@subliminalguy My thoughts exactly. I have just got into Faster EFT to work on some fears, aches and pains.
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I havenāt done EFT in years. My daughter was in Kindergarten then, and I remember tapping while driving her to school. It actually helped my mood. It gave me some hope. I also started doing Faster EFT after finding it on YT.
How much time do you put into it? I remember staying up a few nights tapping, absolutely insisting I achieve some breakthrough. Looking back, a lot of fear blockades came down since I invited old pain in. When youāre committed, you think āwhy the hell NOT?!ā
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Listening - day 3,
Currently listening to my 1 loop.
Last night/this morning at work was a real struggle focus wise. I had a note from boss on what we were all to run. I looked at it then proceeded to run. It wasnāt until the last hour of shift did I realize I wasnāt doing what was written.
I was so disconnected at work, I kept double checking what I was reading/seeing while running. Of course I had a rush of anxiety that last hour trying to get back on the correct path.
Felt really off, even talking with my coworkers felt different. Not sure if itās good or bad, just different.
So far this lack of presence/focus is the only real challenge. I wonder what action/s I can take to make this a positive.
ā¦
9pm, Edit:
Looking back this morning as I was at the time clock waiting to punch out. I was close to it and the few late punchers scurry to clock in by 6amā¦I noticed I did not move out of the way for the 2 that rushed in. I felt no anxiety, no fear or anything. One was a buddy and he tried to slide in while lightly bumping me (checking me) and the other came by and reached over in front of me while greeting.
I had no intention with this, I just found myself close to the clock and just didnāt move. It felt good, not getting that āoh, Iām in the way, hurry moveā thought every morning.
I feel sturdy in a physical sense, like DR has reinforced me in a way.
Though the lack of focus is still ongoing, I swear I read something and not 15 seconds later I donāt remember anything. My attention is just not present. It makes me nervous at work because I donāt want to make mistakes.
ā¦
So far after my loop this morning I woke up with my alarm, still tired and groggy. Must need more sleep to process. But Iām feeling good physically.
Edit 3:
I forgot to mention, the past day scenarios played in my mind where I watched my interactions and saw my behavior, then changed what I should have said or done.
Iāve also recounted experiences with my exgf and have come to conclusions that are more aligned in truth than I previously allowed myself to accept.
Truths like, She doesnāt want me, if she did youād see it in her actions.
- Stop paying attention to words, actions matter.
- Needing others lows your value
- Donāt worry about what others are doing, what am I doing?
- What do I want, really. Not what do I think I want based on the flow of society.
- Iāve been living in the safety of delusion for years, time to wake up!
Reframing of past adversities as learning momentsāgiving you insight on how to overcome all future challenges (replacing the āmanifest challengesā scripting).
Yes, The questioning of beliefs has begun.
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How are to you today?
Better than yesterday as far as focus but still less than Iād like.
Things appear to be moving forward nicely after starting 3 days ago. If you read the post just above, the edits which you can see I can connect situations to the stated goals of DR.
I hope to continue to see manifestations from the goals summary continue with intensifying results.
So far I am quite content running and feel no pull towards stopping, switching or even increasing loops.
1 loop MWF each week and Iām doing great.
I hope youāre doing great today @RVconsultant and thank you for checking in.
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@subliminalguy Iāve been into Faster EFT for about a month or so. I am still learning the mechanics of it but I practice and look at videos about 30 minutes to an hour a day. I also tap about 10 minutes a day.
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Rest - day 4,
Dazed and confused with moments of clarity. Thatās today.
Feeling more mental sensations in my head, things being addressed and processed through the filter that is DR.
I found myself overly angry earlier by a situation related to a telegram based group. I messaged a fellow member days ago only to be completely ignored, no response to this day. Found out through another member that heās burnt out from answering questions. Which is fine, the issue is complete unacknowledgement. Apparently I do not like this, I have been dealing with hate filled thoughts the past few hours.
Honestly if he would have replied āIām sure Google could give you an answerā or āpiss off, I donāt care to answerā it would have not bothered me as much as acting like I donāt exist. I guess this goes in line with the āghostingā problem of todayās dating market.
I donāt know where in my past this anger stems from but I do think my reaction to such a small matter is too much.
Though I can appreciate the inner power I feel towards the āperceived wrongā. The desire not to ātake thisā. The push back within me. This, I am proud of. I used to deflect, avoid or even accommodate others shit.
I simply deleted our thread and tossed out any prospect of communication now or in the future. But the anger within is still burning. Not sure how to handle it, or if it needs expressed. Iām hoping writing this now will remedy the feeling.
ā¦
Still hitting the motivation, discipline videos on YouTube. I even started playing the book of Ezekiel last night at work which I will continue tonight.
DR is definitely manifesting books, sources of information I need. Iāve had no real interest in much else this week.
I do feel contempt though, towards others. My exgf I feel indignation. My son I feel contempt towards for not being the ideal I hold for him. I feel contempt for my coworkers in that I see the weakness. The slavery to addictions, the weak mindsets ectā¦
In a way itās good to see, but why do I need to notice these things and feel disdain and almost repulsion towards them now as if Iām clean and they are dirty and I donāt want to soil myself being around them? Feels a little harsh but maybe Iāll find balance soon.
