Blast from the past 
one of my favourite songs from the 80s.
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Day 33 Rest. Day 6 2c
Had sobering convo with dad
Learned my friend is actually my enemy
And reason Iām sinking into depression laziness and lack of belief in myself.
Universe let me believe he was and let me play along even letting me invest lots of money into the relationship to learn different things.
There are many people out there and some will hang out with you not needing to drink or encourage any bad habits.
Itās so easy to spend money but itās really hard to actually save money.
This is interesting because As a kid / teenager I was more reluctant to spend but now due to certain life experiences and this āfriendshipā Iāve been spending like crazy.
Without this āfriendshipā I could have been reading philosophy books learning coding progressing further in music and fitness and well-being and have bought a PC to stream twitch from and live out my dreams.
However I donāt beat myself up about this kind of stuff itās more like ok Iām accepting I took a loss glad to move on. Iām more likely to have really bad self talk after hitting the snooze button far too many times. I feel lighter in my spirit.
We went for a burger which I paid for of course and then went to bus stop so he can get home and then I ruthlessly blocked him.
Iām going back to being sober and trying to turn my phone off at 10 pm every night and wake up at 7 am. Itās 11 pm now tho and I woke up super late which isnāt the best start. If canāt sleep after 10 straight away read read read.
My dad related it to learning to play a piece of Bach. At first itās really difficult but as you keep practicing it becomes easy.
When you are addicted to being on your phone late at night itās hard to put it away at first but after 5 nights in a row it becomes much easier.
Iāve also noticed that even tho Iāve been going out a lot the drinking has actually made me feel less socially confidentā¦
Life is much more fun and easy when you are in control. Sometimes discipline makes life easier.
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So how do you think Stark wanted and Emperor mix?
I am wondering bc i am considering putting wanted in a custom with stark and run it along my emperor custom
Honestly early days so not sure yet and also I havenāt been living congruently to each sub which might mean they have been unable to take affect yet. Iāll let you know. I do know starkQ has a bit of emperor scripting in itā¦
How do you run 2 customs do you just alternate every other day?
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I have 2 customs already and Emperor/PCC custom and Emperor Fitness stage 1 + 3 custom. My idea was to get my 3rd custom and and emperor + EF day 1 ā¦ stark +EF day 3ā¦ emperor + stark day 5 then 2 days off then stark back on monday or tuesday depending on which day i start
i havent actually listened to any of my customs hell i havenāt listened to any subs the past 20 days i just keep forgetting about them or putting them off and forget to listen ā¦ hoping to change that this week
I also am not the guy to listen to recommendations about listening patterns i do my own thing. I am a experimenter but ive been listening to sub club subs since late 2018ā¦
Ah yeah youāre confusing me hha Iām trying to keep things simple.
Day 34 2c day 7
Wanted Zp x 1
Already slept much earlier yesterday and woke up much more decent time. Off to get a blood test done.
So yesterday or day before yesterday got conditional offer. They want a verified satisfactory academic reference within 3 weeks. Hopefully the one I got for my other choice by senior tutor at my old uni will suffice.
Did some reading today of when plants dream book about ayahuasca but itās kind of a philosophy book.
Going into save money mode so the opposite of what Iāve been doing recently with going out. Will only be quite liberal in spending on food. Went and bought some smart dress shoes for restaurant trial shift / interview. 20 quid half price at sports direct. There was a hoodie and bag that was speaking to me but I just saiid no. Itās also kind of an attitude towards money like if I can save money not buying plastic bags at grocery store and fine some cardboard boxing to carry it I will this also helps the environment.
Wanted I was just arriving at a bus stop and a guy and girl who appear to be together walk past the girl like mouths hello to me? Maybe Iām just tripping but yeah it seemed like that. She wasnāt my type but yeah.
Practiced all the major scales around 4 times each both hands while saying out loud tone tone semitone tone tone tone semitone. Gonna repeat a few more days of this and hopefully Iāll be more familiar with the scales or even have them internalised at some point.
Seem to be on flatline again ffs. Possibly coz of me going nocturnal / a bit depressed and unproductive
Also got a blood test testing for testosterone lipid profile prolactin liver profile as asked by doctor.
Day 36 day 9 (lol sc2 reference) 2nd cycle
Ran Wanted Zp then Emperor Zp
Basically did an all nighter to fix sleeping pattern and get on that carpe diem flex.
Went to morning yoga which was almost too much even tho itās foundational. Iām super unfit but it inspires me to get in the best shape of my life and show those yummy yoga babes an amazing transformation haha.
Had a flat white after some chick checked me out and another walked by with a smile on her face as I was on call to my dad.
Got applicant day for Chinese and world philosophy on Saturday starts at 9 am.
Also I talked to yoga instructor a bit after class. My voice is pretty deep and resonant.
Read loads last night while listening to tunes super interesting book.
On my way to my mums and gonna attempt to cook us a healthy meal which is rare coz my mum is always making me food. Gonna practice piano and had idea to check out my fave church and practice the keys there will see if itās open. Later got drums lesson.
My dad keeps reminding me focus on giving. Great way to make friends with good values.
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What book are you reading?
When plants dream I mentioned it quite a few time in previous posts haha.
So practiced drums and learnt a new riff which was a bit tricky. Practiced my keys doing major scales and got a bit experimental with different chord progressions.
Also was watching tv with my mum and there was a show called anyone can sing itās like the universe saying you can do anything musically just practice and dedicate the time in. What you give the music gods give in return 10 x.
