V.I.T.R.I.O.L.
“Vista Interiora Terrae Rectificando Invenies Occultum Lapidem”
"Visit the interior parts of the Earth; by rectification thou shalt find the Hidden Stone "
Meaning, look within yourself for the truth. Sums up this whole week for me.
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What about the Virtue modules?
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Maybe if I ever rebuild Evolution ZP. However this struggle I’m in currently I think, is to help me adjust to emerging boundaries and the unresolved anger from decades of usury.
Thanks RV
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By doing what I shouldn’t have, I got exactly what I didn’t want.
Being irrational is a death sentence.
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Cycle 2
Evolution - 2 mins
Wtp - 2 mins
I don’t have a clue. That hurts to say out loud. I look at my life and I see a lack of success but also a lack of understanding. I usually avoid a lot of situations, I used to tell myself that I was above it but the truth is I didn’t understand nor did I know how to play the game. I keep losing because I don’t know. So after much thought, I’m adding The Will to Power. After the past few days, after taking actions in vain, I’ve had enough. Even my “intuition” in certain situations fails me because the foundation of knowledge is incorrect which leads me into incorrect actions which gives me what I don’t want.
Last night I ran to corner store which sells meats, bought a NY strip and the older lady at checkout was with assertiveness looking at me and said “would you like a bag to hold your meat” now her tone and body language was showing subcommunication and implying things…I got that. I looked her in the eyes, moved to her chest then her land which had a ring on it. Then I left. Point is I picked up on it but had no understanding and had no clue how to respond so I made myself look incompetent and probably awkward. She was married and I wasn’t interested but that’s besides the point.
I’m stuck and I’m tired of not winning. Power dynamics, social dynamics I’m a D+
I betray myself hoping to get my desires met and it backfires, like Duh…yet nothing changes, why…because I lack understanding.
I’ve been slowly exercising the past few days, keeping it light while the medical massage helps fix my issue. I can’t wait till it’s fixed so I can actually start improving on a larger scale. I want to be better.
Don’t acknowledge others first
Don’t explain yourself voluntarily, unless asked to
Think before you speak, don’t rush
Monitor your thoughts and think positively about yourself
Do something good for yourself everyday, even if it’s small
Don’t complain
If you’re angry, frustration or upset, exercise and get it out
Question everything, are my actions helping me or hurting me
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Definitely interested in WTP. Haven’t done a deep dive with it myself yet.
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Did you run PCC before?
I wonder how much bigger the Wtp script compared to Pcc.
I’ve noticed my status and aura is being noticed by people, mostly older ppl or at least they are easier to notice compared to younger who might be more subtle about it? But it occurred to me that having a rising presence without knowing how to navigate the sea of humanity is not smart.
And running QL was great but what good is intelligence scripting if you don’t know how to apply it and don’t know the rules of the game right. Wisdom is the application of knowledge. Wtp hopefully will give me what I’m missing
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I ran PCC daily for the first 2 weeks of reading a chapter a day of 48LP.
Read one law, run 5 mins of PCC. Didn’t stick with it since had a regular stack going already.
I assume WTP is bigger since it’s got other stuff going on.
PCC would probably still work for straight exposure to 48LPs. But WTP has much bigger promise I think.
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Since that first loop of Wtp I’ve noticed I’m less reactionary in conversations. I’m more on the side of think before you speak. Cautious I guess is what I’m saying. I didn’t have this sense previously.
Does Wtp help with detachment? I find myself not needing things to turn out a certain way as much. A sense of acceptance but based on a knowing that isn’t fully clear yet.
I think this is going to be a profound stack.
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One of the laws of power is about saying less than is needed.
Definitely fits I think.
Saying less than needed? I’m going to have to look them up tonight. Whatever this vibe is, it’s good.
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Yeah. Here’s a quick link I found for that one.
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Weds
8:45am - 3 mins of Wtp
8:45pm - 3 mins of Evolution
I forgot to mention that during this 2nd cycle, my listening pattern is dropping to two days a week instead of 3. Continuing to separate my titles with one in morning and one at night.
Having just listened to my 2nd loop of Wtp, I have to say the past two days have been nice regarding the introspection I do. Wtp seems to help with the Why of whatever I am analyzing or dissecting. I think it’s making reconciling beliefs quicker and easier, comparatively speaking between last cycle and now with Wtp added.
I think it’s probably the Blue Skies module aided by Joie de Vivre and Divine Self-Image, but my mood seems like it’s being held in homeostasis at all times. If I feel bad, sad or angry…the feelings don’t really change my state like they used to. It’s as if I can no longer spiral out into whatever I’m feeling, I’m kept at a balanced optimism oriented state. It’s interesting, I’m just always “okay” … even if I feel depressed, it doesn’t let it take control.
