Golden Man // Wanted StarkQ Emperor ZP

Journals - Major Programs
#61

Woah Ho Lee Day 21

Am I already at the end of the first cycle of my stack?

Today I locked myself out and without my phone so I haven’t even listened to the subliminal yet.

Got up pretty late…what’s interesting is I woke up much earlier feel refreshed and naturally woken up but instead of getting out of bed to get things going with my day I just forced myself back to sleep wtf… It must be a form of avoidance of something…but I feel like the thing I’m avoiding isn’t real or it’s only appears to be real just as I’m waking up.

Got an email back from restaurant to have an interview and a trial shift which is cool. I find that if I’m working at a job it makes me appreciate my time not working at a job much more and use my time more productively or at least with a higher level of quality. Gonna arrange to meet the manager next week or something.

Drum lesson. My drumming teacher is super fun I feel like I’m in a comedy movie like school of rock or something when I’m with her. Also I was able to play the rhythm I was struggling with last week on eighth notes like straight away for some reason even tho I haven’t been practicing (don’t have a kit or the space for one LoL) She was impressed which felt good and also she told me some people only manage this after 6 months and we have only had 3 or 4 lessons.

Went to mums ate food, watched the Adam Project…it was okay…
Then now I’m practicing piano: notes specific notes tones semi tones black notes naming notes etc. I understand it all but the guy tests it at quite a quick speed which forces you to have to internalize it all much more. And he also says don’t move on until you get everything 100%. So it’s a bit of a challenge.

Might go to the music venue again tonight lol…

#62

Last night went to a bar and they had 2 for 1 cocktails had a few convos there and had a bit of fun it’s st paddy’s day and it’s pretty dead considering so.

Head to strip club together afterwards lol. Have a game plan to just get like 3 dances. Was fun and me and my mate were having lots of banter. Strippers know how to pressure socially!! When we walked in within about 2 mins they are like are you gonna buy us drinks. And they make it hard for you to say no you have to have a strong frame and they have a strong frame coz this is their actual job. Greek girl manages to make me crack and I buy her a drink lol but not a dance. had a couple beers with mate inside. I find if I drink beer to begin with I get in a low deadish boring vibe but if I have cocktails first and then drink beer it puts me in a good vibe.
Go mine get a kebab wrap and play some Halo ODST with mate and we are stuck coz we are playing on legendary.

Felt more confident today in general and way more relaxed while at the strip club. I did also listen to some daredevil Q on top of the other 2 ZP digitapes

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#63

Day 22 (first day washout)

Woke up waaaay too late.

Thinking I might add StarkQ to the stack after washout is finished.

Met with friend we made spaghetti bolognaise and pre drink with sourz. Went to one place they have a small room intense rave on bottom floor. Then went to another pub decided to leave coz outside section was closed. Went to another pub and then we decide funnily to go back to the strip club but not get any dances just drinks and we think it’s a funny idea. We get two White Russians to go and then taxi there.

The plan works well until we leave to go to another place we heard of. There’s a queue and my friends cba and then he sees his bus and grabs it to go home.

I am walking home but then decide to go BACK to the strip club alone kind of to push my comfort zone compared to just a couple weeks ago when even with my friend I felt super subconscious.
I ended up breaking the game plan and got 3 or 4 dances.

Something cool and interesting happened though. I saw this kinda cute girl sitting by herself sat down and started talking to her. She’s like bisexual and she’s like I’m like 80% lesbian 20% straight and anyways long story short we got a dance together.
She was way more turned on than me though I don’t know what the blockage is in me like why can’t I be turned on like her is my brain just wired wrong to porn. Anyways it was a funny experience I got her Instagram. Was kinda tryna find out what she was doing next but she was with others so it was hard to stay with her. She was also like I’m gonna go f**k another girl after this coz she was heated after all the dances.

From the wanted point of view quite a few of the girls thought I was younger like 22 or 21 or even 19 lol.

