Geoff's Journal (Dragon Reborn)

Journals - Major Programs
#442

I agree and think you’re right about RoM.

I don’t really, after overexposure previously I’m kind of hesitant. Now I listen once a week. However to answer why I wrote what I did, I guess I look at the ability to listen to a longer loop as “progress of assimilation” if I listen to 5 mins and get no reconciliation symptoms but listen to 7 and feel it then that’s a limit I’m stuck at. If after awhile I can get to 9 or 15, would that reflect progress? Or am I off base.

That was my thought about it.

Anyways, your progress on RoM is quite inspiring man, truly.

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#443

I see what you mean

Like a benchmark. You managed 5 min, 7 min, that means the previous exposure is fully integrated.
Dunno if it works like that, but I can see where you’re coming from :smiley:

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#444

The biggest human temptation is to settle for too little.

–Thomas Merton

…

I’ve spent so long reducing my responsibilities, shrinking my lifestyle and environment in order to make it as manageable as possible. Thinking efficiency is king. I’ve been seeking comfort for so long that I’ve settled for nothing in reality.

I keep being told that I’m way too smart for what I do. That I have “so much potential” and I just don’t know what to do with all that.

My life is pretty empty but peaceful. Does it have to be a trade off like that or can one exist with the other. As time goes by with DR, I’m starting to want things I’ve long swore off, goals I’ve dropped ect.

There is a small flicker of renewed…hope, interest or desire…not sure which but I am feeling this sense of wanting to try, an openness to try. I shut down years ago and the door is slowly opening or trying to. I don’t know how I feel about this, the usual response would be fear but it’s less fear and more caution/hesitation due to cynicism. Which serves to protect me but the pull to open up is there and winning now.

After decades of just existing, hiding and surviving, closed off…it’s starting to change. Slowly but surely.

5 Likes
#445

We gain the strength of the temptation we resist.

–Ralph Waldo Emerson

…

Temptations always feel so powerful and when I give in, the immediate effect is always disappointment in myself. Yet when I overcome a temptation, the reward is truly its strength as the quote says. You almost receive its power.

The power of self deprivation. I’d like to spend more time with this, it’s been awhile.

…

Matthew 16:24

“Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.”

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#446

Paragon loop @ 15 mins.

Tired, sore and in need of recovery. My neck issue improved a lot on 7 mins last thursday, I figure another loop this week might take it all the way. Between vibration plate, chiropractor and paragon…this will be healed soon.

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#447

Same, I know understand I’ve probably overexposed myself the entire last year listening to 15mins of DR and LBFH (plus AC once a week).

Now I’m noticing that when I listen to AC (7mins) I get really tired, so maybe it’s still to much.

I’m a bit lost mate, what’s your current stack?

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#448

I started my Stage 4 custom on January 2nd. I’m 5 loops in so far. One loop of 5 or 7 mins once a week.

I ran Paragon once last Thursday at 7 mins and one loop at 15 mins this morning because I have a neck issue I’ve been seeing a chiropractor for since January.

My stack is basically my custom, I named it Therapeuo. That probably throws ppl off.

Stage 4 Custom

Core:

  1. DR Stage 4

Modules:

  1. Ardent Light
  2. Ares
  3. Attachment Destroyer
  4. Atman
  5. Discordia Deliverance
  6. Divine Self-Image
  7. Emotions Unfettered
  8. FEBRUUS
  9. Foundation
  10. Final Showdown
  11. Growth Through Pain
  12. I AM
  13. Lineage
  14. New Beginnings
  15. Omnidimensional
  16. Stress Displacement
  17. Unlimiter

I don’t really want to add anything else to it. It’s dense enough. Paragon is an as needed temporary compliment. I’m still on DR, just with 17 other modules.

Slow and steady :slight_smile:

3 Likes
#449

I also agree, I ran so much that I was basically in reconciliation, flirting with overexposure for months if not the whole time until I fully hit overexposure. Now I’m hyper sensitive to running subs, so I don’t think I’ll ever run more than 2 titles again and I don’t think I’ll ever run a title more than twice a week. But as it goes now, once a week is okay.

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#450

Jolted awake 30 mins ago from an unpleasant dream or nightmare. I hardly recall but I think I was with a few others and something fell/broke and I jolted awake intensely. My neck is sore from it.

