Geoff's Journal - Reflections of a Hero

[Geoff]

Today was meh if im being honest.

Moods been a little low too. I feel like ive been overly talkative and childish for awhile now. I am feeling an urge to just shut up as if somewhere in my mind is telling me to stop, a strong nudge if you will.

Im kind of noticing attempts in my rationalization of things that Im trying to lawyer game myself back into a victim mindset whenever something doesnt go my way. I caught it today so thats good.

Oddly, Im second guessing my stack again. Im really just kinda over myself and my bullshit today.

[Geoff]

Emotional Symptoms:

• Irritability, frustration, or anger — especially at people or situations that represent the “old” external reality
• Feeling that everyone else is the problem while you’re “fine” (when you’re actually in the throes of reconciliation and may not realize it)
• Sadness as old patterns are questioned
• Restlessness or inability to settle
• Strong urges to quit listening to the subliminal

Leaving this here, from the instructions. I guess today is recon. Will have to separate Paragon from other two on listening days.

[Geoff]

Ever since tuesday, the start of the Horse year my mood changed. Today I felt so frustrated at work that I actually felt the urge to cry. The need for energy expression was that strong. I also started to entertain the idea of quitting too.

Overall energy has dipped the last two days as well. Waking up hours early before work, not as much tossing and turning though. I honestly feel energetically oppressed.

Driving home I hit traffic, one lane closure so everyone had to single file in. Of course you get those morons who stay in the closing lane until the very end and this time I did not let anyone in. I cant tell if its recon or righteous indignation towards unrighteous behavior but I chose to not reward bad behavior. Is this recon from the Virtue Series or a result of masculinity and Virtue? Im unsure

Its been 3 days and it feels like the recon has intensified or the negativity and frustration at least.

I find myself overly sensitive towards injustice, double standards and unrighteous behavior. My assumption with this stack was that Id become a strong and kind man but so far I just feel like a dick. Maybe I have to start here and grow through it? Maybe the traffic situation was an expressing of my boundaries but in a societal way, idk.

With the current state I am in, I dont think I need to listen to Reflections or Arete but Ill probably give Paragon a run. I wonder if this frustration is physical recon? i noticed I only felt improvement sleep wise from Paragon the night I listened. The past 3 nights sleep were worse than before. Brain fog continues, its just lost the foggy vibe but all the dysfunction remains.

[Geoff]

Weds

Paragon - 1 min

Headache since noon, progressively getting worse. Alka-Seltzer did nothing. Hoping I sleep awesome tonight.

[Geoff]

Slept 6.5 hours and headache is still going. More tired this morning. Definitely could have gone better

[Geoff]

Fri

Arete - 30 seconds

Paragon - 1 min

Today the low irritated mood started to lift. A mild headache around 10am which went away by 2pm. My trainer at work is sick, started yesterday. Im still good, so far. I woke up this morning with a vague sense I dreamt again. This makes me happy because im getting into more Rem which means im getting a little more repair time during sleep. I felt brain fog as usual but honestly today was probably the best day ive had as far as that goes. I dont want to get my hopes up but Im going to pause Reflections and just listen to Arete and Paragon for now because I really dont want a 3 sub stack. Since starting Paragon, the drive to focus on health and sleep has increased.

[Geoff]

Small talk and joking around is fast becoming hard to tolerate. Im noticing the social dynamics between coworkers and in a way, it almost disgusts me. The ridiculousness of repetitive sayings, jokes and come backs. Ive been trying to figure out why my tolerance has been dropping, why I feel so mean inside. I have to consistently tell myself to just keep quiet.

I think im becoming too serious and losing what little playfulness I had. Theres no love for others, compassion doesnt seem like a thing lately, meaning I dont feel it like I previously did. This all started when I started Arete. Looking at the custom, Im unsure whats causing it. It feels like a mixture of being fed up and tired.

Maybe its all still just recon but damn I really cant seem to stand the ‘typical’. I think looking around and seeing just how far humanity has fallen is upsetting. How basic, hollow and stupid we’ve become. I hear no depth in anyone, see no passion and feel no connection. I just cant take listening to guys talk about sports, drinking, fishing and trucks anymore. Ppl at my job gambling online and betting and talking about money and casinos.

All that to say, I feel I’m becoming cold since listening to Arete. Detached and unrelatable. Outwardly I am friendly but inside its different. I wanted the opposite when I got to days, in a new position with Hero/Glm…I wanted to reconnect after a decade on nights isolated.

Working all weekend again, that’ll be 2 weeks without a day off. Maybe I feel the way I do because im getting burnt out…I dont feel burnt out by the work, just ppl.

[Geoff]

“Compassion is the basis of morality.” — Arthur Schopenhauer

“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.” — Dalai Lama.

Hmmm…so whats my problem then. Once Im good with Paragon, I have to get back on Love Bomb.

