Geoff's Journal - Reflections of a Hero

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#1

After a 31 day washout, which was more necessary and beneficial than I had anticipated it is now time to start my next stack.

Reflections

Cores:

  1. The Revelation of Mind
  2. The Revelation of Spirit

Modules:

  1. Avatar
  2. Mosaic
  3. Stillmind
  4. Book Blitz
  5. Homeostasis
  6. Faith Unyielding
  7. Evolving Identity
  8. Intuition Enhancer
  9. Seeker’s Discernment
  10. Symphony of the Glyphs
  11. Synergy: Inescapable Gaze (4)
  12. Synergy: Wisdom of the Ages (4)
  13. Synergy: Subconscious Mastery (2)
  14. New Spirituality Experience Core

This custom is dense according to Fire and his suggestion to me awhile back was to listen solo for a cycle or two so I will be heeding his advice and doing exactly that. After, I will add Hero into the mix.

My goals for this stack -

To understand more. Develop wisdom pertaining to Self, God and Reality.

Develop a more Virtuous character, especially compassion, love and patience.

Destroy all vices. Ive eliminated many over the almost 10 years of sobriety(dec 25) ive achieved but I want to cultivate a viceless existence, complete freedom.

Increase intuition, awareness, focus, discernment, perception and pattern recognition.

Invest more time into the Bible and dedicate more of myself to righteousness while continually divesting myself from worldliness and death.

Develop and strengthen my body, heal what’s broken and become a better man. Continually grow into Masculinity and lead through right actions, not just words. Giving my son the best representation of a healthy man that I can.

Continue to process my traumatic past and fully integrate it all in a healthy way to become whole and finally feel at peace.

Physical Health and Fitness, Masculinity along with Spirituality sums up my priorities. I believe this stack will help address all pathways to those ends. Depending on how Glm looks once updated, I might sneak a cycle in before Hero but who knows. The older I get, the more thankful I feel for my negative experiences in youth, for without them I might just be the same now as I was then. The pain of change never feels good but is always worth it.

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#2

Washout insight

Two weeks into my washout I started getting anxious and impatient. A friend pointed out I was still processing quite a lot and Im glad I pushed through, finishing out the whole month.

The bloom has been interesting, once the impatience wore off I found myself calmly motivated. My posture locked in even more than it had. Ive been doubling my pace at work the past 2 weeks while moving quicker(with purpose) im more engaged with solving problems and getting things done. It’s been great.

Emperor definitely took over my state vs. Love Bomb. I haven’t felt that that light, loving joy in months, rather Im feeling steely, disciplined and kind of cold/stern which is fine as long as I dont become negative which has not happened much thankfully. Just focused and grinding. It seems I had quite the backlog of processing from last stack and if Im being honest I dont know if its done as I still ‘feel’ like im processing but its not a heaviness more just a lacking sense of completion.

I do think Emperor did amazing things for my foundation along with Love Bomb. It I hadn’t run Love Bomb, I dont think Emperor would have stuck honestly. Listening for a year is the only reason why I still feel strong, 2 cycles wont give you anything that lasts. No more am I going to pick and run a sub for less than 3 cycles minimum. There’s no point jumping around.

I’ll be proceeding slowly going forward, I really do not have a high flow factor. I think having a traumatized childhood complicated my brain/mind and things just take longer for me. Also having such a rigid personality does not increase flow, it can actually restrict things and I do notice it. So after seeing things in my last stack run and washout, I’ll try to be more careful with times, loops and rest days.

Even after 31 days, It’s all still there and that is a pleasant surprise.

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#3

Fri

Reflections - 30 seconds.

Interestly almost immediately my ears snapped to attention and I felt heavy, lol. Idk if thats a good sign, I knew this custom was dense but damn.

This custom + Hero is going to be long term, the entirety of 2026 for sure. Im pretty sure I read SaintSovereign say Hero’s script compares to WB in length so this is going to take awhile. Im glad I am listening to this solo first.

Edit: about 15 mins after the loop, I starting feel lighter, maybe lighter in Spirit? I was feeling heavy and grounded from the Emperor vibe im on but there is a distint change in lightness. I started listening to a YouTube scripture video on Dueteronomy 1 - 18 while working and feeling satisfied. Interesting change in state.

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#4

In just 30 seconds…

Friday, I had light brain fog for about 24hrs. I felt ‘lighter’ in a wholesome way and noticed a subtle shift where I felt a little more tuned in.

