Thanks for asking. Iām good though, itās just a lot fear coming up when getting closer to being homeless for a while and not knowing where to live. One could turn it around instead and see how massively this situation will give me life energy from all the newness that is coming my way.
Becoming OG in that apartment, I now have a harem of little dreams 
Took some time to make a prototype of an updated version of the Sacred Heart Custom.
Heartsong
Love Bomb
Gratitude Embodiment
Depths of Love
Chosen of Venus
Blue Skies
Love Without Attachment
Transcendental Connection
Emotions Unfettered
Divine Self-Image
Joie De Vivre
The Wonder
The Flow
Elegance
Sanguine
Harmonic Singularity
Cardiovascular System
Intuition Enhancer
The Architect
Deus
I kept the upper part of the subliminal minus Inner Circle which I plan to run solo from the main store. How I have missed Harmonic Singularity is a mystery, because that is a cornerstone to me as a man to be relaxed no matter what.
Also threw in Cardivascular system for synergy with heart meditations, and also The Architect for generating more energy 
On another note I have been having less recon today which marks the 7th day of my washout period. This was a though week when it comes to recon, and I do believe that SG was played a bit too much, but hey new stuff 
Also been having a lot of energy today. Not feeling safe and having a lot of uncertainty of the future generates a lot of potent energy in the mind and body. It makes you ripe and your thoughts sharp for sure.
Itās funny how one side of the mind goes, How hard can it be, yourāre living in a first world country! While the other side goes, dafuq are you doing? You had all the comforts youāll ever need, and now you are sitting here typing words on your computer and using the windowsill as a tableā¦
Also, updated the draft of my coming main custom that I plan to play this autumn and winter.
| Khan St4 | ||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Daredevil | ||||||
| Primal | ||||||
| Inner Gasoline | ||||||
| Seducerās Gaze | ||||||
| Emperorās Voice | ||||||
| Enchanting Smile | ||||||
| Alpha of Alpha | ||||||
| Leader of Men | ||||||
| Invincible Presence | ||||||
| Total Noncahlance | ||||||
| Rogue | ||||||
| Lion IV | ||||||
| Carpe Diem Ascended | ||||||
| Courage Reclaimed | ||||||
| Wayfinder | ||||||
| Furious Ascent | ||||||
| Natural Winner | ||||||
| Dominion | ||||||
| Jupiter |
Just saw the angel number 555 - Personal growth or even physical change await you.
I donāt doubt it one bit!
Fantastic post. Many things stood out ans your whole message about responsibility is what I teach men for years now.
I do think, the boy becomes a man as soon s he takes 100% for everything in his life.
Yes, everything.
Might not be his fault, but nobody is going to wake up and ponder how he can fix your life. You gotta do it yourself.
And well, I genuinely dislike this victim society of blaming others.
However, the absolute key:
My son is now a year old.
The things I learned from that little rackerā¦
Itās that pure zest for life. Enjoying existence. Enjoying people without judgment.
Itās crazy.
If you look at people from the 90s,they had a vibe to them. Joy. Energy.
Now if you look at people on the street, looking on the floor or their phone, earphones in, escaping reality, never smiling, you see the works of evil forces.
Conspiracy or not, most people have a completely wrong approach to life, but they donāt know better.
Share your wisdom and try to help as many as possible to escape this madness 
Great post, friend. And lovely journal 
Thank you my friend for the kind words 
This is certainly something that becomes less and less today. Makes me think of old tribal cultures where they took boys and put them through a period of harsh treatment as a way to into manhood.
Yes, and somehow we bargain and lose it somewhere on the way to adulthood. I often watch parents play with their small children, itās fascinating the energy they receive from them, and then they snap out of it and go back in to old habits of supressing that energy back down again.
The 90ās was the shit for sure 
Iāve noticed that people wait for me to act now a days, and the only reason why I notice this is because I used to wait for others. If I donāt care or notice it no one elso does, I put that judgment on myself which the world reflected back at me.
Sage Immortal brought me back to look at an old picture I took of 2 notes I took from reading a book. The last one is interesting when mentioning the innocence of the child
The oldest memory I have from my childhood is a traumatic experience at the age of around 3 years old. It triggered a strong emotion which makes me being able to recall it, it was a strong resistance.
And when one enters a flow time just flies past and often you have very little recollection of what actually happened, and a small child just flows with the moment.
I find this very interesting. I have not looked at things like that before and I am not really understanding. Why you cannot experience anything unless you resist it?
Could you elaborate on it?
Rite of passage.
Too bad this died out.
For the longest time I thought āIām the man. I need to work. I donāt have time to play with him. He is better served with more money.ā
Probably the biggest lie I told myself.
I think they look good.
I would wonder if using Khan St4, Rogue, and Total Nonchalance might be overdoing something. I donāt know what that something might be, but if you read the descriptions perhaps something will come to mind and you can think about it for yourself.
I get what youāre saying. The way I see it and think I have understood it is that if we like some quality to be enhanced, add that module. If you read the descriptions of those two, they are a tiny bit different, but for sure in the same direction. I guess that message can be not caring for others opinions, and also freedom of expression and flow?
Thereās a few modules that Iām trying out thatās new to me, so my focus is on general directions of traits. So if I feel one or two are redundant, that spot is up for a switcharoo later on.
