Geoff's Journal - Reflections of a Hero

[Geoff]

Im not sure if its posture scripting in Hero Origins, but my lower back, the tailbone and hip area has been stiff and kind of sore the past few days, maybe a week. I thought it was from sitting improperly or working on my car for 6 hours a week ago in uncomfortable positions but it still persists.

It feels like realignment in a way, a sort of soreness you’d expect to feel from isolation exercises or stretching specific muscles. Im kind of getting the feeling/intuitive vibe that its changing. I find myself pushing forward or contracting my pelvis at times as if l am reinforcing something new.

I can’t be sure but wanted to put it out there. It’d be pretty cool if my skeletal structure is slowly realigning to meet the subliminal objectives. I had issues as a child with my hip/back position. Kind of like anterior pelvic tilt but not exactly that. I know my feet are jacked, Ive had flat feet and plantar fascitis most of my life and couldn’t run far without micro tearing my plantar muscle. Im excited to see what happens

[Geoff]

I want to talk about Love Bomb for a moment.

Its been really apparent since leaving Love Bomb how others treat me. Even on my current stack, theres a cool indifference with respect shown to me but not much else. I noticed people seem to want to distance themselves from me more than connect.

I noticed these 3 objectives from LB’s sales page the most when it came to social interactions and showing connection.

• Manifest and radiate love outwardly, empowering oneself and others to express love in empowering ways.

• Emerge as a beacon of love, elevating the lives of those around through authentic engagement and profound connection.

• Navigate the complexities of human connection with grace and wisdom, building tranquil and enriching interactions.

When I was on Love Bomb, I had started this job I have now and it felt as if people here were abundantly kind and friendly, welcoming and warm. I thought that people genuinely were interested in me as a person. People would, over time consistently check in on me, start conversations, share themselves and thier stories and build connections. It was wild how much compassion and help was offered on my behalf back then. I also felt quite open and receptive to others which was never my normal setting.

Now…lol, I have not engaged with any of the people who used to make it an almost daily habit to stop by my work area and have a small chat. Literally I’ll get a wave maybe once a week if that, and it dwindled from there. I seriously feel that im becoming off-putting unconsciously. People ‘seem’ uncomfortable around me.

Im not unkind, I acknowledge others but the responses are cool and aloof at best. Its really interesting to see. If my stack wasnt already dense I would run a loop of Love Bomb to see if anything changes.

Honestly, in today’s current state, Im not sure why Love Bomb would not be a permanent sub in one’s stack. I do look forward to using it again. The effects of Love Bomb are no joke. One of the most impactful subs I’ve ever used.

[Geoff]

“At the heart of RoS lies the goal of fostering a profound sense of self-awareness and insight into the self. Through the lens of transcendent spirituality, you will delve deep into the secrets of your reality, uncovering its hidden truths while uncovering the beauty and unity of existence as a whole. While each person’s journey is unique, this process of discovery is a universal one, leading you to a greater understanding of your place in the world and the interconnected nature of all things.”

I keep trying to locate spefic recon points in the subs Im listening too, reflecting on what objectives or goals each subliminal has and how much resistance to those ideas I have. “Uncovering the beauty and unity of existence as a whole” definitely feels some kind of way to me when I read it. In Emperor Blacks description, its said that we are both “Light and Dark” and we all know this. I am obviously projecting since I know not the script but I feel frustration at the thought of seeing beauty in the existence of Darkness, symbolically “Evil” in my mind. Evil consumes Good, Death consumes Life so how could I ever appreciate the beauty in/of that? This is my interpretation not an attack on the sub, just more so a sticking point that I believe is causing prolonged reconciliation with me.

"Understanding and appreciating the beauty of life and existence itself can have a significant impact on elevating and revitalizing the spirit. RoS will aid you in generating a profound sense of gratitude for the mere act of existing, as well as an appreciation for “beauty” in all its forms and expressions, even those you have yet to fathom. You should anticipate being moved by the “simple moments” while comprehending the reasons behind their effect on you. For those with wisdom, the importance of this should already be evident. To further assist with this goal, Revelation of Spirit features significant scripting designed to help you “reset” your emotional worldview to one of fascination, exploration, and discovery – much like when we were children. However, as an adult, you can explore reality with the wisdom and discernment of your experiences, seeing through that which does not serve you or align with your spiritual aspirations. This is the joy of being perceptually free, unencumbered by the constraints of childhood or the cynicism that can accompany the progression through life."

