Geoff's Journal - Evolution

[Geoff]

But if I don’t keep progressing into longer loops, aren’t I missing the more detailed scripting? Since they broke a main title into 4 stages and it builds on itself, staying at 5 mins is just repeating but not exposing more to grow right.

It’s not so much fomo but rather a sense of ‘shouldn’t I be advancing over time’ idk, maybe 6 mins then…

Edit:

“Regular and Consistent Usage: Consistency is key when using Emperor. The title is structured to gradually build and reinforce new patterns of thinking and behavior. This consistent exposure ensures that the positive affirmations and the transformative scripting of Emperor leads to lasting and impactful change.”

This is what makes me think of progressively pushing farther.

[Geoff]

I woke up tonight and my teeth/jaw hurt. I must be clenching and grinding again in my sleep. I’m totally lost on why I feel so low key stressed out. Consciously I seem/look fine, at work I’m receptive and friendly.

This morning before bed, I was a little hyped and was borderline chuckling at how much joyous energy I was feeling…yet the physical tension manifesting in my body is confusing. Is it possible to express scripting in good ways and then have other scripting trying to reconcile a possible traumatic experience buried deep manifesting this stress?

It feels really weird. To feel inner joy yet be super tense in the body. It could be detoxification related but I don’t see how starting zeolite in water once a day would cause this…idk otherwise it’s been a productive week.

[Geoff]

Thurs

8am - Evolution - 5 mins

8:05am - Phoenix - 13 mins

Lots of extra social engagement this week, more greetings and even outside of work I notice more people looking at me. Some Aura must be stronger lately, probably because I haven’t released in weeks, more internal energy I suppose. That or I’m just reconciled better and expressing better.

Spent a lot of time drafting possible next moves but I think I’m going to just chill out and take the time to really figure out what goal if any I have for subs. I’ve gotten a lot from this custom, probably the most tangible results since I found SubClub and started listening.

I think I’ve received what I wanted from Emperor, the rest just feels like recon. Love Bomb changed me so much it’s crazy. I never realized one could feel so secure in themselves and I love it. I’m really glad I picked the modules I did, it’s been a well rounded development and the dive into ‘Love’ has definitely helped me understand my own mechanics with it and how I seek/accept Love. I’ve reconnected in a way to the different types and understand better the father/son familial love I never experienced but need to express to my son.

Phoenix seems to go hard randomly. I get these surges of memories and then it’s all quiet until a day later. The Mastery over emotions is impressive, I’m so much more in control over my states. Even when angry, it’s mature anger not chaotic. I’ve been better able to accept or at least tolerate losing things I didn’t want to lose, able to understand both emotionally and logically why things are how they are or will be.

I wish I noticed more physical shifting, Fat Burn I think helped me keep from gaining weight but I’m not sure I’ve lost more than 2lbs in the past 8 cycles and my diet is a lot more narrow and there’s been very few cheat days.

I’ve worked out maybe 10 times since using this custom so that’s on me. Never felt that motivated or consistent and then my physical rigidity, tension and constant soreness really kills incentive to lift. Idk why I hold so much tension all the time…even in sleep. I guess traumatic experiences? Hopefully Phoenix is going to neutralize the effect and I can relax for once.

The internal growth though, has been priceless. I just really hope it’s permanent after 8 cycles.

[Geoff]

I woke up feeling much more quiet internally, less stressed so far. I get the feeling I’m in deep introspection subconsciously as whatever noise was going on before my loops has faded.

I’m little bit more disinterested in general tonight, detached. Only 5 mins of custom but 13 of Phoenix so that makes sense I guess.

There is light fuzzy thinking too but more of a lacking clarity/searching for insight vibe than brain fog.

-Noted

[Geoff]

Interesting, all night at work was dealing with Phoenix recon. I finished my book Trauma and the Soul, triggered me quite a few times. Left work feeling sad just in a blah. Come home and finish a project then decide to hit the grocery store.

I walk in and the produce manger who I’ve known for years calls over to me " hi Geoff, are you single" and again after I didn’t hear her. I’m not really sure if she was trying to hook me up with this girl in the produce dept or if she was saying that the girl thought I was cute or what but she described the girl and I knew who she meant then went on an shopped then left.

Interesting experience considering I feel somewhat lost atm and that was literally the last thing I expected to happen. So I guess I’ll be on the look out when I go shopping again, who knows I might end talking to this girl sometime.

