Geoff's Journal - Reflections of a Hero

[Geoff]

Im not sure if its posture scripting in Hero Origins, but my lower back, the tailbone and hip area has been stiff and kind of sore the past few days, maybe a week. I thought it was from sitting improperly or working on my car for 6 hours a week ago in uncomfortable positions but it still persists.

It feels like realignment in a way, a sort of soreness you’d expect to feel from isolation exercises or stretching specific muscles. Im kind of getting the feeling/intuitive vibe that its changing. I find myself pushing forward or contracting my pelvis at times as if l am reinforcing something new.

I can’t be sure but wanted to put it out there. It’d be pretty cool if my skeletal structure is slowly realigning to meet the subliminal objectives. I had issues as a child with my hip/back position. Kind of like anterior pelvic tilt but not exactly that. I know my feet are jacked, Ive had flat feet and plantar fascitis most of my life and couldn’t run far without micro tearing my plantar muscle. Im excited to see what happens

[Geoff]

I want to talk about Love Bomb for a moment.

Its been really apparent since leaving Love Bomb how others treat me. Even on my current stack, theres a cool indifference with respect shown to me but not much else. I noticed people seem to want to distance themselves from me more than connect.

I noticed these 3 objectives from LB’s sales page the most when it came to social interactions and showing connection.

• Manifest and radiate love outwardly, empowering oneself and others to express love in empowering ways.

• Emerge as a beacon of love, elevating the lives of those around through authentic engagement and profound connection.

• Navigate the complexities of human connection with grace and wisdom, building tranquil and enriching interactions.

When I was on Love Bomb, I had started this job I have now and it felt as if people here were abundantly kind and friendly, welcoming and warm. I thought that people genuinely were interested in me as a person. People would, over time consistently check in on me, start conversations, share themselves and thier stories and build connections. It was wild how much compassion and help was offered on my behalf back then. I also felt quite open and receptive to others which was never my normal setting.

Now…lol, I have not engaged with any of the people who used to make it an almost daily habit to stop by my work area and have a small chat. Literally I’ll get a wave maybe once a week if that, and it dwindled from there. I seriously feel that im becoming off-putting unconsciously. People ‘seem’ uncomfortable around me.

Im not unkind, I acknowledge others but the responses are cool and aloof at best. Its really interesting to see. If my stack wasnt already dense I would run a loop of Love Bomb to see if anything changes.

Honestly, in today’s current state, Im not sure why Love Bomb would not be a permanent sub in one’s stack. I do look forward to using it again. The effects of Love Bomb are no joke. One of the most impactful subs I’ve ever used.

[Geoff]

“At the heart of RoS lies the goal of fostering a profound sense of self-awareness and insight into the self. Through the lens of transcendent spirituality, you will delve deep into the secrets of your reality, uncovering its hidden truths while uncovering the beauty and unity of existence as a whole. While each person’s journey is unique, this process of discovery is a universal one, leading you to a greater understanding of your place in the world and the interconnected nature of all things.”

I keep trying to locate spefic recon points in the subs Im listening too, reflecting on what objectives or goals each subliminal has and how much resistance to those ideas I have. “Uncovering the beauty and unity of existence as a whole” definitely feels some kind of way to me when I read it. In Emperor Blacks description, its said that we are both “Light and Dark” and we all know this. I am obviously projecting since I know not the script but I feel frustration at the thought of seeing beauty in the existence of Darkness, symbolically “Evil” in my mind. Evil consumes Good, Death consumes Life so how could I ever appreciate the beauty in/of that? This is my interpretation not an attack on the sub, just more so a sticking point that I believe is causing prolonged reconciliation with me.

"Understanding and appreciating the beauty of life and existence itself can have a significant impact on elevating and revitalizing the spirit. RoS will aid you in generating a profound sense of gratitude for the mere act of existing, as well as an appreciation for “beauty” in all its forms and expressions, even those you have yet to fathom. You should anticipate being moved by the “simple moments” while comprehending the reasons behind their effect on you. For those with wisdom, the importance of this should already be evident. To further assist with this goal, Revelation of Spirit features significant scripting designed to help you “reset” your emotional worldview to one of fascination, exploration, and discovery – much like when we were children. However, as an adult, you can explore reality with the wisdom and discernment of your experiences, seeing through that which does not serve you or align with your spiritual aspirations. This is the joy of being perceptually free, unencumbered by the constraints of childhood or the cynicism that can accompany the progression through life."

