from the DR title page there are three parts where is says manifest too
Thanks bro, I haven’t had the motivation to dig for explanation/confirmation. Manifestation are crazy when they come.
“Once you uncover the history of this pattern and trace its roots, you will see that your reaction in the present moment is really a reaction from the past, a shadow character’s attempt to protect you from reexperiencing an old emotional wound, which instead sabotages you in the present.”
– Connie Zweig
This. This encompasses the whole reason for healing. To stop the past from affecting/damaging your present so you can have the best future possible. Dysfunction runs deeps it takes awhile.
I’m getting closer everyday to less reaction, more peace and a solid foundation. My innerscape is changing, somedays I just get impatient. I feel an improvement in my state since my last post but there is a sense of urgency or impatience like I want instant remedy…instant relief.
Life can be so simple yet so complicated, oh the dichotomy.
i get that too
this is why i have to be taking intense action. i meditate immediately or learn or do something i think will help me progress in my goals. i pretend that i am doing all the work as if the sub doesn’t. but really i wouldn’t make it that far without the subs. this impatience to me is recon that has to be addressed with some sort of action. if i don’t, i feel like shit. if i do, i feel empowered and a sense of going in the right direction.
edit: I think this might be the reason i don’t get much emotional recon. because i immediately take responsibility for the emotion by meditating or action
What actions can someone take when it comes to the emotional? I’ve always struggled with this part. It’s more cut & dry with other sub types. I’m always analyzing my thoughts/feelings and journal here but aside from that…
Reading spiritual books from enlightened beings are really helpful. Im currently reading the power of now from eckhart tolle. i studied a lot of the eastern religious stuff. all 3, reading, contemplating and living is huge. also manifestion like law of assumption and law of attraction things like that are really good too. Theres a lot of things out there that can teach you or make you teach yourself.
you end up having so many tools at ur disposal u choose wat to do. at times im not able to do one thing then i can do another.
“Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.”
–M. Scott Peck
Stuck in the middle. Most likely reconciliation. Self esteem is strengthening, I’m getting thoughts that accost me(in a good way) whenever ppl or situations arise that would knock me down. Valuing myself over others, not letting others control how I’m feeling. No one can make you feel a certain way without your consent right, I’m struggling with another’s contempt and dismissiveness and I can feel the internal struggle within between the old me and new.
Logically, it’s pretty clear but throw emotions in and nothing looks cut and dry, pisses me off.
I’m taking Luther’s advice, don’t make any decisions while in reconciliation. I’m detaching and withdrawing investment while I process. I think that’s the best choice for now.
…
It’s been weird, since ending my dryfast earlier this week, I decided not to shave and I guess for the first time ever, I’m letting my facial hair grow. I’ve never had a beard, ever. I’m also growing my hair out, had a haircut tonight and barely got the top cut.
This is not a common thing to do for me, I’m a high and tight, clean shaven kind of guy.
I’m also just not sure. Things in my life seem more flow based vs. pre-planned.
This evolution is fascinating. We usually vasilate between forms of ourselves, past and present and who we want to be. However I’m moving into some place new and it’s uncomfortable but not negative. I’m just evolving in ways I never expected.
Life is weird.
It seems you’re letting more of your ego go and inviting the spirit to guide you 
I’m so happy to read about your journey, it’s a pleasure to read about your experiences and thought processes while growing. You can really see the growth that you’re experiencing. You can be proud of yourself Geoff, not many people are willing to dive so deep into the core of who they are 
Recons been heavy the past few days. I’ve been struggling with boundaries, figuring out what I will tolerate, accept or allow.
Talking to whom I’d consider a friend but now not so sure, listed my negative qualities last night.
“You’re insecure, self deprecating, passive aggressive, controlling, intense, possessive, unambitious, quick tempered, and a bit perverted.” – straight from her.
I agree with everything except perverted, and when I asked for clarification it became apparent that going a long time without “connection” can make a guy a little hypersensitive and overly focused on said subject.