Iām pissed off at the attachment that still lingers. The attachment to needing someone to reply to my messageā¦lol seriously, how weak does one have to be for this to matter?
My tolerance for my exgf is quite low and itās funny because in my mind, itās like thereās something between us but in reality (for her, we are loose friends). Iām just tired of the shit. I donāt know how to cut her off since our lives are loosely connected and thereās always this āpossible connectionā which pisses me off. Gotta kill the attachment, seriouslyā¦
I think I literally need to move. Not just due to her but everything, Iām not happy where I amā¦life feels more like a problemā¦or a burden where I am.
ā¦
At this point I think Iām just rambling, complaining out loud. I sense that things are coming up and Iām about to hit that sick and tired of being sick and tired stage and things might start happening in reality vs. All the above just in my mind.
Actionā¦actionā¦what actions can I take this weekend that will help DR integration and activation?
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Day 4, continuedā¦
Iām tired of the weakness. The weak mindset that says yes to things I shouldnāt do. Where is my resolve, my backbone. My strength?
Coworker orders pizza/wings and of course tells me he got me 6 wingsā¦even though I started my juice fast back up 3 days ago, I 100% ate them.
Wtf is wrong with my weak, people pleasing, non confrontational ass that I canāt stick my own plan and respectfully decline anything and everything that goes against my goals??
Seriously disappointed in myself and here I am having that time tested debate with myselfā¦āyou already broke your plan, might as well enjoy your weekend off and get some wingsā
Who the hell can be this much of a loser. When is it going to end. Itās all so great in my mind but the discipline to make it a reality is not enough.
Maybe I should of ran Spartan instead of DR. Seems like nothing I run will kill the pu**y within.
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@Geoff, Iām facing some of that STILL. The people-pleasing, undesirable behavior. And it showed up 20 minutes ago.
I woke up, relaxed in bed, and considered writing in my journal. No major highlights or struggles going on. What I did feel is exactly why I didnāt post this morning. Itās a very familiar and uncomfortable awareness of being weak around males. Thatās been my accepted identity for so long, and it disgusts me since Iām putting on pretenses that āIām changing!ā. Like Iāll do anything or say anything just so youāll accept me.
I fricken do this. And I hate it. I did it yesterday with a coworkerāsince I didnāt know who I was and hoped heād like me anyway. It was āDo you like my front?ā mixed with smiles and nervous laughter. I end up coming back here, both kicking and doubting myself, hoping I can be different.
Iām seeing (now) that Iāve carried this front since the āshowā was nicer than facing old pain and beliefs that Iām not lovable, not ok being myself, etc. Andā¦Iāve sat in those old feelings so long. They are uncomfortable, but familiar.
I have a great insecurity airing this. Iāve spent my ENTIRE life hiding behind some āwill you love me?ā mask. And DRā¦damnā¦ is showing me (gently) that I am the one holding on to it. I have no bold proclamations of how āIāll throw it out, toss it asideā. Since thatās bullshit. At this moment now, Iām still hanging on to it. Maybeā¦no, not maybeā¦I have a choice of letting go of it. I sensed DR just reminding me it is a choice, and (he) stood with me here as I admitted it. Like a mentor, counselor, friend. A guide.
Thatās all Iāve got. Youāre definitely not alone in your struggles.
Edit: Iāve also hung around here for 5 minutes looking for a ālikeā for my post. āAm I acceptable?ā Itās still running my life.
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Yeah man, this weakness has to go. I feel disgusted as soon as I recognize that I failed in whatever situation Iām in.
At least with awareness, it just needs to hit BEFORE the action, not just after. What actions can one take to help curtail this behavior? Of backing down, hiding or giving in.
Feels like Iām in recon over boundaries too. Boundaries with myself especially, itās as if I have no willpower. Trouble sticking to the decisions I make. I hope DR actually removes the roots of these issues, Iām looking for a lasting transformation.
Itās hard trying to figure out what actions to take on this stage besides Journaling.
But I can empathize with your struggle, seems like we share common issues which helps in a way, I wish you strength and success.
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What Iāve been realizing is that me owning my beliefs and past mistakes is how I go beyond it. I mostly gloss over my major insecurities, thus keeping them alive.
Iām not sure exactly how thisāll pan out. But Iāve done the act of adding and switching subs āto make me STRONGER (RAHH!!)ā Iāve circled this problem using different subs many, many times.
All I have is now. Right now (and Iām saying this to myself. I tend to bullshit myself regularly)
Thanks for saying this, Iāve been tempted to buy and limit destroyer thinking it would have a profound effect but now Iām guessing not so much. Iāll just keep going.
Also acceptance and acknowledgement is what I got from your post above, I do that too. I think Iāll write out the acknowledgement now instead of just thinking myself through it. Maybe thatāll help.
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Thatās the most profound healing (aka recon) at work. We called it the cry of the soul. I experience it from time to time too. I suppose youāre going to experience a lot ot it when doing DR. Keep going, mate.
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What is your listening schedule?
