Homecoming [ASCENSION SOLO]

Journals - Major Programs
#22

Day 5

Started off the day scrolling through twitter while listening to music. Though, I noticed a change. Listening to music didn’t seem to trigger the daydreams anymore. Like usually, when I listen to music I constantly daydream about multiple scenarios (most of them being centred around grabbing attention), which then leads to me feeling excited. But this time, none of that happened. As a result I didn’t find the listening experience enjoyable. Got bored and cut it off in 30 minutes.

Next I felt the urge to go out jogging. I haven’t jogged/exercised in months. I needed to expel that “lazy ass energy” you get when you stay indoors for too long. So I went out and jogged for about 30 mins, probably would’ve gone up to an hour if I wasn’t wearing the most uncomfortable shoes of all time. Got back to my room and did some pushups for about 30 mins. Currently following this extensive workout guide by https://www.reddit.com/r/bodyweightfitness/ since I don’t have access to the gym at the moment. After I was done with the workout, I cleaned up my room.

Tried listening to music later in the day and it was the same experience I had earlier in the morning.

Dreams

This one was a bit scary. I was paralysed, laying in bed in this pitch dark room, with moon light shining through the window. And then there was an ape, hanging on the window with one hand, staring at me. I couldn’t move, I was in my head, thinking in fear if it was going to eat me or not. That’s all I can remember.

3 Likes
#23

Yooooooooooooo what did y’all put in this stuff? I just looked at my body in the mirror and realised that my side abs have developed considerably . I now have like three solid strips of side abs on each side of my body. They were never there before. Was this from the workout I had in the morning? All I did was 15 pushups :sob:. Damn. Man was looking like adult Eren Jaegar in the mirror (Okay maybe I’m exaggerating by a lot, but still).

7 Likes
#24

Day 6

Realisations

  • My maladaptive day dreaming has officially been cured.

  • Listening to music or watching anime no longer triggers daydreaming.

  • I no longer get gratification from listening to music or watching anime. For the past two days, I’ve barely listened to music.

  • I’ve been going out jogging and working out in the morning for the past two days. It feels good. I feel a bit motivated to keep working out due to the body change I witnessed yesterday. Also looking into bulking, I want some meat on these bones.

  • Since morning I’ve been thinking of what I should be doing in my free time. Like literally my whole day is free. Nothing interesting is popping up to me at the moment.

  • Before I started this sub I already paid for an online coaching course (on online business stuff), but I won’t be starting till next week.

6 Likes
#25

Wow! This is amazing.

Called it :wink:

#26

This may come and go at first… don’t get discouraged if it ever does come back in the next 1-2 months!

Keep at the subliminals, stay consistent, reduce listening time if you ever feel overwhelmed, but even if you stop feeling results or feel like your maladaptive daydreaming gets as bad as ever, don’t stop listening to the subliminals!

The subliminals might have already instantly and completely cured and eradicated your MDD. But then again, the subs could still be working on it.

There’s a difference between “stopping” MDD and “eradicating” MDD.

Eradication means it’s permanent and won’t come back no matter what you do! “Stopping” it can be short term or long term, but never permanent.

Subliminals usually “stop” problems extremely quickly, but require patience to permanently eradicate the problem so it never returns. Now that the subliminal has taught your mind how to stop MDD with the help of a subliminal, it will go through the more gradual process of teaching your mind how to stop MDD… WITHOUT subliminal aide… thereby eradicating it completely.

Until it’s fully eradicated, try not to over-do it. Just because music and anime don’t currently trigger MDD doesn’t mean you have free reign to listen to as much music/anime as you want to “celebrate” your freedom. Enjoy it, but still act as if you would if MDD were a part of your life, try and reduce/eliminate/avoid triggers.

Then, you’ll go longer and longer without any MDD relapses and it soon will become truly eradicated.

This is all just worst case scenario stuff… I hope it really is cured!

3 Likes
#28

Thank you. Your feedback and support really means a lot. I do have moments where I’m afraid I might relapse. I see how detrimental it is to my progress to gain gratification from MD and I don’t want to get sucked in again.

Yeah maybe saying I was “cured” was a bit premature, like I had one or two moments today where I did daydream for a bit. Now I’m probably just being nitpicky, but I feel the need to write down every single detail so I’m just putting it out there.

Yeah that’s the issue I have right now, I need to find something productive to keep me occupied. The problem is I’m not drawn to do anything at the moment, so I just spend most of the day scrolling through social media (which you can imagine is incredibly boring).

