I’d never looked seriously at the physical shifting modules such as that one before. But after what I think is WB making me think about “style” more seriously, I’m adding that to my list of modules to license. I’m basically setting aside enough $ to license one module each paycheck until I have all the ones I want.
This morning grocery shopping after wor, I noticed two times being checked out. Once by a worker I see often and another time on the way out by a random young woman.
That really doesn’t happen to me, or at least it didn’t before this stack. I’m definitely feeling better about myself in general. Divine Self-Image and Pride Unbroken are two modules I underestimated. My self image is much, much better and with Pride Unbroken, I feel as though I walk around with a shield that grants indifference towards any attack or behavior aimed at diminishing me. Impeturbability (unable to be upset or excited; calm.) I guess.
This washout has been great. Only a day or so of past experiences coming up, introspection of childhood scenarios and the like. Mostly I feel a renewed sense of vigor towards getting into shape and I found myself searching for and watching masculine motivation youtube clips, which was surprising. A sort of priming of my mindset maybe. Two days ago I was dreading working OT, yet tonight I came in 3.5 hrs early and doing 8 hrs even though I missed 2 hours during the week, so even though I’m only getting 6 hours OT pay for working 8, I am still doing it. Normally I’d talk myself out of it aka cost vs. benefits ect
This washout gave me clarity on my use. I wouldn’t say that I’ve been over-exposing per say, rather I simply don’t process the sub input as fast as I’d like to think I do. So this next cycle I’ll be going 4 rest days per loop instead of 2 loops a week spaced 2, then 3. I’ll just go every 4 until cycle is complete. Hopefully this yields positive results as I do notice the 10 days on washouts do seem to be subjectively the ‘best’ experience where I feel the most empowered and recognize the little things more often.
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Cycle 11
Sat
Evolution - 6 mins
Next loop, no earlier than Weds.
Today, for some reason I woke up at noon instead of my usual 6:45pm. Instead of laying around I removed and replaced an area in my backyard used for a garden to now reseeded to grow grass. Laid out straw on top even, definitely put in the effort to do it ‘right’ instead of just hurrying through it. Got some spring cleaning done and burned up all the boxes accumulated over winter. I ended up cinging off some hair as I got a little close to burn barrel when the wind gust flared it up, lucky it wasn’t bad. I’m surprised today by the dedication, productivity and determination I have. There was no plans to do anything really yet here I accomplished a lot. Feels good.
I think Gentleman’s Speech is hitting too. I’m more concise with my speech. Saying only what matters, a lot less fluff in conversation, more direct and I’ve noticed that cussing is way down. If I do have the urge to use words, I’ll say “yeah, that’s effed up” instead of the usual. I’m also more creative sometimes finding and using unique words. I’m starting to want to expand my vocabulary as well and also use those new words when I speak.
I’ve been having some really good days lately and I’m grateful.
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Love Bomb + Emperor really is a powerful pairing.
I’ve been consistently building habits that are actually lasting over time.
Exercise for example, I was always looking for motivation to exercise and it never stuck. However now, I’ve developed enough self love, self value and the desire to take care of myself that I look forward to exercising automatically. I don’t even look for the motivation to work out, I just feel like I want to do better for myself and exercise is just one way of expressing that goal.
I’m slowly decreasing the amount of food I eat at work also, realizing a lot of it is simply eating out of boredom. It’s all clean food too, just more calories than I need. There’s been no junk food in weeks, previously I had one cheat snack on the weekends but I have since dropped that too.
I haven’t moved on the scale. I’m still 144/145lbs. Yet I can tell I’ve built some muscle and my 30x30 work pants that I could not button in January, and that were uncomfortably snug in march are now just snug/slightly tight and I know they’ll only fit better with time. In fact, I even bought two more work pants at 30x30 out of celebration for moving closer to my goals. I have the confidence in knowing I’ll get there and I backed it with spending $ on it.
The reasons for why I am doing things is coming from a deeper place, a more authentic place of valuing myself. I’ve become so much less shallow. How I dress, how I talk and the way I carry myself have all matured. I’ve definitely created more pride in myself and my environment is elevating in proportion to my internal level. Bringing my life and self up to standard I guess.
When I first started Emperor, I didn’t like it. Even just a few cycles ago I was doubting continuing. It really is a slow burn 
. The sales page does say that Emperor is meant to be used consistently over time and it’s true. Not everyone will take as long as me to really start feeling the shifts but I’m glad I kept going.