I’m wondering what sub or subs would address most of this handicaps? I thought DR would demolish these but I’ve been on DR just about a year and she saw all of them in me. So I’m feeling a little discouraged.
…
Aside from my negative traits, I’m wondering when or how I will figure out my limits. It’s all so unstable at the moment. I fight with myself a lot. Do I cut someone off because they make a choice I disagree with or do I accept their choice and continue while sacrificing what I want.
I prefer no friends, life is easy in solitude. No games, no needs, nothings.
I had no issue accepting and agreeing with her list, that’s gotta be a good start. But when is this shit going to be gone. Those first 4 are why I can’t maintain a relationship with anyone and why I feel toxic and keep to myself. Looking at yourself isn’t always fun.
checkout the 2nd link i sent you in some resources. if you get into it i think it would help a lot
Elmer locker? Watching now. Manifestation heavy videos.
The only real power a man has, is the power to walk away.
You spend your life being conditioned. Programmed to want slavery, chasing bondage in various forms…women being the ultimate bondage.
Then there’s usury, you get it from men and women, just look at the red pill, usury of men, no different than what women have done forever.
Silence, non reaction and walking away/non participation = power.
It’s always clear until the emotional side gets involved, where second guessing every little thing constipates action and you end up surrendering your own value only for perceived value that you’ll never get because it doesn’t even really exist.
I waste too much time on the possibility and ignore the reality. Time wasters are dangerous, I should know better and I am ashamed.
Value in, value out. The world is a giant, crooked value exchange. Siphoning out value while providing nothing.
Now I understand the saying “The world is a vampire”…
Therapeuo @ 7 mins and Paragon @ 7 mins.
Total Loops of custom, 7.
It’s been a challenging week. Worked all weekend but took last night off to catch up on everything that was falling behind. Completed taxes and lucky me, I had to pay in this year.
I’ve been overthinking on the negative qualities I possess. It’s becoming analysis paralysis, I’m going to deep to the point I’m unable to observe my own behavior. What makes me controlling, possessive, intense, what is the line that separates healthy/unhealthy. Things aren’t that clear, all I know is I seek balance.
I’ve been conflicted. Trying to find a healthy, good Spirited compromise between self importance and an other-centric/service focused approach to life.
Edit: Half of my post disappeared while typing. Damn, it was good too. I’ll take that as a sign…of what IDK…but I need a break. Even on my day off I don’t feel relaxed and fresh. Still in chains , still fighting the b.s.
I did accomplish a lot today, stop being so hard on yourself. Maybe I just need sleep.
A reminder to myself when my mind starts screwing with me.
“Nothing ever belonged to you. Even you will be returned. Don’t get attached.” –Anonymous
It’s all attachment. The negative qualities within. The Ocd I suffer with. I have serious attachment challenges which nothing has ever fixed. I’ve improved since a child but it’s all still there.
This rigidity I have, the need to be in control of my reality is causing so much unnecessary suffering. We think we are in control but we never had control. We have free will, that’s it. The illusion of choice.
I can’t maintain relationships because my attachments destroy them. I alienate myself while playing the victim, or at least I used to very much. It’s hard not to feel completely broken inside. Even though Attachment Destroyer is in this custom, I need it super charged.
It takes complete destruction of a situation and erasure of evidence of said situation for me to get the msg that it is no longer. Scorched earth.
Some days I am just so sick of me and my b.s.
I guess that 7 min loop just compounded the reconciliation from last week. I know things are getting processed but I’m really frustrated at the moment, feeling like I want to throw a fit and yell at those who upset my illusions.
This too shall pass
A quick review of DR
–Achieve overall success in all areas due to the intense transformational effect of Dragon Reborn 7/10 I’ve grown so much, it’s hard to pinpoint each thing. I’ve matured in ways I never thought possible. You definitely feel a transformation with DR.
–Destroy, heal and transcend any and all societal or self-created limitations, traumas, negative beliefs preventing you from reaching your goals 9/10 this is very apparent for me. I continue to work through my traumatic experiences, negative qualities and dysfunctional behavior but DR never stops working, even if I do sometimes.
