Homecoming [ASCENSION SOLO]

Journals - Major Programs
#67

Day 20 continued

I guess this is a by product of having more self esteem but I wanted to point out how I was comfortable interacting with people at my friends house. I was effortlessly expressing myself around people that I hadn’t met before. I was making various body movements, sitting in different positions without feeling self conscious.

Day 19 dream

Had this dream in an afternoon nap. This one was set in medieval times. It was about a king(I guess) who was ashamed of his son for being a murderer. I guessed that his son was a murderer cause I remembered images of him sticking a knife to people chests. So the king decided to commit suicide, but in a very interesting way. He made his son stand behind him. He then stood in front of a tree stump with an axe. The head of the axe was loose. So he struck the tree stump with the axe multiple times until the head of the axe got detached. It somehow flipped backwards in the air and was headed towards the son. The king managed to get in front of his son and had the head strike him in the stomach. And that’s how he died. Bleeding out to death while leaning against his son.

Also listened to one Ascension chamber loop on day 19

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#68

Day 21

I spent most of the day on the road. I accompanied my mom to visit her friend and my cousins. I felt my self esteem drop low some time after 10:00 a.m. I noticed that I was now more self conscious around people. I was also nervous thinking about meeting my cousins.

The visit went alright. I had a nice chat with the eldest cousin. Nothing much to add.

I watched porn for like 2 hours today. I actually found it kind of relaxing tbh. Though it’s rare for me to watch porn that long.

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#69

**Day 22 **

I spent most of day 22 getting some documents for my sister. I then scanned the documents and sent it to her. She was really happy that I did it for her. I got a bit of gratification from that, but I kind of hated it. I don’t want to use my time going on errands for other people. I feel like i’m above that. I also don’t feel like they’d do the same for me. I’m the last born so it’s expected of me to go on errands for the older siblings, but not the other way around apparently.

Day 23

Didn’t sleep too well thanks to my mum waking me up by 5:00 am. Spent a lot of time thinking about my financial situation. I thought I had a pathway to make money before I started ascension but it seems that pathway is no longer reliable. Now I’m kind of lost as to what to do next. Think i’ll switch to asc mogul.
Felt like my love for gaming and anime came back a little this morning. Was laughing at a god of war video(Yaboyroshi) I didn’t find funny before.

I feel like my neighbour’s boyfriend has been sizing me up recently. When I first met him we exchanged pleasantries and he seemed really nice. But now I feel like when we pass each other he looks at me a bit too much. There was even a time I almost collided with him when walking down the corridor. I made it clear that I was sticking to the right but he didn’t move out the way until the last second. The guy’s a big fucker (like 6 '4) but i’m not intimated by him.

Haven’t noticed any results the past two days

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#70

Day 25

I listened to one 5 min loop of ascension and 5 mins of ascension chamber. While listening to asc chamber I wrote down a goal of making 500 dollars this week. I wanted to test it’s manifestation abilities.

The urge to change subs was really strong this morning. I felt that running ascension solo was too boring and I needed to spice up my stack. Stark was looking mighty attractive. I mean you get cognitive enhancements, fame and social skills. Also looked at minds eye.

Man this shit is getting really tricky. It’s hard to identify if changing/adding to your stack makes logical sense, or if it’s just you trying to justify your desire to do so. Logically speaking, I think adding regeneration ZP makes the most sense. I read a thread somewhere talking about how being depressed and negative can affect results, and I think it makes sense. But I also want to run ascended mogul because i’m broke. I can only afford one at the moment. Though I feel I should be able to make decent money with ascension given it’s internal changes. Choices…

Spent some time thinking about what it is I want from life. What exactly do I want to accomplish listening to subs? At that moment, I didn’t know. I couldn’t write anything down. Normally I’d write down making money, due to feeling trapped and desperate at home. But I wasn’t feeling that anymore.

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#71

Don’t think in subs, think in goals. If your goals are covered by Ascension, just continue listening to it, it will bring you there. It might take longer, but shortest time is not always important. Arriving is more important in my opinion.

