Love Bomb -
No one will ever love or care about me more than I do, so if I don’t love or care about myself then how unsuccessful will my life be.
It all starts here…
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Energy has improved somewhat but still tired 
everyday feels like a kick in the ass lately. Low key frustration popped up, feeling a little lost in the sauce today. Directionless vibe
Almost got into an accident on way to work last night, I really got mad at myself and my inner voice went after me. I was surprised by it. It wasn’t negative or toxic, just really stern and reprimanding. It was my fault too and I owned it and I felt quite embarrassed about it. It’s been awhile since I’ve experienced something like this.
Still dealing with my impatience. It really is a problem.
Definitely feeling less peaceful this week. Neck/shoulders are sore and I think it’s purely from tension as I’m avoiding lifting until this strain in right arm heals which is going slowly.
So far things are unclear in this washout
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The human body can store tension, particularly in muscles, as a response to stress, trauma, or unresolved emotions. This can manifest as physical symptoms like muscle tension, headaches, fatigue, or even pain in specific areas. Relieving this tension often involves relaxation techniques, addressing underlying stress or trauma, and practicing healthy lifestyle habits.
Man, I just did 15 push ups to see how my right arm was doing. I didn’t really feel that strain so I’m happy. However it’s been over 20 mins and I just feel sore and tense, like my muscles won’t relax. It’s not normal to feel this kind of discomfort after simple push ups.
I also did some side leg stretching and I felt pain in my back. Idk wtf to do about this. There’s nothing worse than developing a Beast Mode mentality and having a body full of stored tension, unable to perform what you want. It’s pretty upsetting.
Even as I’m overcoming my traumatic past mentally and emotionally, my body isn’t getting the memo…hell even texting this post on my phone I can feel my forearm and hand getting muscle fatigue…shit sucks. Why am I so damn rigid and tight and inflexible. Decades of guarding, tension and hypervigilance from childhood.
Maybe I’ll try Sanguine after washout. After all I can’t expect to exercise and get in shape with already overworked muscles just from existing. All I know if love Bomb and Emperor do not help with this issue.
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I had another neurofeedback session this morning. I slept pretty good, woke up optimistic. I started driving into work, smiling randomly. As soon as I walked into work I felt bored, disengaged and less enthusiastic. I’m starting to really recognize the way my job affects me. I’m sure it’s no different for anyone else.
It’s got me thinking about what I sacrifice, why I sacrifice and for whom. How much of my daily struggle is necessary, how much struggle is actually for me or on my behalf. Do I keep pushing everyday for me?
If I was to downsize my life, ignore all the media telling ppl to push and chase ‘success’ and focus on Peace, would I need to pursue a high paying job or could I get by on less? Would I be happier with less, probably. I seem to be mentally organizing my life lately and have strong urges to throw shit away, downsize and do with less. I’m literally preoccupied with getting rid of things…things that the world told me I needed in order to be fulfilled, high status or respected.
It’s more about me, my strengths and abilities. Cultivating myself, not creating an illusion of things that others perceive as making me valuable.
Awareness of what matters, what is right and correct. Everything in this world is designed to hurt you. I’m becoming fascinated with the idea of optimization and alignment. First you must define your beliefs before you can align with them. Then you optimize your life based on your principles, morals and values. My next stack will be all about this. But for now the Foundation is the goal of my current custom and it’s working beautifully.
I think I’m going to ‘spring clean’ for lack of a better term this weekend, figure out what matters and what is useful and what has no purpose just taking up space. I mean this this literally and also within my mind and Spirit too.
I spent my younger years following the hive mind, the world influence and all the vain, empty beliefs and ideals because I had no foundation and no standard by which to measure everything except for my own nieve, immature mind lacking wisdom and understanding. I was foolish, I still am but I’ve learned over time and continue to do so. I’m feeling quite optimistic about where I want to go, the how is the challenging part as well as developing full clarity. I get moments of clarity, flashes of a better way, a clear vision of the peace I’m looking for but it fades before I can fully internalize it.
All this scattered rambling - I can’t know for sure but what I do know, is that Less is More to me right now.
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Emperor - I will never get stronger by doing what is easy.
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Tomorrow is the start of next cycle but I goofed up thinking today was it. I listened to 3 mins of Sanguine. Hopefully it helps me fall asleep.
I had a seriously productive night/this morning. Who knew throwing away stuff I no longer use or organizing could feel so cathartic. I’m quite pleased with myself. Now I only have to continue the momentum all weekend as there’s more to do.
Execution of intentions feels good. Being disciplined feels good. I had a deep realization of just how much I checked out of my own life, for years last night. I don’t want to be like that any longer. Opting out of certain things could be okay but not living because of it is not okay. I really let my life go for decades, fuck man…broken mindsets kill…for real.
I’m finally on it now, the consistency is addictive and I love it…I love myself too and I never thought I’d ever say that. Extreme personal growth, SubClub is too legit 
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Cycle 12
Evolution - 11 mins
Man, this is really becoming an awesome weekend. Mindset is on point and I’m making great progress in what I’m trying to accomplish. I do feel a renewed a strength and vision for how I want the future to go.