Today Ive surprisingly become aware of previous growth, especially as a Dad with my son. I started thinking about and dissecting my previous stack of Emp & LB. I feel shame saying that for years I was not an active but more passive. I was overly concerned with my self and my struggles to really engage. I started automatically having flashes of insight and coming to full conclusions on the whys and hows of changes thats happened over this year. LB generated self care enough that I prioritized my health, sleep and lifestyle enough that Emperor’s maturation allowed me the resilience to choose to sacrifice for the wellbeing of my son and our relationship and not use my circumstances in youth as an excuse to avoid being a fully active parent.
I really value the increased insight im experiencing. My mind keeps going on these deep dives on any subject I happene to think about. Im experiencing depth and its awesome. I was always really good at judging, perceiving and analyzing the external due mostly to trauma induced hypervigilance and then losing it to the extreme opposite of dissociation from neurofeedback and slowly working back to baseline but I always had a blindspot for myself. I couldn’t see myself, my behavior or actions nor reflect and change due to being stuck in bad programming and patterns.

This custom, after only 30 seconds seems to have opened my mind and facilitated such an increase in insight that Im automatically making connections and coming to conclusions almost as if by surprise. this reminds me of how SaintSovereign talked about how his mind worked, where he’d get flashes of insight. Finally, Im starting to be able to hold up a mirror to myself and see what’s going on. To refine who I am, I must first be able to see who I am to begin with.

Im pretty stoked for the module “Evolving Mindset” as well as its all about Deep Introspection. I never thought I’d feel so excited to go within and explore. We all get caught up with the world and other people and thats okay but facing yourself is probably one of the best things one can do.

In my very new and limited experience, I can only say that Ive ‘felt’ the Avatar module and possibly Stillmind. After listening Friday, I started to feel an impulse towards scripture and listened to some, followed by more friday night at work as well. Deep down I know I should and need to invest more time but always fell short. This time I felt drawn to it which is exactly what I was looking for. To cultivate increasing commitment and loyalty towards The Lord and walk in his ways, striving to live Upright the best I can.

Stillmind, I just feel more clear. Mentally I feel more open/receptive and less cluttered which I believe is from this module. 30 seconds in a custom with modules frontloaded…Im fairly certain I haven’t even reached the Cores yet and thats fine with me.

So far I am honestly impressed and pretty excited. I have goals and this stack will hopefully address them all.

3 Likes
#5

Sun

Reflections - 30 seconds

Much smoother loop this time. No heaviness or abrupt pull just a minor shift in attention towards the mask sounds as it played. I like that it causes a subtle relaxed vibe after listening, its light but noticeable.

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#6

Im not sure where its stemming from in the custom but Ive been saying only what is necessary and nothing more. Last night at work I only spoke when spoken to and I literally could not bring myself to say any more than the minimum, no fluff or extra commentary either. I started thinking about Eventide and the law of silence and the whole idea of just saying less. I felt really good about how detached I was from over communicating. Moving away from anxiety which influences over explaining and compensating irrationally in many ways due to over thinking…both of which ive struggled with for decades. But now, its calm and I dont feel any need to complicate or over do. It’s like Nonchalance specific to words.

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Evolving Identity

This module is a unique module in that it helps you with a specific aspect of our subliminals – digging deep into your own mind. By adding this module, this action will become more intuitive, easier and it will all make much more “sense”, helping you achieve deeper and greater realizations and results. An excellent module for deep introspection.

I was looking at my modules again and read this. Ive been really noticing depth since starting this stack. I was feeling disappointment this morning over an issue preventing me from paying for my car and that I’d have to stay up and wait until my bank opened to fix the issue. I felt the disappointment and it was different, it wasn’t more intense rather it was deeper. I hit a new layer of understanding and started to question what disappointment even was and my mind just started to explore and question my state. It was personal but impersonal at the same time, how it affected me but also everyone else and what I could do about it ect. It all is very cut and dry yet felt very deep. I like this module - it reminds me of going a step further in everything. Looking for the why. I was always a why guy, face value conclusions never satisfied me. Probably why I find surface level conversations utterly intolerable and avoid as much as possible.

On a lighter note, I finally had my car fixed. Input shaft bearings, seals, full clutch kit and a new battery. Grateful one shop in my area was willing to work on a manual transmission. It’s been almost two months but I’ll finally have it back Weds.

