Geoff's Journal (Dragon Reborn)

Journals - Major Programs
#1

Starting Dragon Reborn after 3 months of CFW + Regeneration + Elixir.

To give a quick summary over the last 6 days of washout.

1.Tues/weds I had introspective fog. (Driving home weds morning was a Lil edgy, I was not present enough as I should have been)
2.Thurs/fri-ish, I had lots of thoughts, scenarios and past situations running through my mind, lots of reminiscence, learning from past.
3. Fri night/sat/sun. I’ve had deep sadness, comfort eating and a deep desire to cry yet no crying manifested. Sense of inner child crying out, rising up but hasn’t hit the surface.

I feel this is a little bloom from stack. I’m hoping Dragon Reborn builds on this and pulls it all out. I feel like I have energy blocks with dreams and crying. I’m not able to cry so far. And I don’t dream, not that I recall. I kind of recalled a “dream” on last stack but I wouldn’t call it a dream for sure.

Last dream I remember I had was age 4. The only dream I’ve ever remembered. Hoping DR opens these two channels.

My goal is remove all trauma and emotional dysfunction within me.

I can’t seem to live a subjectively normal life because “I” keep getting in my own way. My past sabotages my present…The things I want don’t work out, especially in my personal life. I have issues with relationships and friendships. I either get too close and attached or keep ppl away from me to where no bond/intimacy is possible.

I lack balance. My life looks like it swings from one extreme to another. My ability to regulate self is dysfunctional. Discipline issues, motivation issues. Lack of purpose.

Very low levels of masculinity. No father growing up. People pleasing behavior. Dysfunctional relationships with females. Uncomfortable relationships with males.

A big desire to hide myself from the world, comfortable in the background yet always looking around to form connections because I’m lonely and probably seek validation and attention as all humans do.

I’d like to hit the reset button on myself and that’s what I hope Dragon Reborn does for me.

This will take patience and commitment and I see nothing but futility in running any other subs until this is complete. So here’s to a long road of healing.

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#2

Back when I did a few loops of DR1 QV2, I got angry a lot easier…but mostly angry about past shit. So I feel that.

I got it a bit when I tried it with ZP format. Haven’t run a lot of it though

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#3

I’m ready to embrace recon in all its glory, what I resist will persist. :slight_smile:

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#4

Running Billions M,W,F schedule for 3 weeks, weekends off and the last fri off. 1 loop each listening day.

DR Stage 1, Ascension Chamber (Mon, 5/30)

Listening day 1,

I bought status audio’s between pro ear buds after reading some recommendations on the forum.

About done with loop. I notice my heart rate has elevated slightly. I feel a slight rush of anxiety and definitely feel fear of sorts. I feel nervous. I don’t know what about.

Edit: Decided to run Ascension Chamber after loop.

Edit: 2 - 8:30pm.

I finally slept after taking an herbal tincture. I want to say I started feeling firm. Like internally firm. I’m not sure how to explain this but it was the first obvious effect ice noticed. Almost like something was reinforced within in.

As far as this morning, I ran the 1 loop at 12:30am.

Around 4am I started the 2 hour journey into pmo. Not happy about it, wasn’t a great start to healing. I think it was me searching for distraction, comfort or escapism behavior. But the important point here was, the culmination. It will below satisfying. I think DR disconnected the reward center in my brain. I actually pmo’d a second time within 15 mins just to see. Same thing, the satisfaction or pleasure was zilch. It was as if DR said to me “that’s it, you’re cut off” you will end this bullshit, there is no comfort or reward in this.

So this is interesting to me. I had zero effect with my usual sleeping pill and yielded seriously ineffective effects from pmo. Is this like a subliminally directed dopamine detox? It’s like pleasure/satisfaction has been changed or removed.

…

I do feel kind of leveled out, like numb emotionally but it’s not numbness as in an inability. I’m just neutral. My muscles in my neck and shoulders are slightly sore. Maybe the anti tension is working and I’m recognizing just how tense I’ve been?

…

@subliminalguy. - I do recognize what you mean by the previous stack being in your face, the traumas almost in one’s way. DR kinda feels like it’s walking with you as you stated. I don’t feel as “out of control of my reality” as I did with cfw/regeneration/elixir. They just dug stuff up and said “here! Look!”

DR so far is like a personal assistant/life coach that’s in charge but isn’t pushy or overbearing.

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#5

Being aware of that was (and is) a prime motivation for me running DR. Looping over the same things, day after day, week after week… well, it’s painfully predictable.

Congrats on jumping on to DR. How long will you run each stage?

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#6

I’ll add this to encourage you since I’ve done Regeneration and CFW myself.

DR has something in it that helps you NOT feel overwhelmed, even when strong memories or feelings come up. I experienced that stress relief all on Stage 1, and I just started on Stage 2.

A major reluctance I’ve had to entering therapies of any kind is the question “HOW do I handle the overload that’ll certainly rise sometimes?” I’m speaking of stuff surfacing, and knowing I need to isolate for days somewhere to feel safe once again.