2 strippers said I should model. The second one was like you have a great face and a great nose and they both were like I’m not even saying this to get more dances with you or whatever they seemed genuine compliments.

Also before I went to TK Max to get a hair dryer so I can have straight hair. And I ended up getting into a clothes shopping meditation and had that energy to look through and find hidden treasures I tried on ten items and bought a hoodie denim jacket sweatpants shorts and a tennis windbreaker. I was having fun shopping for clothes rather than feeling like it’s longing me out.

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#64

Day 23 (Washout day 2)

Recurring dream (last night) I have I’m redoing my A levels (exams to get into university) by doing another year at school(which ended like 9 years ago) and I think I. The dream I was using stark to suddenly hustle and get 3 3A*’s in French physics and Maths. It was quite a stressful dream.

I’ve also had this dream before in a different manifest way maybe a couple times and it’s always stressful.

Around the time I was doing my a levels I was facing a lot of emotional and mental issues and if I’d been in a happier place I would have done far better.

Before the dreams checked out new cocktail price and they do really good quality. Also I took action there and made my first ig reel and also a TikTok.
Tik Tok has nearly like 500 views on it. Not bad.

:cowboy_hat_face:

#65

Day 24 (wash out day 3)
Felt less confident while not on subs and on ezp but also could be co drank night before and still a bit unwell so lower energy.
I did however have a burst of energy after my shift and was listening to

Then this random cute girl was smiling and waving at me and I don’t think I’ve ever seen her before and this was still earlyish in the day. I smiled back and waved but there was quite a bit of distance between us coz I saw her wave out of the corner of my eye while I walked away from her so she was quite far but I shoulda maybe talked to her but I was so in my own golden music mood.

Friend came we played halo 3 odst
Picked up dominos
Drank red wine
Smoked some ciggies.

Oh also I was talking to one customer from NY making some kind of rapport but I realised I was being really bad at listening coz I have so many thoughts going on. So many times in my life I have looked people in the eye nodding my head as if I understood but I’m zoning out either thinking random thoughts or what to say. This has inspired me to try out meditation again but in recent times I have kept not being able to get into a meditation state seemingly because of the medication I take but I’m gonna try anyway. Did 5 mins before updating this journal and gonna add a minute each day until I do 21 minutes a day.

After work I did hot yoga I was itching like hell on way there and it’s due to change in temperature on my skin. I almost decided to head back home. It was like entering into the gates of hell to face the unbearable hives but I did it. I managed to calm down and was still itching for maybe half the class but by end was sweating a lot which causes the itchiness to go away.

I feel almost addicted to subliminal like I’m having withdrawal symptoms with them not on.

Also FapNo I was listening to reiki healing for root chakra and when I got back from yoga I felt a reawakening from semi flatline of sexual energy. Was trying to move it around the body during my meditation .

#66

Day 25 Washout day 4

Subliminal withdrawals continue.
Woke up way too late.
6 min meditation.

creativity breakthrough

Talked to friend he made a song and i thought it was dope so we got on a call and we chose a beat to make a song together and i was freestyling a lot and he was impressed how long i could keep going on for. Anyways we spent a few hours on call working on rap stuff and I’m not counting the time im like wanting the time to keep going. Also at end i was freestyling off the top of the dome for like ten minutes straight while rhyming. While the content was a bit over the place he was still like what the fuc how are you able to keep going for that long. I was just on a roll and kept going on and on and it was fun and i was getting a little gassed lol.

Then after found this sick freestyle (pre written) that was uplifting and inspiring

Also reminded I’m meant to be an inventor of some sorts somewhere down the line.

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#67

Is crypto.com that bad? I have never used that exchange. Me as a former Binance user and now mostly Coinex user.

#68

Wanted a 100 dollar deposit to even be able to withdraw funds so I do it and get charged by my bank and then they refund me less than I sent and I still can’t get my money out. I ended up having to send my crypto to kraken and then exchanging and withdrawing.