Aside from that I was thinking of running another loop then washing out and moving on. Maybe just continue on with Love Bomb until I figure out what’s next. I feel ansty most days, struggling with trying to find what the point is…still going, struggling with the vanity of human existence.

[Geoff]

The more disorganized my mental state gets, the messier and unorganized my living habitat gets.im looking around my house and it’s not dirty but it’s disorganized and as I look around I realize my mind feels the same way.

It all starts in the mind, I need to get squared away.

I accomplished a lot in past 2 weeks and I’m working all the OT I’m offered but my home life is…lacking, I feel like throwing so much out. I don’t want to buy shit so I can store shit, I look around wondering where all this stuff came from. I don’t need 40% of what’s in my house.

Reminds of the book ‘Essentialism’ I have packed away, apparently I’ve forgotten it’s message and need to read it again.

[RVconsultant]

What is your listening schedule for the next 7 days?

[Geoff]

Technically I have two more listening days then washout. I’m thinking about one more listen then ending my stack and closing my journal. Do you have any thoughts on this

[RVconsultant]

I was thinking perhaps you would benefit from a few days of rest.

After your washout, what’s next?

[Geoff]

Option 1 - Do one more cycle of this custom solo(dropping Phoenix)

Option 2 - Washout and april 2nd start something else (undecided)

Option 3 - Just continue to use Love Bomb and start my Rom/Ros custom

[Geoff]

Washout - day 4 / End of Cycle 8

My last listening day was Thursday, it’s Monday very early morning. I’m ‘supposed’ to listen again today but I’m filled with foggy thinking, laziness and frustration. That listening day didn’t start hitting hard me until saturday.

I’m just going to call it. I don’t have the flow factor for customs like I want. I read some other posts about ppl getting overload mid way through their cycles and the same happens to me. I need to stick to 3 mins twice a week going forward and maybe not stack titles.

I’ve gone over so many options in my head that I’m almost sick of subs. I’ve lost sound thinking for the meantime and I know one should never make a meaningful decision while in recon but I keep seaching for certainty which is just leading me to frustration so I’m letting go. I’ll be washing out till April, 2 weeks.

At this point I’m not even sure what my goals are.

I know I need to get in shape but I also know my body needs time to detox and heal before I start pushing it. At least the program I follow paints that picture, I need to get updated labs, I’m due.

Continuation of growth of Masculinity and all things manhood, fixing my shortcomings from being fatherless and guideless as a youth and learning to be a better man and father.

Spirituality growth, increasing Faith and spending more time in Study.

I just haven’t ordered or prioritized these goals. I started this custom with the intention of masculine development and an overhaul of Self Love, worth and internal value. I can say I’ve accomplished the internal value part, the Masculinity has improved but I have ways to go still.

If I’m getting looks and acknowledged in public and learning of female attraction/interest in me then things are obviously different from when I started but does that I should keep going with this custom? Will stopping shortchange me?

I should pick one goal and keep going with it’s pursuit.

[Trader]

What loop length are you up to now? 3 mins?

An idea I had before but never tested us starting a loop where the previous one left off.

Like if one has been microlooping 90 seconds but can’t go longer, start the one for the next day at 90 seconds in and do 90 from that point.

[Geoff]

I was doing loops all over, 3, 7, 9, Full, down to 7, then 5. Phoenix too, full, 9, 13, 7 ect trying different variations over the course of cycles.

I didn’t expect these last loops Thurs to feel smooth then out of nowhere slap me with foggy recon.

I think I either need to stick to main titles or just 1 custom with way less modules. What’s funny is I’m way more intrigued by the modules then cores but I feel averse to module only customs.

[Geoff]

There definitely an increase in Aura or something. Ppl who never acknowledged me before at work are now doing so. I’m seeing people looking at me or in my direction a little longer than normal let’s say.

My supervisor crept on me and handed me a sharpie not by saying hey, here ya go but poking me with it and I startled and jumped as she was damn near sideways behind me, then laughed about it. It seemed playful for her and this has never happened.

I don’t really know what the Emperor Aura is, maybe it’s Love Bomb, idk. I’m just not used to this. It’s nice seeing results unfold, makes me want to stick with Emperor and Love Bomb but if I do, I’m changing it up.

I was full in the head all night, some brain fog and had a headache yet ppl look at me like I’m something special. You’d think feeling off would diminish things…

Does Ascension and Glm have auras? Idk. I’m wondering what would be easier for me to process…

Emperor/Love Bomb custom
Or
Glm/Ascension/Love Bomb custom

3 cores or 2. No wealth scripting in one which might help my recon but I’ve been with Emperor for 9 cycles so idk. These are my options I’ve given myself, plenty of time to think it over.

