Geoff's Journal - Reflections of a Hero

[Geoff]

“Understanding and appreciating the beauty of life and existence itself can have a significant impact on elevating and revitalizing the spirit. RoS will aid you in generating a profound sense of gratitude for the mere act of existing, as well as an appreciation for “beauty” in all its forms and expressions, even those you have yet to fathom. You should anticipate being moved by the “simple moments” while comprehending the reasons behind their effect on you. For those with wisdom, the importance of this should already be evident. To further assist with this goal, Revelation of Spirit features significant scripting designed to help you “reset” your emotional worldview to one of fascination, exploration, and discovery – much like when we were children. However, as an adult, you can explore reality with the wisdom and discernment of your experiences, seeing through that which does not serve you or align with your spiritual aspirations. This is the joy of being perceptually free, unencumbered by the constraints of childhood or the cynicism that can accompany the progression through life.”

Yup…sounds like im in it.

“With the empathy scripting in Revelation of Spirit, you’ll develop a deep awareness of the emotional landscapes of others, allowing you to see beyond surface-level interactions and delve into the depths of human connection. This scripting takes a different approach to removing these limits, as it urges your subconscious to slowly reveal the positive aspects about yourself that you never knew existed and direct a deep sense of gratitude and appreciation toward who you really are inside. Over time, if you consciously choose to integrate what you discover, you will eventually begin to express your true self to the world, one that is guided deeply by the spirit and not through societal controls.”

Getting a little of this too, these both lead to the stillness and joy.

“This heightened sensitivity will enable you to approach every encounter as a chance to create spiritual alchemy, where you can transmute negativity into positivity and turn even the most difficult situations into opportunities for growth.”

Maybe the reason for why im making the best out of my nightshift lifestyle now.

*"The empathy scripting in RoS is not just about feeling for others, but also about understanding the interconnectedness of all beings and the power of our actions to create positive change in the world. It’s about becoming a spiritual alchemist, transforming every interaction into an opportunity to elevate yourself and those around you to a higher level of consciousness.

The scripting also urges you to apply these traits to the self, allowing you to heal and grow from past mistakes that you may still be harboring deep within. The journey of healing and growth is a deeply personal one, and the RoS scripting is designed to support you every step of the way. By cultivating a sense of mercy, compassion, and kindness towards yourself, you can begin to release the negative emotions and limiting beliefs that may be holding you back, allowing you to move forward with a renewed sense of purpose and self-love. As you continue to work with the RoS scripting, you may find that you are able to approach challenges and obstacles with greater resilience and inner strength, knowing that you have the tools and resources to overcome them. Whether you are seeking to heal from past traumas, release negative patterns of behavior, or simply deepen your spiritual practice, RoS can help you tap into your inner wisdom and power, unlocking your full potential as a spiritual being.*"

Im telling you, its like Saint knew…just reading Ros again feels like im reading it for the first time. All the bolded parts are exactly what im experiencing, at one level or another its being expressed. Im really loving this stack. The joy in Ros feels different than Love Bomb, stronger isnt the right word but maybe deeper. Ros makes Joy feel deeper, fuller. Love Bombs Joy felt like a covering, a warm blanket, a fun and authentic layer created and laid on from above. But Ros Joy feels like its coming UP, from a wellspring, from digging in the desert until you hit water. Interestingly deep.

[Geoff]

Cycle 4

Sat

Reflections - 3 min

Hero Origins - 3 min

So far so good. A little bit of processing burden, not as ‘light’ as I was before listening but still in a good mood. I feel more preoccupied and less present due to processing, its amazing noticing the state shift.

Its an unfamiliar feeling for me, to be excited for the coming week. No specific reason rather a general positive anticipation.

Earlier tonight I had a strong realization about how much I didnt care but how much it affected me, how much I didnt care about myself. It was kind of in the same vane of the saying to drink the poison and expect the other to die. I stopped caring as if to spite…idk, the world? Lol, expecting the world to somehow feel the impact of my immaturity. All I succeeded in doing was neglecting myself and feeding negativity and dysfunctional disconnect.

I love the wisdom thats developing with Reflections custom, to introspect, perceive, adjust and grow.

“Mimisbrunnr was one of our old modules from the beginning of Subliminal Club – we brought it back in an extremely improved and much more powerful form. Mimisbrunnr is designed to massively develop your wisdom in all areas and help you make use of it. The ability to always make the most correct decisions is a veritable superpower in its own right.”