I knew it before, but now I know it. Mindset really is the beginning, it’s the foundation of which your actions take hold. If you have the ‘correct’ mindset, you can achieve so much. But you have an unhealthy or damaged mindset, even basic things seem impossible. I’m speaking from experience, my 20s and 30s were terrible and now at 40, my Life begins 
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Weds
Evolution - 7 mins
The past 4 days were pretty good, so I’m going for 7 mins tonight. Been feeling a little ‘better than this’ all week. At work I’m kind of calling out the inefficiency, lack of communication and time wasting in ways that don’t put a target on me.
There is definitely a low tolerance for b.s. mindset with Emperor, I’ve also felt less nice, kind or loving this week. That’s not to say I’ve been unkind, rather just maybe less emotional and less agreeable towards situations and people. I’m getting used to it, it’s probably just development of a more masculine backbone and higher standards for myself and others around me.
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There’s definitely been reconciliation symptoms this week at 7 mins. Firstly, impatience. Impatience intensifies when I’m going through stuff. Second, judgement. Idk if it’s recon or just me growing through my past. I’ve been very judgemental all week. I can’t over hear a conversation, read a forum post or look at anyone without mentally picking them apart. I don’t like it, it feels oppositional towards what Love Bombs scripting would provide.
Exercise has been going well. The new pants are snug but wearable but when I eat or drink they become uncomfortable lol, so I have a ways to go. I couldn’t find the post but I know 3 months or so that I could barely do 3 push ups. Now I’m up to 15 chest to floor, full extension quality push ups. 12 dips, 10 Nordic curls and 50 KB swings. I started at 10 bodyweight squats, now I’m up to 60. Who knew bodyweight squats could be such an ass kicker.
My lower body is overly tight, my gracilis muscles and adductors are brutally tight. I have to hold onto my couch trying to stretch. I still can’t hold in a full squat without falling over. It really pisses me off seeing how weak and unfit I am but we all start somewhere. The most important thing is consistency. I’m been increasingly interested in fitness over the past few weeks, it’s as if fitness is now mandatory in order to call myself a Man which is great and I’m all about it.
This past week at work I noticed less attention, a sort of disinterested vibe coming from people. Less greetings and less conversations. Can others tell I’m in a recon? Is my Aura full of ‘static’ when in reconciliation and giving off erratic energy? Seems like it and would make sense why others act differently. Is there something in my custom at 7 mins that’s drastically different than 6 mins? Either way, I’ve noted it. Honestly I don’t feel as open or friendly this week either so maybe it’s just a response to my own projections.
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Sun
Evolution - 7 mins
Paragon - 7 mins
Man, I’ve felt hit all weekend. Exercised Fri night but nothing since. Definitely feeling detox symptoms, must be pushing too hard. Woke up feeling whole body fatigue and just no energy or enthusiasm which has not been the norm. Looking forward to this lifting. Got a slight headache, really want to call off work tonight but that won’t solve anything.
I wonder if it would have been wiser to listen to Paragon before bed not before work…
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Man, this week’s been a struggle. Less energy, less urge to exercise though I’m doing something. Feels like I strained my right arm and doing scapula dips instead of regular dips didn’t help and I’ve been sore all night.
It’s been 7 days off Unisom sleeping pills and after talking to a friend, found out about histamine rebound. I’ve been dealing with this rough itchiness for a week and it’s still going. Who knew antihistamines could mess you up so much. My moods been all over the place.
I haven’t really noticed my last loops at all. Even Paragon hasn’t helped this histamine rebound. I guess it’s just going to take time.
I’m more and more wanting to listen to my Spirituality custom again, the urge has been increasing.
I’ve suddenly lost the drive for work too. Don’t care about OT, cross training or doing anything but 40 hours a week. Is this recon based or me realizing my time is more important. I used to give everything to my jobs, now I’m feeling detached and just want to do the minimum while spending more on ‘me’. I think this is a good thing but I’m not sure yet. I get the feeling I’m lacking some grounded clarity on things but this seems to be the path I’m on now…developing healthy selfishness.
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Needing nothing, attracts everything. I want to be free. I want zero vices, detachment and complete self empowerment.
I’ll be 10 years sober on Dec 20th this year. Looking back, I quit alcohol, drugs and cigarettes. This year I’m pharmaceutical free, done with all that poison. I’m finding out that even herbs aren’t good. Stopped using my herbal sleep salve after doing some digging. So far it’s just Homeopathic tablets for sleep. I’d like to get to the point of using nothing.
I can’t believe how far I’ve come, years ago I was taking so much crap just to sleep. Histamine rebound sucks, I swear I’ll never take another antihistamine product again. The more crap I remove/cut off the more ‘tired’ I feel. As if my body is finally free to feel what was being hid or suppressed by the substances. The older I get, the more I realize the less I actually need. You grow up and see the world and think you need to eat this, take that, use ect. I don’t need the crap, I never did.