Just taking small steps, getting little things done makes more of a difference than I thought. Instead of mulling over things that need done, just getting started feels so good. This isn’t new to me but it kinda is at the same time. I’m looking at life in a new way and things just hit different now.
As far as Sanguine yesterday, it took me 2.5hrs to fall asleep which 30 mins longer than usual but I did notice the right side of my neck trying to relax as I waited to fall asleep. After I woke up, I felt more ‘at ease’ than I usually am. Tonight my right shoulder feels sore when yesterday it did not. I think Sanguine is trying to unwind the tension, I found myself almost unconsciously massaging my neck today at times. Maybe this will be the trick I need to unlock the tension and heal the traumatic energy stuck.
I haven’t felt this satisfied in a long time. Things are good.
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I finally started getting back into consistent exercise again, my right arm feels about as good as it can get considering the whole body rigidity issue I’m trying to fix.
I’m feeling positive and dare I say kind of enthusiastic again after quite awhile. Sanguine bloom after first loop? I’d like to assume it’s Love Bomb but who knows.
At my job, I’ve increased my pace. My attitude towards my employer is improving out of nowhere. I feel less resentment and I’m more interested in just doing my job right and doing it fully, it’s interesting…not sure why. Feels like I’ve hit a higher level of maturity.
My work pants that didn’t fit or barely fit a month ago are almost just right. My scale still hovers at 145lbs yet I’m slimming down slowly but surely. Is this what recomp’ing is… 
This past memorial day weekend, I had my son and I ended up getting up early or staying up later to spend more time with him instead of sleeping or acting grumpy from my sleep schedule being messed up. I think he really appreciated it even if he didn’t say so. He was also much more open with me, not sure if Love Bomb affects him but it was great to see. I Definitely paid the price the day before work with total crap sleep but I’ve since recovered and it was worth it. I think I’m becoming more mature, stronger and resilient which allows me to be more self sacrificing on behalf of loved ones. I used to selfish towards the right ppl and ppl pleasing to the wrong ones. Now everything seems to be correcting itself and it’s going great.
I hardly felt any reconciliation symptoms the past 3 days, even at 11 mins where two cycles ago I was smacked with it. I know Sanguine helps with recon but I also believe Love Bomb has helped me improve my flow factor, hopefully I’ve gone from low flow to medium flow now.
There’s a definite zest for life within me but it’s not worldy. I’m excited about being my best self and living in the best way possible. My mindset is feeling stronger and stronger every week. I’m getting addicted to whatever this is…makes me feel Savage AF in the best way.
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This morning I got out of work at 7am. Immediately upon getting onto highway there was traffic. I spent 2 hours and 10 minutes at a bare crawl/stop waiting for 4 lanes to merge into one where the accident was.
Only one 3 minute loop of Sanguine almost 4 days ago and I was only mildly annoyed at the traffic, my worst/negative thought was “The is effing unbelievable” which compared to my past is not bad at all. I almost felt way more patient and looked at the situation as more of an opportunity than some big problem.
I did get less sleep and I did wake up tonight not feeling the best but I’m not overly upset about it.
I also woke up to a text from a coworker telling me the parts I machined last night have lines from a bad tool and I have to rework them. Normally I’d be pissed off and feeling spiteful but aside from some low key irritability that is fading, I’m quite okay with it. It’s just part of life I guess.
So I’m thinking this is all a reflection of Sanguine. Of course Gratitude from Love Bomb and Maturity from Emperor but this peaceful acceptance of what is feels new and I think it’s Sanguine. It’s crazy too that my muscles ache, idk if it’s physical stress/energy being worked out of muscles or lack of sleep or what but there’s no obvious reason for this pain/tension but I get the feeling Sanguine is going to slowly tackle this issue.
I’m pretty happy with this state I’ve been in. Peaceful acceptance of reality vs. Fighting/resisting what is and making it harder on myself.
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Thurs
Evolution - 12 mins
Sanguine - 5 mins
Things have been consistent. Issues and problems are fading. Optimism is at an all time high. Since adding Sanguine even my sleep feels more restful. Someone knocked on my door at 1pm while I was sleeping and normally I’d be pissed and unable to sleep, but I was able to remain sleepy without upset. I didn’t fully fall back asleep but moreso rested half asleep until I got up. This in and of itself is a big change. I can tell my nervous system did not overreact like it used to.
Everytime I listen to Sanguine, my neck muscles feel more sore, my shoulders feel fatigued. I know this is a sign of relaxation and hopefully with continued use the tension will leave for good.
This week’s been the closest to ‘normal’ I’ve ever felt.
I’ve recognized that the key to growth in literally any area is Consistency. Even if you take small steps towards a goal, you can see big changes if you’re consistent. It’s so evident in everything I do now. I’m even making progress with my adductor/gracilis leg muscle stretching which really surprised me as trying to stretch them a month ago felt impossible.
1 loop every 4 days has been working really well for me. I was doing 2 rest days for the longest time but it just wasn’t enough. Just reaching 12 mins today, the last 30 seconds felt heavy so I’ll probably go to 5 days next or hold at 12 mins next loop.