Day 30
For a while I was anxious over the last two interactions with my mentor. I feel I was dominated and let him dictate the flow of the conversation. This is not sitting well with me. It wounded my ego a bit.
I feel I have this competitive, masculine energy building up inside me. Waiting to be unleashed onto the world. Think I’ll engage more in sports to release some of it.
Day 31
Listened to one 5 min loop, at high volume. Went out for a jog and had a great workout. Nothing interesting to note
Day 32
Dreams
First dream
I was sitting at the top of a skyscraper. Right on the edge. I looked to the left. The sun was bright, and the sky was blue. The sea was so vast and glistening. I was so awestruck, humbled even, by how beautiful the scene was. I forced myself to stop looking to prevent falling off.
Second day
I was sitting in the living room. My nieces and nephews were sitting in the couch opposite me. They were all staring at me in awe and admiration. Then they began showering me with compliments. One of my nieces said she thought I was a great painter. I was like nah, I don’t think so.
Day 33 - 34
Been working out and jogging. Still feeling sore as I write this.
For the past two days I’ve been eating four times a day, instead of two. I want to bulk up. Noticed today that I ate at 2:00 pm, but felt hungry by 5:00pm. Is the sub assisting me to eat more?
Day 35 - 36
Day 37
I reached day 10 of the bodyweight fitness primer. I feel a little excited moving into day 11. Last time I stopped at day 10. So I’m proud of myself for this. I’m glad that I’m still sticking with the workouts. The past week or so I’ve been consistent.
I’ve been spending most of my time browsing subclub and reddit. In my head I keep thinking that I should find something more fulfilling to do. But the thing is I don’t have an interest in anything. I don’t have any passion. And I don’t have the motivation to find out what my passions are. So I just keep on procrastinating. I feel like my brain isn’t wired to go deep learning something. Reading a book is like mental torture to me. It’s like my brain is understimulated doing stuff that doesn’t give instant gratification.
As a kid I didn’t have a particular passion. But after reading “Rich dad Poor Dad” I was really into having financial freedom. I was also interested in dropshipping. When I finished high school I told my dad I didn’t want to go to college. But he forced me anyways. That’s where things started going downhill for me. At some point I lost joy in everything and felt so empty. I tried filling the void with religion, but it didn’t help.
Day 38
Had a dream that I was dominating my dad. I was shouting at him and he couldn’t even look me in the eye.
Practiced diaphragmatic breathing for deadbugs. Felt calm and less anxious after.
I stumbled upon a post talking about the benefits of meditation. This motivated me to look more into it. Read a book called mindfulness in plain english. Then I meditated for 20 minutes. Also looked into qi gong and yoga. Tried following some youtube videos but found it unengaging. Trying to perform the postures while paying attention to the screen was a drag.
It’s interesting how a little bit of motivation pushes you to do stuff.
Day 39
Meditated for 20 minutes.
Felt like I was getting more respect than usual. I went with my nephew to the store and the guard asked me if I was his father, which was a bit odd. I’m 21 and I even look young for my age. One of my neighbours kids greeted me when we walked past each other.
I just recalled that I caught my dad staring at me one time. He had this who the hell is this guy look on his face.
Day 40
I just saw this
“That being said, as a general rule of thumb regarding how long does it take for subliminal messages to work…
…you should expect to see minor changes around day 30, strong changes around day 90, and MAJOR changes at six months”
After this cycle i’ll switch to ascended mogul. Its been on my mind for a while. If i’m going to stick with a sub for 6 months+, I want to be making as much money as possible. I chose ascension because I solely wanted to focus on the internal, but I can’t ignore my financial situation. Money is also a priority.
Day 41
While meditating I reached a state where I wasn’t being distracted by thoughts. I was just present, in the moment.
I went to visit my old friend again. I’d been wanting to see him, but was pushing it off. I was kind of waiting for my self esteem to go up, like it did on day 21. But I pushed myself to go anyways.
So I went into the living room and my old friend and his mom were sitting down. The vibes and energy in the room was low. I knew from the start that I wasn’t going to stay long. I tried to make some small talk, but it wasn’t flowing well. After five minutes I said I was in a rush and left.
