I don’t want to speak too soon but I did a 10 minute combo vibration session this morning then went to bed. Between Paragon and vibration plate I woke up still tired but hardly any discomfort.
Went to chiropractor, had a good cracking and now I’ve been at work for 6 hours so far and I’m feeling better than I have in weeks. Fingers crossed it keeps getting better.
“Other people’s views and troubles can be contagious. Don’t sabotage yourself by unwittingly adopting negative, unproductive attitudes through your associations with others.” – Epictetus
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If there’s one thing I can say DR has given me, it’s frame control and emotional resilience. I am way less affected by others attitudes, even going as far as challenging their beliefs and uplifting their states. It’s become almost automatic to resist and transmute negative attitudes. I’m fueled by this sense of nothing is ever as bad as people make it out to be, I don’t need to adopt their perspective as my own to empathize or help.
DR has built frame within me. I used to be so wishy washy, bending to other strong personalities. Now I exist in comfortable detachment, unperturbed by others state of mind.
DR, with stage 4…cultivates for you, a foundation for inner peace.
In conversations, I don’t get hung up on things much. If someone says something rude, hurtful or just plain wrong I feel the impact but am able to let it move through me and out and then move on.
I also notice an increased ability to express myself. In ways of being honest about something or just standing up for myself to others in conversation. Advocating for myself I guess.
My sense of self has really matured on DR. I keep myself, my beliefs, my needs ect at the forefront now. That self sacrificial, people pleasing demeanor of old is gone.
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Since running that 7 min loop of Paragon last weds I believe, pain dropped significantly. Had the whole weekend off work too and overall it’s improved about 30%. At work today I can feel discomfort and I’ve had some moments but it’s definitely improved. I will fit another loop in this week. I don’t seem to want to listen to anything more than once a week these days.
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As far as self sabotage, it’s a process. I know what I want yet I get in my own way. I can see the choices I make and how my behavior interferes but what I don’t know is the root of this issue? Where does it stem from. Is it a painful experience? A limiting belief? This custom has things to address every angle I can think of yet I’m still not past it.
Maybe I just need more time, it feels like I’m trying to find/catch a ghost. The subconscious has programming buried deep and I’m sure this thing isn’t labeled and easy to define/locate. But damn, there is a root…somewhere that is the cause for all this self induced sabotage. Sooner or later…
Therapeuo
Loop 5 @ 7 mins
A lot of things have changed internally for me since starting SubClub, since starting DR but I am still not happy with myself
“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.”
–Mark Twain
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Woke up 3 hours early, can’t sleep and feeling recon. Unsettled, shaken up while feeling doubt. Second guessing anything that comes across my mind. Feels like an internal audit of sorts. Could it be Atman… I will not let this temporary state run my behavior. I can feel a certain way, it does not have to manifest outward. I have much more control than I’ve let myself believe.
Definitely getting the same type of recon. Been having thoughts of switching, stopping or adding subs. Along with wondering what’s happening. I feel recon, I know it’s there but other than that I’m unaware. It’s frustrating.
Everytime I read a good post, or a post that positively affects me, it’s related to RoM…adding RoM would take me off my path and future stack that I’ve planned. But then again why not run it?
Can’t break past 7 mins on this custom, I have to laugh at the instantaneous recon - frustration, moodiness that sets in on 7 mins. I’ve handled it well since my loop. I just wish I could see my growth, changes ect. I literally feel, everyday like nothing is happening and I either feel good or frustrated. Maybe that’s why RoM inserts itself into my attention randomly…maybe it’s trying to help me
I personally recommend RoM as a starter sub these days to anyone. I know it’s artisan line, but honestly, the clarity of path is just TOO powerful.
What if your current chosen stack is actually not aligned with your direction?
As I said, running RoM (solo, after one loop) threw all my stack plans overboard and now I am easily sticking to this one…
Why do you have to?
I keep running 3 mins on anything ever since it was introduced. Works like a charm.
I tried 5mins on EoG recently, but it f’ed me up and I wondered, what’s the benefit gained?
What do you think is the benefit of more exposure per loop?
I agree and think you’re right about RoM.
