Geoff's Journal - Evolution

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#269

Needing nothing, attracts everything. I want to be free. I want zero vices, detachment and complete self empowerment.

I’ll be 10 years sober on Dec 20th this year. Looking back, I quit alcohol, drugs and cigarettes. This year I’m pharmaceutical free, done with all that poison. I’m finding out that even herbs aren’t good. Stopped using my herbal sleep salve after doing some digging. So far it’s just Homeopathic tablets for sleep. I’d like to get to the point of using nothing.

I can’t believe how far I’ve come, years ago I was taking so much crap just to sleep. Histamine rebound sucks, I swear I’ll never take another antihistamine product again. The more crap I remove/cut off the more ‘tired’ I feel. As if my body is finally free to feel what was being hid or suppressed by the substances. The older I get, the more I realize the less I actually need. You grow up and see the world and think you need to eat this, take that, use ect. I don’t need the crap, I never did.

I’ve been slowly reducing calories too, trying to see if I indeed eat too much. I’ve cut out stuff I bring to work and I’m still doing okay. It’s been tough trying to convince myself that I don’t need as much food as I’m used to. Started making cooked sorghum + ground beef and man is that filling. Clean, simple foods. The more fake food you eat, the quicker you get hungry because it’s empty crap.

Purity has been on my mind a lot. Less is more. Urges to go through my home and just get rid of shit. I keep going through my clothes too, removing stuff that doesn’t fit or isn’t a flattering color. There’s an odd desire within to ‘streamline’ things. Honestly my overall drive has faded somewhat, I’ve become more disinterested in things yet at the same time more focused on me/my environment.

I used to let myself/my home/my needs go in order to invest at work or in others. Now it seems to be reversing, I’m way more interested in me and mine. I’ve been incorrectly investing my time, until now.

Do better, be better - theme of the week.

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#270

Mindset and how you feel about yourself are key for any change.

Introspecting my life now I can see why I put so much value on the external. Over investing in my job, acting as if coworkers were better than they were, being a people pleaser, following others instead of myself. I had a broken mindset and I had zero love for myself. Because of that, my life was terrible. The worst part of it all was I couldn’t see why, I had blinders on - no clarity into my own issues. I pacified myself with drugs and alcohol which solved nothing. I continued crashing into life awkwardly until the Law forced me to wake up.

Since that time 9.5 years ago, I’ve slowly, too slowly started changing. The mindset, if your perception is negatively filtered then life will be negative like mine was. Self Love, if you hate yourself then what’s going to change? I had no foundation.

This custom has been drilling me deep. I’ve had such deep realizations which are actually pretty simple but I think with the wrong mindset, you can’t see the simple yet profound truths waiting for you.

I’ll go a few days where it feels like absolutely nothing is happening. Then I’ll get hit with a wave of insight and a renewed commitment to myself.

Changing your mindset - Simple, not easy.

Consistent positive action + resilience can be life changing, it’s working for me.

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#271

Thurs

Evolution - 8 mins

Paragon - 8 mins

My right side is still bothering me, surprisingly after listening to Paragon my arm/neck started to feel more sore and now aches. I guess my body is working to unfuck itself.

I woke up with anxiety and a guarded state tonight, I don’t remember dreaming at all. I feel like my nervous systems been overly active since sleep. I haven’t experienced this state in a long while.

As far as subs go, I think I’m starting to affect others at work. Ever since I started dressing a little better, grooming better and living better/positive behavior…I am noticing a handful of coworkers and even my supervisor dressing up a little more, putting more effort into their appearances. Is my Aura or behavior affecting them? It’s odd but nice to see. I don’t see it on 1st or 2nd shift, just my shift on 3rd. There is more pride on our shift and it’s becoming noticeable.

I also notice that when I’m in reconciliation, others don’t seem to talk to me. But when I’m executing the script and feeling grounded, others gravitate towards me. It makes sense but funny to see.

This past week has been more of a struggle for me physically so I think the off energy has limited things but hopefully I recover or overcome soon. I’ve been exercising mostly the lower body this week, I miss the upper body work but this right side issue doesn’t seem to be getting better.

Still dealing with impatience and intolerance too, these are two major struggles for me. I’m not sure how to address them. How do you correct an intolerance issue? Not wanting to entertain BS, or even look at stupidity. Overly judgemental towards most everything, I can be quite dismissive which is not a quality I admire. Maybe Love Bombs working on it, idk. I don’t like these traits in me. Who am I to be so condemning and dismissive?..I don’t tend to express it but having that attitude internally is just…unhelpful.