–Free yourself from your misconceptions and the limitations others placed upon you 8/10 I’ve let go of validation seeking, usury and chasing happiness on DR. It’s not 100% perfect but I’ve become increasingly internalized on this sub. More of my strength comes from within, I rely more on myself and realize the answer is not out there but within.
–Become more assertive and prevent others from abusing or misusing you 9/10, not only has my body language and posture improved, I speak calmly and clearly and don’t feel fear when speaking up anymore. People pleasing has all but diminished in most cases.
–Create strong boundaries against those who habitually and intentionally attempts to “cross the line” with you 7/10 I’ve created boundaries with coworkers, family and a girl since DR. I also am able to enforce them when needed. It’s an ongoing process but I’ve come a long way.
–Detach from the views of others — be true to yourself 8/10 I’ve really started understanding value on DR. How I don’t need to agree with others just to be accepted. Standing firm in who I am and letting things be as they may. Letting go of popular social ideologies as well, forming my own values and living them, outside of the external.
–Discover exactly “who you are,” what you believe your life mission is, and how to overcome all obstacles preventing you from reaching those goals. 7/10 this has been an ongoing evolution. Clearing the dysfunction in the way of healthy execution seems to be priority. However I’ve gained increased clarity about what is important and what is not with DR for sure.
–Develop your inner child from that of a “kid” to that of a mature, powerful “adult” 9/10, when I started DR I honestly felt like a 14 yr old kid, a high schooler in a 30+ yr old body. Thanks to this sub, I actually feel like a guy in his thirties. My sense of self has matured and I feel like an adult. This result is one of my absolute favorites.
–Develop your internal self-image from negative to positive, and from unattractive to incredibly attractive
Release all physical tension in your muscles, promote total relaxation 8/10 Tension problems were always a big issue for me. I’ve felt a lot of tension fall away, I still deal with it but I’m more aware of the tension and consciously relax too. My self image is a working progress but my level of neuroticism and anxiety on DR dropped from an 8 to a 4, maybe lower if I had to rate it.
–Eliminate, dissolve and overcome all sense of fear, especially those preventing you from living an emotionally healthy life 7/10 The amount of fear I had pre DR was formidable, now I’m less afraid of reality. I have an, it is what it is but you can handle it mentality now. Emotionally there’s a lot to work out but every day I get healthier and stronger emotionally. But I know I’m on the right track.
–Generate a profound, incredibly potent energetic and physical aura of power, respect, status and strength 6/10 I notice at work and when I’m in public that people notice me. It’s not awe inspiring but the attention is there which I never had before. I do believe there is a strong presence within me that others see. I feel comfortable now when before I just felt insecure. I’m still insecure and working on it but I’ve improved and it shows.
–Cultivate a strong sense of wisdom 6/10 I feel confident in my mind now vs. Constant anxiety and doubt. I used to have incessant overthinking and now my mind is much more quiet and peaceful. But I do think sometimes that I know less than I did before, maybe that is wisdom in and of itself.
–Cultivate a strong sense of self 7/10 understanding who I am, the good and bad has helped me become more comfortable being me. I know what I like and don’t and for the most part I’ve really grown into being me.
–Cultivate a strong sense of internal power and structure 5/10 I feel grounded in myself and less externally focused, however I feel I need to cultivate that Inner Power, it’s lacking I feel if I’m being honest. Thinking powerfully and being powerful…needs more alignment from me.
–Easily develop strong and assertive masculine body language and masculine voice 7/10 Body Language and movements have changed a lot. It’s almost automatic how I stand, walk and the way I interact with others. Less jerky, humorous, anxious and more slow, calm and clear. Coworkers stopped joking with me once I started stage 2 of DR…ppl just just don’t make comments anymore.
–Easily develop assertive, strong masculine language skills and manner of speaking 8/10, I am a lot more to the point. Less gossipy, I avoid b.s. ing these days. Definitely improved a lot. Rate of speech has slowed too, I used to talk fast out of anxious insecurity. Now if I talk fast, it’s to get to the point and move on.