I’ve been slowly reducing calories too, trying to see if I indeed eat too much. I’ve cut out stuff I bring to work and I’m still doing okay. It’s been tough trying to convince myself that I don’t need as much food as I’m used to. Started making cooked sorghum + ground beef and man is that filling. Clean, simple foods. The more fake food you eat, the quicker you get hungry because it’s empty crap.
Purity has been on my mind a lot. Less is more. Urges to go through my home and just get rid of shit. I keep going through my clothes too, removing stuff that doesn’t fit or isn’t a flattering color. There’s an odd desire within to ‘streamline’ things. Honestly my overall drive has faded somewhat, I’ve become more disinterested in things yet at the same time more focused on me/my environment.
I used to let myself/my home/my needs go in order to invest at work or in others. Now it seems to be reversing, I’m way more interested in me and mine. I’ve been incorrectly investing my time, until now.
Do better, be better - theme of the week.
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Mindset and how you feel about yourself are key for any change.
Introspecting my life now I can see why I put so much value on the external. Over investing in my job, acting as if coworkers were better than they were, being a people pleaser, following others instead of myself. I had a broken mindset and I had zero love for myself. Because of that, my life was terrible. The worst part of it all was I couldn’t see why, I had blinders on - no clarity into my own issues. I pacified myself with drugs and alcohol which solved nothing. I continued crashing into life awkwardly until the Law forced me to wake up.
Since that time 9.5 years ago, I’ve slowly, too slowly started changing. The mindset, if your perception is negatively filtered then life will be negative like mine was. Self Love, if you hate yourself then what’s going to change? I had no foundation.
This custom has been drilling me deep. I’ve had such deep realizations which are actually pretty simple but I think with the wrong mindset, you can’t see the simple yet profound truths waiting for you.
I’ll go a few days where it feels like absolutely nothing is happening. Then I’ll get hit with a wave of insight and a renewed commitment to myself.
Changing your mindset - Simple, not easy.
Consistent positive action + resilience can be life changing, it’s working for me.
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Thurs
Evolution - 8 mins
Paragon - 8 mins
My right side is still bothering me, surprisingly after listening to Paragon my arm/neck started to feel more sore and now aches. I guess my body is working to unfuck itself.
I woke up with anxiety and a guarded state tonight, I don’t remember dreaming at all. I feel like my nervous systems been overly active since sleep. I haven’t experienced this state in a long while.
As far as subs go, I think I’m starting to affect others at work. Ever since I started dressing a little better, grooming better and living better/positive behavior…I am noticing a handful of coworkers and even my supervisor dressing up a little more, putting more effort into their appearances. Is my Aura or behavior affecting them? It’s odd but nice to see. I don’t see it on 1st or 2nd shift, just my shift on 3rd. There is more pride on our shift and it’s becoming noticeable.
I also notice that when I’m in reconciliation, others don’t seem to talk to me. But when I’m executing the script and feeling grounded, others gravitate towards me. It makes sense but funny to see.
This past week has been more of a struggle for me physically so I think the off energy has limited things but hopefully I recover or overcome soon. I’ve been exercising mostly the lower body this week, I miss the upper body work but this right side issue doesn’t seem to be getting better.
Still dealing with impatience and intolerance too, these are two major struggles for me. I’m not sure how to address them. How do you correct an intolerance issue? Not wanting to entertain BS, or even look at stupidity. Overly judgemental towards most everything, I can be quite dismissive which is not a quality I admire. Maybe Love Bombs working on it, idk. I don’t like these traits in me. Who am I to be so condemning and dismissive?..I don’t tend to express it but having that attitude internally is just…unhelpful.
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Mon
Evolution- 9 mins
Paragon - 9 mins
Ever since adding in Paragon, performance has dropped. Exercise frequency dropped, strength dropped, my drive is less and my energy is less. I feel like I’m in healing mode, I’ll sleep 8 to 9 hours yet wake up tired as if it wasn’t enough. It’s been about 2 weeks since I got off sleeping pills, histamine rebound has lessened but still has lingering effects. I’ve been feeling really off physically but in time things will improve.
The last two weeks have been less than ideal generally, coincides with my last neurofeedback session, behavior and moods been off. Tomorrow is my next session, hopefully things improve. I was going strong previously then everything stopped. I’ve also ‘noticed’ less from subs these last two weeks so I’m pretty certain neurofeedback had an undesirable effect as all areas of my life have taken a hit in some way since.
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Fri
End of Cycle 11
Evolution - 10 mins
Paragon - 10 mins
There really hasn’t been much to say other than Paragon has been kicking my butt with whole body fatigue. I’m still feeling like I’m in the middle of a healing mode. The crazy part is I sleep 8 hours but wake up not feeling rested, I carry that tiredness for hours after getting up but I no longer take sleep pills.