Also after coming back from coffee I see a pen case on top of the cycle rack thing. I look and see a fountain pent itās st DuPont Paris I look it up and their fountain pens go for like 200+ pounds Gift from unigodverse.
Just look out bus window and see IMAGINE PEACE by Yoko. This day has been full of magic synchronicities spring energy renewing energy of Easter.
Iām just hoping I can sleep and wake up early. Got a production session tomorrow which Iāve kept on missing last few weeks. Oh also at the place I do drums I walked into a songwriting place and this beautiful light skin girl with dimples teaching songwriting. But Iām already doing the max amount of art stuff oh and guess what this place is called corearts hopefully I can find some way to do drumming production and songwriting.
Wanting to start going to Jeet kun do and self mastery lessons (Bruce lees philosophy of martial arts adapted from wing tchung) and also dance classesssss. Iāve been thinking of what kind of actual good and creative TikTok content I can make and having the courage to be disliked. I have ideas floating in my head from all these book library ig pages I get recommended lol.
Since I have the gift of bi winning I could literally listen to so many tunes crying in bliss euphoria and love right now for hours but gotta be disciplined and take the earphones blooming out so I can sleep and get on a carpe diem schedule. RIP Robin Williams
Song titles even speak to me me and the universe always talking the song started playing titled U Still Up lolā¦
But yeah because of my bi winning life always kinda on the edge could go too high. But my reality is already really supernatural I just know which parts to share to different individuals with different belief systems and scopes of realities.
Also right now Iām feeling super unmaterialistic like I just wanna create and give and receive from my creations. But itās the heroās journey yāall. I want to read that book anyone recommend it?
Oh another thing been thinking about paragon for healing sweaty hands (had all my life and the itchiness rash - partly spiritually caused but wonāt go into because some people will be judgemental with their ābig brainsā when they actually have no idea about the spiritual reality we live in. Iām wondering if I can just add paragon to my stack or is it too heavy.
Lastlly considering switching from emperor to renaissance man.
Women wise Iām interested in a enlightened divine masculine divine feminine relationship that is healing grounding refreshing a new chapter rejuvenating a chance to make amazing memories with someone I love. So Iām still on nofap and I think eventually I will get on dates with a girl and Iām not gonna push for sex at all just really screen and see if it is the right person for me coz I got too much to lose if itās the wrong person. Not sure if Iāll meet her in London thoā¦
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I see. I wasnāt sure if you had finished and moved on to another book.
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17 min meditation done. Sleep time
Day 10 2nd cycle rest
Bad weird dreams very hard to wake up because was sleep deprived.
Went for a walk. Read my book at a cafe.
Have tik tok content idea. Attempted to get a lighting stand thingymabob so I can aim to have good quality.
Went to nurturing hotpod yoga. While there I had an idea for a YouTube film concept. Teacher was French and she was flirting with me a bit. Also at the end she did sensual head massage on everyone and it was super calming. I thought she did reiki as well but I asked her after class and it wasnāt
Also a few posts ago when I said deep down I donāt really feel like I deserve a girlfriend I think I was just in my wounded masculine and I know any girl will be massively blessed to have me in their life.
Applicants day tomorrow.
I8 min meditation done
Day 11 second cycle
Listening to Stark zp now
Got up immediately out of bed which is good and am on good time for this university open day
University open day was quite fun. Iām pretty sure this is where I will study because they offer chinese and I want to be a world famous chinese actor and rapper. Also they offer world philosophies as opposed to the āphilosophyā taught in most institutions around the world. This means it is less close minded and euro-centric. And the course is also teaching you how to think and write like a philosopher. I also want to study eastern philosophy and compare it to letās say greek philosophy. The course offers a year abroad in China to - Beijing also Taiwan taipei but i think iād prefer Beijing.
I went to the Welcome talk, Chinese language taster, East asian studies talk and world philosophies talk. The world philosophies and chinese language taster were kind of classroom like settings and reminded me of like ohh i haev to use my brain again to think haha. All in all, I felt pretty fing excited to be studying and also a healthy comeptitive spirit with other students.
Afterwards went to mammaās practiced keys and also watched rap masterclass and was getting super hyped about starting to rap and making hip hop songs and music in general and felt insaneeeeeee drive but i was also playing with controlled mania hehe
Oh i had a shot and a half of coffee and it was INTENSEEE making pretty highh. Downsides bit of anxiety and sweatyhands.
I thought I was the only oneš¤! Ever since I started Sub Club I hear music a lot. I remember when I used to do healing I would also hear music, especially when energy work was done on me.
Day 12 Second cycle rest
Woke up finished rap masterclass. nofap relapse lolā¦zero beating myself up or guilt.
practiced rapping some lyrics iāve had for a long time and editing it a bit to make better sense and have a better flow.
Friend came and we worked on rap together he brought his audio technica mic so we could record - I need to get one! We were a bit unproductive because we got into some spiritual talk and i was telling him some things about his life and who he is because I am psychic.
Talking to the universe all day longgg
Also recently I have been getting a photographic memory and also flashback photo recall of memories.
18 min meditation
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How are you talking to the universe?
with my mind thoughts heart and synchronicities
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I see. Thank you for elaborating.
Day 13
Wanted Zp
Stark zp
Cleaned up flat a bit.
Got into controlled mania
Really truly listened to a rap album and thatās the way itās meant to be listened to
Watched a couple vids on how to rap but didnāt really do much. Went to a football thing at a leisure centre. I scored some goals!! Was super gassed and not fit enough but it was good to get some exercise in a āplayā format.
Thereās a lot of stuff I donāt post in here.
Also wanted I took two pics of me and uploaded to insta/ fb and got a couple compliments.