–Manifest friends, colleagues, partners, etc. who will help you achieve all of your self-development goals 5/10, maybe that one girl I met last year was a lesson for me to learn while growing through DR. Otherwise I didn’t really meet anyone or anything.
–Manifest mentors, books, courses and other sources of information that will help you achieve your self-development goals 5/10, A few trauma books and found a way to start using shrooms for microdosing. If those count then cool. I’ve definitely had greater introspection when using for sure. Writing this post is a result of my microdose tonight.
–Develop an extreme sense of internal power and strength 6/10, I feel more confident in my beliefs and taking action on my values but internal power still needs improvement. I’m not done.
–General masculinity boost, including boosts in confidence, power, strength, invincibility, self-assuredness, and being comfortable in one’s own skin 8/10 A lot of confidence has grown in me. Worrying less, overthinking stopped, people pleasing gone and being comfortable now in my own skin is probably at 75%. DR has given me so much.
–Develop a relentless sense of power, ambition and motivation, with automatic harnessing of this power to achieve all your goals 7/10 I do believe it has, but I’ve been aimless to be honest. I have no real project or plan to execute on but I do feel the drive. With my hobbies I definitely get going on them. Motivation does increase when interests are found.
–Body shifting — muscles, physical shifting, fat burning, increasing overall toughness 6/10 I’d like to say yes but I have not seen anything that specifically represents this. I do think my face has masculinized overall. I’ll have to take a better look at myself.
–Reframing of past adversities as learning moments—giving you insight on how to overcome all future challenges (replacing the “manifest challenges” scripting). 8/10 I have experienced so many memories it’s crazy. I do see that my mindset changes as I reconcile my behavior in those past situations and pain is let go of. I’ve experienced more and more freedom from my past since running DR.
–Energetically and physically release trauma as it happens, remaining unaffected by negativity 8/10 I’ve had tingling in my neck on stage 1. I’ve had sore muscles come and go as well. I never cried on DR, I thought I would have but things have definitely been exposed and left in my experience. It feels like I have an energy shield when negativity presents itself through others.
–Shield yourself against future trauma, making it harder to be affected by hurtful or toxic events, people and environments 8/10 I still get affected emotionally by people and things but the resilience is much higher on DR. What would cause me sorrow for weeks, takes days or less. I’m a lot less reactive too. Acceptance is quicker and negative emotions don’t stay as long anymore.
–Grow your wisdom 7/10 I’m still learning but I take refuge in the fact that I’m starting to trust myself now. If that’s not growth in wisdom, what is.
–Develop and unleash your true power the charisma hidden deep within yourself 6/10 I’d need to look at charisma deeper but I’m definitely more socially accepted whenever I interact with others. I’m received positively. I’ve also become more open which helps.
–Attract better and better situations and people 6/10 The openness I feel on stage 4 I think will facilitate this objective more in the future. I had the one girl I mentioned before, she was a lesson not a blessing but I think good things are coming.
–Run future subliminals with a clearer, more advanced mindset I have yet to see as I’m not running anything else besides DR. I will say DR is heavy for me, even now at the end stage. I get easily overwhelmed if I don’t pay attention and keep loops low.
Causes of Controlling Behavior
The most common are anxiety disorders and personality disorders. People with anxiety disorders feel a need to control everything around them in order to feel at peace. They may not trust anyone else to handle things the way they will.
Possessiveness often stems from insecurities related to attachment styles. People with attachment anxiety tend to have a negative view of themselves and a positive view of others. They worry that their partners can’t be trusted. They have a chronic fear of rejection.
Passive aggression often stems from underlying anger, sadness, or insecurity, of which the person may or may not be consciously aware. Passive-aggressive behavior may be an expression of those emotions or an attempt to gain control in a relationship.
And
Specific signs of passive-aggressive behavior include: Resentment and opposition to the demands of others, especially the demands of people in positions of authority. Resistance to cooperation, procrastination and intentional mistakes in response to others’ demands. Cynical, sullen or hostile attitude.