Also I need to ask if I should listen to 1 or 2 loops? It’s been bugging me since the start of day cause I feel like 1 loop might not be enough to see results.

#29

Bro… I listen to 3 minutes of a loop, generally with 2 rest days between listening days, and that gets me more than enough results!

1 loop is all you need.

A lot of users have started listening to subliminals only on mon/wed/fri, taking weekends off to have a 2 day rest period at least once per week, and then following a 5 day washout once every 21 days as normal.

My point is, less is more.

#30

Go for walks. Especially in nature. But even in the city is fine. Dont bring a phone or tech. Let your mind wander naturally, or focus it while you’re walking, or whatever… walking is like a hack to access the subconscious mind and massively improves integration of subliminals anyways. Nice side benefit, but in your case, the main benefit is just having time to kill.

You spend 3+ hours a day on social media… why not reaaaaally let yourself actually relax instead of forcing yourself to be productive, and go for a 1+ hr walk a day?

2 Likes
#31

Day 6 Continued

Listened to 1 loop, felt sleepy and a bit cold a short while after.

1 Like
#32

Day 7

I woke up feeling extremely tired. Didn’t sleep too well. Felt like I was having intense dreams throughout the night, though they weren’t vivid. Got prepared and went out for an early morning jog.

Now usually when I go out for a jog I don’t pay attention to people. I’m solely focused on the task at hand. But today I noticed I was more conscious and sensitive of people’s reactions towards me. It was also pretty annoying to jog today. Cars and people kept getting in the way. Might have to start going earlier from now on. Also had a couple of smartasses throw sassy remarks my way.

Got back home and had a good workout. No longer felt tired. Then I freshened up, ate breakfast and went out to the mall.

I was uncomfortable the whole time I was out. Also felt like I was getting more stares than normal.

Throughout the evening I felt down, tired and weak. Also had a bit of cough and cold. Though it got better in the night.

All in all today was a bit rough. No interesting changes to write about

2 Likes
#33

Day 8

I listened to 1 loop of ultrasonic by 1:00 am before going to sleep. Had a really refreshing nap. Woke up by 8:00 am feeling good, also a bit lazy. Decided not to jog or workout today. Spent like an hour going through this forum till I got an urge to check out fantasy books. I haven’t seriously read a fantasy book in years. Last one I read was ‘The black guard’ by A.J smith, which I really enjoyed. Had fun discussing the book with my classmates back in high school. So I searched up the best fantasy books and downloaded mistborn trilogy and maladan. Unfortunately I got bored and stopped reading before I even finished the first pages. Then I played 1 loop of Asc. chamber.

Next I went to the kitchen to make breakfast. I felt lazy(in a good way) so I decided to just do the bare minimum instead of trying to make something fancy. Was also feeling a bit zen. While I was preparing breakfast my mom walked in and began waffling about the usual. Noticed I didn’t feel agitated at all, nor did I feel the need to respond. I was also talking in a lower tone than usual. I felt like I was Jeff Goldblum or a stoner, just chill and good vibes. I was also pretty forgetful, had to tell my sister to repeat the details of the conversation we were having. Also asked my mum for her credit card pin multiple times.

Noticed that I wasn’t being desperate/obssessive over results. Usually I obsess over whether It’s working, whether I should listen to masked or US, whether I should listen to 1or 2 loops and so on. I need to get comfortable with the fact it will take some time before I see profound changes.

2 Likes
#34

Woke up feeling good. I had a bit of energy and eagerness to go out and do something in the world. Even began dancing in my room. I later decided to go out for a jog. Noticed that unlike yesterday I didn’t give a damn what people thought. I felt a bit free and confident. Like if someone said something sassy towards me id be able to retort back. After jogging I did my workout as usual.

Later in the evening I decided to go out to play football. I’ve been wanting to go for a while but haven’t because of fear. I was afraid of having to interact with strangers.

My social anxiety went through the roof after high school. Even though I was always shy and reserved I did make a lot of friends in high school. In college I was a ghost. I was there for 4 years and made zero friends. I guess being in college with such a large number of students, more onus is on you to interact with people, which I avoided. Missing lectures certainly didn’t help either.

Unfortunately when I got to the football yard it was empty. So then I decided to go to a college nearby. I got to the football pitch and saw a group of people in a circle passing the ball. I wanted to approach them and ask why they weren’t playing team vs team and whether I could join their little game. But I decided not to because I was afraid.

