Geoff's Journal - Evolution

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#161

Sat

3am - Evolution - 15 mins

3:15am - Phoenix - 15 mins

I’ve felt more stress than usual this past week, even anxiety which hasn’t been much of an issue lately. Maybe it’s a good thing, shows that I’m more connected and less dissociative but it’s also been a burden to me.

Good week overall, decent growth just feeling beat down a bit. Reading Trauma and the Soul can be triggering as well.

I noticed that I felt resistance listening to Evolution around 13 mins but nothing during Phoenix at all. Interesting considering Phoenix was literally right after Evolution.

@Fire still waiting on your reply to my pm if you see this.

1 Like
#162

Weds

8:15am - AoH - 15 mins

Lots of purging, lots of unknowns. Feels like I’ve been in an information daze of sorts. I don’t have enough clarity yet. Things have been very up and down. It’s been in the negative temperature wise the past few days and my pipes froze yesterday so on top of my reconciliation, I also lost running water so there’s that.

Whatever has and is going on, I just hope it’s for the better.

3 tags and Fire has continued to ignore and disregard my pm so idk, screw it. Maybe I’ll run Phoenix with my Rom/Ros custom or I won’t who knows since I can’t get any answer

1 Like
#163

I felt myself getting angry/irritated as I listened to AoH. I don’t remember that ever happening before, it’s been over 3 days of rest since my last loops but now I’m just in a stimulated, angry state…weird. everything has been so damn weird this week.

1 Like
#164

Still making a lot of mistakes - still much work needed on my core self. It’s easier to be aware (whether at first or after the fact) of behaviors or mis-steps now but I’m clearly still making these mistakes.

I’m not so much into red pill stuff but the thought “you can’t negotiate desire” has been just tormenting me. I’ve had a few opportunities lately and idk if it’s just been awhile or I’m so uncalibrated from trauma and being alone since 2019 but I’m totally screwing up and the worst part is continuing to act in the same way that yielded negative results. Attachment, strong sense of self and the foundation of a frame seem to be unrelenting disabilities I’m struggling to remedy. It’s really getting old, how the loop/cycle keeps repeating itself. Ingrained beta ideology and programming that just won’t break.

I’m thinking of 2 more cycles and then moving on. Things appear to be changing but then I feel nothings changed at all. Lots of brain fog this week, don’t think I’m over-exposing at 1 loop a week but who knows. I’m tired of feeling F’d up mentally, things don’t ‘seem’ to be any better in my head. I’m trying not to feel broken but it’s getting hard. I’m not a victim by any means, things just seem stuck and have been for years. I take steps to change and the actions create more issues or change nothing, seems like everything just stays the same regardless.

It’s hard to chase excellence, be ambitious and seize the day when you look at the world and realize it’s all lies and bullshit. It kills all motivation to try

I totally understand why they say “ignorance is bliss” and that’s why a lot of ppl look happy and successful, they don’t know any better. I haven’t read the book but there’s a 4 quadrant chart in a red pill book and I’m definitely in the unplugged beta category and have been for years. I feel stuck and so far things have mostly stayed the same. I do have some self worth now, I’ll admit that but it’s not enough. 2 more cycles will put LB at 13 cycles. I’m a little unsure if more will do anything but 13 is my lucky number so let’s just hope. Maybe I’ll just do Phoenix and Love Bomb, idk. Maybe I need something stronger to unfuck myself…like hypnosis.

2 Likes
#165

Fri

10:30pm - Evolution - 15 mins

10:45pm - Phoenix - 15 mins

This week has been rough. Lost water in my house for 4 days, came home this morning to find out I needed a whole new well pump and bladder tank. Stayed up all day for plumber and cost $2710 of which I only had 1100.

Work, my work station has been locked out by engineering for almost two weeks with no definitive end date. I’m bouncing around work areas like I’m homeless, it’s been stressful. Company is activating some oppressive monitoring software and it’s absolutely going to kill morale.

That ‘day shift job’ I mentioned a week or so back reached out today also. Got a video interview to schedule. Here’s the funny part…the job ad suddenly changed to include “(2nd and 3rd shift preferred)” when there was no mention of that in the original ad that I applied to. I consider this sneaky, low integrity behavior. I’m sure circumstances changed and they simply updated their preferences for hiring but it happened all of a sudden and now it’s no longer of any interest. So now it seems all opportunity to make a change went out the window for now.

Brain fog, anger and stress all week. What is good is that I look calm and ice cold on the outside, almost indifferent even though on the inside I’m in an upheaval. The resilience and emotional mastery of these two subs has been invaluable for me this week. I’m sure I’d be spazzing out like I used to if I wasn’t listening to these.
I’ve been surprised by the anger lately as I’ve felt mostly disconnected from everything for months. Nothing seems to be curing my brain fog/dissociative ups and downs and I’m beyond frustrated with my situation but I just keep moving forward. I can’t say much else is going else going on sub wise that I notice.