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#272

Mon

Evolution- 9 mins

Paragon - 9 mins

Ever since adding in Paragon, performance has dropped. Exercise frequency dropped, strength dropped, my drive is less and my energy is less. I feel like I’m in healing mode, I’ll sleep 8 to 9 hours yet wake up tired as if it wasn’t enough. It’s been about 2 weeks since I got off sleeping pills, histamine rebound has lessened but still has lingering effects. I’ve been feeling really off physically but in time things will improve.

The last two weeks have been less than ideal generally, coincides with my last neurofeedback session, behavior and moods been off. Tomorrow is my next session, hopefully things improve. I was going strong previously then everything stopped. I’ve also ‘noticed’ less from subs these last two weeks so I’m pretty certain neurofeedback had an undesirable effect as all areas of my life have taken a hit in some way since.

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#273

Fri

End of Cycle 11

Evolution - 10 mins

Paragon - 10 mins

There really hasn’t been much to say other than Paragon has been kicking my butt with whole body fatigue. I’m still feeling like I’m in the middle of a healing mode. The crazy part is I sleep 8 hours but wake up not feeling rested, I carry that tiredness for hours after getting up but I no longer take sleep pills.

I just started getting back into exercising, it’s slow going. It’s hard not to push as I feel like I’m being lazy but at the same time it’s obvious my body is working hard on healing.

I started feeling flirty a bit this week, started smiling at some girls I saw, little things instead of acting aloof like usual. There’s definitely a vibe I’m giving off, I see other people’s reactions to it, it’s nice.

All in all, not a bad cycle just looking forward to catching up with whatever Paragon has me going through. I definitely underestimated Paragons affects this time, did not expect such profound effects. I’m pretty happy with it though, as it tells me my body is now ready or has the capacity to heal compared to years ago when I first used it with less noticeable action because I was too jammed up/stuck in toxicity.

Slow progress is still progress. Now for an 8 day Washout.

1 Like
#274

In my Synergy: Apollon Unbound I’m 100% noticing what’s written above. I’ve grown my hair out, been wearing it in this lazily sexy way. I’m noticing this sexy open vibe I’ve been expressing. Even though I’ve been excessively tired all week, I think the tiredness has secondarily made me look more relaxed and allowed the sexiness scripting to express more easily compared to someone who holds tension and rigidity in themselves.

I definitely feel more sexy, it’s hard to describe. It’s like wearing a smirk :smirk: internally and having it show through your behavior. I’m starting to understand ‘relaxed mastery’ it’s a feeling of confident nonchalance + cool detachment towards everything. I guess I feel the way a male model looks lol.

I’m really starting to understand density, amount of modules in a custom and how long it really takes to start seeing real results. It’s crazy, at 10+ cycles I’ve been ready to move on but this is when the magic starts. It really doesn’t matter what you listen to, just that you do so long term. This custom is dense in and of itself and I think I need to do less next time.

Ps. I can’t stop checking out my supervisors rack when she walks by, they bounce so elegantly it’s hard not to. I never used to care…what gives.

1 Like
#275

Things I’ve found listening to this custom that I now understand are vital to my life success and need continual reinforcement.

Detachment
Nonchalance
Self-Love
Competency/Confidence
Resilience
Positive Inner Voice
Discipline
Drive
Patience
Compassion/Understanding

These features have been developing within me, reinforced by positive application/action and I’m seeing myself mature into someone I can be proud of.

It feels like another life in which I used to hate myself which wasn’t all that long ago. I broke myself down worse than anyone else ever could. I gave up on pretty much everything. My mindset was so broken, so weak it blows my mind just thinking about it.

Fixing a damaged mindset is no joke. When bad ideas, beliefs and actions are reconciled, literally a whole new life starts to emerge. It’s so crazy. Things I used to avoid, I know look forward to. I tend to do the hardest things in my day first. I feel aversion towards to weakness or weak things. My self talk is supportive, uplifting an firm. I question if something I want is going to get me closer to my goals and if not, I don’t do it. The best of all this? It feels fucking good. It feels good to be Hard(minded), it feels good to be Hungry(driven). The shift I’ve experienced and continue to experience is amazing. It’s like a switch has been flipped and my life no longer stagnant, weak or pathetic. It takes work and some weeks the progress is slow but I keep moving forward regardless.

I can’t imagine how much better I’ll be by the end of the year.

I’m really getting pumped with how my 30x30 pants I bought have been fitting better and better each week. I’m still trying to recover my arm/shoulder from overdoing dips and so exercise has been less than usual but results to keep coming. Definitely gaining muscle too as my weight is stable, seems the added muscle offsets the fat loss and the scale doesn’t move. The clothing fitment shows the proof though. I still have a ways to go but even I’m getting a little more looks when I’m out. Hell, even workers at my local grocery store who’ve seen me shop over the years have started engaging with me more the past few weeks. External confirmation of growth is always nice.

