This washout has been lively.
The first 3 or 4 days was definitely emotional. I noticed that during my cycle Emperor and the Alpha modules seemed to take priority in expression. On washout it’s been Love Bomb and the Self worth scripting. I’ve had so much introspection on the past and present. A lot of analysis on my behavior and how it is related to my own internal value setting. I can see the level of self worth connected to behaviors. It’s been rough, depressing and makes me feel really sad at times seeing how I behaved in the past. Hell even now in the present, the way I interact with others, it’s crazy. The first step to change is seeing the problem.
The past 3 days I’ve become increasingly angry inside. Especially when I’m ignored after reaching out. People leaving me on read or getting back to me hours to a day later. It’s infuriating and getting worse…I’m really not sure what to do about it, how do I keep myself from snapping. Maybe I should unleash on ppl? Maybe not
The intolerance towards disrespect is growing exponentially, it’s important I figure out how to live in harmony with everything I feel. Part of me wants to go Scorched Earth on anyone who crosses me, overly aggressive vibe probably from decades of poor boundaries and lack of assertiveness. Going from one extreme to the other is most likely not the answer. I’m struggling with wanting to react when I need the wisdom to know how to respond. Maybe I should add Will to power? I don’t want to add more though.
It’s been 7 or 8 days out of 9 and I still don’t feel light, it’s been a heavy week full of processing. I want to go through QL again as I’ve only done each stage once, if I do, the cycle will have to be 2 listening days a week as I need more time to process.
Brushing my teeth with my left hand is pretty good now. I’m getting comfortable using my left hand for the whole process. Been trying to incorporate my left hand more and more in other things as well, like washing dishes.
Pants are getting more and more loose, the scale hovers around 3lbs down so I might be filling out muscularly because the way clothes are fitting now speaks more than scale.
Not sure if it’s Apollon Synergy or Divine Self-Image but I see myself in a better light/perception physically lately. Letting hair grow out as well (I’ve always been a high & tight guy) so this seems to be a positive direction.
Sperti Sun lamp after one week is improving my feeling of well being and I do think sleep is slightly improved. Getting my color back and don’t look 3rd shift pale/unhealthy so I will continue with it.
As I continue growing with this scripting, wisdom and proper guidance seems more and more important. I get nervous sometimes with how I feel in certain situations, wary that I don’t handle situations incorrectly. Emotional Temperance seems like a must going forward.