These too are a point of conflict within me. As I understand it from my current understanding and beliefs, that we (humans) are exiles in prison houses, sojurning in a foreign land Biblically speaking and so because of this, I have a very hard time embracing the beauty of life, the gratitude of existence and the explorative fascination of a child when I understand that Spiritually…I am half dead until conversion.

Psalm 73:20 KJV

As a dream when one awaketh; So, O Lord, when thou awakest, thou shalt despise their image.

This scripture specifically gets in the way of appreciating what is considered “Life” here on earth and if you know, then you know.

So how do I reconcile the truth with a goal of embracing and accepting what ‘seems’ like a feel good story to tell myself about the world, existence and beauty. I dont believe nothing is beautiful but that most of whats told or shown is a deceptive illusion and well I dont want to live in delusion and so I think Im clashing hard against anything that makes me ‘feel’ like I am heading that way.

Can I know what I know and still appreciate it? Can you see a nightmare as a dream?

The recon, even going on 6 rest days is persistent. I know the stack is heavy but for real, my head always feel full as if processing. I know neurofeedback every 2 to 3 weeks can affect things for sure but I sure would like to find some relief soon. Reflections, my custom is going hard.

[Geoff]

I think my big issue is that I resent this life and therefore do not appreciate it which is causing obstacles in expressing joy and gratitude for existence.

Existence in what form? Is there a right form and a wrong form to be? I think so

I dont see being a human or alive as a gift, rather a punishment because its exile and no one celebrates exile do they? I struggle daily with this, back and forth with appreciation and resentment but it was my choice, I wasnt exiled for nothing. Its my fault.

Jude 6

King James Version

6 And the angels which kept not their first estate, but left their own habitation, he hath reserved in everlasting chains under darkness unto the judgment of the great day.

IYKYK…

The art of patience, delicately woven into the fabric of Revelation of Spirit, unlocks the grandest treasure of all — maximizing the scripting that develops spiritual wisdom and knowledge. Spiritual wisdom is a gift transcends the mere intellect, for it is something felt deeply within the heart and soul. It is an indescribable sensation, born from the realization of our place in the grand scheme of things — simultaneously insignificant and yet, infinite. It is the understanding of delicate balance between duality and the unity that pervades all things, inviting us into a state of tranquil stillness. And it is often in the quietest moments that this treasure reveals itself, hidden in plain sight.

I guess over time, hopefully I’ll come to a compromise within and stop resisting. The Cynicism and resentment will fade and I’ll end up owning it all and surrender to acceptance. I do feel a strong pull towards Purity and Unity but I think I havent been forgiving myself enough to let go and let God. Its not a light thing even though his Mercy covers it. As I said I think im stuck in unwillingness to forgive myself on behalf of him even though I believe he’s forgiven me.

One day at a time, a new opportunity to choose better and another chance to do right.

[Geoff]

Tues

End of Cycle 3/Washout

Reflections - 3 mins

Hero Origins - 3 mins

I decided to jump ahead 1 minute, mostly out of curiosity since I seem to always be in recon regardless of rest days. Im curious if I wake up feeling overloaded or decent tomorrow.

Next cycle on 11/1, in 10 days. Should be enough time to process any backlog and adjust for longer loop. I think if I stay with 3 mins next cycle, Ill just do one loop per week since 4 to 5 days doesnt seem enough currently. It all has to “Unfold” after all, might as well give myself the time I need. Thats roughly 3 to 4 loops per cycle, max. This stack is rest day heavy, Im learning that and I definitely do not need overload, not with such life changing scripting. The depth of this stack is unparalleled.

[Geoff]

@SaintSovereign or @Fire

I have a question, is there any scripting from or related to the module Way of Understanding in Ros?