Its interesting, All the Virtues in Hero, Glm and the Modules and the only thing I feel is a sense of rebellion. I think back to my baseline and yeah, Ive always had bitterness, cynicism and pessimism. I guess the new scripting has to override the old, its uncomfortable the recon dealing with virtues. Its a reshaping of one’s core. I think this custom is going to do big things as long as I stay committed.

[Geoff]

On the way home today I was rolling to a red light and this destitute man was walking on edge of road instead of sidewalk. The car ahead of me rolled down their windows and I assume blessed him. I, however hit my lock button for idk what reason, the light turned green and I wasnt stopped by him. Ive never done that before. I can remember 4 or 5 times Ive helped ppl standing out like that last year yet now im behaving like that? Why did I react that way instead of feeling Love or charity as one should?

At work my trainer was having a conversation with another guy and it was about a part and this moment came up about the operator who machined the part didnt clean it enough before bring it in to be checked. I interjectwd and said “Yeah, he’s kinda an idiot in that way”. So I basically called a coworker an idiot behind his back to two other ppl. I remember feeling irritated, like he should have known better, its common sense and this urge to attack him and I did so verbally.

Im definitely off, unlike myself. I dont do things like this. Things are not right within me, my heart is not right.

[Geoff]

Sun

Arete - 45 seconds

Paragon - 1 min

I had reasonably mild recon yesterday where I felt frustration towards others and the ridiculousness of humanity overall but it seems to be slowly moving.

I had another dream this morning. I cant really tell how I’m doing lately health wise though. I noticed weird soreness in back, deeper tiredness and sleep feels heavier when I wake up but im not seeing any extra sleep. Brain fog symptoms persist, lack of attention and focus, easily tuned out, low awareness, spaced out often and learning/memory challenges persist. Light sensitivity improved but still occurs albeit less often.

No motivation nor energy to exercise, I get sleepy around 4pm and have to force myself to stay awake until 8pm. Adjustment still sucks. I keep getting these mild headaches every few days since starting Paragon, is that a recon symptom or a sign of physical healing? Idk

Im not seeing any change in behavior from Arete custom. Not as frustrated as I was last week so I tried 45 seconds today. It pretty much feels like not much is happening at all but that doesn’t mean nothing is happening. The scripting in Arete is going to profoundly change me into a better version of myself but the reconciliation is uncomfortable for sure.

End of Cycle 7

Washout

[Geoff]

Alot more brain fog today. Listening every other day is not enough time in-between.

I got super tired around 10:30/11am, to the point of my eyes just closing many times at work. After work I stopped to grab a coworker and myself something for tomorrow. Also bought a smoothie and chatted up the two girls working. I find it funny trying to make conversation when I feel totally spaced but hey, I did it anyway.

Stopped at the local meat shop I frequent and held the door for an elderly women. I was more willing to be friendly and helpful today. The manners and charitable behavior seemed to feel automatic today as well.

Got home and did some australian pull ups and dips real quick, surprised at myself for that since I could literally close my eyes and fall asleep if I wanted to.

Everyday feels like a foggy twilight zone for me yet somehow I manage to make it through. My quality of life isnt great but I just keep pushing. Shift work sleep disorder can take up to 3 years to fix and sleep apnea is a whole nother issue. Its easy to get discouraged but I just tell myself it can always be worse. But man, poor sleep can ruin everything and its been no fun at all for me. I feel stuck in many ways. I keep trying things though, ordered a mouthguard supposed to help with apnea, breath retraining, sun lamp, a few supplements, air purifier ect. Somethings gotta give sooner or later.

[Geoff]

2 Timothy 2:3-5

3 Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.

4 No man that warreth entangleth himself with the affairs of this life; that he may please him who hath chosen him to be a soldier.

5 And if a man also strive for masteries, yet is he not crowned, except he strive lawfully.

Definitely has a Hero Origins vibe for me. Started feeling a mild joy vibe today, must be that Glm kicking in.

Its funny how much I thought about stopping or switching this stack. The old/current me doesnt like any of this it seems. Old beliefs, old coping strategies need to go. I really cant tell recon from my brain fog so I just assume its both but wanting to switch titles is a sure sign.

I like the vibe I feel, calm, reserved and willing.

[Geoff]

A grateful heart protects you from negative thinking.

[Geoff]

Isaiah 57

Kjv

1 The righteous perisheth, and no man layeth it to heart: and merciful men are taken away, none considering that the righteous is taken away from the evil to come.

2 He shall enter into peace: they shall rest in their beds, each one walking in his uprightness.

It feels good to give, giving feels right and doing and being right is an awesome state to exist in. UPright behavior feels energizing. Whenever I make a proper move, zi feel rewarded energetically.

