Interesting that tonight my spine starting at my neck, going down maybe 5 inches feels stiff and slightly sore. Is this an effect from Sps: Skeletal System? It feels more like a change than an injury or kink.
Maybe postural alignment, ever since that 7 minute loop on Sunday, I’ve felt strong processing and recon. Way more profound than 15 mins.
DR Stage 3, cycle 1
Listening, day 9.
Running my subs tonight vs this morning, had a bad headache and low energy. Better tonight. It’s all due to my poor dietary choices, the effects of trash food that I know better than to eat.
Still feeling mentally busy but decided to run my subs today to see if anything changes. If not, I’ll skip Friday.
Starting to feel like I need 1 day a week or drop custom. I don’t know but reducing loops this cycle allowed me to be more active on forum and with posts and maybe it’s just my first cycle with stage 3 but things feel thick, foggy again. It’s gotta be that 7 mins from my custom right? That’s when things started happening, good and bad.
…
Feeling a renewed sense of resolve, tired of my own b.s. no more quick fixes or playing lawyer games with myself to justify bad decisions. I can be so manipulative with myself, I see that now. The duality can get the best of you if you’re not paying attention.
Feels like I’m fighting myself over comfort and security vs. Risk and reward.
Life has been okay, but finances I’ve built up are depleting due to renovation, maintenance and a possible project that no longer seems feasible. Starting to feel anxiety over this.
I’ve been paying attention to things I see for the future in regards to myself.
Frame
Emotional control
Discipline
Deep understanding of my foundation/core
Internal drive/motivation
Energy direction
These things will be worked on as I continue DR and the custom for stage 4.
I’ve been micro focused and stifled in my life, out of fear. Directionless and unable to handle my full potential. I really can do more, be more if I can just organize and understand myself. Right now my only plan is to sustain myself. Basically continue to idle…when I want to drive.
Clarity is once more on the cusp. Foggy tonight but soon it will clear.
Looks like running the subs had the opposite effect. I hoped the loops would re-enter me, reset the recon, but no…increased brain fog.
Thinking about just starting washout. At this rate, if I do 1 listening day a week…I’ll be listening 4 times in a 21 day cycle. I guess that will be good enough, since 8 times per cycle is becoming too much.
I dislike this confused feeling. I’m less active on here, aimless in real life. Feeling basically out of control. I’m in the car but I’m not driving.
I thought about 7 mins with stage + Stage 3 but if I felt more intense with the custom, logic would dictate it’d be the same with these. I don’t know really, just guessing.
Not sure what to do, but the longer I go with DR, the easier and quicker the information gets backed-up in my mind.
…Edit:
Reading others journals, seeing the elation over results and changes is aggravating me, not because of them but because I look at myself and wonder what’s changed. I’m definitely in reconciliation, this frustration I feel came on after listening.
What can I do besides living my life and grinding each day like I do. Journaling, introspecting. I can feel the emotional turbulence winding up.
I need to unfuck my inner world so my external world will evolve. I feel stuck right now, like I’m not in control of this process and having to decrease listening makes me feel like I’m slowing everything down, though in reality I’m already slowed down, so this will only help.
I gotta get my mindset right. Tonight’s becoming annoying as hell.
If I feel depressed and unmotivated, is that reconciliation? Or is it overexposure. Or none at all.
Woke up today in the most blah mood. Should have skipped yesterday’s listen as it increased cloudiness.
I’m only on day 10 of 17.
I realize DR is a hard sub, the roller-coaster is real. Some days I feel profound strength, frame and resolve then days later I feel like a scared child. Ups and downs until you can’t stand it anymore.
I’ve been struggling to figure out if I’m even changing. I think it’s just recon, second guessing, frustration etc. This is all internal and the low energy doesn’t manifest much in the external.
I’ve stopped taking action in areas I used to. Started ignoring information I used to search out. Maybe I’m shutting myself off because I need a break, so I’m withdrawing and avoiding. Could just be overwhelm.