Way of Understanding

Grow your ability to understand others and their lives – Way of Understanding will help you see clearer the motivations, beliefs, emotions, thoughts and desires of the people around you, and help you be understanding of it. Furthermore, Way of Understanding will help you understand your own motivations, beliefs, emotions, thoughts and desires as well as the why’s behind each one of them.

Im strongly considering remaking my Rom/Ros custom to reduce density and refine it a little more. I read this paragraph from Ros sales page -

“Indeed, the ultimate goal of developing empathy, mercy, compassion, kindness, and understanding is not just for personal growth, but also for the growth of those around you. With this deep understanding of the nature of these traits, you will be able to approach every situation with a sense of balance, taking into consideration not just your own needs but also the needs of others. You will be able to recognize when someone is in pain or struggling, and offer them a helping hand or a kind word. You will be able to forgive those who have wronged you, not out of weakness, but out of a sense of compassion and understanding. And you will be able to find peace within yourself, knowing that you are living in alignment with your spiritual values and helping others along the way.”

These parts ‘seem’ related to Way of Understanding but not quite. For the sake of density, can you tell me if Ros handles what the module gives? Assuming I am not trying to double up and only looking for coverage from one source. If theres not scripting from, or related to Way of Understanding, would you recommend it within the custom or is its use case not that fitting within the Revelation theme?

Thank you for your time and attention

[Geoff]

Im not 100% sure where its coming from, but I get this oversensitivity where its like I could jump at my own shadow. Ill catch glimpses of what seems like movement out of the corner of my eye or if I turn or move, theres this sense like something is there.

It feels like maybe Eagle Eye, All-Seeing or Awakened Perception might be putting my senses into overdrive coupled with Rom…Im not sure though. I had neurofeedback yesterday and dont remember feeling that but I listened to my loops at 4:30am this morning and it started happening again by 6am.

Its not really causing problems per say but it does in a way make me feel a little paranoid and I second guess myself because what I thought I saw or felt wasnt really there. I just feel over sensitive and maybe overly perceptive to the point of over experiencing. Is this possible with this custom?

It was happening at 2 minute loops also, not just because I jumped to 3 mins today. This is just when im now considering what it is and where it could be coming from. As I think about it, I never had this before I started the stack. If it is the custom, I wonder if it’ll calm down or I’ll sharpen/refine sense wise to where this doesnt feel so unsettling at times.

[Geoff]

I wonder what caused the mind virus that Ive had for so long. This overwhelming state of just not wanting this world. I know that since the economy and society started declining, there are a lot of people who no longer want to try in a world that has no bright future but ive had this issue for much longer.

Ive been thinking, I wonder if the defeatist/disinterested mindset is a result of complete exhaustion. I mean Spiritually, Mentally and Physically…exhausted, for decades.

I started Rom & Ros to figure out the Why, because you cant fix something you dont understand, so understanding myself became priority. Maybe changing or reframing perceptions could help.

It irks me how utterly dismissive I am. I dont think I understand much of myself at all beyond the defensive wall I hold up against existence due to all the hurt I experienced in my early years. But past that, no idea. All Ive done since getting sober has been to find out whats wrong and why.

Slowly I’ve killed my vices one by one. Cut off relationships and connections. Pursued employment that allowed me to hide. Rejected anything and everything “fun” out of fear of being pulled back into a situation that could or would lead into relapse.

And now Im wondering what the point is of trying. This constant effort for just survival, every day ending in exhaustion as if my day was spent fighting for my life when it was actually just a routine day of slaving away time for material value.

I was reading regeneration is sales page and these stuck out for me, spoke loudly to me.

"These do not disappear because we ignore them. They settle into the body like sediment, layer upon layer, until the weight of what we carry becomes the ceiling of what we can become.

In our age, intensity has become an identity. We have forgotten that the body is not a machine to be driven until it breaks, but a living system that requires rhythm — tension and release, expansion and contraction, effort and rest."

The Bolded line really hits me. And Ive been crashing into that ceiling daily, losing passion day by day feeling exhausted at the thought of putting anymore effort into anything.

I very well may try a loop during this washout, I still have 7 days left.

Between being on nightshift which is not helping anything and the sheer exhaustion, maybe a loop will help with all the questioning and digging Rom and Ros are doing. All I know is the mindset ive had for decades is unfruitful and I need change, positive change.