I had a coworker give me his cell # and write down two AA meetings he frequents. He knows I was a member as we’ve talked. I appreciate him reaching out and it’s definitely an inner circle type of manifestion from the subs. I’m not sure why I always reject things like this. I’ve been a loner so long, invitations and offers throw me off. A lot of times I think ppl do stuff like this out of pity but I’m probably projecting.
My “best friend” from HS invited me to his Bday party on the 14th and I haven’t responded, it’s weird that I feel agitated by it. I get the feeling that I’ve never really been appreciated and in the past I was such a people pleaser that I think he’s grown comfortable with me being his follower. I don’t drink, nor party or play card times or do any of the stupid shit average people do and I don’t know why but being invited just pissed me off, I don’t get it.
Ever since I got sober almost 9 years ago, I’ve lost the ability to be social and have fun. I just never put myself out there nor gave it much of a try. I stuck to myself mostly. Had a few girlfriends, indirect friends but it always ends, it’s just easier being alone. People don’t want to know the real you anyways, most ppl just use others for whatever they can get to satisfy themselves. At least I know that I am not a good person, I wish others would own it themselves and stop faking genuineness.
Still low key angry about all the usury I accept from rock bottom self esteem/worth. As a child my mother did a great job destroying my sense of identity, self worth and built a powerful self hatred within me. Decades later and it’s finally being addressed, this shit can be painful and oh so draining, while also dealing with everyday resistance from the world. I’m tired man…of so much, it’s hard to do anything but the bare minimum. I have thoughts of getting in shape, making my life better, pursuing random goals but by the time I get home from work it’s like every ounce of energy I had is gone. The resilience scripting is keeping me going each and everyday, I steadily continue forward but I have yet to experience anything above the minimum so far.
I really can’t complain, on the macro I’m doing good and am grateful for where I am. We all have problems but it could be worse.
On the micro, life seems like it sucks. But hey, without problems I’d be bored to death, so there’s that.
Questions to ponder this week …
Do I want friends and to socialize? Is it just working nights that’s affecting me so negatively
Are the things I’m currently pursuing or doing going to improve myself or are they just ways of filling a void?
How do I actively build self esteem, like what are the actionable steps. What does it look like.
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I’m not sure what sub it is but I’m A LOT less needy/outcome dependent this week. A YouTube channel manifested last night randomly and it’s a little woo woo for my taste. I even had the urge to dismiss it, but I watched a few select videos and it spoke straight to me. Letting go, energy vibes and how they affect people, manifesting the opposite of what you want because of attachment and Kind versus Nice.
Another channel that speaks about being a Godly man, high values, morals and principles and living aligned with Truth.
It’s interesting because both channels feel related to the scope of scripting/goals in my stack. It’s like my subconscious is seeking external confirmation through these types of content. I’ve felt things click, I’ve been detaching and there seems to be this subtle understanding I’m experiencing.
Wtp for example…I don’t feel much conscious understanding of anything. I’m not actively analyzing social interactions or thinking of things to do or say in future scenarios, none of that. However I do seem to be taking the correct the actions in the moment whether in person or alternative conversations. Things seem easier interaction wise. I’ve been feeling less resistance which is pretty cool. I’m more at ease and expectations have seem to just dropped down a lot. I attribute this stuff to Wtp because I wasn’t experiencing this last cycle but it could be any of it.
Weight has stabilized so far, not seeing anymore loss yet.
Consistency in behavior and actions is great. I’m still brushing teeth with left hand, normally I’d have quit by now. I’m using my Sun Lamp every scheduled day and I’m staying on top of daily duties.
I’m caring more about myself and am careful about doing or saying things that degrade my image whether alone or around others.
This sounds weird to say but this week I’ve noticed a slight or subtle feeling of sexiness. Synergy Apollon must be starting to express. It’s an unusual feeling for me, definitely not used to it.
Mood has definitely improved as well, between the subs, modules and Sun Lamp, I’ve just felt better in general.
I’ve had a pretty light but consistent desire to work out/exercise. I do a little bit but 6 days after my first massage, the pain started up again so I’m backing off. It does feel good to do what I can though and I greatly appreciate the consistent call to action.
Instead of negative thinking, my everyday thoughts are now geared towards what I can do to make myself happier, stronger, better. The intention is always on positive growth.
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Sun
9:30pm
Wtp - 3 mins
Evolution - 3 mins
Forgot to listen this morning so I listened back to back tonight. So far I’m liking the 2 days a week listening schedule, much less overt reconciliation symptoms.