One step at a time, one day at a time

1 Like
#166

How about some microloops for a few days?

1 Like
#167

End of cycle 7 / Washout

Sun

4am - AoH - 15 mins

I’m cutting this cycle short by 4 or 5 days, 2 loops or so. RV has a point. Yesterday I caught myself in the mirror and just looked at myself. I didn’t recognize myself, I kept thinking the image in my mind of who I am and what I look like just isn’t what I was looking at. We all age obviously but Phoenix came into my mind while I was looking at myself. I got the sense that my identity is being challenged, my perception of myself and all the things in the past that contribute to that perception of self. The anger has been rough, it’s anger about and for me, my life and all that’s in it but it’s creating a strong intolerance in me. I have to hold myself back as harsh thoughts come out of nowhere towards others. I can’t imagine what I’d look like if I freely expressed the authentic indignation within me, both towards myself and others. I’ve been crashing and burning, letting myself down all week and that’s why I’m ending cycle, it’s probably getting to be too much. This ends my 2nd cycle with AoH so that will fall by the wayside now.

I’ll think about what’s next. I don’t know what I want to do next but I do know what I ‘should do’.

2 Likes
#168

Just a quick note.

After 3 days I’ve definitely noticed a surge in the ‘feeling’ of masculinity. I’m not sure if that makes sense but last night I just felt more masculine. I’m embodying a more masculine presence.

No idea yet how long or short I’m washing out for. My neurotic side says start on Sunday but my gut says wait :raised_hand:, I’d like to see a bloom but who knows when or if that’ll happen.

1 Like
#169

I’ve been having some good realizations this washout. Things like shame and fear over normal things everyone does yet I try to hide away. Recognizing where low self worth shows up and finding the root of it.

This growing sturdiness within, aka resilience. It’s really starting to solidify. I had my virtual interview thurs for the job I applied to weeks ago. They were 20 mins late, normally I would have left after 5 minutes and took it personally but I chose to be mature and wait regardless. They showed up exactly 20 mins into a 30 min time slot and I gave them understanding and grace. I do not think it was a good impression nor do I have much interest after learning more but the way I handled the situation shows growth.

I’m still struggling with this intolerant attitude I have. I don’t quite understand it but maybe now that I have developed more internal value that I’ve somehow created unrealistic expectations of others now and I’m too easily frustrated by my experiences. Even at work I’ve noticed that I am truly the odd man out, ppl are chatting in groups ect and I’m always just ‘there’ but never included. I’m pretty okay with it as I’m not too into gossip or cliques but I find it curious to know what it is about myself that seems unappealing to others.

Could it be the Emperor vibe keeping subtle distance between myself and others or is it more about who I am as a being.

With each day comes a little more clarity, a little less overwhelm. My curiosity seems to be coming back too which is nice. As this surge in masculinity continues I find myself reading the sales pages for Spartan, Khan and Glm…I seem to be feeling a strong pull towards more masculinity. I don’t think stack switching or adding anything is the answer, I don’t even think zi need more. Rather I think scripting is expressing and embodying itself through me and it’s prioritized right now in my psyche so I’m going to let it continue to unfold without intercession. I’ve even had pushes to exercise and thoughts of streamlining priorities in my daily life. Optimization of routine I guess.

I think lowering loop time next cycle is the right move, I got caught up in ‘max gains’ mentality trying to conquer 15 mins but it was overloading my queue. Time to work smarter.

1 Like
#170

My inner thoughts, my monologue when reviewing scenarios or thinking about possible situations is full of overcompensating. I find my thoughts to be over the top when it comes to responses, reactions or statements. I think I haven’t asserted myself pretty much ever and suppressed the feelings of injustice or my own hesitation to offend. How does one find balance and not lash out like a pissed off Drill Instructor in Boot Camp? I keep thinking this state is coming from the Rogue module but it’s probably more than just that module right…

Feels like I’m going to blow my top sometimes, I’ve got to learn how to integrate all of this into a healthy framework of boundaries, assertiveness and masculine power. Self control is strength, emotional outbursts or scathing remarks is weakness. While I haven’t snapped yet, the mere existence of these challenges is showing I have a lot of internal weakness to transmute.

1 Like
#171

I feel fear or dread whenever I see my supervisor at work. It’s not just this specific one, it’s all of them. I always feel as if I’m about to be caught for something or talked to. There’s an innate feeling of automatically feeling guilty, for what? I don’t know but the feeling of being wrong is there.

This I think correlates to my hypervigilance I’ve had my whole life, it’s much less after neurofeedback.