[Trader]

Definitely think regen will help SOMEHOW. Too early to know exactly how. I figure it’s adaptive so will get in there and diagnose what kind of help you’d need and then get busy.

[Geoff]

“A dismissive mindset often stems from childhood experiences of neglect, rejection, or emotional unavailability from primary caregivers. These early experiences teach a person that they cannot rely on others for emotional support and that self-reliance is a form of safety. As a result, they may prioritize independence, avoid emotional vulnerability, and struggle with intimacy as adults.”

Roots in childhood experiences

Neglect or rejection: Children who feel rejected or experience neglect from their caregivers may internalize the belief that others will always disappoint them.

Inconsistent caregiving: Inconsistent parenting, where a child’s needs were not reliably met, can lead to a fear of relying on others and a preference for self-reliance.

Emotionally unavailable caregivers: Caregivers who were emotionally withdrawn or avoided intimacy may have inadvertently taught a child that such connections are unsafe.

Harsh criticism: A history of being harshly criticized can make a person fear vulnerability and judgment in relationships.

This is exactly my childhood with a few additions. It makes sense why I’d be dismissive but I’d very much like to overcome it. I wonder what else there is about me to explore, what gifts or talents I have. My character traits, how I can use my personality for good.

I get why 50 years ago and before that societies were much healthier. Much less overt trauma, stronger support systems. Im in my 40s and my whole life has just been a journey unraveling traumatic experiences and the consequences of it…what a life. No wonder I dont value being alive lol. Just typing all this invoked anger in me, this is definitely a touchy area for me. Will try regeneration after work.

[Geoff]

Listened to a 15 min loop of Regeneration, Phoenix was the only sub I Listened to for 15 mins without any processing load or brain fog. I felt almost as empty and smooth with Regeneration.

I remember original zp Regeneration, that gave me brain fog. But this one not at all. Hours ago at work my mind was contemplating on honorable actions, thinking of past experiences and how I acted and what I’d do now. But since Regeneration, Ive quieted a bit. I haven’t noticed much else, maybe a slight decrease in mental tension.

Its crazy how dense my stack feels at 3 mins, how it takes 3+ days to not feel overloaded but 15 mins of Regeneration is no issue.

Only doing this one loop, no stack switching or adding. Purely out of curiosity did I try this.

Back to my stack and washout

Edit: I woke up tonight sleeping the same amount of time, no more and no less. I feel an increase in soreness of some muscles which I believe is just me feeling more from ‘some’ relaxation. The interesting thing is the increase in jaw tension.

Am I so tense that the attempt to relax is increasing discomfort? Because I dont honestly feel relaxed the way others have posted.

Mentally, I do feel less affected. Less sensitive to external things and people. Emotionally composed.

I was hoping for a more profound physical effect but maybe I need to process more, after all I did listen to 15 mins and was already processing my current stack.

[Geoff]

Psalm 62:1

King James Version

62 Truly my soul waiteth upon God: from him cometh my salvation.

As I sit here tonight, in a state of stillness I keep thinking about honor. Lately, or since my washout started, I have been getting challenges from my conscience whenever I think about a behavior, action or choice. My mind responds to my thoughts with “Will this choice bring honor to your life” or “Is behaving that way honorable” and “Will choosing to do this honor God, would he approve of this”

This very much looks like the Hero objective -

• Internalize the concept of “Honor,” transforming your actions and essence.

The internal framework is getting stronger

I’ve come to realize that pleasing myself with vain things leaves me empty and sometimes even guilty and shameful. But pursuing the higher calling always somehow is fulfilling, even when feeling like one is missing out, the sense of contentment never fails to sustain.

Tonight, since I woke up my mind has been at ease. Even the processing burden of Hero and my custom has not returned since listening to regeneration. Maybe the anti-recon scripting dealt with all the recon, from the whole stack. Physically Im in an uncomfortable state, muscle/tension wise, I feel raw. My body feels exhausted if Im being honest but my mind and heart feel still, at peace. I loosely reflect without attachment.

[Geoff]

I listened to a 2nd full loop of Regeneration this morning before bed, I felt a big push to do so and just went with it.