This is exactly why I included Mimisbrunnr in the Synergy: Wisdom of the Ages module in my custom. Because wisdom leads to correct choices and correct choices leads to winning(whatever winning means to you)

[Geoff]

During white noise machine research, I found one with a lot of options and it was cheaper than I expected and also on sale! So I bought it, should arrive tonight. It was not in this week’s budget but surprisingly I find myself satisfied with the decision. Seems like as long as the action aligned with fufilling a stated goal, theres no internal resistance over it. I used to beat myself up over impulsive decisions or over spending, but the way I see it this decision actually saved me money. If I had waited another week the sale would be over.

Lol, how’s that for justification. I choose to think of this as a wise decision.

[RVconsultant]

Happy late Birthday!

[Geoff]

Things have been quite well.

I started using the noise machine Sunday. It has over 22 different sounds and im still trying to find the most appealing one but it seems to be helping.

Limiting my sleep to 8-9 hours between 9am at latest and 6pm at latest has been working well. Over or undersleeping can make me cranky if less and over tired if more than 9 hours. I am also working on not laying in bed too long before or after sleep which I normally do. I used to jump right up years ago but age and trauma remediation over the years changed that and I became more lax.

Fasting between 11pm/12am until 6/6:30am has really improved my energy and digestion, more than I expected. Two big affects of eating during 12am and 6am is brain fog and fatigue. While I still feel foggy, I think its from processing this stack more than anything but obviously nightshift isnt helping.

I’m pretty happy with these changes I finally made. Feeling stuck kept my mind in suspense and felt I couldn’t change anything but even if I cant move to days, I am at least doing something positive for now while continuing to pursue more long term goals.

Hero Origins is really good. This past weekend I watched LOTR 1 & 2, I will watch Return of the King this weekend. I had some struggle Sunday with lust & desire and almost indulged fully but I found my conscience interrupting and asking questions like “How will you feel once its over?” And “Is this action honorable?” I did what I normally did in AA, I played the tape. I imagined indulging and focused on the after part, how I’d feel and I felt shame, regret and anger for my weakness. So I went back and forth battling, righteousness vs desire and ultimately did not indulge. My hope is to continue on with strength and resolve, cementing in my mind what is right and only doing that.

I wish @Fire would make Virtue Series: Chastity and Virtue Series: Truth modules. I know “Temperance” can include chastity but Id like a fully dedicated module to help combat lust and desire with self restraint and a sexually righteous mindset.

And Truth being about telling no lies, honesty even if it means your ass. Developing the capacity to discern between Truth, lies and both mixed(the worst kind)

The development on this stack has been phenomenal so far and Im only on 3 mins. The processing though always feels heavy, I’m strongly considering refining Reflections and adding the anti-recon. And maybe name embedding Hero with MDFY: Freedom and maybe that would help? I’ll continue to mull it over as not to act hastily.

I am supposed to find out about the company buyout/lay offs tomorrow night. See how many OG’s volunteered and how many will be laid off if not enough took it.

[Geoff]

The more I tell myself no, the better/stronger I feel. Its not about depriving myself of things I need, Rather refusing to give into things I dont need or that I want.

Becoming vice-less. Needing nothing attracting everything, stoic and virtuous detachment. It can feel so fufilling to not partake.

This is what I’ve been looking for. To overcome but also understand in my mind fully. To develop such wisdom and understanding that depriving oneself or saying no feels effortless because the mind understands so well why, that there is literally no resistance or attachment.

Its a beautiful thing and I love it.

[Geoff]

I have learnt the more a man retracts from the world, the more he realizes he is nothing. Humility is the source of all virtue, without it even prayers become empty.

St. Augustine viewed humility as the foundation of all virtue, emphasizing it as a prerequisite for Christian teaching, writing “first humility, second humility, third humility”. He believed pride was humanity’s root sin, healed by Christ’s humility, and stressed that humility must accompany every good work to prevent pride from corrupting it.

Philippians 2:3

3 “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.”

In humility value others above yourselves." This verse reminds us to put the needs of others before what we want and seek humility in everything we do.

[Geoff]

Just submitted an order for my refined/updated Reflections custom. Im satisfied, should be able to end cycle with it by the time it arrives.

On other news, coworker called me today. Apparently the word from my company is that they want to dissolve 3rd shift, my shift and relocate us onto other shifts or departments entirely.

The buyout program so far has had 6 out of 10 needed volunteers.

Ive been dealing with this anxious dread all day, slept 5 hours and keep trying to strategize for the future. I was pretty calm until this scarcity situation hit, maybe my mind overrode the resilience scripting in my stack. Old neuroticism habits are hard to kill I guess.

