I’ve been thinking about the past and now the present. I’m pretty sure as I become less toxic physically and reconcile my emotional and mental pathologies through subs, that I’m turning into a morning person.
I was on 3rd shift the past 9 years and it made sense. Working nights, away from attention and the hustle and bustle of days felt ‘safe’. I was also really unhealthy and neurotic. As I’ve been going through subs such as the healing focused ones when I first began and now more direct development ones, I’ve seen much less of an urge to run, hide or escape. I’ve never really looked at working nights as a coping strategy but it makes sense.
The incredible work I’ve been doing thanks to Love Bomb has yielded significant changes in my perception of myself, changes in positive behavior and openness to others which just wasn’t an option a year and more ago. I wake up at night still as I’m still on nights but I’m noticing the increase in tiredness at night upon waking, ywt once 5am comes at work I seem to just wake up and by 7:30am when I get home, I’m not even tired. Years ago I could easily sleep 10 hours and now I’m sleeping about 7. The cleaner my body gets, the cleaner the food and water I consume the more I shine.
With each passing week it’s becoming more overt that my body is literally fighting me over sleeping during the day. I’m glad because it’s a big sign of improving health but I’m stressed because there’s no viable option/opportunity around me to change anything.
I just wanted to document how much things are changing.
Putting more effort into my self image
No longer shying away from attention(not chasing it though)
Calm masculine presence increasing while insecure doubt fading when around others
Understanding that we are all lost and that we are all the same on some level, thus removing animosity I’ve held for a long time
Consistent exercise
More responsive, less reactive
Much less anger and frustration(outside of recon)
Cultivation of inner detachment(I used to be hypervigilant and hyper attached to things/ppl)
Detoxification and diet routine
The return of caring - I’ve begun to ‘care’ about myself and things again, after years of disconnecting out of trauma and pain.
Drive and ambition coming from within, to achieve whatever I’m interested in pursuing, the will to move. I used to just ‘survive, not thrive’ now that’s changing.
Renewed interest in righteousness, living pure and virtuous vs following the crowd of consumption and hedonism as if nothing matters.
I’ve also come to see that my urge to run a lot of different subs has really died out. There’s only maybe 5 subs in total I’m interested in listening to. This tells me that I’m really starting to understand the path I want to walk and what titles I believe will help me to there. I guess it’s just increased and refined clarity based on introspection.
Two more cycles with this custom and I’ll be satisfied with this run. This washout wasn’t very profound until this realization of the changes and why’s I’ve seen happen. It’s too easy to get upset looking back and seeing all the time I’ve wasted living scared and traumatized, so instead of getting upset over what could have been, I choose gratitude that I see it now, at 40 and not 60 or 70. There’s still time.
It looks like my 40s are gearing up to be my best decade. Nothing but opportunity ahead, as long as I keep moving forward and taking action like I am.
. The sales page does say that Emperor is meant to be used consistently over time and it’s true. Not everyone will take as long as me to really start feeling the shifts but I’m glad I kept going.