Thanks for the input RV
Yup!
Aināt it funny sometimes how we project our own insecurities, and we are not even aware of it most of the time. Great insight though 
A tough one for sure. The problem I feel is that we try to understand it intellectually. And I must say that my understanding of it varies depending on my current consciousness level.
I once had a small Satori moment that lasted for around 5 hours, I entered a total space of peace that was soo blissful that everything stopped, my whole being was at peace. For 3 hours I have almost no recollection of what I was doing, the flow was that great. If I would have read this there and then, I would not have gone, hm yeah that makes senseā¦ there would just been a knowingness, past all thoughts or emotions. So a knowingness, not an intellectual understanding.
But in a way just existing in a body in this world is a form of resistance. Gravity keeps you down to this earth and you have to fight it daily. You get hungry, you have to eat, or thirsty, you have to drink. Push in one direction and something pushes back just as much.
Sometimes I feel the more you get involved in the worldy affairs, the more chaotic it becomes, and the more strain it puts on you. So just withdrawing attention from the world and inward is lessining the tension in a way.
Deep meditative states just IS, (you) are, thereās no thoughts about it, no time, just a knowingness. The I dissapears as a person into an empty space.
But anyways, this are just my thoughts written out. Iām far from a place where I understand this, just interesting to come back to it, itās like reading a book you havenāt read for a long time, you see new things and understand things differently.
Ok you had me there, looked over it. Iām dropping Total Nonchalance and adding Harmonic Singularity instead. Thanks once again RV
Sure, man. Yeh, I thought youād get it. If you want the quality or benefit, select the module, but my concern was there would be so much over lap it might make your personalityā¦ a bit extreme, and not in a good way.
Khan + Rogue + the potential chillness of Harmonic Signularity I think would be better.
Personally, Iām biased about Rogue. But thatās my preference. It might do you good.
Just some thoughts about the module Enchanting Smile:
Smile more, smile beautifully. Enchanting Smile will help you let go of your insecurities about smiling while guiding you to develop a one of a kind, beautiful, attractive smile that urges others to smile with you and makes them feel as the only person in the world. Furthermore, Enchanting Smile will help you smile more and do so in a natural, relaxed way.
Iāve only had just three exposures to this modules, but the effects are very noticeable. Itās like when I look at a women that I fancy I smile without hesitation, and it feels so relaxed and normal. The thought of smiling at everyone has crossed my mind several times, almost like an exercise to see that smiling has no drawbacks if itās genuine.
Also have have had a couple of moments where the person receiving it gets mesmerized by it, and also like it says in the description, feels like the only person in the world.
Back in my PUA days I developed through repetition a constant smirk to the point that I could smirk for hours without fatigue. But this was taped to my face and not something that was authentic. I can actually now feel that some of the muscles in my face are more loose now, making it effortless to smile 
What are your thoughts on the effects of Love Without Attachment in your Custom? For some reason, I am somewhat resistant to the idea even though I know itās a good thing to love freely. Maybe a better word would be āunconditional loveā?
My thoughts are that Iām not at all attached to any fairytale visions of love made by me or by society anymore. Unconditional love is a word that when you say it, has already lost all its mening. I do think it is an excellent module to pair with Blue Skies, it just makes me more in the moment with love, just like a current drifting along.
Any holding or clinging to love is to me limiting, what I share is what I get back. To me giving love is to give freedom, not take it or trying to control it. It also makes me less willing to try and change other people or things, but instead just accept all phenomena as transitory and ever changing.
I would say if you feel resistance to it, then itās probably something that you want deep down. If it triggers you, it does so for a reason.
I just had a parable about subliminals pop up in my head, and especially the Q-store.
If anyone has ever played The Elder Scrolls computer games series, you will remember the lockpicking system. You will have to carefully find the sweet spot and turn the lockpick without breaking it. If it breaks youāll have to use another one, that is if you donāt run out of them. Then you have go and buy new ones.
And by doing lockpicks you slowly level up your lockpick skill, and can tackle harder and harder locks that gets progressivly more advanced as the game goes on.
When I crafted my first custom I was at the novice level. I wanted it all and had little to no idea of what I was doing. But I had to start somewhere to begin leveling up. And by reading about others customs, and reading the descriptions, comparing them, taking some more time to think, and then the finally clicking the order buttonā¦ I learned a bit more. In the game you could also level up your skills by finding books and reading them.
And then by jounaling about my experiences from listening and noticing the signs from the world, Iām learning more about the modules, and I start crafting another one. This time with more knowledge and expeience, and a bit clearer on my goals which now has changed slightly by me growing. And also sometimes a wise dragon(Fire), or mystic sage(Saint) would appear giving out important clues on the way.
And the aim as I go forward is to level up a group of skills that I want to focus on in the skills tree. And if I want to reach that chest to lockpick, I might have to sneak my way there, or figth my way there. So in the end, the goal of lockpicking will result in the leveling up of multiple skills at the same time.
Level magic so you can shoot fireballs of love.
Great analagoy though. Itās like being a kid getting into a candy store and wanting to eat all the candy. Until you regret it and your stomach hurts.
Itās so easy to want it all at the same time. Like fuck running 3 subs, Immma run 12 subs. Then I get everything.
Pick the candy you most need in the moment. Then go back to the candy shop. I donāt even know what Iām writing anymore iām tired