I just started getting back into exercising, it’s slow going. It’s hard not to push as I feel like I’m being lazy but at the same time it’s obvious my body is working hard on healing.
I started feeling flirty a bit this week, started smiling at some girls I saw, little things instead of acting aloof like usual. There’s definitely a vibe I’m giving off, I see other people’s reactions to it, it’s nice.
All in all, not a bad cycle just looking forward to catching up with whatever Paragon has me going through. I definitely underestimated Paragons affects this time, did not expect such profound effects. I’m pretty happy with it though, as it tells me my body is now ready or has the capacity to heal compared to years ago when I first used it with less noticeable action because I was too jammed up/stuck in toxicity.
Slow progress is still progress. Now for an 8 day Washout.
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In my Synergy: Apollon Unbound I’m 100% noticing what’s written above. I’ve grown my hair out, been wearing it in this lazily sexy way. I’m noticing this sexy open vibe I’ve been expressing. Even though I’ve been excessively tired all week, I think the tiredness has secondarily made me look more relaxed and allowed the sexiness scripting to express more easily compared to someone who holds tension and rigidity in themselves.
I definitely feel more sexy, it’s hard to describe. It’s like wearing a smirk 
internally and having it show through your behavior. I’m starting to understand ‘relaxed mastery’ it’s a feeling of confident nonchalance + cool detachment towards everything. I guess I feel the way a male model looks lol.
I’m really starting to understand density, amount of modules in a custom and how long it really takes to start seeing real results. It’s crazy, at 10+ cycles I’ve been ready to move on but this is when the magic starts. It really doesn’t matter what you listen to, just that you do so long term. This custom is dense in and of itself and I think I need to do less next time.
Ps. I can’t stop checking out my supervisors rack when she walks by, they bounce so elegantly it’s hard not to. I never used to care…what gives.
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Things I’ve found listening to this custom that I now understand are vital to my life success and need continual reinforcement.
Detachment
Nonchalance
Self-Love
Competency/Confidence
Resilience
Positive Inner Voice
Discipline
Drive
Patience
Compassion/Understanding
These features have been developing within me, reinforced by positive application/action and I’m seeing myself mature into someone I can be proud of.
It feels like another life in which I used to hate myself which wasn’t all that long ago. I broke myself down worse than anyone else ever could. I gave up on pretty much everything. My mindset was so broken, so weak it blows my mind just thinking about it.
Fixing a damaged mindset is no joke. When bad ideas, beliefs and actions are reconciled, literally a whole new life starts to emerge. It’s so crazy. Things I used to avoid, I know look forward to. I tend to do the hardest things in my day first. I feel aversion towards to weakness or weak things. My self talk is supportive, uplifting an firm. I question if something I want is going to get me closer to my goals and if not, I don’t do it. The best of all this? It feels fucking good. It feels good to be Hard(minded), it feels good to be Hungry(driven). The shift I’ve experienced and continue to experience is amazing. It’s like a switch has been flipped and my life no longer stagnant, weak or pathetic. It takes work and some weeks the progress is slow but I keep moving forward regardless.
I can’t imagine how much better I’ll be by the end of the year.
I’m really getting pumped with how my 30x30 pants I bought have been fitting better and better each week. I’m still trying to recover my arm/shoulder from overdoing dips and so exercise has been less than usual but results to keep coming. Definitely gaining muscle too as my weight is stable, seems the added muscle offsets the fat loss and the scale doesn’t move. The clothing fitment shows the proof though. I still have a ways to go but even I’m getting a little more looks when I’m out. Hell, even workers at my local grocery store who’ve seen me shop over the years have started engaging with me more the past few weeks. External confirmation of growth is always nice.
I’m getting along much better with those around me. Work and family wise. I think my son is starting to come around too, he’s been all about his friends for so long (teenagers…) but now I think he sees the value in his dad and I’m happy about that.
I’m really feeling ‘complete’ lately. No neediness, no loneliness. I could care less about having a women in my life too. They are fun to look at but that’s it. I truly feel free. I have zero desire to engage in any romantic or sexual dynamics and that’s crazy because a year or so ago that was not the case. There are so many other important things men need to do. Women should be the last thing on a man’s list.
I’m loving this new mindset. Wholesome, Strong and Masculine.
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Beast mode, lol.
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Yo Luther, thanks for stopping by.
I wanted to say Thank You for all of your extremely impactful posts over the years. You inspired me and I’m grateful.
Btw, Whats the word on your Khan review? Are you still dropping one? Any ETA on it? I’m very much looking forward to reading it.
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That’s awesome, I’m glad that I was helpful in some manner.
No, lol.
What happened? I thought your Khan review was going to be epic. Maaaaannn…are you for real not doing one, quit playin
Check your PM.