Must have been serious. I really don’t dream but this would be 2nd dream I’ve had since running DR last year.

I’ll take this as a sign of progress but damn, I gave myself whiplash.

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#451

The man who does not value himself, cannot value anything or anyone.

–Ayn Rand

…

I used to be like that in my twenties, as an alcoholic. Usery was the game. Manipulation, avoiding responsibility and accountability, blame shifting and a complete lack of value. Internally and externally I held no value for myself or others. Everything was fleeting, a means to an end, self gratifying and the pursuit of disconnection with myself.

Seeing this quote brought back a lot of memories. I’ve been sober 8 years, thinking of the human I once was is startling, as I now value myself and others. I give Glory to The Lord as he changed me, I did not conquer addictions myself. I did not turn quite around of my own accord. The Lord said “while you were yet my enemy…I saved you” and that’s exactly what he did.

Hindsight is always 20/20, even though I struggle to see the changes happening now, I know I’m not the same as I was last year.

I know I’m no longer a people pleaser, I can see that, feel that within me. Validation seeking is low, its not 100% but close. Inner strength/backbone has improved a lot and openness…the fear and pain of “life” that shut me down is lifting. I am starting to feel alive again, willing again. I am starting to care again.

I value myself now and though I struggle with sabotage as I have my whole life, it’s becoming apparent, I’m noticing it more. Once you can see the problem, you can fix it. And that is a great thing.

I used to shut people out due to not loving myself, fear, inadequacy and feeling that I was too broken or weird to be around others. I wore my insecurities on my sleeve, kept them at the forefront of my identity.

Now, DR has taken all that and burned it. I know feel I’ve gained empowered choice. I hang out with those I value, I let go of others who are not good influences. I protect myself now. Everything in life is a choice, in the past it was needs based, sacrificing myself for approval, support and attention when all I needed was to value myself. Looking for others to value me was a death sentence and it took over 15 years to recognize that. My heart breaks for the younger me.

I went from broken and lost to Empowered and Stable with DR.

3 Likes
#452

I like that you use quotes and bible verses before and after you write a post while making it a full story. It’s a way people in AA share their insights and thoughts. You read or hear something, take it in, and rephrase it in a way to learn more about yourself. Intelligent way of taking in knowledge in my opinion.

I’m glad you found Jezus and that he became your savior. It doesn’t matter to me what religion you believe in. When people get saved, that always warms my heart.

Keep it going brother, it’s a pleasure to read your journal! Especially how you are moving through the Valley and getting on top. :pray:

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#453

Thank you Jim, I really appreciate your post. The quotes that speak to me, help identify things I’m going through while giving me a base to build my thoughts on. Sometimes thoughts/feelings are hard to express and then you see a quote about it and bam you’re typing a short story lol.

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#454

I finished a 4 days dryfast this morning. I needed more self deprivation, a reset. I feel tired and weak yet oh so humble. I realize that ego makes us think we are powerful but when you take away basic needs, it all crumbles around you and leaves you realizing how truly helpless we are. How truly reliant we are.

Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV

“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; And lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, And he shall direct thy paths.”

…

During my fast I felt all the burdens leaving, things that felt important no longer were. Your world minimizes until only what truly matters remains. I love the humility. I love the clarity and I even love the suffering I put myself through. I wish I could go longer, but with my job it’s not feasible.

…

Proverbs 16:9

“A man’s heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.”

The more I try to control my life and environment, the more resistance I encounter. Everyone needs control but the way I’ve been going about it has been counter productive. Don’t fight it, learn to move with it, use it to your benefit. Rigidity does not serve me. I’ve been living wrong. I get told often how intense I am. I think that relates to rigidity, at least I see a connection to it.

We become rigid when we lack control and my childhood was exactly that, no control over my peace. I became cold, angry and stern. It’s okay to have beliefs and positions, morals, values, ethics and principles I would like to be intelligent with obstruction, resistance. No longer putting up a wall and blocking things out.

Trusting in the higher powers to “order my steps” while I make the best choices I’m able to, always focusing on the effect I’m having on the external.

It’s important to bring positivity, not negativity. Let the bad stuff go and be true in all ways.

2 Likes
#455

The more you have, the more responsibility.

Life seems easier with less. When I deprive myself, happiness or contentment shines forth.