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#72

This how reconciliation manifest in zp .I wrote about that before

Even in my current cycle where I run HOM and ALCHEMIST STAGE 4 . I call it dull . although I have benefits from it . So for your own progress .stick to your stack . You will thank your self later .

Plus
Read this and you will gain perspective about the situation of changing titles .

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#73

Sorry for going off topic, but @sid makes a lot of very valuable contributions, just wanted to say thanks this time (a like is sometimes not enough).

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#74

Thanks a lot @Kyuss for your compliment & encouragement , we All share our unique point of views :blue_heart::pray: I always see this forum as a valuable place . And the variety of people and their goals ,life situations we find here is priceless in our journey . I am thankful that I am part of Sub club family :relaxed:

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#75

If the thought to switch to Ascended Mogul keeps coming back - go for it.

Especially early on in subliminal usage it takes times to figure out exactly what you like.

Just know that once you switch to Ascended Mogul, you’ll want to switch off again… and at that point, you should just stay and stick with AM for 6+ months.

Ascension and AM are literally the same program so it’s not as drastic a switch as going from Ascension to Alchemist or anything crazy like that.

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#76

@sid I know the feeling. I feel like a Hollywood star on his 10th marriage. Lol. I am learning to make it work you have to sometimes stick to it and not go chasing after the next hot sexy thang!

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#77

Day 24 and 26

Nothing interesting to note

Day 27

I was supposed to have a Skype meeting with my “mentor” (also family friend) today. But he didn’t make the time he had set. I called him but he didn’t pick up. This left me really frustrated. It’s been a month since he’s been paid but we haven’t started anything. He’s supposed to teach me stuff on making money online. I had called him prior to today labelling my frustrations, but he just went on an outburst. He said I wasn’t easily reachable, which is true(my phone is dead), but he could’ve easily messaged me on Skype.

The thing is I placed my financial hopes on him. So mentally I’m not locked into making money, cause I have it in the back of my head that he’ll help me take care of it. It’s frustrating for me cause my financial future isn’t in my hands.

The problem is if I were to tell him to fuck off and refund the money, my parents would pester me into going back to school. And I’d need some capital if I were to start anything so I’d also work a low level job. It would probably be best for me to be patient, but I’m tired of being passive and reliant on someone else.

The smart thing for me to do at the moment is to keep both options open. I’ll try to to move forward without my “mentor”. By the way it’s not like my “mentor” is a complete bum or anything. I know for a fact that he does live comfortably off of the internet.

Damn I think this is now going to be more of a life journal than a subliminal journal. It’s really helps when you’re angry/negative to write down the stuff that’s in your head.

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#78

Day 27 continued

So today I went to pick up my nephew and a girl(call her ava, a family friend) from their evening lessons. As I was standing outside a little girl (probably like 6-7 years old) approached me. She asked me some questions and we talked for a while. She then told me that ava didn’t like her. She said ava insulted her using words like "mad " and “stupid”. This immediately pissed me off. How the hell can you hurl abuses at such a young girl? What if it negatively impacts her self esteem? I was going to immediately confront ava but I decided not to. Keep in mind ava is like 12 years old. It didn’t feel right to confront a twelve year old while angry.

Besides there were other things I had to consider. I hadn’t even heard ava’s side of the story. What if the little girl was being mean to ava, and she just happened to lash out in anger? The little girl could also just be lying. And Ava is like 12 years old. She probably doesn’t understand the power of words.

Also why the hell am I concerning myself with this? Am I being overprotective of this girl? She’s going to have more insults hurled at her as she grows up. This is the real world. It is the responsibility of her parents to raise a child with high self esteem.

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#79

Day 27 continued

I noticed that I’m no longer feeling the underdog mentality that I usually have. I’m also not feeling trapped in my parents house.

For some reason I feel like jogging/working out helps with results. I’ll try to do it more often.

Dreams

First dream

I was walking towards the door of my room in pitch darkness. It’s not until I got close that I saw a man, in a red shirt, standing still outside my door. Immediately I saw him I jumped over the railing and hung on the ledge. I looked up only to see the man in the same spot, but with his face turned towards me, looking down at me. Then I woke up. I was scared to turn my head to the other side cause I thought someone was standing over me.