I’m getting along much better with those around me. Work and family wise. I think my son is starting to come around too, he’s been all about his friends for so long (teenagers…) but now I think he sees the value in his dad and I’m happy about that.

I’m really feeling ‘complete’ lately. No neediness, no loneliness. I could care less about having a women in my life too. They are fun to look at but that’s it. I truly feel free. I have zero desire to engage in any romantic or sexual dynamics and that’s crazy because a year or so ago that was not the case. There are so many other important things men need to do. Women should be the last thing on a man’s list.

I’m loving this new mindset. Wholesome, Strong and Masculine.

3 Likes
#276

Beast mode, lol.

1 Like
#277

Yo Luther, thanks for stopping by.

I wanted to say Thank You for all of your extremely impactful posts over the years. You inspired me and I’m grateful.

Btw, Whats the word on your Khan review? Are you still dropping one? Any ETA on it? I’m very much looking forward to reading it.

1 Like
#278

That’s awesome, I’m glad that I was helpful in some manner.

No, lol.

#279

What happened? I thought your Khan review was going to be epic. Maaaaannn…are you for real not doing one, quit playin

#280

Check your PM.

#281

Love Bomb -

No one will ever love or care about me more than I do, so if I don’t love or care about myself then how unsuccessful will my life be.

It all starts here…

2 Likes
#282

Energy has improved somewhat but still tired :tired_face: everyday feels like a kick in the ass lately. Low key frustration popped up, feeling a little lost in the sauce today. Directionless vibe

Almost got into an accident on way to work last night, I really got mad at myself and my inner voice went after me. I was surprised by it. It wasn’t negative or toxic, just really stern and reprimanding. It was my fault too and I owned it and I felt quite embarrassed about it. It’s been awhile since I’ve experienced something like this.

Still dealing with my impatience. It really is a problem.

Definitely feeling less peaceful this week. Neck/shoulders are sore and I think it’s purely from tension as I’m avoiding lifting until this strain in right arm heals which is going slowly.

So far things are unclear in this washout

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#283

The human body can store tension, particularly in muscles, as a response to stress, trauma, or unresolved emotions. This can manifest as physical symptoms like muscle tension, headaches, fatigue, or even pain in specific areas. Relieving this tension often involves relaxation techniques, addressing underlying stress or trauma, and practicing healthy lifestyle habits.

Man, I just did 15 push ups to see how my right arm was doing. I didn’t really feel that strain so I’m happy. However it’s been over 20 mins and I just feel sore and tense, like my muscles won’t relax. It’s not normal to feel this kind of discomfort after simple push ups.

I also did some side leg stretching and I felt pain in my back. Idk wtf to do about this. There’s nothing worse than developing a Beast Mode mentality and having a body full of stored tension, unable to perform what you want. It’s pretty upsetting.

Even as I’m overcoming my traumatic past mentally and emotionally, my body isn’t getting the memo…hell even texting this post on my phone I can feel my forearm and hand getting muscle fatigue…shit sucks. Why am I so damn rigid and tight and inflexible. Decades of guarding, tension and hypervigilance from childhood.

Maybe I’ll try Sanguine after washout. After all I can’t expect to exercise and get in shape with already overworked muscles just from existing. All I know if love Bomb and Emperor do not help with this issue.

1 Like
#284

I had another neurofeedback session this morning. I slept pretty good, woke up optimistic. I started driving into work, smiling randomly. As soon as I walked into work I felt bored, disengaged and less enthusiastic. I’m starting to really recognize the way my job affects me. I’m sure it’s no different for anyone else.

It’s got me thinking about what I sacrifice, why I sacrifice and for whom. How much of my daily struggle is necessary, how much struggle is actually for me or on my behalf. Do I keep pushing everyday for me?

If I was to downsize my life, ignore all the media telling ppl to push and chase ‘success’ and focus on Peace, would I need to pursue a high paying job or could I get by on less? Would I be happier with less, probably. I seem to be mentally organizing my life lately and have strong urges to throw shit away, downsize and do with less. I’m literally preoccupied with getting rid of things…things that the world told me I needed in order to be fulfilled, high status or respected.

It’s more about me, my strengths and abilities. Cultivating myself, not creating an illusion of things that others perceive as making me valuable.