So im hoping this change yields a positive benefit for me. Considering Im new-er, my options are much less than others but maybe this will get me off nights and not just laid off.

I have noticed an improved resolve and ability to contract quickly when troubled times occur. I know Hero has been and is helping me to take decisive actions and not stray from the proverbial ‘line’ im walking. Im finding more and more Spiritual strength as the Virtue scripting entwines with my pursuit of Spiritual Truth, they complement better than I hoped for. I also think the module Evolved Identity is supercharging my processing of Hero’s Virtue scripting. The connections and improved understanding has been really solid and I just cant help but feel more and more solid internally. Growing up my inner self looked like Swiss cheese, full of holes and lacking substance. But as I continue with this stack, Im learning more about myself while also ‘filling in these metaphorical holes’ of self with correct and righteous development. Its just pure and steady fulfillment.

On a random note, Ive long known about Hz frequencies of clothing. The Hemp, Linen, organic cotton, wool ect. And the synthetic fibers which seem to be getting pushed more and more. I took a look at my clothing recently and realized a lot of it is synthetic or even blended.

I feel a strange pull to remedy this. Ive been looking at replacing a lot of clothing with 100% cotton, wool, alpaca and hemp fibers. Im looking at buying Linen sheets for my bed as well. Im hoping the 5,000Hz helps my sleep and tossing and turning issues as well.

Ive never really felt such a strong desire like this before. Just an overall sense of urgency to prioritize myself, my health and well-being. To do the best for myself, to value what I wear, eat and put on my skin. To pursue purity in all I do and to protect myself from harmful entertainment and to really prioritize self care. Im guessing this is the self care scripting supercharged?

Either way, I seem to really be pursuing higher levels of living. Granted I wont be dropping stacks on fancy clothes due to financial & job concerns but I’m grateful that I do have $ enough to at least replace my work clothes with ‘healthier’ replacements for now.

Gratitude, even for the stress and uncertainty. Without struggle, we dont grow.

[Geoff]

Sat

Reflections - 3 min

Hero Origins - 3 min

Ive been feeling a sort of hostility whenever I encounter ignorance, stupidity or even different perspectives. Ignorance is really getting to me. I realize I dont know much just like everyone else so Im not coming from a place of ego. Im having a hard time with it, hearing conversations out and about, seeing the stupidity, reading things that are patently false. Its aggravating and im not sure why I feel so upset about it. I used to be unaffected and let others live in ignorance. I dont want to feel this sense of “I dont want to hear this horseshit, let me set you straight” vibe.

Where is this coming from inside and why do I suddenly feel offended by others views, opinions and beliefs. I shouldn’t considering the free will scripting in this stack. I feel this growing urge to argue and call out things. Is this related to the 7 virtues of bushido? Am I just in recon, I want to go back to disciplined indifference. There’s indignation or righteous ire within and I keep asking myself who am I to say anything. Humility is the bedrock of character so why am I so irritated with ignorance and ppl pushing misinformation sold as enlightenment.

Was talking to my barber tonight during my haircut, mostly about character and the lack of it today. How everyone is too impulsive, too carnally driven and lacking critical thinking. How the world is falling into complete lower vibrational states ran by desire and consumerism.

As virtue is sown within me, I think im becoming disgusted with the things/states I once thought was normal and acceptable and now Im having a hard time accepting that things will not be the way Id like and letting go, understanding I cant change things and people will suffer thier fates as I will my own as well.

Nights like tonight are when I really recognize the depth of work needed on myself to liberate all the bs still within.

[Geoff]

Yup, I need to get this book.

Is this books wisdom in Hero Origins? I didnt see any mention of it on the sales page. Who knows but it should be. Maybe in the next hero, everything except #19 for me.

[Geoff]

- YouTube

Especially from 4 to 5:30 mins but the whole thing is gold. Selfishness and human desires lead to nothing.

[Geoff]

Note to self;

To show authenticity, be true to yourself by aligning your words and actions with your core values, beliefs, and emotions. This involves self-awareness, honest communication, taking responsibility for your choices, and a willingness to be vulnerable and set boundaries. Authenticity is demonstrated by consistently expressing your honest opinions and living in a way that reflects your inner self, rather than trying to please others or fit in.

[Geoff]

I went from aggravated and concerned this weekend to after my loops just feeling angry and somewhat negative.

I dont want to compromise anymore. Fear, weakness and inability were reasons I always kept myself back. I cant fully tell why I’m angry but it feels like its connected to a deep well of frustration ive been holding forever. Its like im pissed for minimizing myself.