Next I went to the basketball court. They were 3 people in the court practicing their shooting and dribbling. I wanted to ask one of them for the ball to have 3 shots, but I decided not to because I was afraid. There were a group of boys next to the court practicing American football. So I just stood there and watched them for like an hour.

Eventually a group of people came in the basketball court and they started playing 2v2. I wanted to ask if I could join but seeing as they were already 2v2 I didn’t bother. I saw a free basketball by the side of the court and starting thinking if I should take it and play on my own. I spent minutes contemplating until I finally decided to take the ball. I dribbled up and down the court a couple of times and attempted a couple of three pointers. Then one of the players in the 2v2 dropped out due to fatigue and I volunteered to fill in. Unfortunately another player dropped out so we couldn’t play a 2v2 anymore.

I then took a shot with the ball I was with. One of the other guys took it on the rebound. He started dribbling with the ball a bit and taking shots. I kind of expected him to pass it back to me but he didn’t. And for some reason I was afraid to ask him to share the ball with me. Like if I’d just asked he most likely would’ve given it to me. He then began competing in free throws with his friend, while I watched on. I still wanted to ask for the ball, but I didn’t. I guess I was afraid that I would seem a bit confrontational. So I just stood there, watching, thinking, until the sun went down. Then I packed my bags and left. I’m not going to lie this stung me a bit. It was a reminder of how low my self esteem is and how much of a pushover I am.

4 Likes
#35

Definitely relate to this, seems like avoidance is easier but the sting of regret and frustration is all too common.

I praise your level of awareness over your actions and choices, the good news is, you can work on changing this one situation at a time.

The worst that can happen is whoever can refuse, or reject or turn down. So you kill them with kindness or say thanks anyways and bounce.

I appreciate the post, very relatable. I assume from the post you’re not in the U.S? Getting a euro vibe

2 Likes
#36

Day 10 - 13

I haven’t updated the journal for a while cause there’s hasn’t been anything interesting to write about. I haven’t noticed any results for the past six days, nor have I felt any effects from listening to the sub. Am I stonewalling or something?

I’ve been thinking of going out and doing something uncomfortable like approaching some women to help push the sub. I’ve also been thinking of switching to ascended mogul a lot. The reason I picked ascension over it in the first place was because I thought I could cope financially in the short term, but that doesn’t seem to be the case anymore. So i’m most likely going to make the switch.

2 Likes
#37

It’s called “the honeymoon phase.” And is completely normal.

Subliminals start really intense.

They give you a taste of what the full program feels like.

Then, it can sometimes feel like you lost all the results.

But you didn’t. Your mind is just adapting and is currently at the “omg this is too much i need to go back to the way things were when I was boring and safe!” Phase.

All you need to do is be patient and wait for your mind to slowly adapt to the new way of being you’re suggesting to it through subliminals.

I went through this and literally everyone goes through it.

A few minutes ago AlexSQ posted about it too and I wrote up a metaphor on how we all do this in our daily lives too, not just with subliminals, and its just something we do as humans, not anything to do with the subliminals not working.

So read the post but also feel free to take a 2-3 day washout to get some results blooming again, if you like. I wouldnt switch subs right now though… thats not a logical decision based on the facts. Its your mind wanting something new due to boredom and the loss of euphoria that comes from a new sub. Switch to AM after a cycle or two, but no reason to change subs at the first sign of boredom.

3 Likes
#38

Day 14 - 15

  • Listened to 1 masked loop by midnight

  • I haven’t gone out for a jog or worked out since day 9.

  • For the past few days I’ve averaged 30 mins - 1hr per day watching porn.

  • Maladaptive daydreaming is still under control though

  • For some reason I feel like I’ve gotten a bit taller.

1 Like
#39

Is this more, less, or your normal amount?

#40

Yeah.

#41

I was asking you if it was more than usual or if it was less than usual, but I guess you’re saying its the normal amount?

Ok just checking because sometimes that can be a big symptom of recon.

How you feeling on processing the loops?

#42

Yes I mean it’s the normal amount of time I watch porn for. And as for processing of the loops, I really can’t say. I don’t feel any different on the days I listen/rest days. Like no mental fatigue, no mood changes, no nothing. I’d say my headspace has been a bit negative the past 7 days. Like I’m desperate for results, and I feel like the sub isn’t working. I was going to order asc mogul until I saw your comment that made me hold off.