The suppressed mood doesn’t help. I need to clean my oven range, it’s been needing attention for awhile and I never do it. It’s not procrastination, it’s an indifferent attitude, like what’s it matter. Just a small example but shows the thought process. Unhealthy mindset, I guess healing can take so much out of you that you just don’t care of the daily things.
Next cycle I’ll just do 7 minutes of everything and see how that goes. You can’t go wrong with less.
DR Stage 3, cycle 1
Listening, day 11
Decided to run 1 loop of LBH at 7 minutes as well as 1 loop of DR Stage 3 at 7 minutes.
Felt a shift at 5 minutes of LBH, momentary tunnel vision and head sensations.
About 5 mins into DR Stage 3, I felt sensations specifically on the right side of head.
It’s been about 10 to 15 minutes since running and I don’t feel as full and foggy as Tues night at 15 minutes.
Going to stick with 7 minutes going forward.
…
Having a lot of challenging thoughts about myself. Ideas about the world, how to be, how to live, why I’m not doing what I used to, if I even want what I have, where I’m going, if there is a future etc…everything is being questioned.
It’s almost like analysis paralysis in a way, I’m so busy trying to figure out the inside that the outside is being neglected. It’s not on purpose but I’m definitely letting things go by the wayside. Unconcerned and avoidant I’d say…
I had a dream where my best friend from high school gave me an ultimatum on our friendship. I’m always canceling hanging out, changing plans, backing out or just not doing what he wants.
I have no issues with him, I just always hung with him when I was a drunk. He’s a straight laced guy, I was always drinking to cope, to participate in life. So now that I’m almost 8 years(Dec 20th)sober you’d think hanging out with him would be no factor.
I don’t really understand why I never come out to hang but the dream was basically him telling me to fuck off and here’s why. Interesting dream…
I’m 38, he’s …I don’t remember(im a bad friend) so we both have our lives and I work all the time.
Looking at myself, challenging my b.s.
…
Tonight, was talking to a chick and she needed some attention/flirting. So I told her what she wanted to hear, she provided visual entertainment in return and all was well until she kinda disappeared only for me to find out she dropped me to video chat another guy.
Now normally I’d be like I got what I wanted. Low investment. But this bothered me way more than it should have.
I either developed attachment/feelings for her. Or this triggered situations in my past where hypergamous behavior caused problems for me back then.
Either way, same issues. So frame, emotional resilience, detachment and acceptance…things I need to work on and refresh. I’m glad I’m analyzing this instead of dwelling. I sent her a comment calling it out. Again a double edged sword. It shows me susceptibility/weakness but I also spoke my peace and let her know I’m not tolerating shit like that. Basically, if that’s her choice, we don’t need to converse anymore.
This felt more like disrespect and disregard then jealousy.
I’ll work it out, no more weakness. No more tolerance or acceptance of low quality behavior.
Edit:
She apologized to me over a video chat, first thing out of her mouth. Ended up having a great conversation.
So it’s not always bad to say what’s on your mind. Maybe it looked weak in my mind but was actually a good thing to address the issue at the time. I never used to do this, I’d just hold my tongue and become passive agressive.
I’m definitely growing, it felt good. Now things are better than before.
DR Stage 3, cycle 1
Rest, day 13
My ability to receive love in whatever way is increasing. I was always skeptical of people and their intentions, assuming and believing everything had a catch. Especially with love, wether platonic or romantic.
I’m noticing that when people are kind or compliment me. I fully embrace it, I don’t downplay it like before. I also feel the urge to repay that love with kindness or gesture/compliment back.
Romantically, I’m more open to feeling the possibility, not feeling on guard or dismissive or even cynical expecting to only be hurt.
I am appreciative to any and all forms of love it seems, I’m not focused or worried about any of the stuff I used to worry about, it’s more pure. I’m not nieve putting myself into disadvantages situations but the fear surrounding acceptance of love is gone.
All this time I’ve just needed to reduce exposure to notice effects, so glad it clicked for me and I dropped the listening time. I wouldn’t have noticed the above if I was still 15 mins, 3 days a week.