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#7

Rant…This is my opinion only

I keep seeing more and more AI use. Every group im in, posts are more and more AI screenshots. Ppl are outsourcing their thinking. Dependence is growing extremely fast. Am I literally the only one who is not a sucker out here? You read about how chagpt among others are causing obsessional behavior, emotional attachments and creating delusions in ppl.

I dont get it, I’ll never use or interact with AI. Do ppl not realize how bad AI is. AI is not for humanity, its against it. AI art is extremely insidious and destructive. The subliminal messaging in AI art/photos is purely demonic in spirit.

If you only took a deeper look, you’d realize AI is female as well as this system called the earth. The whole world is Babylon. Female = death. Why do you think The Bible says “come out of Her my people”

Revelation 18:4 KJV

4 And I heard another voice from heaven, saying, Come out of her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues.

Im watching ppl who use AI, over time it increases. I have yet to see anyone who has used it, stop or slow down. I do not trust this shit and never will. What happened to reading a book or doing your own research. When you use AI, you dont even realize its training you. Using AI is like giving your enemy a loaded gun. I thought apps and Facebook asking for basic details years ago was bad but damn…look at where this is going. Between these Fusion centers around the world and AI use, this world is fucked.

Ignorance is Strength right…smh

It’s getting to the point I dont even want to talk to ppl - “The sea is turning terrible before your very eyes”

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#8

Man, last night this health group im in just triggered the hell outta me on the AI thing. All night ive been low key agitated even frustrated with no apparent reason, then it dawned on me that this is recon. Crazy how two 30 second loops could throw me off like this.

Something is bothering me, I can feel it trying to come to a head but right now its still a mystery. The agitation has slowly grown all night. I forgot I have information releaser in this custom - Ive been having all these unpleasant memories come back up…again. how do I make peace with them and they disappear, im tired of re-experiencing the unpleasant emotions associated with them. Like how many times do I have to feel shame.

This is going to be an interesting journey. I should have added the Dreams module…dreaming would help express reconciliation, too bad I dont ever have dream recall. Im not even sure I dream tbh.

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#9

Weds

Reflections - 30 seconds

Some scripture a day, keeps the devil away. Ive been consistently listening all week as well of thinking about it all. Im definitely prioritizing it now and thats definitely been a longstanding goal.

I did wake up with crap energy last night, still a little agitated. I listened to the 30 seconds and felt annoyed as well, whatever is being dug up in my mind is stubborn as Ive received no clarity as of yet. I get the feeling it might be related to the idea of acceptance, acceptance of what I have no idea but there’s a feeling of not wanting to…something something. I feel resistant, tense and unaccepting in general and its directly related to that agitation ive been carrying around.

Im doing 2 full rest days in between loops but so far im less energetic, agitated, tense and feeling restricted or resistant.

#10

I noticed that at work most ppl no longer acknowledge me and the general vibe towards me has reduced. When I was running Emp/LB my aura was probably really inviting while cultivating respect.

While internally I still feel Emp, LB not so much, my external aura is definitely gone or has been covered up by this custom. Im noticed less, there’s less positivity from others, ive faded more into the background.

As far as my current custom, the agitation I had has settled, I had a better more clear night at work. Im still overly quiet and somewhat disconnected from ppl though. I looked in the mirror and I saw a mix of existential angst, mourning and distress in myself. There’s more questions than answers going on. My body feels like its under construction, strength, stamina and energetic enthusiasm is low. I read on Rom’s sales page - “Safely develop and enhance your energetic systems, helping you process more information, execute the title better, etc.” so maybe im getting a reset, idk.

I feel like im in process…whatever that means.

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#11

I struggle with authenticity. Im afraid of it. As a child I was so open, as a young adolescent I was high on life, excited and well nieve and gullible. High school is when things started to go dark. I lost that ‘spark’ of life we all have. Thats when darkness took over and I got expelled from high school. I started hiding my self at a young age but it well full tilt after that.

I can’t remember the last time I truly expressed myself genuinely to anyone, after all being constantly criticized, rejected and mocked will do that to a human being. Emperor helped me to stand more solidly in myself for sure but im still being held back by fear. Im hoping this custom digs deeply into these issues so I can finally unravel the truth hidden there and change for the better. Ive felt dead for decades, im tired of it.

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#12

What a night, just got out of work…

3 different times last night, I started tearing up and feeling overly emotional. It’s like my inner self has been exposed to open air, Im wide open in a way. It’s getting weird, strong feelings of aloneness and a pervasive burdened feeling.

