Stage 2 is like a time machine back to my old wounds. My bitterness, the misogyny as a defense mechanism. I feel like I’m back in time, back when I was dating and in relationships. It’s all quite unpleasant and I’d rather not but I know I must.
5 Likes
Dragon will most likely allow you to overcome this but try to understand that a few select people or bad apples dont define a whole group of people. For example a women who cheats on you does not mean that all women are cheaters but unfortunately the mind is going to try to protect you from said thing so it wont happen again. Same with a few bad cops doing bad things but that does not mean all cops are bad and the list goes on… Try to let that go
3 Likes
Exactly man, the pain of the past reinforces the projection of they are all the same.
I’m sure this will end in a breakthrough but right now, it sucks.
Thank you for the support.
4 Likes
Welcome to Recon city,
Where old beliefs come to die…
I’m in it man, it’s all so confusing. Fragmented is the word of the day.
All that solid ground I had is gone. There is no security. Everything changes. My wounds are deep, some are just wow. My disdain and bitterness runs deep. I accept a lot of responsibility, more than most would but the hurt lingers. What does one do besides accept? Is it disingenuous? Am I lying to myself
Moments of deep sadness. I don’t have enough to give yet I want just as much as others do.
Life has been one sided for me for too long but I get stuck compensating by moving into extremes. I’m only hurting myself.
Things just don’t make enough sense yet. I am a shoebox of receipts waiting for the accountant.
5 Likes
I think DR is what i was looking for too. That’s why no one will ever stop me from doing it, even I am a noob from subclub I will start my DR journey next month. Im just preparing my gameplan, my vitamins and nutrition.
3 Likes
I feel you. For me It’s like a roller coaster sometimes you just hold on and scream. After it’s over you still want to feel the thrill of the ride. Go through to get through.
3 Likes
DR Stage 2, cycle 1
Listening, day 12
I feel dumb. My thoughts just seem slow and I don’t feel intelligent. More confused, especially this past week. I’m sure it’s all reconciliation. But I hate the feeling of losing intellectual power.
Motivation to work out has lessened the last few days, still doing some squats and such but I’m barely there.
Feeling really “unsure”…lacking patience with people a little. I notice it.
Working 6 days a week, my muscles are sore everyday and I can feel the tension in my body. I could really use some relief. Funnily neither paragon or DR has impacted my muscle tension/soreness though I’ve read it’s parts of the objectives.
I think I’m missing approx. 2 hours on my paycheck, so we will see what H.R. says. Why am I expected to do my job without incident every damn day yet everyone else gets to phuck up and act like it’s no big deal. Meh…life.
I’m tired and I feel lost in the fog of knowing anything anymore. Is stage 2 where you question everything? I don’t see many questions consciously but damn, do I feel unsteady and unsure.
…
On another note: @RVconsultant can you please push ticket #10334? I can’t seem to order a custom and I don’t know why.
I have another ticket that’s a week old with no response, so I’d like a response to the above asap if at all doable.
Respectfully, thank you
2 Likes
How about taking a few more rest days, maybe listening to 3 minute loops?
I did notify staff about ticket #10334.
2 Likes
DR Stage 2, cycle 1
Rest, day 14
Recon has me by the balls. I really did not expect stage 2 to be this powerful, I figured stage 1 was hardest, stage 4 the easiest…lol assumptions.
I’ve been quite absent minded. I damn near locked myself out of my house without having a spare key.
Then driving to get groceries I got stuck in a 10 minute moment where I felt DEEP sadness, loneliness and the realization of how much of a life I don’t have outside of work. Then once I arrived at the store, it lifted.
I know I’ve wrote that before, DR won’t let me forget it. I seem to be getting questioned a lot. Feeling criticized…by myself, by DR. Been ornery, impatient with this quiet rage feeling deep inside.
This is all different than stage 1 but it’s hard to explain how. 
Stage 1 for me was Boot Camp. Just being yelled at, torn down, shaken up, never left alone.
Stage 2 for me is Dazed and Confused.
I’m trying to maintain consistency in my daily life but the motivation, the interest, that spark isn’t what it used to be. But I’m holding it down. I am comfort eating a little, just coping. It’s a good sign for me to know I’m in reconciliation. Now instead of fighting it, I just accept it as part of the process and try not to over do it but I am trying to “love myself” enough to allow for small detours along the way instead of hating myself for it.
If I still feel like I do today, absent minded and unmotivated I’ll skip Mondays loops, giving me 4 days off, even though I only have 2 more listening days in this cycle? Eh… what to do. Maybe just take 8 days off and then start cycle 2.
3 Likes
Ended up doing 100 kettlebell swings. 50, then 2 sets of 25.
I am pushing myself to do things that have been falling by the wayside. Let’s see if I can make myself do 50 swings at least everyday this week. I need to stay consistent.
1 Like
I feel the same way right now. I going through a major recon and the words you post here are soothing to me. I thank you.
Namaskar:pray:
2 Likes
DR Stage 2, cycle 1
Listening, day 15
Knocked out 50 Kettlebell swings before bed. I hope I can still wind down and sleep 
Listening to my loops now.
Last night was productive at work. I feel rugged, if that’s even possible. My posture is great, I barely sat down the whole shift. Did squats ect. Energy was good, steady. Think I’m coming out of recon.