I’m not sure how to schedule a cycle anymore with more rest days and intuitive listening as it’s no longer standard but I’ll figure it out.
The Devil will come to us dressed as everything we ever wanted… and what are women if not that?
James 4:3-5
King James Version
3 Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.
4 Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.
5 Do ye think that the scripture saith in vain, The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy?
…
It is a challenge trying to participate in this world past the minimum to sustain this body I’m trapped in.
A lot of my justification of inaction, lack of drive/hunger for success and comfort seeking/coping behaviors stem from the futility of this world. If people knew what this world really was, they would not be chasing earthly things like the female, money or hierarchical success.
Part of my thinks I’m depressed because I have trouble caring about most things, most days. Another part of me knows that the earth is reserved for fire and that there is no future in this world so why am I trying to build anything?
Does this justify my behavior? I don’t think so. It only serves to narrow my focus and remove participation of the foul, perverse and unrighteous.
It overwhelms me to the point that my life is so minimized and avoidant that I feel like a loser. But why am I desiring to be part of the world when the goal is to remove myself and be set apart. It’s irrational, being human. As the flesh is in opposition to the Spirit.
So how do I cope with my reality, be a better “man” yet follow what I believe is right. Where is the balance. Do I put in effort to improve my job, do I even want a better job? Going back to school is not a smart move. Do I look for a wife? Probably not as morality, ethics, morals and character is dying…especially so in females today. What would it profit me? The fleshly desire to marry is only to fulfill concupicinse of the body, not to actually have union. I’ve been alone in quiet so long, sharing my life with another would be a shock.
Status will soon be a thing of the past. It won’t matter if you’re a janitor or a surgeon, everyone will be on the same level. You will work your job and receive $1,000 per month, you will not be able to save it, spend it or lose it until the next month when it’s refilled. Freedom will be gone, you will have an electronic/digital leash. Your behavior will be modified over time or you will be punished socially, economically and possibly physically after so many violations.
So while at the moment the ability to pursue advancement is possible, it won’t stay like that. Knowing all this is causing great distress in manifesting motivation(reason for engaging anything) to pursue betterment and I find myself not sticking to anything for longer than a month, only to reference the future as my reason to indulging in dopamine seeking behaviors while I justify to myself “why try, I’ll be dead soon anyway”
My mind is so rigidly fixated on the worst case, or the impending change that doing anything more than necessary to survive and sustain…not thrive seems futile and unnecessary.
My only real goal is to simply address and fix the pain and damage I’ve suffered in this life, so I can embrace righteousness, exude love, compassion, truth and get out of my own way until my time is UP.
I wonder almost daily why I’m not trying, the world is dead, 99% of humans are walking around dead. What is there to gain here?
Mark 8:36
King James Version
36 For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?
If you don’t have the truth and you haven’t been converted and you’re not on the rock…then what else matters?
Who gives a shit about money, cars, women, success, dominance, respect and physical attainment?
This is my struggle. 2 sides of one coin. Duality, which causes destruction. Yet I criticize myself daily for not being like everyone else, loving the world and the things in it.
Paragon Custom
1 loop @ 5 minutes.
I tried closing my eyes and letting myself drift off like Elementary_Vision talks about in the LBH thread. I couldn’t quite tell, I probably just ended at 5 mins because I second guessed myself. Last week I did 7 mins for the first time and the following few days after I felt I had moderate recon. It could have just been the other 2 stops 2 days later that intensified it.
Oh well, today was 5 mins before sleep. We will see how things go.
…
Took the next two days off work, shower replacement Monday and Sunday night if I go into work, there is not enough work for me to last the shift so I figure, why not just take vacation.
I’ll be missing out on overtime and I’m sure I’ll regret it but what does it matter, truly. Will this week and my choices matter in 6 months? Or 1 year? Will I look back and think how bad my life is because I didn’t work these 2 days? Yeah I don’t think so…sometimes my mind gets on my nerves.