I slept pretty hard until the tossing and turning started, was half asleep/half aware of dreaming but dont remember much of anything. Confusion mostly.

The whole weekend with the exception of changing my cars oil was spent lazily rest. I literally did nothing, I usually feel in the wrong for being non productive but I kept hearing "Just Rest’ floating around in my mind whenever I started to feel bad for just lying around.

Physically Im feeling less tense but let’s see if it returns with the work week. My right arm/shoulder feels strained when I used it as if im finally recognizing its overworked muscles. My neck feels about 25% less stiff.

I have an achey head tonight, not quite a headache. A sense of burden mentally, it could be from the 2nd loop processing or some frustration. I noticed subtle annoyance last night and its a bit more vivid tonight. The frustration does feel like its been separated from me a bit but still very much mine.

It feels like my body is trying to melt or soften but hitting resistance. My tension feels like an onion with many layers that have to be peeled one by one. 5 more days until cycle 4. No more loops, I shouldn’t have listened again but life is imperfect.

It is interesting that since Regeneration, my interest in scriptures peaked a little more, my minds been analyzing different ones all weekend. Ive been focusing on application of the wisdom and ways to be more in alignment with it. Probably some limits or blocks being dissolved allowing the stack to express more fully.

This recon tonight is much more subtle than the standard recon on zpv2. Its a mild burdened mind, detached frustration and a sense of fullness but all at about a manageable 5/10 compared to an overflowing “cup” with brain fog, fullness and a perpensity to spazz out/emotionally, and irrationally express chaotic and unstable thoughts.

[Geoff]

There is a lot less resistance within me. It seems like theres a definite increase in flow with Thoughts → Decisions → Actions.

The most noticeable features of Regeneration for me are -

Still Waters

Still Waters is a nervous system restoration feature that guides you into deep inner quiet. Here, the body unwinds and healing begins without effort. Through breath, stillness, and sensory attunement, you enter a state where tension melts, thoughts slow, and your inner world becomes a place of warmth, calm, and restoration.

This was the first one I noticed. ^

Compassion Current

Compassion Current is a gentle flow-state feature that reactivates the healing power of self-directed kindness. Rather than force or fix, it nourishes the places in you that have gone dry — through steady, subtle presence that softens judgment and opens the heart.

Zen Foundations

Zen Foundations offers a grounded architecture for the inner life by returning to simplicity and stillness. It helps you to stop climbing and instead root downward, into what doesn’t shift when emotions or circumstances do. This is not detachment — it’s clarity without control, a kind of inner stone floor beneath the chaos.

And currently, I am recognizing this one within me -

The Living Current

The Living Current helps you reconnect to the soft, regenerative flow of life already moving within. Not driven by thought or effort, this scripting gently reawakens the body’s natural rhythm — restoring calm not by suppression, but by contact with what is quietly, steadily alive inside.

This one ^, I believe is the reason for what I first said in this post. The increase in flow and the decrease in resistance. There is a sort of temperance to my existence currently. I feel like I move with increased clarity, poise and intention. Movement feels more concise and cleaner somehow. Its all very interesting. Feels like a reclamation of intention. The reason for action is back to being my own vs from some external source.

[Geoff]

Integrity has been on my mind these past few days. Interestingly I cant shake this urge to watch The Lord of the Rings, lol. I think Hero might be trying to inspire or show virtue within the film. I had zero interest until about 2 or 3 days ago.

Been thinking a lot on my biggest issues and while the 3 in mind cannot ‘easily’ be solved, I can take smaller steps to mitigate the unpleasantness I continue experiencing. Im focusing more and more on the micro actions I can take instead of ruminating over big changes needed that I cannot beneficially make.

The first week of Nov is when I get to find out about lay offs ect. The fear/concern has helped me reign in spending and also cultivate more patience out of necessity. Its getting more and more obvious to me just how much the world wants my $, it was obvious before but its on another level now. The perception upgrade from Rom & Ros no doubt is having great effect on how I see things.