Decided to listen today to see what happens. If I wake up feeling like I went backwards, I’m going straight into early washout.
…
It was a great start to the week. I don’t know where this preoccupation with my physical state is coming from, I’m overly focused on getting into shape. Never thought DR would push that. It’s a welcome goal.
My posterior chain is getting stronger, the anterior pelvic tilt is going away. I find myself walking in this “in charge”, erect manner and it feels weird when I pay attention to it but I’m just going with it because it’s a good thing.
…
Reconciling a lot of my past. Things I didn’t want to see, think about. All the past relationships, the manipulation and betrayals/lies on their part. The control issues, insecurity and over investment out of fear on my part.
When one is full of fear and lacks masculinity…relationships should be out of the question, at least in my case.
I’m grateful, as I know it’ll be a long time until I entertain the idea of a female partner if at all. Cost vs. Benefit is too high for one. Secondly, I’m not sure I even want someone around me. I’ve gotten so used to quiet and being alone that I’m not sure I could handle another’s presence for more than a night/few hours.
Moving through a lot of pain isn’t fun but it’s quite freeing once you get past it. A lot of memories have gone away, they don’t bother/nag me anymore. Guess I’m making peace with them 
3 Likes
How about listening to 5 minutes per loop?
1 Like
Hey RV, I woke up with a slight, slight headache. Although I’m in a great mood, I do believe stage 2 is a little much for me hence the almost consistent reconciliation this cycle.
I will be cutting this cycle short and start my washout tomorrow, giving me 6 days off. Listening this morning was to see if I’d get hit with recon.
Btw, do you know what stage 2 deals with mostly? The description for stage 2 is kind of general. But whatever it is, something in me is stubborn to have this much recon.
Maybe support ticket 
1 Like
Washout
Day 16 and I decided to take 2 extra days off. This will be a 6 day washout. Then I start cycle 2 of stage 2 + my paragon custom.
Since my custom was delivered last night, I decided to run 1 loop since I’ll have 6 days to process. I haven’t noticed anything unusual, no head pressure or headaches.
I’ll be running the custom on M of each week of each cycle of DR, which only gives me 3 loops per cycle which is fine and DR is my main concern and the cause of enough reconciliation already…no need to add more
…
Been feeling really high energy this week and I attribute it to my juicing, pure energy at work while my coworkers smoke cigarettes and drink vending coffee walking around like zombies full of pain.
Whenever the weight of recon lightens up, my inner happiness shines through. I’m just internally positive and it’s great. The inner foundation is what matters. Things that happen externally just don’t have much effect on me vs the past. It’s like “frame” but in a full body, general resilience.
Looking forward to a breakthrough with stage 2, whatever is being worked on is pretty deep as I can feel how much I “don’t want to” whatever this is…no idea but I feel the apprehension…the hesitation to let go of whatever it is I’m holding onto.
Life is good, I really can’t complain 
so I’m going to just work on becoming a better version of me, each and every day.
1 Like
DR really is amazing. It definitely completely destroys your old foundation of self then starts to rebuild it.
I’m really acknowledging that today. It’s almost a crime to feel so solid inside. My strengths are being solidified. My weaknesses transformed or destroyed. My limits pushed past.
The level of inner power is so foreign to me as I never had much my whole life, and this steely, strong sense of an inner foundation is just the best feeling. I wish I could explain it better.
It’s like I am a kingdom…and for the past 37 years I’ve had no defenses, My resources low and my morale low with constant pillaging and attacks.
Now, I have walls, a moat, well trained army, strong wealth, a happy people and no fear.
The inner growth in just 3 ish months is astounding. I feel like I need no one. I’m good. Everything I need is within, I can help myself, teach myself, love myself.
…
EDIT:
I did 2 sets of 50 kettlebell swings before bed this morning.
Definitely feel mental sensations of processing from my 1 loop of Paragon custom.
Summary
Cores: 2
Paragon
Paragon sleep
Modules: 18
Aps: Arms
Aps: Head
Aps: Torso
Aps: Organs
Aps: Legs
Sps: Digestive System
Sps: Endocrine System
Sps: Lymphatic System
Sps: Nervous System
Sps: Skeletal System
Sps: Renal System
Sps: Muscular System
Asclepius
Epigenetic & DNA Modulator
Health Codex
Harmonic Singularity
Pragya
Serum X
I definitely felt a super sleepy sense as I woke up tonight wanting to continue to rest but I do feel good energy wise. Also I feel less tense, quite an early effect and I’m grateful.
One thing I’m surprised by and I need to look into more is my urine is darker since last night’s loop. I have Renal and lymphatic modules and since my kidneys are filtering…it appears that I might have increased lymphatic draining. I’ll have to keep observing and see. But if that’s the case, I’m amazed.
5 Likes
Thats an amazing looking custom !
1 Like
Thanks man, it’s been awhile. How you doing? You still have an active journal?
What’s going on for you these days
1 Like
Doing really well! Dragon put me on my right path and now im currently running QL and emperor to really grow my business/money now, thanks for asking
1 Like
Are you Journaling? I haven’t ran across yours.
Also a ?
When you ran stage 2, how was it? I’m 1 cycle down of stage 2 and if you didn’t read earlier in my journal, I’ve had almost constant reconciliation with this stage. I’m wondering how it was for you
1 Like