It’s been an hour since listening and feeling some aches and fullness in head, back to back isn’t the most ideal for me.
I never dabble in mystical stuff but I ended up getting a numerology reading. What’s interesting is the insights learned about myself, understanding what energy my numbers have has helped narrow down where I will spend effort. My sub stack, Wtp really helps with understanding and Emperor powers the movement while LB keeps me steady internally.
I’m in a 7 personal year until my birthday this month. I couldn’t figure out why I’ve had this muscle issue and why working out has been such a challenge. 7, turns out is an injury prone number and I’m literally experiencing it. Makes sense why I had issues with neurofeedback starting last summer. 7 years it’s also more challenging to make money and I’ve been on 40 hours for a long time.
So I’ve decided to chill out on pushing until the end of the month when my 8 year starts. Which is perfect because all the wealth scripting of Emperor will start activating and it’ll be time to grind. I’m going to be surprised if all of a sudden overtime starts in a few weeks, it’ll confirm the change of energy.
Aside from numerology, I’ve been speaking up for myself and I feel a little more of a “never back down” vibe when I’m interacting. Willingness to argue, assert and confidently express myself. I have to be cautious because at times it can feel like bully energy…but maybe that’s only because I’m coming from a people pleaser past? I’m definitely becoming more intolerant internally, need to make sure my expressions stay mature.
One thing I think I dislike about Emperor is this push of being worldy. Building an Empire obviously relates to the world and the things of the world. I’ve been trying to scale down and live with the least responsibility, the least expense and the least overall burden yet I’m listening to a subliminal that seems to focus on expansive growth. I picked it originally to pair with Love Bomb because I wanted full masculine growth and inner resolve.
I think I’m getting some reconciliation due to my focus shifting to worldly success. I’ve noticed myself feeling distanced from Spiritual side since starting this custom, it’s honestly bothering me. I guess I should consciously guide myself away from the wealth/worldy success scripting and focus on the internal growth part. I feel guilty for some reason, like I’m driving on the wrong road. In my Spirit I feel a strong sense that there is no future here anymore and any effort to pursue worldy succes is in vain.
Things I want
Development of self worth and self esteem
Reduction or elimination of submissive behavior, people pleasing and validation seeking
Forgiveness of myself, the past and others
Building confidence and competence
Becoming more assertive and standing up for myself
Building a solid inner frame
Physical shifting/becoming more attractive
Increased desire for fitness
Cultivating more joy for myself and life daily
Increased gratitude
Growing emotional maturity
Embracing detachment and letting go daily
Developing more clarity and certainty
Could be reconciliation all over this, I’m just annoyed at the feeling I’m getting. That I’m losing touch with what is important to me and have this guilt associated to it. This weird vibe of suddenly going the wrong direction. But there’s no other direction pressing me. Yea…probably just a recon rant aimed at organizing thoughts
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Your soul is in your keeping alone
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So tonight I got dressed for work and put my belt on as usual, but this time I’m in the 4th hole when last week I was in the 3rd. It’s just shy of being too snug but it’s doable.
So since starting this custom, I’ve lost about 4lbs average and moved one belt notch. Also I’m not sure if Emperor or Sps: Fat burn has appetite scripting but I definitely have reduced eating frequency and quantity. I go longer between eating and when I do eat, I eat less and feel satisfied quicker. Even this past weekend I had 2 pints of non dairy ice cream as a cheat and I didn’t eat again for hours…in the past, that would have sparked a binge. I eat a low sugar diet usually and I think my body needed something sweet. I was able to move on without issue after.
Nice results from the physical side.
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Weds
7:40am - Wtp - 3 mins
9:10pm - Evolution - 3 mins
I’ve been socially cool and calm, aloof at times. I’ve noticed a definite increase in people coming to me for conversation or presence.
I don’t know if it’s physical shifting or from 2nd massage but I’ve been tired as hell. Even after sleeping I want to sleep more.
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Man…the self care scripting in my stack is relentless. I’ve always been health conscious but the low self love would sabotage me. I’ve been overly attuned to the ways I can care for myself. I am more conscious with eating, both quality and quantity. We had pizza at work last night and I passed and tonight they provided cookies and cupcakes and again, zero interest. Why? Because engaging in any of that directly conflicts with my goals and love of self.
I’m walking slower because I value myself. I don’t join in on gossip or drama at work. I walk upright and man, I noticed damn near everyone at work walks with a slouch or lowered head. Must be a Wtp thing.
I definitely had a huge shift from external focus to now internal focus. I have a consistent and general sense of well-being everyday. Frustration has been at its lowest and I seem to be overly interested in the concept and state of detachment. Understanding it’s connection with suffering. It’s been on my mind so much lately.
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