These too are a point of conflict within me. As I understand it from my current understanding and beliefs, that we (humans) are exiles in prison houses, sojurning in a foreign land Biblically speaking and so because of this, I have a very hard time embracing the beauty of life, the gratitude of existence and the explorative fascination of a child when I understand that Spiritually…I am half dead until conversion.

Psalm 73:20 KJV

As a dream when one awaketh; So, O Lord, when thou awakest, thou shalt despise their image.

This scripture specifically gets in the way of appreciating what is considered “Life” here on earth and if you know, then you know.

So how do I reconcile the truth with a goal of embracing and accepting what ‘seems’ like a feel good story to tell myself about the world, existence and beauty. I dont believe nothing is beautiful but that most of whats told or shown is a deceptive illusion and well I dont want to live in delusion and so I think Im clashing hard against anything that makes me ‘feel’ like I am heading that way.

Can I know what I know and still appreciate it? Can you see a nightmare as a dream?

The recon, even going on 6 rest days is persistent. I know the stack is heavy but for real, my head always feel full as if processing. I know neurofeedback every 2 to 3 weeks can affect things for sure but I sure would like to find some relief soon. Reflections, my custom is going hard.

[Geoff]

I think my big issue is that I resent this life and therefore do not appreciate it which is causing obstacles in expressing joy and gratitude for existence.

Existence in what form? Is there a right form and a wrong form to be? I think so

I dont see being a human or alive as a gift, rather a punishment because its exile and no one celebrates exile do they? I struggle daily with this, back and forth with appreciation and resentment but it was my choice, I wasnt exiled for nothing. Its my fault.

Jude 6

King James Version

6 And the angels which kept not their first estate, but left their own habitation, he hath reserved in everlasting chains under darkness unto the judgment of the great day.

IYKYK…

The art of patience, delicately woven into the fabric of Revelation of Spirit, unlocks the grandest treasure of all — maximizing the scripting that develops spiritual wisdom and knowledge. Spiritual wisdom is a gift transcends the mere intellect, for it is something felt deeply within the heart and soul. It is an indescribable sensation, born from the realization of our place in the grand scheme of things — simultaneously insignificant and yet, infinite. It is the understanding of delicate balance between duality and the unity that pervades all things, inviting us into a state of tranquil stillness. And it is often in the quietest moments that this treasure reveals itself, hidden in plain sight.

I guess over time, hopefully I’ll come to a compromise within and stop resisting. The Cynicism and resentment will fade and I’ll end up owning it all and surrender to acceptance. I do feel a strong pull towards Purity and Unity but I think I havent been forgiving myself enough to let go and let God. Its not a light thing even though his Mercy covers it. As I said I think im stuck in unwillingness to forgive myself on behalf of him even though I believe he’s forgiven me.

One day at a time, a new opportunity to choose better and another chance to do right.

[Geoff]

Tues

End of Cycle 3/Washout

Reflections - 3 mins

Hero Origins - 3 mins

I decided to jump ahead 1 minute, mostly out of curiosity since I seem to always be in recon regardless of rest days. Im curious if I wake up feeling overloaded or decent tomorrow.

Next cycle on 11/1, in 10 days. Should be enough time to process any backlog and adjust for longer loop. I think if I stay with 3 mins next cycle, Ill just do one loop per week since 4 to 5 days doesnt seem enough currently. It all has to “Unfold” after all, might as well give myself the time I need. Thats roughly 3 to 4 loops per cycle, max. This stack is rest day heavy, Im learning that and I definitely do not need overload, not with such life changing scripting. The depth of this stack is unparalleled.

[Geoff]

@SaintSovereign or @Fire

I have a question, is there any scripting from or related to the module Way of Understanding in Ros?