Insecurity
The kind of childhood you had, past traumas, recent experiences of failure or rejection, loneliness, social anxiety, negative beliefs about yourself, perfectionism, or having a critical parent or partner can all contribute to insecurity.
What causes an intense personality?
Childhood trauma is a key cause of emotional intensity as an adolescent and adult. Trauma disrupts our sense of self. We can end up with less personal boundaries than others, less ability to control our emotions, and also a habit of searching to please others. It might be that we had attachment trauma.
And
What does it mean if a person is intense?
If you describe a person as intense, you mean that they appear to concentrate very hard on everything that they do, and they feel their emotions very strongly. I know he’s an intense player, but he does enjoy what he’s doing. Synonyms: passionate, burning, earnest, emotional More Synonyms of intense.
Since that girl sent me that text about what she saw in me, I’ve had a hard time not thinking about it all. Trying to understand the root causes of these dysfunctional behaviors. Self Deprecation is a direct result of low self esteem also, forgot to add that above.
It seems childhood, attachment style and a really high rate of negative experiences in my childhood are the roots to my dysfunctional tree.
I’ve been wondering what else to do aside from continuing my custom. I’ve been to “professional help” my whole life so I don’t see relief in going back, in fact no one will ever care about me more than I do so why pay another human to pretend to care.
A big result from running DR/custom is the increasing awareness of these behaviors. They might not be disappearing but consciously seeing these aspects of my inner world is helping me deal with them. I can’t expect progress to come fast, this stuff runs deep and has been affecting my reality for decades.
I like how I’m connecting behaviors to results from the past, being able to understand where I went wrong. It does annoy me when I still exhibit poor decisions somewhat automatically but I’m trying. The controlling demeanor and possessiveness has got to go I’m wound up way too tight and I feel hostile inside just thinking about control. Deep toxicity.
Back in high school I used to be suicidal thinking of how bad I was, now I just feel disgust or aversion to such unhealthy mindsets. I’ve come a long way. But I still wonder if it’s possible to change these negative qualities. I mean can I truly eliminate these so called personality traits? They say disorganized attachment does not heal in adulthood, you don’t outgrow it, though that’s according to today’s psychology professionals…whose to say that’s not a limiting belief.
I think Wanted and GLM would help in facilitating healthier patterns. Missing masculinity would be a root cause to controlling/possessive behavior I’m thinking. And Wanted would help with being unattached and self esteem, bringing confidence as well. I’m leaning towards moving into this stack after more time with this DR custom. But building on the healing with more foundation. I feel drawn to Ascension too but feel more aligned to GLM at this time.
I’m grateful for this healing, it’s been slowly guiding me and showing me the way forward. I need to get back to reading the book I started and finish it. The growth I’ve had this year is astounding. It’s easy to forget where I started, thinking there hasn’t been much progress but in reality I’ve changed so much.
Less control, less hostility internally. I want to let go. I feel like I’m holding onto weight I don’t need. This is the focus. Everything is temporary, why am I holding onto anything…
Reading the book “The body keeps the score” I found an interesting concept.
“In order to know who we are --to have an identity–we must know (or at least feel that we know) what is and what was “real”. We must observe what we see around us and label it correctly; we must also be able to trust our memories and be able to tell them apart from our imagination. Losing the ability to make these distinctions is one sign of what psychoanalyst William Niederland called “Soul Murder” Erasing awareness and cultivating denial are often essential to survival, but the price is that you lose lose track of who you are, of what you are feeling, and of what and whom you can trust.”
I noticed I hold a lot of tension in my neck/shoulders. I’ve been noticing myself all week holding my arms/shoulder up or contracted and have to consciously relax them, especially the left side…I’m basically holding a half shoulder shrug without realizing it.