[Geoff]

The noise of the world only serves to cloud the mind.

[Geoff]

It took about 6 days for that LB/ Joie de Vivre vibe to come back. Tonight at work I’m like a hard dick, my posture is so good and I’m walking with purpose.

I’ve been paying more attention to others lately, I see most ppl here drinking soda, garbage out of vending machines, walking with heads down, low energy vibes and drinking energy drinks. I know one guy who drinks a 6 pack of Mt. Dew everyday. Just wow, no wonder the west is falling. It’s crazy because I had similar issues too but I’m starting to see and feel the separation from mediocrity. I’m slowly leveling up…if I can just stop overloading my subconscious and do less I might get where I want faster with more mental ease.

I really enjoy this light, happy energy coupled with Emperors ambitious masculinity.

[Geoff]

I was just re-reading the Emperor sales page objectives to see which were manifesting for me currently

• Increase overall productivity and eliminate procrastination, especially when working toward generating maximum wealth and cultivating your romance life.

This one has been noticeable for sure. In the past month I’ve worked every Saturday OT day offered and will do so this weekend as well. I feel like I’m on the grind as well, procrastination doesn’t even feel like a real thing anymore.

I’m way more productive at work, feels automatic. I’m also way less spendy. I’m consuming less, (online) window shopping is lower and if I do need something I’m strategic about it, looking for discounts or waiting until a holiday where deals come up ect or I just save for it even if I can afford it immediately.

[Geoff]

Man…starting to feel like a Rooster in the hen house. I actually am feeling a little cocky this morning, the inner joy wants to express itself, I’m speaking louder and with more conviction. I don’t think I can walk with my chest held any higher lol

I ‘feel’ passionate when speaking, there’s enthusiasm in my voice, doesn’t matter what it is I’m talking about there’s great joy coming from me with every expression.

Is that what being “High on Life” feels like?

Crazy Emperor/LB bloom…

[Geoff]

This is one of my favorite paragraphs that Saint wrote for Emperor. I probably read Emperor’s sales page 3 times a week.

“In the commanding essence of Emperor, you find an extreme sense of personal power and pride — a testament to your sovereignty over your reality and being. It’s a realization that your value knows no bounds, and within you lies the potential to eclipse all others in greatness. Emperor helps you nurture this belief, embedding it in your very core.”

So bad ass, I woke up with crazy energy tonight. I think reading the sales page hypes me up even more.

I remade my Emperor/Love Bomb - Evolution V2, ordered it tonight. I’ll be starting March 2nd. It’s a full custom, dense but I’ll be focusing on it SOLO the rest of the year and I don’t plan on going over 3 mins for a few cycles. I realize the last 8 cycles were just overload. I need to be more patient and less rigid with my sub use going forward if I want good results like I’m getting on this washout.

[Geoff]

If you want to go fast, slow down.

I’ve been mulling over this for awhile, I get it now. Energy without direction, intention without purpose it’s all reckless without control.

Chasing fulfillment is not the way, suffering through adaptation is. I think I’m getting a Phoenix bloom. Looking at bad outcomes or failures as lessons, as opportunities. My mindsets quickly acting to keep me from negative self talk or tearing down what’s been building in me.
Sometimes a situation comes where the outcome just hits you like a crashing wave and you want to destroy your growth in anger and anguish of not getting what you wanted, thinking that the small growth you’ve gained should have worked, but didn’t.

It’s my fault, it’s always my fault

Not strong enough…my fault
Not smart enough…my fault
Not fast enough…my fault
Not charismatic enough…my fault
Not wealthy enough…my fault
Not successful enough…my fault
Not attractive enough…my fault
Not enough status…my fault

Don’t blame the external environment for your rejection, take it as a sign you’re not leveled up enough.

I was watching this Anime ‘Solo-Leveling’ over the weekend and he went from the ‘weakest hunter’ to higher and higher levels. Reminded me of what Luther talks about with life being a game and us using subs + actions to level up our XP. Makes sense

Even after struggling tonight for a few hours, trying to maintain self worth ect, I made it through and now I feel positive resolve to continue leveling up instead of wallowing in defeatism which had a temporary hold on me until I broke free.

It’s all on me, it was always so. We are not victims, our souls is in our keeping alone.