I realize that in my childhood that no one ever came up to me or talked to me unless I did something wrong or bad. I’ve received as the majority, criticism and condemnation and now as an adult am always in a defensive state wether I realize or not. This makes sense why my security pattern is the ‘rigid pattern’ from the previous book I read. If I learn and follow the rules, stay within the lines then no one can hurt me. I end up isolated in the process however, this must be why I have such an aversion to people. If I let others in, they’ll see the real me and reject me and leave as so many have done before. If I stay defensive then my aura puts off people and I stay the odd man out. I come off rigid.

My whole life has been a series of assaults disguised as social interactions. When someone talks to me I assume I did something wrong. If that’s not the case, then I assume I’m being talked to because someone wants something and their words are just manipulation for their end. No one could possibly want to get to know me for me or want me in their life after all I’ve only ever received negative attention as a child, that instilled in me that there’s no such thing as positive attention, only deception therefore to remain safe I shut down people, avoid people or deflect because it can’t be real.

I was conditioned to believe that I’m no good, dysfunctional and incorrect. I’ve been living out that story ever since. My subconscious story… I wonder if Phoenix can help erase or rewrite this story. This is one hell of a deep root it dug up…

1 Like
#172

Cycle 8

Tues

8am -

Evolution - 5 mins

Phoenix - 15 mins

This was a good washout, I’m ready to start again. I played my loops with intuition this time (trying to get away from rigidity) I felt resistance with Evolution at 4:55 so I stopped at 5 mins. Phoenix felt soothing until 11:30 but it wasnt resistance just maybe sensations so I continued, around 13 mins I felt an increase of focus but wasn’t sure that was the same resistance I felt with Evolution but at 14:42 I felt the resistance but by that point I just let it go the full 15.

I’m going 3 to 4 days before next loop, this cycle I won’t push so hard. Yesterday I had neurofeedback and we did 40Hz synchrony on prefrontal(L/R sides both) it was different but activating. All last night I was tired and feel different. So we’ll see what this listening day does.

That job I applied to offered me a 2nd interview, I’m probably going to ride the experience to an offer as I usually do and weigh the pros and cons. My gut is telling me it’s not the right move so I’m not putting much stock into it.

Things have been steady, hopefully it continues

1 Like
#173

Up almost 2 hours earlier than usual, tired but I exercised and used my Sun Lamp (night shift life). Productive start, not much recon just some sensations in head but not overwhelming.

1 Like
#174

I think this is a gamma frequency associated with the Buddhist concept of loving-kindness for all sentient beings.

1 Like
#175

Emperor has been keeping me steady. Lots of issues and trials this past week. My well pit, even after replacement of pump, tank and lines is giving trouble. Lost water Fri morning. Got it back but still needs work. If it wasn’t for Emperors scripting I’d not have risen to the challenge. I’m working OT for the 2nd Saturday so far, grateful to be able to rebuild my savings after my almost $3k hit.

I started off full of enthusiasm and optimism then 2 days after my loops a sadness set in, frustration seemingly out of nowhere…I think Phoenix hit a root and the past 2 days I’ve been in a somber mood emotionally yet still taking action, working hard and moving forward. I can’t lie though, it feels weird when you’re grinding out the day while feeling emotionally vulnerable and frustrated, it’s quite a dichotomy.

My minds been all over the place, as if I’m processing a backlog, focusing on the future and trying to solve many problems at once.

Still reading Trauma and the Soul, this book triggers my memories and I go off on tangents and feel anxious like something deep gets stirred up. All in all I think it’s helpful regardless of the accompanying symptoms, Phoenix I’m sure helps in this case. Half way through the book and what’s great is that I’ve read some of it everyday. I’ve been craving a module on consistency and aside from Discipline and Diligence on Subclub, I haven’t seen a module for consistency which would be nice if they made one. But so far my reading has been consistent and that makes me feel good.

Interview Monday, still feeling indifferent about it. 2026 is my enemy year(year of the horse :racehorse:) im a Rat, and I’m not sure changing jobs to a less secure(non union) company is the right move.

1 Like
#176

I carry this feeling of ‘I’m the man’. It’s not arrogant or boastful, rather it’s an internal knowing of competence that I can rely on to get things done.

I’m really understanding that depending on the density of stack/custom one needs 6+ cycles of commitment to really feel and embody the sub you chose. 8 cycles now and I’m finally feeling Emperor in a wholesome way, an internal way rather than the quicky, fleeting boosts you get in the beginning.

1 Like
#177

Sun

12:30am

Evolution - 7 mins

Phoenix - 7 mins

I didn’t get any nudge for loop time but stopped at 7 to be on the safe side, followed suit with Phoenix as well.