There is definitely energy stuck, past issues affecting my muscles, I’m always tired and sore and don’t work out much because I always feel overworked. Holding tension is really a hindrance. Having no real awareness as to what or why is causing this, it’s hard to fix but things are slowly being shown to me so maybe it’s just a matter of time. I do wonder if soul murder was my issue growing up. There is a lot of time in childhood I don’t recall and what I do recall is almost all negative.
Lots to unpack but I found the concept intriguing.
I decided to order a slim Paragon custom I’ve had in the works for months but since the module pack, I added 3 more to it and will run this with my DR custom. I’m thinking 1 loop of DR Monday and 1 loop of Paragon Custom Thursday.
Core:
Modules:
I think this will complement and synergize with DR very well. I thought about remaking my DR custom and adding bothe Psyche modules but it was better to add it to Paragon custom. 13 total.
Harmonic Singularity to address my tension and muscle tightness. Will make chiropractor visits more effective as well.
The Aligner will work with the existing posture scripting in DR that’s improved me already while helping heal my neck issue.
Stress Displacement is in my DR custom already but this is very much needed in today’s world.
Mosaic to help synergize with whatever I run.
Deep Sleep I rely on sleep pills and sleep tinctures everyday. I have sleep issues that I’m hoping to improve with this.
Fusion Optimized I’ve never ran before but I think energy efficiency is important and something I could use.
Purity without cleanliness is next to Godliness. I also plan on having a decent garden this year. Just improving my reflection in the external.
Pragya seemed like a really good idea considering what I’m running and for whatever I run after with this
Psyche Restoration/Augmentation these will be a huge benefit running with my DR custom. I feel they will tie it all together for me. A lot of what I’ve posting about feels like it’ll be addressed with these two modules.
Virtue Series: Patience This is something I need more of, letting go of rushing, time is money, urgency thinking. This will help me with sleep also, alway feeling rushed to get to sleep. Helping with sub runs, and life in general.
Once it arrives, I’ll start.
I feel confident in this duo along with non sub related efforts. Things are really becoming more and more evident for me and this affords great opportunity to engage with it all and let it all go.
I wonder if it’s important that I move to a new journal since I’ll be running two customs. The theme is still healing and DR but I don’t know. If I open a new journal in customs, it’d just be a continuation of this one…
Therapeuo @ 15 mins
Loop 8.
Overtime at work just stopped, no longer have to get up early, it’s going to be a trip leaving for work so late now after so long on OT.
Life has been quiet, real quiet. I’m disconnected from stress, everything feels like I’m just going through the motions. Still growing out my facial hair, it’s so weird to me that I haven’t shaved my face this month. I told myself 30 days just to see. This must be a masculine manifestation from DR, I’ve never had the idea to grow a beard, ever. Trips me out.
I don’t know if it’s running this sub once a week or what but I’m pretty disconnected or detached. I don’t think it’s a negative thing but sometimes I just feel untethered, floating mentally. No real cares, aimlessly bored yet I get done what I need to. I have no way to really explain it. I’m like a walking statement of “I don’t know” there is no sense of grounded certainty anymore. Not really sure where it’s coming from.
DR wipes away so much obstruction that when you’ve been wiped clean, you almost feel lost? I figured I’d test out a 15 min loop after 7 loops spaced out. I want to gauge the recon and if it goes away, I might go for 5 to 7 mins twice a week. But I wonder if that would be a benefit or just slow results. Trial and error I guess.
It’s been what, a week + since I talked to that chick who listed my flaws. I walked away then back tracked out of guilt only for her to never respond back. I kicked myself for going back but lesson learned, never look back. Attachment Destroyer was a huge help, after 2 or 3 days those feelings of loss among others were gone and my mindset shifted. Such a blessing, being able to let go so quickly. I’ve learned that it’s a waste of time to connect to others intimately, everything is temporary and transactional. All I’m doing is causing trouble for myself.
Things continue to improve, it’s been interesting how the book on trauma I’m reading triggers me now, the past few chapters really spark insight and discomfort. I found myself emotionally compromised this weekend, still haven’t cried but I teared up a few times. That’s growth and I’ll take it.