I find myself anticipating others and taking actions that results in positivity. Kind of like getting the door for someone and receiving a smile and thanks. Theres a definite increase in other centric thinking. Im feeling a lot less selfish lately. I weigh a lot of things in my mind as well, this could be the power of sacrifice module. Im letting go of anything insignificant and focusing only what yields meaningful results whether towards myself or others.

Even with the struggles Im dealing with, its easy to acknowledge then keep moving. Complaining has reduced and if I cant find a solution to a problem, instead of ruminating about it I can detach and carry on until a solution comes up.

Living honorably, expressing kindness and doing right is amazingly fufilling.

I remember in my 20s when I thought living in darkness was cool, doing whatever I wanted was edgy and living selfishly was the correct path…lol, its not. I am so glad I am no longer that guy, he was on the highway to hell and moving fast.

[Geoff]

Listening day 1

Arete - 45 seconds

Paragon - 1 min

I passed my 60 day review today. Got a headache right at end of shift, ive been experiencing an increase in headaches since doing an apnea breathing retrain program.

Im wondering if I should incorporate Regeneration into this stack to help support my pursuit of curing my apnea. Its becoming a solid focus of mine, its pretty much the reason for so many struggles in my life.

Another 35 days or so and ill be on 2nd shift and through most of the obstacles that came with this change. Working the weekend again, this will be 3 weeks without a day off. I feel pretty okay with it. It seems like the ‘best’ or ‘right’ thing to do for now, no complaints.

Going to track listening days now instead of cycles, considering im listening to different stuff now. It makes no sense to call this cycle 8 when I just started Arete and Paragon.

[Geoff]

I am just loving how proper, how right I feel. Glm and Hero is a great combination. I’ve been noticing an increase in consistency too. Could be Virtue Series: Diligence.
I walk around so calm and composed - detached like Glm states in its copy. The inner joy is subtle, comes and goes but when I feel it, its great.

[Geoff]

"The Fortress Within

Strength begins in the unseen. You build it where no one can reach — in the territory of your own mind. Here, self-command is the stone, and clarity is the mortar, making you unreachable to impulse and untouchable by chaos. Anger may knock, fear may whisper, temptation may circle, but nothing enters without your consent.

Because of this, you move through the world centered and composed, no matter the storm outside. Your reactions are chosen, not pulled from you, and your boundaries hold without strain. In your profession, this inner fortification appears as steadiness under pressure, the quiet authority of someone who cannot be shaken from the inside out."

This above is from GLM. I am very much building/expressing this feature right now. I seem to just move through whatever comes up with grace and strength. Little things, problems ect just seem so insignificant now. Between this, the Virtue Series and Ardent Light, impulses are almost nonexistent. I feel like I am lacking nothing daily, my mind no longer searches for things to fill a void like before. That sense of externalizing needs is fading, all is found within. Im really feeling this strongly.

[Geoff]

You can’t outwork a 4 lifepath

[Geoff]

Mon

Listening day 2

Arete - 45 seconds

Paragon - 3 mins

Moving from 1 min to 3 min with Paragon today, feeling some light sensations and fullness after Paragons loop. Extra tired today for some reason, changed areas at work today. My last 30 days before completing training, starting to feel accomplished. Last year I thought id be stuck machining for years but here I am, doing different things.

Lots of changes happening, I should say that I am making lots of changes actually. Its interesting how since 2026 (a universal 1 year) started, my focus has changed a lot towards physical health and improvement, taking charge of my life and moving faster towards goals compared to last year when I felt super introspective and interested in endings, completing things and understanding self. It always aligns, the numbers dont lie.

Finally got my mouthguards in today. Breath training has been going well, Im starting to feel an improvement with sleep, not major but a definite increase(however small) in recovery. Im not falling asleep on couch at 5pm this week. Im hoping the mouthguard + Paragon + breath training really makes a big difference. Ill be switching to my Paragon + Regeneration name embed whenever it arrives, this paired with all the external action should yield major changes where sub results should increase a lot, health improve, apnea cured and physical recovery during sleep actually happen. Im pretty hyped to see what happens.

I have nothing bad to say, life is going okay and will get better as long as im consistent in whatever I do.

[Geoff]

Man, I dont know if its was 3 mins of Paragon or my mouthguard but I woke up feeling ‘sick’. Lymph nodes enlarged, sinus drip and general discomfort. Personally I think the mouthguard was realigning something and it opened up my pathways for my head to drain/detox and Paragon boosted that process.

I only made it 3.5 hrs sleeping with mouthguard before discomfort woke me up, but once removed I fell back asleep. Thats a result because I was never able to fall back asleep once awake until this week.

Super surprised with how I feel but also quite motivated to continue. I really like how even though I feel discomfort and kinda sick right now, my only focus is to keep going with it. The ‘negatives’ dont really have any sway, theres no resistance in my mind. No thoughts of “stop, this is too hard” blah blah blah. Gotta love Glm/Hero for keeping my resolve in high gear.