After I completely lost the need to visit him again. I was surprised by how quickly my emotions changed, based off of one ‘meh’ interaction.
Looking back I feel we weren’t really close to begin with. And except for our past we don’t have much in common. I’m here trying to start a business, and he’s in school. I feel there’s a big disconnect there. He’s just not in alignment with the future I’m trying to create.
Day 41 continued
I was also physically tired for most of the day.
Day 42
I’ve been slipping back into Twitter the past few days. I’ve not opened up a new account tho. Just been checking out the ones I used to follow.
The only thing I look forward to now are my digital marketing classes. Tho we haven’t gotten the ball rolling and classes are being postponed. And i’m not motivated enough to learn by myself.
I’m bored out of my mind during my free time(which is most of the day). Today I watched some Cowboy Beebop, and read some batman and dr strange comics.
I saw a comment recommending The Illuminated mind for meditation, so I decided to check it out. Read a couple of pages. Then I meditated for 10 minutes.
Day 42 continued
I feel i’m becoming more serious, ruthless even, about my future. Tho I’m not really feeling the grim vibe. I feel I need more fun/positivity in my life. Maybe I should go for Stark or CFW over AM? I don’t know. I’ll wait till the end of the cycle then I’ll make a decision.
That reminds me of my journey of growth. I lost friends, not because of fights or because one of us was bad, but because we didn’t seem aligned anymore, values changed. Losing friends can be an indicator of growth (can also be an indicator of bad social skills 
)
Day 43
Today was supposed to be a workout day. But I procrastinated and stayed in bed till 1:00 pm, even though I wanted to workout. I don’t like it tho. I prefer to start my day off early. Today was probably a one off.
I’m somehow finding it harder to eat more than to stick to my workouts. I haven’t even started counting calories.
Day 43 continued
Had a bit of a confrontation today
I was waiting in queue to withdraw money from the ATM. When it was almost getting to my turn, this guy(looked early 40s) sitting down, tells me he’s before me. I told him there was no way he was ahead of me. I literally saw him walking in while I was in the queue. We argued for a little while. The security guard and the guy ahead of me where kind of supporting him, but I stood my ground. The thought of letting this guy walk ahead of me made me want to throw up. I knew I was going to regret it so backing down wasn’t an option. I was ready to get physical, if needed. Fortunately It didn’t get to that. The guy backed down and I used the ATM without fuss.
Day 46 (July 2nd: Cycle 2, Day 2 of washout)
So i’m now on my second washout. I feel I might’ve missed two days, but I decided it’s best I do a washout anyways.
This cycle wasn’t great tbh. Barely any noticeable results.
Day 49
Thoughts and contemplations
I’m in a better place mentally. I feel like meditation might’ve played a part in this. For the past few days my mind has been free from worry. My mood has improved. I feel more neutral, instead of negative.
I feel I’ve lost what fueled me to want to be successful in the past.
Before I started ascension, my life was filled with negativity, stress, worry and doubt. I saw making money as a way out of this. I don’t feel this way anymore. I would still like to make money, but it’s not coming from a place of desperation. I don’t see making money as my ultimate goal in life. I feel a bit conflicted about this. I see it as me having a poor persons mindset.
I don’t feel trapped at home. I no longer see leaving my parents house as something I need to do to transform my life. I mean I’ll leave as soon as I get the chance, but I’m not stressed about staying.
I’ve also lost my underdog mentality. I wanted to be successful to prove my family wrong. Also to feel superior to my siblings. I saw having success as payback for emotionally neglecting me as a kid. I even used to wish that they’d all live unsuccessful lives. I feel I’ve mostly let go of that.
Day 51
So I’ve had two incidents with girls when picking up my nephew from school
I was about to enter my nephew’s class when the girl outside greeted me. She had this please talk to me look in her eyes. But I kept it short and moved on. Not interested in ~16 year old girls. She even told me goodbye as we were leaving. I didn’t really think much of it cause i used to get attention from girls back in high school. I went out to see if I had this effect on women, but didn’t notice anything.
Today I walked past a group of girls in my nephew’s school and they all turned to greet me. This made me think that maybe something is cooking in the background.