How about listening to your titles 2 times a week, starting with 3 minutes each track, and noticing what happens?
1 loop MWF, weekends off.
Respectfully, Iām not in alignment with changing the minutes of loops, 3,5 7, ect. I feel a strong aversion at the thought of it.
However I do think I might go to 2 loops next week.
Listening - day 5 ,
I had thought this morning of skipping todayās loop, however the fear of missing out and some moodiness caused me to act against my better judgment once again.
I ran 1 loop of DR Stage 1 at the lowest volume on my phone, +1 from silent.
In all honesty I should have skipped today, I woke up to a lot of sensations in my brain, slight fog and lack of mental clarity/focus. Having weekends off should help but Iām considering skipping Monday as I have enough to process for now.
ā¦
Iām thinking the recon burst last night came on due to me not being congruent with DR. Not holding fast to my own decisions. Basically what @enigma12 said about listening to the sub. Acting in alignment, not doing it definitely causes recon and I feel it. Thanks for pointing this out man 
A lot of mental energy seems to be focused on boundaries, my moodiness is related to seeing just how bad my past has been regarding them. Itās truly mind blowing looking back with the DR filter and seeing such embarrassing, weak, supplicating behaviors.
I donāt feel as mad at myself, rather just sick and disgusted that I was so clueless and helpless. Utterly blind to my self deprecation exchanged for false acceptance. How I changed myself, oppressed myself, lowered/destroyed my own value for the benefit of others thinking it was benefitting me because I got attentionā¦little did I realize it was negative attention, I was a metaphorical whipping postā¦in exchange for false inclusion in groups, I was the blind asshat that took all the punishment from others.
Too afraid to say no and lose connections, couldnāt form boundaries, couldnāt stand up for anything. No self respect, no wonder others never did. Self fufilling prophecy.
I swear it feels like Iām living 10/15 years ago at the moment. I want to find the 22 year old Geoff and tell him thereās a better way.
Damnā¦the damage to a boy caused from no father, itās unbelievable.
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Glad you noticed this! It is going to enhance your results greatly w this sub for sure. The sub is about transformation and turning you into the man you want to become, so dont be surprised when it tests you during your run, dont fight itā¦ Ive noticed a few things lately where it almost purposely made things tough for me to see if i was ready for the challenge and try to overcome it. The old me would of crumbled.
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Day 5 continued,
Drove to get groceries, while driving I was tearing up. I also had a little road rage, I guess just pure impatience and judgmental attitude towards others who were not behaving/driving the way I thought they shouldā¦as if Iām some all important authorityā¦smh.
Walking around shopping I looked cold (neutral demeanor) and zombie like while shopping. Itās funny, my face felt void of expression but my eyes showed pain and discomfort.
I noticed that my walk and posture was quite pronounced, as I saw my reflection in random glass I was surprised. But I also felt positive about it, not ashamed like in the past.
Seemed like every time I was driving, my eyes welled up but tears never came. As I write this, I feel some semblance of pain(emotional) behind my eyes yet as usual, nothing happens.
ā¦
So many thoughts and questions today. Iām utterly beat and I did pretty much nothing since I woke up. I canāt seem to pursue anything, I feel full, busy or just at capacity. I canāt even turn the TV on to watch anything, seems all I can do is sit here and contemplate.
3 loops this week in total, hard to tell if my current state is intense recon or over exposure. DR is going hard on me tonight, intellectually I have somewhat of an incapacitated feel. Itās quite challenging to recall much, to focus words.
I had planned on writing about some profound realizations I had earlier while driving yet now I couldnāt tell you the subject to save my life.
Oh well, itās about midnight and I should be energetic and awake yet I feel the complete opposite. Maybe Iāll crash early. Lord knows my cup is full.
Edit:
Just saw this, it just fits this healing theme so well.
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@Geoff Thank you for this little but powerful clip. This will help me feel better about going through recon.
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Rest - day 6,
Fell asleep at 2am, couldnāt stay awake. Only to wake up at 4:45am? Annoyed as phuck. Now my schedule is basically 180, I hate when this shit happens.
Up after 2 hours and 45 mins, with a headache and pissy, aggravated mood.
ā¦
Too many questions, not enough answers.
Note to self: You want to be a man, but you keep behaving like a boy.
When will my thoughts/identity translate into reality. There seems to be a disconnect here, I can think all day about idealism, about the best case scenario but if I donāt DO SOMETHING about it, itās all for naught isnāt it.
ā¦
I notice I use the excuse of self care or love and kindness inwards. When Iām feeling emotional, vulnerable or overwhelmedā¦I choose to indulge in comfort to offset the āpainā the ādiscomfortā ā¦
But there is a fine line between treating oneself with compassion and cottling. If I had a father growing up, Do I think heād tolerate the way I am now?
Well I can say with probabilityā¦No!
I donāt feel comfortable with the level Iām on. I am nowhere near where I used to be and Thank God but I get super sensitive to complacency and if Iām not constantly making progress, Iām quick to call myself a loser.
How can I better take stock of who I am, my progress and figure out If Iām worthy of praise and support or criticism and righteous indignation?
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