These pre programmed ideas, beliefs and values…how do you know which are really yours and which were installed in your psyche for the benefit of society as an unending worker bee for Elohims(satan and his group, E pluribus unum) hive.
After listening to my custom at 5 mins around 4am, it took me until after 9am to fall sleep. Slept 7-ish hours and woke up with a headache.
Wasn’t expecting such a difficult situation. I wonder why it was so difficult. Is there a huge difference in 5 mins vs 7 or was today just an unrelated fluke.
DR Stage 3, cycle 1
Listening, day 15.
1 loop LBH + DR Stage 3, 7 mins each.
I decided to move up my last listening day from tomorrow to today. This will give me a 6 day washout over 4. I felt pretty good mentally in a physical sense, no reconciliation or fullness from 5 mins of my custom sun morning.
…
Emotionally, I’m seeing a lot of weakness in me. I’ve been backsliding, giving in and becoming worldly in behavior, attitude and intention. I’m letting be pulled and distracted by sexuality as well. Even when reality is other than I’d like it to be with the ideas/desires in my head having no future. Thinking I could entertain interactions without temptation…I’ve been fooling myself with ideas that I can handle this or that, the truth is I can’t. I’m not as strong or resilient as I think I am.
The only time I feel safe is when I’m isolated, in solitude away from direct influence. Yet when I’m alone with no busy work, I get myself into trouble with comfort seeking, distraction or escapism. I work so much so I won’t have to be at home idling, engaging in sin or unproductive behavior.
I just don’t like who I am, that’s the point. I’ve gone backwards, at least it’s how it looks in respect to certain things…but maybe it’s not backwards, it’s just the reality of my ability or lack thereof when put into situations where I thought I could handle myself…yet haven’t.
Washout
Ending two day early giving me 6 days to process and clear before 2nd cycle.
I haven’t had intense side effects or difficult reconciliation in the past 3 or 4 days. I think 5 to 7 mins with my custom every Sunday is working well. And LBH and Stage 3 seem to be OK around 5 to 7 as well. I’m trying to listen and pay attention when listening and catch that moment when one notices they had enough but so far I think I’m not there.
…
Had a conversation yesterday where I was told I’m highly intuitive and can see through people. While I don’t disagree, I have noticed that most days I have blinders on…especially when it comes to noticing my own thoughts. Could be just the processing of this profound program I’m running through but I feel blocked and a little foggy when it comes to paying attention, subtle attention…the details. Something is in the way.
I wonder, can subliminal processing effect innate skills or effect change in ways that abilities work.
…
Had my western Libran chart read to me yesterday and man, my preoccupation and challenge with the emotional of myself is a huge theme in my life. I found out that basically, working/fixing the emotional mind is this predestined path according to my birth chart. It even talked about not having a father in my childhood and how my childhood was traumatic, honestly freaked me out hearing things so accurate. But I realized a lot of my behavior I thought was dysfunctional, a lot is foretold in my chart which took some burden off of me thinking I’m so bad when it just is. It brought a sense of comfort and understanding to my seeming preoccupation with my problems. Shifted my negative perception into a more positive and productive one.
Washout
Day 3
Moderate reconciliation today, head pressure and lack of mental clarity. Just a lot on my mind.
…
Got my shower replaced, upcharge due to wall damage that needed repaired. Everything got done though. I remember when I overheard the workers on the phone with their company, I was saying out loud that “they will find a way to fix everything and complete the job”. I was worried they were going to say it was outside their scope of work. But everything went well. Maybe a positive manifestation, as I’ve never said aloud things like that before.
…
I’ve been standing up for my beliefs, myself more. I’m less inclined to back down in a disagreement or flat out argument. I notice that I state my case and don’t get reactive or go back and forth. It’s more logical and a lot less emotional.
I’m willing to walk away more so than I ever have. I just have less fear in my interactions, regardless of subject matter.
It’s been going well so far, no major issues and I’m grateful…as life keeps getting harder and harder on a world scale, I can honestly say I can’t complain. Lots more to do, but the internal growth with these subs definitely helps facilitate taking positive action.
