Homecoming [ASCENSION SOLO]

Journals - Major Programs
#1

So I’m starting off by running ascension solo. This is my first time using a sub club product. I hope it goes well.

Day 1
Listened to one loop late at night, felt a bit weird in the head after. Something i’d describe as mental fatigue.

Day 2

Woke up like 4:00 am in the morning feeling the same way, stayed up for like up 30 minutes, started with looking up ascension journals to see how their first loops compared to mine. idk my mental state in that moment felt a bit like i was stuck in this sticky pool of mud and I was looking up how to drag myself out of it. Maybe I expected to start seeing noticeable results immediately. I looked up on taking action and its importance in getting results. Though i’m not sure how i,m going to take action on ascension, like my goals listening to this are inner oriented like self esteem, self discovery etc. maybe i should’ve gone for asc mogul instead, like maybe since going for money id be able to see results faster andmore convincingly. Thinking of starting on affilliate marketing, going to car dealership and the mall.

Dreams

Went back to sleep. dreamt about going into a school and entering class with a tank top on, which is odd since i don’t wear one out due to being shy. I remember feeling exposed whilst talking to a teacher. Then as I was on my way out I locked eyes with a girl who I at first thought was my classmate from high school, she then gave me a sort of puzzled look. Turns out she just really resembled her. Second dream I was about to enter an estate through the gate, when i suddenly saw a dog on the other side barking, quickly retraced my steps and closed the gate. Though instead of completely retreating, I found a stick to defend myself and went back in. Dont remember what happened after.

2 Likes
#2

Woke up feeling better and way more chill than yesteday. Reflexively started browsing through twitter whilst listening to music on my laptop. Now… I’m a maladaptive
daydreamer. If you arent familiar, theres this blog I found that explains it well. Part I: Fall of the self – Guide to Maladaptive Daydreaming. Its basically an addictive coping mechanism, to deal with depression.

*" MD begins where self breaks. Something had to butcher your sense of self so hard for MD to take over your life. Your daydream characters are your last attempt to latch yourself onto something concrete before you completely disappear. You are extending your existence through them in ways sometimes unclear even to you, you live off them. It’s as if you severed a part of yourself, dissociated it completely from your own identity so that not even you can recognize it and transferred it to daydream characters because that is the only place where it can continue to survive when you no longer can and when everything else is falling apart. It’s pretty parasitic way of living but it is doing an excellent job of keeping you alive." *

Music is what triggers and keeps me day dreaming. And the type of music I listen to shapes the fantasies I have. So I started off the day listening to the kind of music that usually makes me feel like the underdog trying to prove the doubters wrong. Though I noticed a subtle shift in my feelings, I wasnt feeling like the guy with the point to prove anymore, I felt like I was that guy, already at the top.

The good feeling I had early in the morning dissipated as the day went on. Also noticed that im completely disinterested in porn, it almost feels like a turn off at this point.

5 Likes
#3

" Detachment isn’t a product of what we call MD. Numbness was already there – and MD was your way of dealing with it. You wound up numb and emotionally disconnected from reality because you became emotionally disconnected from yourself and MD was merely a response to this. Do you notice that the moment you switch the point of view from yourself to your daydream characters [or idealized you] and use them as receptors instead, you can instantly feel? Or rather, they can feel and you can feel through them. In other words, you are physiologically able to feel. Which brings us to conclusion that you are not an emotionless nutcase or somebody who is beyond repair. You can feel but dissociation stands in your way."

1 Like
#4

Welcome and good luck, @robocop . Ascension ia an excellent first choice.

3 Likes
#5

Wow this blog post is fascinating… haven’t read the whole thing as I’m trying to be productive and I KNOW I will fall down the rabbit-hole and read all of it, if I start now, but I’m super impressed with the layout of the site, the way you started off the first article, and from what I can tell, you’re having an impact on people! Way to go. I’d ask questions, but I haven’t dug into the article yet, so I’ll read it before asking something I’ll probably find on the first page :stuck_out_tongue:

Judging by how quickly you felt the loop - both the positive and negative effects, the disinterest in porn, - it sounds like you’re receptive to subliminals! If you keep on having intense experiences after each loop, or if the recon feels like a lot, try reducing your loops down to 5 minutes!

I’m very excited to see where this journal goes. You’ll have an interesting journey. I’m sure one day you’ll open up a DR thread and attempt to tackle MD, but, that’ll likely be a long time away from now.