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#80

Day 28

I went out for a jog today. I was too lazy to do anything other than mindlessly scroll the internet. Tried looking into energy work (You know like chakra stuff). Nothing interesting to note.

Day 29

I listened to two fifteen minute loops back to back. 1 masked and 1 ultrasonic. My sleep was really tiring. I dreamt a lot, more than I’ve ever had before.

First dream

I walked into my high school class. I first saw one of my old friends, sitting at his desk. I was animated and hyped as fuck. I shouted out his nickname, and went up to him. I proceeded to grab his shoulder, but he didn’t respond. He was more focused on the books in front of him.

The whole class was silent. Everyone was seated at their desks, looking down at their books. As if they were preparing for a test. I spotted another old friend. I approached him, shouting out his nickname. He didn’t even look up to me. Just kept looking down at his books.

Next I found a desk to sit at. A short while after a female teacher walked in. And would you believe it, it was Shakira. She was highly energetic, prancing up and down the class. When she got close to me, she stopped. She then sat at a desk right in front of me, facing me. We proceeded to have a fun chat. We matched each other’s energy really well.

I know something happened after but I’m fuzzy on the details

Second dream

I was walking out of a store when a little boy approached me. He told me he had thrown his bag of sweets over the wall. He wanted me to help him get it. I obliged. I went into the next compound and there was a giant hole in the ground. Like an asteroid hit. And the hole was filled with dirty green swamp like water. The bag of sweets happened to be inside the water. I told the kid hell no. There was no way in hell I was going to step into that dirty ass water. The kid proceeded to run past me and jumped straight into the water. Luckily the water wasn’t deep. He managed to find the bag of sweets and began eating it right in the water. His mother approached me and asked me if I had seen her son. I pointed her towards the water. That’s all I remember.

#81

Third dream

I was sitting on a bench in a classroom when Kylie Jenner walked in. She was all dolled up, as you’d expect, wearing high heels. We locked eye contact and she gracefully walked towards me. She then sat right beside me. I quickly felt uncomfortable. I mean it’s Kylie fucking Jenner of all people. She sensed it immediately and asked if I was afraid of her. I told her no, that I was just uncomfortable. She asked me a couple more questions, and we talked for a while. It was a really nice chat. Then suddenly, from the front, she wrapped her arm around my neck. Our heads were touching at this point. She then began whispering into my ear. She asked if I liked to go raw or with a condom. I told her with a condom, that I didn’t want to risk getting a child by accident.

A short while after she got up to leave. As she began to walk towards the door her right heel snapped. I quickly got up and grabbed her shoulders with both hands. She held onto me for support then moved to lean on a table. I told I didn’t get why women liked wearing heels when they’re so uncomfortable. Then I bent down to remove her broken heel. She later got a pair of flat shoes from someone and walked out.

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#82

Your anger is understandable, and you analyzed the situation objectively to think about both sides of the story.

#83

Day 30

For a while I was anxious over the last two interactions with my mentor. I feel I was dominated and let him dictate the flow of the conversation. This is not sitting well with me. It wounded my ego a bit.

I feel I have this competitive, masculine energy building up inside me. Waiting to be unleashed onto the world. Think I’ll engage more in sports to release some of it.

#84

Day 31

Listened to one 5 min loop, at high volume. Went out for a jog and had a great workout. Nothing interesting to note

Day 32

Dreams

First dream

I was sitting at the top of a skyscraper. Right on the edge. I looked to the left. The sun was bright, and the sky was blue. The sea was so vast and glistening. I was so awestruck, humbled even, by how beautiful the scene was. I forced myself to stop looking to prevent falling off.

Second day

I was sitting in the living room. My nieces and nephews were sitting in the couch opposite me. They were all staring at me in awe and admiration. Then they began showering me with compliments. One of my nieces said she thought I was a great painter. I was like nah, I don’t think so.

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#85

Day 33 - 34

Been working out and jogging. Still feeling sore as I write this.

For the past two days I’ve been eating four times a day, instead of two. I want to bulk up. Noticed today that I ate at 2:00 pm, but felt hungry by 5:00pm. Is the sub assisting me to eat more?

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#86

Day 35 - 36