Way of Understanding

Grow your ability to understand others and their lives – Way of Understanding will help you see clearer the motivations, beliefs, emotions, thoughts and desires of the people around you, and help you be understanding of it. Furthermore, Way of Understanding will help you understand your own motivations, beliefs, emotions, thoughts and desires as well as the why’s behind each one of them.

Im strongly considering remaking my Rom/Ros custom to reduce density and refine it a little more. I read this paragraph from Ros sales page -

“Indeed, the ultimate goal of developing empathy, mercy, compassion, kindness, and understanding is not just for personal growth, but also for the growth of those around you. With this deep understanding of the nature of these traits, you will be able to approach every situation with a sense of balance, taking into consideration not just your own needs but also the needs of others. You will be able to recognize when someone is in pain or struggling, and offer them a helping hand or a kind word. You will be able to forgive those who have wronged you, not out of weakness, but out of a sense of compassion and understanding. And you will be able to find peace within yourself, knowing that you are living in alignment with your spiritual values and helping others along the way.”

These parts ‘seem’ related to Way of Understanding but not quite. For the sake of density, can you tell me if Ros handles what the module gives? Assuming I am not trying to double up and only looking for coverage from one source. If theres not scripting from, or related to Way of Understanding, would you recommend it within the custom or is its use case not that fitting within the Revelation theme?

Thank you for your time and attention

[Geoff]

Im not 100% sure where its coming from, but I get this oversensitivity where its like I could jump at my own shadow. Ill catch glimpses of what seems like movement out of the corner of my eye or if I turn or move, theres this sense like something is there.

It feels like maybe Eagle Eye, All-Seeing or Awakened Perception might be putting my senses into overdrive coupled with Rom…Im not sure though. I had neurofeedback yesterday and dont remember feeling that but I listened to my loops at 4:30am this morning and it started happening again by 6am.

Its not really causing problems per say but it does in a way make me feel a little paranoid and I second guess myself because what I thought I saw or felt wasnt really there. I just feel over sensitive and maybe overly perceptive to the point of over experiencing. Is this possible with this custom?

It was happening at 2 minute loops also, not just because I jumped to 3 mins today. This is just when im now considering what it is and where it could be coming from. As I think about it, I never had this before I started the stack. If it is the custom, I wonder if it’ll calm down or I’ll sharpen/refine sense wise to where this doesnt feel so unsettling at times.

[Geoff]

I wonder what caused the mind virus that Ive had for so long. This overwhelming state of just not wanting this world. I know that since the economy and society started declining, there are a lot of people who no longer want to try in a world that has no bright future but ive had this issue for much longer.

Ive been thinking, I wonder if the defeatist/disinterested mindset is a result of complete exhaustion. I mean Spiritually, Mentally and Physically…exhausted, for decades.

I started Rom & Ros to figure out the Why, because you cant fix something you dont understand, so understanding myself became priority. Maybe changing or reframing perceptions could help.

It irks me how utterly dismissive I am. I dont think I understand much of myself at all beyond the defensive wall I hold up against existence due to all the hurt I experienced in my early years. But past that, no idea. All Ive done since getting sober has been to find out whats wrong and why.

Slowly I’ve killed my vices one by one. Cut off relationships and connections. Pursued employment that allowed me to hide. Rejected anything and everything “fun” out of fear of being pulled back into a situation that could or would lead into relapse.

And now Im wondering what the point is of trying. This constant effort for just survival, every day ending in exhaustion as if my day was spent fighting for my life when it was actually just a routine day of slaving away time for material value.

I was reading regeneration is sales page and these stuck out for me, spoke loudly to me.

"These do not disappear because we ignore them. They settle into the body like sediment, layer upon layer, until the weight of what we carry becomes the ceiling of what we can become.

In our age, intensity has become an identity. We have forgotten that the body is not a machine to be driven until it breaks, but a living system that requires rhythm — tension and release, expansion and contraction, effort and rest."

The Bolded line really hits me. And Ive been crashing into that ceiling daily, losing passion day by day feeling exhausted at the thought of putting anymore effort into anything.

I very well may try a loop during this washout, I still have 7 days left.

