped up a few times during these 3 months; what am I doing here just going round and round in a hamsterwheel day after day? Is this lifetime really worth living the way I am living it, and just walking around like a zombie?
Another feeling that has emerged during this year is; that you cannot actually die! This body and avatar is going away sooner or later, but not life itselfā¦ life seems to me more of a process and not a thing that can be born or that dies. If Iām loving this fear never arises, but if Iām afraid its everywhere. So my own importance does not feel that important anymore, beacuse I will always be here, where can I go, whatās the hurry?
Going back to my thoughts about reconciliation and my life before subliminals, Iām starting to realize more and more that everytime I ever procrastinated, I was experiencing reconcilliation. And it was a call to join the dark side and repressing it, or to actually making a behavioral change, and thus reinforcing new and better habits.
Nothing ever changes, just my own perception of it.
The integration period on Qv2 is interesting. Before all I did was listening all day, but now I have to have processing days just as much as listening days. The easy part is the listening days, the hard parts are actually giving it time integrate. Itās easy to get stuck chasing the good feelings, and if they are not as strong anymore, to overlook that the results are still thereā¦
My subliminal journey which now is closing in on 12 months has taught me a lot about how this process actually feels within me, all the ins and outsā¦
Iām beginning to see more and more that I can have all these elevated states and be high as a kite all the timeā¦ but if I do not learn from them and gaining wisdom from the experiences, then Iām just an addict or a child with a season pass for the local Tivoli.
Nothing beats actual experiences, but one needs to learn from them not to redo the mistakes.
The funny thing is that today I live out in nowhere, in the middle of a forest. Thereās actually more horses out here than people I still donāt meet new people that often because of where I currently live, a couple a week maybe, and most of those are just people I pass by in the local neighborhoodā¦
So one interesting thing about this, is that almost everyone I have met since new year has been out-group(outgroup bias), meaning that I donāt know them personally in any way or know someone in the same group that knows them.
6 days from now marks the last day I actually mingled on weekly basis with any form of group(my old job) repeatedly. Come to think about it, most these of 12 months feels like a couple of weeks at most, my memory is almost gone from this period.
But this outgroup thing has been a learning period as well. I have been experimenting with this a lot and teaching the mind to ignore the feeling of not knowing people, and just assuming familiarity wherever I go. To go for gains and ignoring threats, and playing some games with my Reticular Activasion System
Iām going back to the big city for a few days to visit a friend on thursday. It will be interesting to see what happens thenā¦
Yippee ki ea mother-āpeeeepppp(censored word)ā