Ive been executing on taks, problems and issues much easier than before. The flow from thought to action as I mentioned previously is still going smoothly. I notice that im accomplishing more, or at the very least there is a very real sense of momentum. Ive been stagnant out of fear, traumatic experiences and hurt but now I see myself overcoming that barrier and its kind of empowering

Even though im not financially secure currently, I have been evaluating myself, my home, vehicles, clothing ect. I am wanting to switch things out, remove unnecessary or unhelpful items, use healthier fabrics and put more care into preserving what works well. Im prioritizing the good and removing the bad. I no longer feel the desire to avoid or neglect things as I used to. Maybe that issue of “Whats the point” I struggle with is starting to give way.

Momentum feels good.

[Geoff]

“The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart.” — Robert Green Ingersoll

True strength isn’t measured in victories, but in resilience. Ingersoll’s insight: the bravest souls are those who face failure with grace, learning from loss without letting it define them.

[Geoff]

There was a traffic jam/accident on the highway on the way home. I didnt notice at first and had already turned toward the onramp heading into the fray. Suddenly I noticed and almost effortlessly turn away and went straight into an unknown part of the area I never travel down, grabbed my phone and set maps for a quick detour. I felt almost zero apprehension, irritation or worry/anxiety. I just seemed to flow.

• • An uncanny ability to remain calm and composed in every situation, setting an example for others in how to navigate life’s unpredictabilities.
• • Application of martial wisdom to modern life challenges, offering frameworks for ethical and effective problem-solving.

These two objectives come to mind. The whole phase of my responsiveness throughout the detour was impressive. Literally no mental chatter, self doubt or frustration. I just worked through the obstacle as if I was repeating a karate strike combo, 1, 2, 3 and 4. Seamless and within 9 minutes I was back on my main route home.

Granted this is a very minor, mild experience compared to worse situations but the growth Im seeing within myself fills me with inspiration and confidence that if and when worse things come, Ill respond in a much more powerful and positive way.

The difference between how I used to respond to problems then and now is just impressive, thanks to Hero Origins

[Geoff]

I realized that my mind is craving not Lord of the Rings exactly but Aragorns character. Been reading about the character and how its said that he plays “Virtue Personified”

I dont know why but I’ve literally become a bit fascinated/preoccupied with this character. Im definitely going to end up watching the movie/s this weekend. Maybe the reworked Raikov module in Rom + Hero is pushing me to observe and emulate for lack of a better word, “Perfect” representation of Virtue.

I started wondering what kind of Subliminal @SaintSovereign could make based on the character/archetypes of Aragorn + Jesus Christ. Call it “Hero: Return of the King” lol or Kingmaker. After all Hero is supposedly the “Ultimate Archetype sub” and you cant get better than those two flawless characters.

Since pursuing Virtue, my life has done nothing but get better overall, mostly internally for now as the inward is what expresses outward. This has been a solid little bloom and I feel geeked. Im in a solid mood and feeling inspired, something I havent felt in a long, long time.

[Geoff]

- YouTube

"Lord, why am I so weak? Why does my flesh always rise against me?
I loathe my corruption, my rebellions, the hunger of this dying body. When shall I master myself, oh God? When shall I walk in the fullness of your holiness? My will has led me nowhere. I am exhausted, Lord, tired of this cycle.
I yearn for your purity. I don’t want to belong to this world. You know the storm that brews within me. This bridge between who I am and who I long to be. It tears me apart. Lord, hear my cry.
Tear open my flesh and cast out everything that defies you. If you must break me, break me thoroughly, Lord, so I may never rebuild without you. Shatter every idol I’ve built within. For I belong to the living God, the God who reigned fire upon Sodom, who split the sea and commanded life into dust.
How can a man shaped by the Almighty be so pitifully weak? I refuse this. I am my first battlefield. If I do not conquer myself, I become an enemy to my own father. And who can stand before your wrath, Lord?
Your word pierces through the despair. Even now, declares the Lord. Return to me with all your heart with fasting, weeping, and mourning. Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and merciful, and I am reminded. I am not forsaken. Christ reigns in me. I’m chosen to be redeemed. Please do not stop reminding me this. I am weak today, but I will not stay weak forever. Oh God of my ancestors, Adam and Eve, strengthen me.
Grant me the gift of hardship that I may be sharpened by fire, not dulled by comfort. Let pain become my teacher and holiness my pursuit. I have sunk deep into weakness. Send the flood that either cleanses or consumes me that I may either drown in my rebellion or rise in obedience. Forgive me for taking your patience for permission. Do not turn away from my trembling prayer. Remember my name when I am nameless to men. Forgive my cowardice, my negligence, my delay.
Strike me if you must, but strike me toward redemption, Lord, for I refuse to live apart from you. I don’t want to sit on the fence. Either I rise with you or perish in the trying. And even if I burn, let my last breath still cry out your name. So strip me of everything that competes with you. Purge me until there is nothing left to cleanse. I do not belong to the world and its people. I belong to the one who was and is and is to come. In my weakness, I seek you. In my strength, I will exalt you.
Hear this cry, Lord, and baptize me in clarity, courage, and unyielding faith. Do not be done with me. You’ve planted eternity in my chest. Let it grow wild again. Let my scars become the scripture that others read and find you in."