1 Like
#6

So are you saying music is a negative in your life? Because it triggers the daydreaming aka disassociation?

I’m wondering what would happen if you just stopped listening to music?

1 Like
#7

Bro i’m not the writer of the articles :rofl: Just happened to stumble on it browsing through reddit lol

#8

Observation:

For the purpose of clarity, you must quote-unquote a text if it refers to what somebody else wrote or said.

1 Like
#9

Oh ok like this, right? was just trying to figure it out now

1 Like
#10

I mean if you bring here a text from another person so that readers don’t take it as your own thoughts in the journal.

The old quote-unquote: “…”

2 Likes
#11

So if i start with 5 min loops do i just listen from 0-5 mins all the time? or do i listen 0-5, then 5-10, then 10-15 mins?

#12

Yes. 0-5min. always.

1 Like
#13

Day 3

Listened to 2 loops midnight back to back. Woke up in the middle of a wet dream late at night (making out with a doll in barbie world wtf?), went back to sleep. Woke up again at 8:00 am, feeling more mentally fatigued than day 1. Not having a good nights sleep probably contributing to it. Was this due to listening to 2 loops? It wasn’t intense tho, like i’d give the mental fatigue on day 1 a 5/10, while this was more of a 6-7/10. Started feeling down, put on some chill and sad music whilst laying in bed. Mental fatigue and feeling down wore off at about 11:30 am (looking at day 1 also, seems like it takes 10-12 hrs for the mental fatigue to wear off?). Felt weak urges to restart jogging in the morning and working out. Also felt an urge to go out to the mall, so I got out of my room, freshened up and ate breakfast. Unfortunately before I could leave a heavy rain began to fall, so I just stayed at home the entire day. At the end of the day I think they might’ve been really subtle internal changes, like maybe my happiness and confidence went up by a point or two, but nothing major. Also noticed my head felt kind of ‘full’ towards the end of the day. Don’t know what to make out of that.

2 Likes
#14

Oh.

:sob::sob::rofl::rofl:

I see.

#15

Day 4

Listened to 1 loop just before bed at 12:00 pm. Surprisingly didn’t feel any mental fatigue throughout the entire day. At one point I decided to listen to one loop of ultrasonic at 15 volume with earpiece on, didn’t feel any different after. Nothing interesting to note today.

Dreams

In the first dream I remember being in a crazy party with my old classmates. I’m a bit foggy on the details though.

Second dream I can recall in more detail. I remember seeing a woman just outside my room door. She wasn’t really good looking, but she did have a nice body (which turned me on). So me (being horny af) approached her. I basically went straight to the point and told her I wanted to have sex. While she didn’t straight up say ‘no’, she also didn’t agree to it either. She was basically calling me out on how desperate I was, in a “i’m not angry, i’m just dissapointed” kind of tone. She also asked if I was a virgin (which I am :pensive:) and other stuff which I don’t recall. At the end I crawled back into my room, head hung down from the dressing down I just received.

1 Like
#16

P.S I’m a moron. I just realised that today was meant to be a resting day. Guess the desperation for results got to me.

#18

I found it hard to answer this question at first cause since I discovered subliminals like 6 months ago I stopped putting effort in the real world. Had to take the day off to get in tune with my past self. Back to your question, right now, I actually don’t think music and daydreaming are a negative in my life. Like daydreaming never hindered me from doing stuff in the real world. It’s just what I do a lot in my leisure/ when i’m bored.

I think my biggest enemy in the real world is my apathy towards life. I have zero internal motivation to accomplish anything. No passions whatsover. My default is doing absolutely nothing. I got tired of fighting myself years ago and realised that if I was ever going to ever become someone great in life I had to change who I was from the inside.

2 Likes
#19

Thanks

2 Likes
#20

I totally get it, I’ve been like that. All I do is work then go home and recharge to do it all again.

I was curious because you made it seem like music was triggering the daydreaming and sustaining/carrying the apathy. But thanks for clarifying.

I don’t listen to music, stopped about almost 2 years ago. I crave silence, peace. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve listened to maybe 10 songs in that time, but I don’t actively go out of my way to listen. It’s no longer an activity of mine.

I hope ascension pulls you out of apathy bro :slight_smile:

1 Like
#21

Thanks. I hope it does too