I’ve accomplished more this year, than I have in the past 3 years.
Any issues with the modules list, you can just click on the actual module itself to see full descriptions.
The full descriptions often have full sections comparing that modules to other modules, too, which is really helpful, especially for manifestation modules, or modules that pair together, or that have similar goals.
Washout
Day 4,
I’ve lost my humor. Everything is so serious with me. No desire to laugh or entertain silliness. Early this morning at work a coworkers sending/showing vids of funny stuff and the more he did it, the more repulsed and turned off I became. I started avoiding him to avoid any more dumb shit. Instead of lashing out, possibly damaging my work relationship.
Friend I’ve talked to from NY that I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been turning short with her, borderline rude.
My “best friend” from H.S called yesterday and wants me to come see him and check out his new house/truck…we talked about me driving over tonight when I woke up. I haven’t reached out, I think it’s F’d up that I have to head out after waking up to accommodate him and his schedule since I’m on nights and him days. So I’m going to end up not going.
I don’t know what’s going on, I just feel contempt in general and it’s effecting any and every interaction I have.
I guess I’m tired of accommodating people? Or this is me trying to accept that selfishness is OK, I don’t know. It feels like LBH disappeared and I’m left feeling raw and resentful or something.
Washout
Day 5,
I ended up going to see my friend. I felt overwhelmed with guilt, so I drove there. Had dinner, talked and apologized/owned things. I felt it was to be honest and reconnect.
I didn’t like wasting fuel driving there and back home but I can’t be so selfish I guess. This was a big step for me as I normally just avoid everything I don’t have to do. It went better than I expected and I got along with his significant other as well.
…
Once home, I had a fun video chat if you know what I mean. Seeing as it was too far to drive, it was better than nothing and good practice in many ways.
I think knowing I don’t care as much, really open the doors to things. I knew this but it wasn’t a congruent part of my behavior due to neediness and low self worth. DR really helps you see your own value. It’s getting better and it’s showing in my interactions.
Custom
Ran 1 loop at 9 mins of my Paragon custom. Didn’t even realize the time, I planned 5 mins but looked at phone at 7.54, so I stretched it to 9 flat. Slight head pressure, diminishing.
Tues will be LBH experimental and Stage 3, 2nd cycle at twice a week. 7 mins max.
…
Over washout, I noticed increased social interaction, coworker reaching out over weekend, h.s. friend invited me out to his house and increasing connection with this girl. Even chatted with my neighbor(it’s been almost all year)
I will say that I’ve been eating junk the past 2 weeks, haven’t done any lifting/exercise and been feeling honestly depressed. LBH hasn’t filled me with anything internal that I’ve noticed, it’s all been externally focused. Looking forward to see if the experimental version has internal effects.
Discipline and consistency is a huge issue/struggle right now. I wish subclub had a mental strength/daily consistency module…Like Spartan but without the physical/sports focus. Purely mental strength in a custom module. Maybe iron frame does this, I wouldn’t know. But I’m struggling with caring about the small details of daily life. I was never like this…took me over a week to wash a few dishes…seriously, what gives.
I know its going to seem hard because i went through the same, but try your best to take action on dragon even when you dont feel like it, My issue of not being discipline and consistent was with me since middle school(im 25 now) so it was years of a bad program. I had to prove to my mind that i wasent that old unmotivated person. It will correct the issue much quicker
Woke up with a headache, short temper with an aggressive mindset. Not agressive in the productivity way, agressive as in lashing out.
Feelings of frustration dance in my head. I get to work and it’s all uphill right from the start. My minds cloudy because I saw an alarm with my equipment and immediately went to add hydraulic oil only to realize that was not the issue. So I’m not paying attention, being impulsive and letting mood affect my work.
All from 9 minutes of a physical healing custom? Reconciliation…after 5 days of washout, hits this quick. I tried just letting the track play until I “felt” it was too much, almost at 8 mins, stopped at 9. Apparently that didn’t work so I’m going to have to just cap it at 7 minutes regardless of intuitive feeling while listening.
…