Not much clarity at the moment but I do know that Im quite disappointed in/with myself, getting the feeling that I should have known better. There is a struggle going on for sure, it almost feels conscious. You never know whats going to happen after running loops, be grateful for the good days and the bad.

[SaintSovereign]

@Geoff

You never know whats going to happen after running loops, be grateful for the good days and the bad.

Titles like HERO: Origins, RoS, etc. are marked for expert users because they are going undoubtedly trigger an internal battle between higher virtue and lower desires. If the individual can recognize this for what it is – information about your current internal state – one can use it to grow.

[Geoff]

Thurs

Reflections - 3 mins

Hero Origins - 3 mins

Honestly this week’s been straight up disappointing. The irritation and varying anger hasn’t really changed. Im getting a lot of insight but few conclusions. Ive been fasting throughout my nights for what a week now and ive gained weight. Im averaging 2,000 calories. Whole foods, nothing processed. I dont know if im insulin resistant from being on nights or what but im pretty unhappy with this and not sure what to do. I weighed less when I ate during the night but all the science says eating between 12 am and 6am is terrible. Im basically 150, the most ive ever weighed in my life is 155 and trust me, at 5’4 thats fuckin fat.

I listened to Reflections this morning and will listen to hero when I wake up tonight. I want to gauge which is more recon heavy and give space because the recon kicks my butt the first 24 hours. I had light brain fog after my custom but also a sped up state where my thoughts increased. Feeling kinda edgy too but that might just be from my weight/fasting dilemma. If im being honest I feel slightly more irritated and I think I just have enough input and dont need to listen to more. Strongly considering an early washout after tonight’s Hero loop.

I found out 9 out of 10 ppl at work took the buyout, so I can assume Im safe from a lay off for now, rumors are another round will hit in the spring so im on financial lockdown and prioritizing the basics.

Sometimes, life just feels utterly meaningless. Seems like things just aren’t working out but im trying to be grateful. Ive got to figure out how to make my life better without making things worse.

Edit:

Listened to Hero, definitely not as full compared to Reflections. No brain fog, some light fullness in forwhead(2 hrs after loop). I thought Hero was the sub with more recon but looks like its Rom/Ros. I think ill continue to split listening between am and pm on listening days.

Ive been feeling more convicted this week, been listening to more scripture, thinking about right/wrong and Good/evil all while feeling this burden of heaviness and disappointment in my past. What an unclean and wicked life ive lived. I feel stuck in the negative lately, lost that inspired action and confident in the future vibe. I think a lot is being reconciled and the lowness is part of the process.

Maybe the updated Reflections will help all this with the anti-recon, of course ill have to update again when anti-recon is updated again. Its a tough stack, it reaches so deep and stirs up stuff that is at one’s very core and makes you question things you never thought to.

[Geoff]

Spent the last few days really going through the disappointment ive been feeling. I noticed some projecting I was doing externally as far as virtues as well. Im learning that Im not as self aware as I thought I was. Honestly ive always been better at discerning others or situations than I ever was looking at myself. Thats a big reason for running Reflections, I need to really focus on seeing myself and seeing myself in situations through an external sense. The same way people practice smiling or other facial expressions in the mirror, I need to do that and much more. To really be able to consciously observe myself in real time, consistently. I felt a strong opinion come into my mind thurs/fri, that I am a loser. Ive looked up the word, the concept, the commonly agreed upon summaries of society and while i dont fit some definitions the overarching theme fits.

I never thought I’d start counting calories but this weekend I started. Between boredom induced snacks and night shift absolutely wrecking things, Im just completely dissatisfied. So im doing whatever I can to normalize what can be normalized. This move feels very much based in honorable action. How can I feel pride and respect for myself when im not attending to my own health and needs.

I made it through this round of lay offs but there will be more as this current system is dismantled soon to be replaced with the digital beast system and I have my mind purely focused on less consumption and removing the last bit of debt I have. I was debt free last year yet unfortunately I convinced myself into a loan, itll be gone by end of January at the latest and is my main priority.

As much as I love Discipline and think about its concept and implementation daily, there is a disconnect in its application in my life. I too easily start things when ive had enough yet fail to stay committed in action. Weak mindset? A lack of a WHY, Im still not sure. Im honestly afraid of losing steam with everything Ive started doing…again. Momentum seems so wishy washy. Its too easy to find a reason in this life not to do something or to quit anything. I’m truly fed up with how easily I oppose myself in things I deem to be good.