Between being on nightshift which is not helping anything and the sheer exhaustion, maybe a loop will help with all the questioning and digging Rom and Ros are doing. All I know is the mindset ive had for decades is unfruitful and I need change, positive change.

[Trader]

Definitely think regen will help SOMEHOW. Too early to know exactly how. I figure it’s adaptive so will get in there and diagnose what kind of help you’d need and then get busy.

[Geoff]

“A dismissive mindset often stems from childhood experiences of neglect, rejection, or emotional unavailability from primary caregivers. These early experiences teach a person that they cannot rely on others for emotional support and that self-reliance is a form of safety. As a result, they may prioritize independence, avoid emotional vulnerability, and struggle with intimacy as adults.”

Roots in childhood experiences

Neglect or rejection: Children who feel rejected or experience neglect from their caregivers may internalize the belief that others will always disappoint them.

Inconsistent caregiving: Inconsistent parenting, where a child’s needs were not reliably met, can lead to a fear of relying on others and a preference for self-reliance.

Emotionally unavailable caregivers: Caregivers who were emotionally withdrawn or avoided intimacy may have inadvertently taught a child that such connections are unsafe.

Harsh criticism: A history of being harshly criticized can make a person fear vulnerability and judgment in relationships.

This is exactly my childhood with a few additions. It makes sense why I’d be dismissive but I’d very much like to overcome it. I wonder what else there is about me to explore, what gifts or talents I have. My character traits, how I can use my personality for good.

I get why 50 years ago and before that societies were much healthier. Much less overt trauma, stronger support systems. Im in my 40s and my whole life has just been a journey unraveling traumatic experiences and the consequences of it…what a life. No wonder I dont value being alive lol. Just typing all this invoked anger in me, this is definitely a touchy area for me. Will try regeneration after work.

[Geoff]

Listened to a 15 min loop of Regeneration, Phoenix was the only sub I Listened to for 15 mins without any processing load or brain fog. I felt almost as empty and smooth with Regeneration.

I remember original zp Regeneration, that gave me brain fog. But this one not at all. Hours ago at work my mind was contemplating on honorable actions, thinking of past experiences and how I acted and what I’d do now. But since Regeneration, Ive quieted a bit. I haven’t noticed much else, maybe a slight decrease in mental tension.

Its crazy how dense my stack feels at 3 mins, how it takes 3+ days to not feel overloaded but 15 mins of Regeneration is no issue.

Only doing this one loop, no stack switching or adding. Purely out of curiosity did I try this.

Back to my stack and washout

Edit: I woke up tonight sleeping the same amount of time, no more and no less. I feel an increase in soreness of some muscles which I believe is just me feeling more from ‘some’ relaxation. The interesting thing is the increase in jaw tension.

Am I so tense that the attempt to relax is increasing discomfort? Because I dont honestly feel relaxed the way others have posted.

Mentally, I do feel less affected. Less sensitive to external things and people. Emotionally composed.

I was hoping for a more profound physical effect but maybe I need to process more, after all I did listen to 15 mins and was already processing my current stack.

[Geoff]

Psalm 62:1

King James Version

62 Truly my soul waiteth upon God: from him cometh my salvation.

As I sit here tonight, in a state of stillness I keep thinking about honor. Lately, or since my washout started, I have been getting challenges from my conscience whenever I think about a behavior, action or choice. My mind responds to my thoughts with “Will this choice bring honor to your life” or “Is behaving that way honorable” and “Will choosing to do this honor God, would he approve of this”

This very much looks like the Hero objective -

• Internalize the concept of “Honor,” transforming your actions and essence.

The internal framework is getting stronger

I’ve come to realize that pleasing myself with vain things leaves me empty and sometimes even guilty and shameful. But pursuing the higher calling always somehow is fulfilling, even when feeling like one is missing out, the sense of contentment never fails to sustain.

Tonight, since I woke up my mind has been at ease. Even the processing burden of Hero and my custom has not returned since listening to regeneration. Maybe the anti-recon scripting dealt with all the recon, from the whole stack. Physically Im in an uncomfortable state, muscle/tension wise, I feel raw. My body feels exhausted if Im being honest but my mind and heart feel still, at peace. I loosely reflect without attachment.