I really like the channel Goded. Short, powerful and succint. This video really hit me and Ive watched many times. I like this one so much that I had the video transcribed and I posted here so I can refer back to it as needed whenever I need to center myself Spiritually. I dont know if the creator wrote this or what but it is so fufilling to read/listen to and empowers my Soul. The humility and willingness is inspiring.

[Geoff]

I have been in one hell of a good mood the past 3 days, peaking tonight with abundant joy. I’ve literally laughed out loud too many times to count tonight and feel this overly excited enthusiasm running through me. I think the Joy scripting in Ros is expressing, not sure where else or why Id be experiencing it.

About 3 days ago, something inside me broke me loose. I started to question how stuck I was was or at least my perception of being stuck. specifically relating to to my 3rd shift life. I started researching shift work, positive changes I could make and just how much it could be affecting me. Cognitive Impairment : Night shift work can impair cognitive functions, including attention, focus, and decision-making abilities. I decided to let it ride with neurofeedback meaning I stop training and as long as things remain good or get better then I am basically done. I realized I was chasing perfection from something that really was not the sole reason for my struggles.

There is Shift Work Sleep Disorder and conditions such as metabolic disorder, anxiety, depression, cardiac issues ect.

I’ve decided to and started implementing the following since weds night.

Sleep schedule strictly between 9am to 6pm, if I get up earlier its fine.
Fasting from midnight to 6am, no food at work. will save $ and prevent insulin resistance which affects weight gain ect. will move to 11pm to 6am after two weeks to acclimate.

I will also be getting a white noise machine when budget allows for it. Looking into sound dampening panels as well, not sure yet.

I will be doing whatever little things I can to support myself the best I can until such time as a normal, sustainable job opportunity shows up. I find out about the pending lay off/buyout plan at work this week.

I’ve been feeling much more productive, helpful and friendly the past few days. its been a wild bloom. I start my next cycle in a few hours, hopefully I don’t lose this joy to more recon, lol. I watched a lot of youtube vids on Aragorn, masculinity and virtue. psychological perspectives ect. I started reading about virtues of different cultures like the 9 nobles virtues of asatru. Virtuous living is really starting to take root within me. I’m surprised by how much I want to honor myself by making these changes for me and how I’m truly and authentically starting to live. I was so focused on how emulating virtue would affect others and the external that I had kind of neglected the fact that it starts within. I’ve been noticing how much kindness I’ve been showing to myself. I can literally see the respect I give myself, I didn’t really understand “self-respect” until now. I know Ros talks about showing kindness and compassion towards oneself and here it is, happening. So awesome. I knew this stack was going to be life changing.

Going to start watching Lord of the Rings and “Raikov” Aragorn, letting my subconscious reinforce virtues through watching such a profound and pure character. I think this will be helpful, to see in action the virtues acted out. I am sure there are plenty of movies with characters like this but my mind spit out Aragorn a few days ago so I will pursue him as the Virtue role model to emulate.

It’s been a beautiful last few days, gratitude, joy and enthusiasm. It honestly feels like I’m getting that spark back. I don’t want to jinx myself but I haven’t felt this since I was like 15. If this stays I’ll be blown away…