I’ve never had anything like this happen on DR. Never. That panic button seems to have been turned off, and God I’m glad. Facing that every time I’d begin addressing it is why I’ve isolated more in recent years. But Fire blessed us by realizing this and scripting something that’s allowing us to never have to think about it anymore!

DR is truly a gift.

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#7

I am planning to go 3 cycles each, no guarantees however I feel I need to run as long as it takes to clear this haunting dysfunction.

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#8

Are you saying DR kind of works in the background? Leaving the conscious mind to focus on reality? Unlike the introspective fog from Cfw/regeneration and the conscious display of trauma from Elixir?

So far the sleeping pill I took 2 hours ago has been completely canceled and I attribute it to DR? How powerful. I literally do not feel anything and am a little annoyed as I need to sleep.

Edit: Do you find difficulty sleeping on DR at all? I realize your DR is custom, so maybe you added a sleep module in anticipation?

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#9

I sense it working in the background a LOT. An example is having a stressful conversation with my boss and simultaneously knowing I don’t have to worry about myself. I’ve wanted to smile sometimes in the middle of a stressful interaction–as I’m NOT feeling overcooked. I sense it’s all going to be ok.

Regeneration and CFW work differently where confronting the main fear or problem seems to be its ultimate goal. That’s why I’ve struggled with both since both have that mechanism of setting you up to face something head-on. To clarify my struggle, I’m realizing (slowly, honestly) that I’ve tried to block out these truths from my awareness. Regeneration goes from 0% awareness to 80% in a flash. This has scared the shit out of me numerous times, making me wish to hide instantly.

Whereas DR tones down your stress levels from the start, and slowly brings up connections to traumas, walking you in and standing by your side. Like a dad who’d walk with his son up to his fear, encouraging him constantly, and letting go of his hand when he was ready. But he still stands there. DR seems to do that for me. I see myself standing there alone (next to “Dad”), questioning my ability to handle this pile of beliefs and problems I’ve circled around in my life.

And BTW, I didn’t grow up with a dad myself. DR seems to address this belief that “I can’t handle this!” in my life.

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#10

I think I remember having one or 2 nights early on where I struggled sleeping. Nothing consistently though. And I only remember it since I’m not an insomniac myself. No sleep modules in my custom.

The scripting which addresses muscle tension seems to kick in quickly (for me), so let’s see if it kicks in for you soon. The relaxation is beautiful.

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#11

Yep. That’s how it feels. I’m gonna go post in my journal since this brought stuff up. Growth!

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#12

Weird heat/non painful burning sensation on my right side between neck and shoulder. Came out of nowhere, I’m literally sitting down reading new posts on forum.

Energy release? Tension block? Healing? Either way, this was a cool thing to experience.

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#13

I had occasional neck stiffness early on with Stage 1. Seems weird when I expected relaxed muscles.

I’d love for someone with some knowledge to explain why. I read reactions like that from @Malkuth and others sometimes. My only guess is it’s me trying unsuccessfully to keep my norm of being tense. And it shows up, uncomfortably.

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#14

Interesting, did you ever feel a localized burning/heat sensation? Not in an injury like sense but in an energetic sense?

Never felt that myself until the above post. I can’t say I feel stiff, more like DR is doing the opposite and I’m experiencing effects of that.

#15

I had neck stiffness on stage 1 as well

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#16

Nothing that stands out. I’m wondering if I dismissed it since it wasn’t obviously emotional.

I most noticeably had the neck stiffness a couple of times though.

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#17

@subliminalguy Soooooo that was that is . I just finished DR1 and I have has some left side neck stiffness. Hmmmm.

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#18

I didn’t think I was the only one. I remember years back on another subliminal (not SC) having the same reactions with a sub that addressed similar heart issues. Me and others had muscle tensions rise for a short period. And it went away in days.

I guess fears hide in our body, and DR just wakes them up and begins pushing them out. The tension is them trying to hang on. That’s my guess.

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#19

Rest - day 2,

This morning and part of last night at work I was listening to hours of motivation vids on YouTube. Productive shift.
I wonder if this was part of the script where you manifest mentors ect.

" Manifest mentors, books, courses and other sources of information that will help you achieve your self-development goals"*

I had a rush of anxiety, fidgety behavior about the last hour of work. Seems like I kind of bounced around regarding mindset, mood and awareness. As if DR was moving from area to area, effecting different aspects of myself.

I felt rushed, pressed for time when I got home, I don’t like it, I’m supposed to be winding down. Probably related to the hype I experienced from hours of motivational influence tbh.

I slept better but woke up feeling distracted, unlike the introspective fogginess of CFW and the like, this is more like a struggle to focus on the present while not having awareness of where my thoughts/mind are going.

…

Currently I feel mentally restless. I don’t know what to do (other than my job since I’m at work) but my mind just feels agitated.

I am feeling some masculine energy, that drive feeling but it’s unfocused or distracted or confused tonight.

Confused sums it up, I’m in process I guess.

3 Likes
#20

Me too right now on Stage 2.

Like my whole reality is doing a subtle disconnect. Nothing graphic or vivid at all. Nor emotional.

It is a process, for sure

When I step away from it, new thoughts come.

It’s doing its work. It’s just different living with it.

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