Now that my shift is over and running errands before I get home, all I feel is depressed :pensive:

3 loops of 30 seconds…getting knocked on my ass in the weirdest way. I went from agitated to downtrodden and emotionally wounded?

Im all twisted up or just at the very start of unraveling and its overwhelming.

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#13

Ive been watching the show The Bear, started season 4 and in the first episode they showed a TV clip of Bill murray and he was saying the line below…

“What would you do, if you were stuck in one place…and everyday was exactly the same and nothing that you did mattered.”

Man I felt that, I rewatched that line 5 times. It seems simple things, affect me much deeper. Im overly sensitive, not always in a bad way just that everyday life has a deeper impact on me. Words feel deeper, looks penetrate farther and actions have a stronger affect on me.

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#14

Sun

Reflections - 45 seconds

The past two days were rough. I was being forced to look at my inner child or I should say my inner child was brought out and I couldn’t escape seeing him. I felt pain, sadness and anger cycle through me.

My ‘Why’ is and has been questioned which is resulting in a total loss of drive and enthusiasm. Ive been disengaged to the point disciplined routines are challenging. I haven’t exercised nor sought out any productive endeavors. Ive stepped back from working on my cars or organizing what’s left around the house. All because I no longer feel or see a purpose to it. I think it will pass eventually, once my ‘Why’ for living is reaffirmed.

The other day it felt like I was mourning the loss of my spark, what’s made me feel alive. Since I lost that, my life has just been a series of days where I solve problems and expend energy on things and people. I struggle with meaning. I developed a dismissive attitude/outlook at a young age in order to cope and its never left but it is a damaging character defect, thats for sure.

I was dealing with a lot of recon and it seemed so random but this verse came to me when I was feeling all the hurt from my past, wanting to close off/guard myself. I had a little victim framing going on and then seeing below, I realized everything good and bad thats happened to me is directly related to the choice I made before I got here.

Isaiah 42:24-43:28

King James Version

24 Who gave Jacob for a spoil, and Israel to the robbers? did not the Lord, he against whom we have sinned? for they would not walk in his ways, neither were they obedient unto his law.

We are all Jacob, I turned away to follow after strange flesh, was born into the earth and have to live out my life as an exile, sojurner, foreigner, stranger ect. Its no one’s fault Im in a prison suit called a human body but my own. Being a human here is not a gift, its a punishment and a second chance before complete destruction. Once I realized this, the reconciliation lifted and the sadness kind of faded.

1 Peter 2:11

King James Version

11 Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul;

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#15

There was a lot of insecurity today. It’s strange because 1 year of Emperor helped me perform in spite of it but now, this custom feels like its removing layers to get to the root of ‘me’. I haven’t felt so insecure in a long time, a lot of questioning. I went and saw my barber today and I just felt cringy. I wanted to hide and while nothing was really amiss, internally I was face pallming myself for almost everything I said as if everything about me is wrong.

The typical recon symptoms have gone. Emperor recon felt like pushing/pressure but this recon is more matter of fact, it just shows up and is there until you deal with it. There is no action in it unlike that from Emperor. It’s definitely different.

Everything feels shaky, identity, beliefs, foundation. It’s all up for debate. I dont think ive ever felt so not myself which is interesting because have I ever really been myself or even known myself. What if my entire personality is just a collection of coping mechanisms and externally programmed psychological patterns reinforced by a sick society leading me to a complete lack of success in life.

What actually matters? :flushed:

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#16

Sometimes you just have to take a step back.

This has been and is intense. The positive has been that my mind has become broader, Ive opened up in a way, increased capacity and become more receptive to information/stimulus. It just seems to flow effortlessly.

The challenge has been the scattered and disorganized state that comes with it. My foundational core has been shaky, unsettled and prioritized for questioning which has put me into a weird state where I no longer feel good or certain about anything.

I started thinking about inappropriate behavior = incongruence. A lot of the past memories, flashbacks and intrusive thoughts have that in common. Inappropriate behavior in whatever context. Im wondering what caused so much inappropriate behavior, was it just traumatic experiences in childhood? Or was it having no father around, or both. Am I just evil and that was just me being expressed?

I want to see myself, my root clearly. To know what exactly is what. Things are too convoluted.