Awareness of what matters, what is right and correct. Everything in this world is designed to hurt you. I’m becoming fascinated with the idea of optimization and alignment. First you must define your beliefs before you can align with them. Then you optimize your life based on your principles, morals and values. My next stack will be all about this. But for now the Foundation is the goal of my current custom and it’s working beautifully.

I think I’m going to ‘spring clean’ for lack of a better term this weekend, figure out what matters and what is useful and what has no purpose just taking up space. I mean this this literally and also within my mind and Spirit too.

I spent my younger years following the hive mind, the world influence and all the vain, empty beliefs and ideals because I had no foundation and no standard by which to measure everything except for my own nieve, immature mind lacking wisdom and understanding. I was foolish, I still am but I’ve learned over time and continue to do so. I’m feeling quite optimistic about where I want to go, the how is the challenging part as well as developing full clarity. I get moments of clarity, flashes of a better way, a clear vision of the peace I’m looking for but it fades before I can fully internalize it.

All this scattered rambling - I can’t know for sure but what I do know, is that Less is More to me right now.

1 Like
#285

Emperor - I will never get stronger by doing what is easy.

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#286

Tomorrow is the start of next cycle but I goofed up thinking today was it. I listened to 3 mins of Sanguine. Hopefully it helps me fall asleep.

I had a seriously productive night/this morning. Who knew throwing away stuff I no longer use or organizing could feel so cathartic. I’m quite pleased with myself. Now I only have to continue the momentum all weekend as there’s more to do.

Execution of intentions feels good. Being disciplined feels good. I had a deep realization of just how much I checked out of my own life, for years last night. I don’t want to be like that any longer. Opting out of certain things could be okay but not living because of it is not okay. I really let my life go for decades, fuck man…broken mindsets kill…for real.

I’m finally on it now, the consistency is addictive and I love it…I love myself too and I never thought I’d ever say that. Extreme personal growth, SubClub is too legit :muscle:

2 Likes
#287

Cycle 12

Evolution - 11 mins

Man, this is really becoming an awesome weekend. Mindset is on point and I’m making great progress in what I’m trying to accomplish. I do feel a renewed a strength and vision for how I want the future to go.

Just taking small steps, getting little things done makes more of a difference than I thought. Instead of mulling over things that need done, just getting started feels so good. This isn’t new to me but it kinda is at the same time. I’m looking at life in a new way and things just hit different now.

As far as Sanguine yesterday, it took me 2.5hrs to fall asleep which 30 mins longer than usual but I did notice the right side of my neck trying to relax as I waited to fall asleep. After I woke up, I felt more ‘at ease’ than I usually am. Tonight my right shoulder feels sore when yesterday it did not. I think Sanguine is trying to unwind the tension, I found myself almost unconsciously massaging my neck today at times. Maybe this will be the trick I need to unlock the tension and heal the traumatic energy stuck.

I haven’t felt this satisfied in a long time. Things are good.

1 Like
#288

I finally started getting back into consistent exercise again, my right arm feels about as good as it can get considering the whole body rigidity issue I’m trying to fix.

I’m feeling positive and dare I say kind of enthusiastic again after quite awhile. Sanguine bloom after first loop? I’d like to assume it’s Love Bomb but who knows.

At my job, I’ve increased my pace. My attitude towards my employer is improving out of nowhere. I feel less resentment and I’m more interested in just doing my job right and doing it fully, it’s interesting…not sure why. Feels like I’ve hit a higher level of maturity.

My work pants that didn’t fit or barely fit a month ago are almost just right. My scale still hovers at 145lbs yet I’m slimming down slowly but surely. Is this what recomp’ing is… :slight_smile:

This past memorial day weekend, I had my son and I ended up getting up early or staying up later to spend more time with him instead of sleeping or acting grumpy from my sleep schedule being messed up. I think he really appreciated it even if he didn’t say so. He was also much more open with me, not sure if Love Bomb affects him but it was great to see. I Definitely paid the price the day before work with total crap sleep but I’ve since recovered and it was worth it. I think I’m becoming more mature, stronger and resilient which allows me to be more self sacrificing on behalf of loved ones. I used to selfish towards the right ppl and ppl pleasing to the wrong ones. Now everything seems to be correcting itself and it’s going great.

I hardly felt any reconciliation symptoms the past 3 days, even at 11 mins where two cycles ago I was smacked with it. I know Sanguine helps with recon but I also believe Love Bomb has helped me improve my flow factor, hopefully I’ve gone from low flow to medium flow now.

There’s a definite zest for life within me but it’s not worldy. I’m excited about being my best self and living in the best way possible. My mindset is feeling stronger and stronger every week. I’m getting addicted to whatever this is…makes me feel Savage AF in the best way.

1 Like