It seems like I’ve put together a series of goals with accompanying actions that need to be consistently taken in order to fulfill said goals. Sounds really simple, so why am I not more successful. Accountability and Discipline…sometimes I wonder, what is it really going to take to get me to go hard. Inspiration fades, motivation is fleeting, incentive is dependency…what is it that I’m missing, what drives me? Does nothing drive me but fear? Fear of starving and fear of homelessness drive me to participate in employment but what else? Once again my life is a series of bare minimum survival actions in order to not suffer any more than necessary while waiting to die. But why is it so unbelievably challenging to do any more than the minimum? Seems like the phrase “What is the point” has been and is, ruining my life. Most days I envy the simple minded, the ignorant, the ones who seldom think but who just do. They are not overthinking themselves into a dead existence.

[Geoff]

Proverbs 12:28

King James Version

28 In the way of righteousness is life: and in the pathway thereof there is no death.

Thats the goal, its amazing how powerfully set up society is to distract and prevent this very thing. Nothing is harder in life than doing what is right. Its so easy to do evil its ridiculous but of course thats by design and why unrighteousness is pushed daily.

[Geoff]

I impulsively yet intuitively ran a full loop of Regeneration literally just before my neurofeedback session this morning. Seems like I’m finally seeing stability and consistent positive results according to therapist, I went 3 weeks with overall positive journaling. Definitely feels like im in the final stretch, today was reinforcement of last sessions sites, normally we move around, testing.

Since this weekend a stronger perspective has grown in me, my attitude and resolve seems stronger too. Im really sticking to the few changes I’ve decided on lately and I notice how fully focused on them I am. Consistency is the important part though but I feel good about it this time because its being held up from a place of authentic desire and solidified in Virtue and righteousness. I’m doing things because I value them and because they make me better.

Ive also been enjoying this child like vibe, not childish rather an innocent joy within that at times makes me feel a child like giddiness which at first felt odd/uncomfortable like it was wrong but now is amazing. Its as if im finally coming home to my true self in a way, finding that authenticity within and feeling that true joy. Its pretty wild, who knew alignment and congruence could lead to such a state.

[Geoff]

I noticed that I slept deeper after Regenerations loop. No increase in time slept though. I dont have any recollection of a dream but I do believe I was dreaming as I woke up suddenly with a fast heartbeat. I must have been in the midst of something profound processing.

I also woke up feeling like I got kicked in the left hip/lower back/leg. I felt a strong need to stretch out my left side and do lunges. Might be a somatic release? Or maybe I tweaked something in my sleep, who knows but theres nothing I did consciously to explain the random and unexpected soreness of that area.

There is always a surge of memories when I run loops, whether its Regeneration or Hero or whatever else doesnt seem to matter. I get these memories where I was just doing everything wrong, as if my mind is showing a then and now contrast of me. Im getting better at not outright criticizing the former self, rather having understanding and analyzing how if I was back in that moment what Id do differently and why. Its resulted in less overt reconciliation symptoms such as anger, anxiety, impatience and negative coping mechanisms, all these are much less now.

Just a quick summary of things I’ve noticed.

[Geoff]

I am changing, day by day into a man I respect.

I had a sudden urge to google signs of high & low self respect. Immediately, I read the low signs and painfully recognized every one as something I carried for decades. It really explains my behavior as a child and young adult.

Low self-respect

Negative self-talk: Constantly criticizing oneself and downplaying accomplishments.

People-pleasing: Going out of your way to please others, often at your own expense.

Poor boundaries: Difficulty saying “no” and allowing others to take advantage.

Fear of failure: Avoiding challenges or new things due to a fear of not succeeding.

Difficulty with feedback: Taking criticism personally and being overly sensitive to negative feedback.

Social withdrawal: Avoiding social situations due to a feeling of inferiority.

Then I read the high signs and could not only see, but feel the growth from my stack. Love Bomb paved the way, setting up this path im on which is going very well.

According to the American Psychological Association, having self-respect means having a healthy regard for your character, values, and dignity.

High self-respect

Assertiveness: Confidently expressing your own needs and opinions without being aggressive.

Decision-making: Trusting your own judgment and not constantly seeking approval from others.

Resilience: Viewing setbacks as learning opportunities rather than a reflection of your worth, making you more able to handle stress.

Realistic expectations: Having reasonable expectations for yourself and others, and being more forgiving of shortcomings.

Healthy relationships: Being able to form secure, honest relationships and end unhealthy ones.

Ive been dressing up more, even just to go to work. Taking more and more care on how I look, how I feel and how I act. Im just more careful and aware of how I am seen. Not in a paranoid or anxious way but because I, as a respectable man do these things because its whats right and good. Theres a lot of authenticity blooming for me. Im getting closer to the ideal alignment and as I do, the Joy within grows.