A simple life, instead of “the stuff you own ends up owning you” reality we all seem to chase. Needs vs. Wants.

I ask myself, what do I want…and the first thought that comes to mind is Peace. It could have been, money, sex, status or power but no…just Peace.

I think I’m on the right track.

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#456

1 loop of paragon @ 3 mins. Followed by 1 loop of Therapeuo @ 9 mins (let’s see how 9 mins goes)

Total loops since starting custom – 6.

I feel like I’m making very subtle breakthroughs, nothing overly obvious or easily recognized. I’ll be doing something or talking to someone and the realization that I’m different, improved hits me. The awareness to be able to perceive your behavior pre and post subs is such a gift.

Zpv2 is definitely smoother than zpv1 but going slow and steady yields great results. I don’t think I could listen to subs 3 days a week again, twice max as I’ve mentioned before. It’s way too easy to get in your own way with listening. We think more loops = more results and it’s just not true.

My only goal is to reach saturation with my custom, to be able to run a full loop with mild reconciliation symptoms then cut back the time. There is something about hitting that benchmark…

Having just finished 9 mins, I noticed I had zero mental resistance/sensations until 8:32 seconds out of 9 mins. That’s pretty good.

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#457

“The pursuit of beauty is much more dangerous nonsense than the pursuit of truth or goodness, because it affords a stronger temptation to the ego.”

–Northrop Frye

…

“Most dangerous is that temptation that doth goad us on to sin in loving virtue.”

–William Shakespeare

…

If I had a sub that removes desires. How focused and driven would I be? I’d love a sub/module called Desireless it wouldn’t disorganize goals but would eliminate all errant desires within you. Human Nature and its vices.

I wish to be Desireless, truly, only then would I be free.

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#458

The module Ardent Light fits your desires (heh!) somewhat.

Bad instincts, impulses and urges plague humanity. From the simple desire for a bag of chips, to something far more sinister, Arden Light is created to purge and purify all evil within. Furthermore, some spiritual traditions dictate a necessity of utter purity of body, mind and soul – Ardent Light aims to create this state of purity within you, paving the road to more advanced spiritual practice.

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#459

That’s so funny man, Ardent Light is in my DR custom I’m currently on. I wonder if that module is the reason for my preoccupation with this idea.

Thank you for making a connection for me, interesting. Sometimes things are hidden in plain sight. :slight_smile:

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#460

I always thought I encountered reconciliation from the sub. While true, I didn’t quite realize that external events could trigger me, which cause reconciliation.

I had a turbulent day yesterday, still moody today. Still sorting through it. The surprise was feeling fine only to find myself inside out.

I ran 9 mins on mon, felt great until some personal interaction, which triggered a lot of stuff. I had made a prayer to The Lord asking for clarity and if it was not be be in my life to remove them. The next day or when I woke up yesterday I’m told they need to take a break from talking to me. It was like my prayer was confirmed and answered. Now I’m just processing through all the clutter of acceptance, attachment and ego associated with it all.

I’m not running any subs dealing with manifestation but I won’t rule it out. Can running just DR cause manifestations?

I guess daily life can trigger recon just as the scripting can. I broke my fast with small sips of juice but I haven’t really eaten yet and probably consume 500 or less calories each day since sun night. I’m in a weird state. I don’t even want to eat to be honest. I juiced this morning so I’m going to make myself drink some at work just incase I’m emotionally distraught and self sabotaging.

I feel quite unwell when my peace is disturbed. I see now that conflict is something I want no part of. I’m becoming allergic to drama, conflict, arguing, toxic behavior. Just being at odds with another person has left me with an unsettling discomfort I’ve been feeling for 2 days now. I crave peace and harmony so much now, with urgency. I feel a need to reconcile but pushing peace doesn’t work either, it takes time or just permanent separation.

I guess 9 mins took a minute to take effect. Or that’s the delayed hit of zp2. It’s a pattern I recognize…about a day or two after a loop, I feel reconciliation.

Emotions Unfettered and foundation I can notice. While going through all this weirdness, I still feel grounded and able to focus. I can imagine how off balance I’d be without them.

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#461

I can’t confirm this but I would bet that every sub has scripting for manifestation based off what this module’s description says.
and i always see subs as whatever part of you the subs are working on is the part of you that creates the 3d world infront of you. so it changes the world by changing you.

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