I got up today and realized my nervous system, while improved is still over activated. Neurofeedback can only indirectly affect the amygdala and brain stem and do so much. Changing my diet, focusing on fitness helps but the level of muscular fatigue just living keeps my performative work low. Who does 22 push ups and hits muscle failure? That only happens when your muscular system is at 75% capacity just existing and any physical work taxes them beyond capacity and they fail. I have to fix this issue but have no idea how. How do I reset my nervous system, slide into parasympathetic states more often and relax. It affects my mental state too. Im getting the realization that until this gets resolved, the growth will be minimal.

Even at 45 seconds its a lot. I may need to reduce to two listening days a week, which was the plan once I achieved 1 min. I’ll add Hero once I reach 3 mins.

I like the quiet calm this custom gives, I dont feel any anxiety or stress anymore. Just a lot of uncertainty and doubt while feeling like my minds expanding at a rapid rate. Wonderful and Terrifying at the same time, lol.

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#17

Listening to this custom makes me feel like im on a sober acid trip. Totally fine yet completely blasted in the deepest, most inexplicable way.

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#18

There’s way more detachment in this custom than I was expecting. Ive lost quite a lot of drive, the desire to pursue. Im struggling to exercise let alone even thinking strategically towards the future. I feel pulled into the moment all the time where the past and future dont exist, which in a way is like being on pause but I know its just presence. It’s odd getting used to.

Emperor got me focused on doing. I was slowly building momentum, facing the world and making things happen. This custom is letting all of that go, Im so detached from living the hustle hard, live life mantra that I basically feel lazy.

There’s A LOT going on, my subconscious feels like its on :fire:. There’s constant thoughts swirling around, mental connections being made, questions answered, beliefs challenged, idea created and dismissed, life analyzed its all encompassing and I dont think my minds ever been this open, receptive and active. Im very much in limbo, in process gathering whatever needs gathering.

A thought that keeps circulating in my mind is “What matters” what matters to me, what is important. Whenever I think of something that matters, immediately the ‘Why’ follows and then I end up in a rabbit hole revising my answer until I feel completely exhausted and end up nowhere. Seems like I have actually have no clue what matters.

I read Ros and Rom sales pages this morning. Ros stood out much more and I read things I do not ever remember reading. Like patience scripting in Ros? I dont remember that, who knew. Rom looked more familiar to me though.

This customs theme is excavation. Upheaval, uprooting. I feel like im being dismantled piece by piece in order to fully understand who and what I am. Reminds me of what Jesus said - Luke 8:17. King James Version … For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad.

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#19

Rom sales page -

Music will no longer just move your body. Those same notes that made you nod your head will now stir something deep within your spirit, and you’ll understand it all.

It’s funny, a cover of a song I used to listen to like 20 years ago showed up on my YouTube timeline. I listened to it and felt incredibly different and inspired. Immediately a girl I used to crush on back then popped into my mind, this song was like our unofficial song between us. We never got together but there was always something between us.

Ive listened to the song more than 5 times in the past few hours. I even got online and looked her up and sent a message. It’s probably been at least 10 or 11 years but I just reached out. Weird, before tonight this was nowhere near a thought in my mind. It seems I felt a push for connection, for reconnection actually. Interesting how things “Unfold”…

That song went straight to my core and influenced action. The crazy part is I dont really listen to music, I drive in silence and I do not go out of my way to listen to any music for years. Music is just not part of my life and yet here this happened.

2 Likes
#20

Tues

Reflections - 45 seconds

Everyday is a surprise, I never know what wild thought will come up next. The amount of unusual thoughts and feelings has been absurd on this custom. I almost feel stoned on revelations if that even makes sense. Im quite heady and detached yet aware of the now just not participating in it.

I should have skipped today and took another rest day. I was going to move to twice a week next cycle but as Im processing this loop, its clear to me I didnt really need it. I will abstain until Monday, which gives me 4 days to process instead of my current two.

After reading Ros sales page again, I started to recognize that patience is improving in me. The way I drive, the way I react less and of course this detachment im enjoying. I feel less riled up. After reading the sales page I think Love Bomb would mesh really well. I read about empathy and self love in Ros which was new to me. I didnt expect to read about spontaneous healing in Rom or breaking negative behavioral patterns and trauma in Ros but its there. A wider application than I first thought.

If I had a higher flow factor and more efficient brain, I’d make 2 customs.

Rom/Ros/LB and Hero Origins/Glm and just listen till 2027. But my mind can barely keep up with 45 seconds of this one custom…lol.

I keep wondering about adding HeO, can I even handle that stack. Im half tempted to remove some modules from this custom and remake. Idk, need more patience :sleepy:

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