@aeiouxyz

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#69

Plant medicine seems to be part of my path again sometime in the future. I already have super high amounts of dmt and kundalini in me naturally so should be careful.

Day 16 Neverfapland

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#71

Day 27 second cycle about to buy StarkQ

Meditate 9 mins and listened to stark followed by wanted. Was having a ciggy during wanted. Both ZP

Afterwards did lots of cleaning up.
Friend is coming in just over half an hour to vibe irl since we usually talk on cordDisk and possibly work on music.

He gets here and I tell him about subclub a bit and he’s interested.
We then had a rap writing session was fun.
Experimenting with different flows
Freestyling
Writing lyrics to fit the beat
Trying to find the pocket.
We have different strengths so we are helping each other in different ways.
He’s good at telling me what parts to keep from freestyle and how to make a good flow.

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#72

Nice song. Thanks for sharing.

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#73

Day 28 ( day 2 cycle 2 Rest)

Yesterday got into one of my university options to study Chinese and world philosophy’s. Still waiting to hear from 3 other options.

Today was snoozing but got up eventually and in time for drum lesson learnt how to play

1 + 2 +3 + 4 + hi hat
2. 4. Snare

  1.     3+.         Bass

And play cymbal on the 1 sometimes

Was a different teacher this week but he was encouraging and said I have good potential.

I could see the similarities between this and the rap flow and cadence stuff I was working on with mate the night before.

Just did 10 mins meditation :person_in_lotus_position:

30 mins piano on scales / major scales

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#74

Congratulations! :partying_face:

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#75

Thank you!!!

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#76

You’re welcome.

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#77

Great news​:+1::+1:

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#78

Day 29 day 3 2c

Woke up(got up) super late which effects my mood really badly.

Listened to Emperor ZP x 1 loop

Had work at Italian joint busiest day so far. I had so many thoughts in head so was less focused and since I didn’t have work last week I’d forgotten what toppings to use sometimes.
I was also feeling like I can find work that better suits me and my mind and that pays me better and feel way less stressed.

Also gonna quit florist coz they don’t pay properly just for lunch.

Got home and did 11 min meditation.

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#79

Day 30 day 4 2c rest

Evening shift pasta bar. Felt looong and there was no hot water to wash up.
Thoughts of quitting soon as I hate washing up lol. Also it’s only a few hours so I don’t get into it as much.
Also my co workers are speaking Italian so I feel left out and lost and some of their friends come speaking Italian and Spanish super social and I feel socially out of it.

Been put in touch with one sales guy who could possibly give me a sales commission job online.

12 min meditation done.

Oversleeping which I’ve been doing this week makes me overthinking.

#80

Day 32 Day 5 2nd cycle

Meditated 13 mins
EmperorZp
StarkZp
AsC zp (visualising work going smoothly and me working more fast and efficiently and doing well at job trial next week once I get some black smart shoes)
Got to work 15 mins earlier chilled with a fellow market worker and now starting work.

As I’m sitting here on my cig break at work I start having these thoughts

Deep down I don’t think I deserve a girlfriend I have to be something I am not to deserve a loving relationship.
Back when I was dedicating nearly all my energy to going out and meeting girls I believed I was attractive to women. I know I am attractive to women but it’s not deeply ingrained enough in me.

Since birth my reality has not been a mirror of who I am. It has been massive lies and curses. Everything has been backwards of how it should be. This is why Buddha said Reality is an illusion. My reality has always been an illusion compared to who I truly am and what I deserve.

If I start putting some intentional energy into meeting girls I will get the momentum to believe I deserve a loving girlfriend.

It doesn’t help I’ve been backstabbed by nearly every friend I’ve ever had.

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#81

You are right. To be something you have to work on yourself first. No matter how many women you attract, if you’re not feeling it you will not attract and hold the right woman. Friend or otherwise. Get your self together feel good about you, then go for the gold.