I felt many looks while I was out today, I didn’t get much sleep but looked okay. Not sure if my Aura was showing extra or what but ppl seemed to overly notice me.

Woke up at almost 2pm (about 6 hours earlier than normal for me) I immediately started trying to solve my well pit issue. Thanks to my neighbor I was able to get some polyfoam board and wire up the heat cable, pipe wrap and cut to size a 1" foam board to cover. Should be all set now, feeling good about it. The Masculine drive has been solid all week. I even worked OT Fri night for the 2nd week in a row. This is a big change from my demeanor and behavior a few months ago.

-Discipline increased
-Drive is much improved
-Sense of responsibility/accountability increased
-Taking pride in my actions/work - no more half-assing things I used too. (I guess I care more)
-Increased energy and dare I say general enthusiasm
-Calm energy for the most part, getting closer to ‘relaxed mastery’

Things have been really nice internally. It’s got me thinking about redoing this custom and continuing with it until my Bday in Sept. I’m in my 8 year cycle which is all wealth/making $. So maybe this custom can help me continue to grind. Once Sept comes I’ll be in my 9 year and 9 is the # of ending/completion and rest so maybe I should pause my Rom/Ros adventure until then. If I do, I’d like to slim down this custom a bit.

1 Like
#178

I have to say the only thing I don’t like about this stack is that I feel more and more disconnected from Spirituality and more and more pulled into the world, which I’m not exactly happy about.

I understand Emperor is about building an empire, creating a successful worldy life but I didn’t expect such a pull the other way. I’m not saying Emperor is to blame for my decreasing interest in my faith but it’s certainly not helping. I feel guilty sometimes for feeling a renewed vigor in trying, striving for success. This is most likely a typical wealth block or success limiting belief but it’s also a Spiritual connection too as the Bible talks about how friendship with the world is enmity(hostility) with God, the vanity of the world and to “come out her, my people” so in a lot of ways it feels wrong to be participating but I’ll just leave this here before I go too deep.

I struggle letting myself embrace status, success and the world and Emperor doesn’t help in that regard. Personal power/Wealth and Romance…I feel like I only want 1/3 of what Emperor offers and of that 1/3 - The personal power development has been awesome. I can’t help but think Hero would align better with the kind of Spiritual, moral, less worldy human I want to be.

When it comes to Spirtual alignment and the ‘best stack’, I’m still not sure. I wanted to note the good in the above post and what I’d consider the bad/not great aspect here. Nothing is 100% I guess.

1 Like
#179

It’s been a weird few days. The Masculine resilience comes and goes, probably because 7 mins is borderline too much I suppose. It was more consistent at 5 mins.

I’ve felt increased stress the past 2 days specifically but it’s all underlying and I’m not really understanding where it’s coming from. The result is always increased tension in the body, sore and tight muscles and I’m not exerting myself. You know you have issues when your shoulders feel sore like you hit the gym but you never worked out. Accompanying jaw tension and teeth clenching, lip biting. Maybe Phoenix is working on some uncomfortable traumatic memory or something, idk. But I’m having a hard time relaxing.

I’ve also been seemingly losing interest in my stack even though things are good and stuff is noticeable. I’ve designed two different customs that I ‘think’ I want to run but have no idea if it’s the right decision or just straight up stack switching recon. Granted I’m 8 cycles deep with this custom so theoretically I could change it up but I’m really trying to understand the why in my urge to change things. Part of it is that anything over 9 mins seems to just make things hit a wall and I’m wondering if it’s due to a lot of Emperor scripting I’m not interested in or if I’m just still…really out of alignment in my congruent authenticity which is highly probable.

I re-made this Emp/LB custom and also drafted a Wanted/Glm custom both of which are viable but I’m lacking true clarity on my next move. There really isn’t any reason to change things and I think I’m experiencing anxiety because the sub is starting to go deep and subconsciously I think I may be scared while consciously it’s manifesting as frustrated boredom making me think I should or could change it up.

As far as results, I’ve noticed Gentleman’s Speech coming out. Talking to people, I’ve seen myself cuss way less and if I happen to, it’s not fuck that rather ‘eff that’ there is also less filler words, I’m not saying more than necessary either. It’s been a gradual increase and I’m digging it.

The resilience and solidity has been really good, way more consistent with the exception of the past 2 days which I believe is just recon from 7 mins or whatever but since cycle 7 I’ve felt more Masculine consistently, that’s the keyword. It would come and go a lot in the beginning but now it’s pretty steady.

Next loop in a few hours, should I continue with 7 mins or drop back to 5…3 rest days per listening day so I’m not cramming. Stuff to think about.

1 Like
#180

I’d def go shorter. Should let the scripting fly in under the radar easier.