I don’t really, after overexposure previously I’m kind of hesitant. Now I listen once a week. However to answer why I wrote what I did, I guess I look at the ability to listen to a longer loop as “progress of assimilation” if I listen to 5 mins and get no reconciliation symptoms but listen to 7 and feel it then that’s a limit I’m stuck at. If after awhile I can get to 9 or 15, would that reflect progress? Or am I off base.
That was my thought about it.
Anyways, your progress on RoM is quite inspiring man, truly.
I see what you mean
Like a benchmark. You managed 5 min, 7 min, that means the previous exposure is fully integrated.
Dunno if it works like that, but I can see where you’re coming from 
The biggest human temptation is to settle for too little.
–Thomas Merton
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I’ve spent so long reducing my responsibilities, shrinking my lifestyle and environment in order to make it as manageable as possible. Thinking efficiency is king. I’ve been seeking comfort for so long that I’ve settled for nothing in reality.
I keep being told that I’m way too smart for what I do. That I have “so much potential” and I just don’t know what to do with all that.
My life is pretty empty but peaceful. Does it have to be a trade off like that or can one exist with the other. As time goes by with DR, I’m starting to want things I’ve long swore off, goals I’ve dropped ect.
There is a small flicker of renewed…hope, interest or desire…not sure which but I am feeling this sense of wanting to try, an openness to try. I shut down years ago and the door is slowly opening or trying to. I don’t know how I feel about this, the usual response would be fear but it’s less fear and more caution/hesitation due to cynicism. Which serves to protect me but the pull to open up is there and winning now.
After decades of just existing, hiding and surviving, closed off…it’s starting to change. Slowly but surely.
We gain the strength of the temptation we resist.
–Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Temptations always feel so powerful and when I give in, the immediate effect is always disappointment in myself. Yet when I overcome a temptation, the reward is truly its strength as the quote says. You almost receive its power.
The power of self deprivation. I’d like to spend more time with this, it’s been awhile.
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Matthew 16:24
“Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.”
Paragon loop @ 15 mins.
Tired, sore and in need of recovery. My neck issue improved a lot on 7 mins last thursday, I figure another loop this week might take it all the way. Between vibration plate, chiropractor and paragon…this will be healed soon.
Same, I know understand I’ve probably overexposed myself the entire last year listening to 15mins of DR and LBFH (plus AC once a week).
Now I’m noticing that when I listen to AC (7mins) I get really tired, so maybe it’s still to much.
I’m a bit lost mate, what’s your current stack?
I started my Stage 4 custom on January 2nd. I’m 5 loops in so far. One loop of 5 or 7 mins once a week.
I ran Paragon once last Thursday at 7 mins and one loop at 15 mins this morning because I have a neck issue I’ve been seeing a chiropractor for since January.
My stack is basically my custom, I named it Therapeuo. That probably throws ppl off.
Core:
Modules:
I don’t really want to add anything else to it. It’s dense enough. Paragon is an as needed temporary compliment. I’m still on DR, just with 17 other modules.
Slow and steady 
I also agree, I ran so much that I was basically in reconciliation, flirting with overexposure for months if not the whole time until I fully hit overexposure. Now I’m hyper sensitive to running subs, so I don’t think I’ll ever run more than 2 titles again and I don’t think I’ll ever run a title more than twice a week. But as it goes now, once a week is okay.
Jolted awake 30 mins ago from an unpleasant dream or nightmare. I hardly recall but I think I was with a few others and something fell/broke and I jolted awake intensely. My neck is sore from it.
Must have been serious. I really don’t dream but this would be 2nd dream I’ve had since running DR last year.
I’ll take this as a sign of progress but damn, I gave myself whiplash.
The man who does not value himself, cannot value anything or anyone.
–Ayn Rand
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I used to be like that in my twenties, as an alcoholic. Usery was the game. Manipulation, avoiding responsibility and accountability, blame shifting and a complete lack of value. Internally and externally I held no value for myself or others. Everything was fleeting, a means to an end, self gratifying and the pursuit of disconnection with myself.
Seeing this quote brought back a lot of memories. I’ve been sober 8 years, thinking of the human I once was is startling, as I now value myself and others. I give Glory to The Lord as he changed me, I did not conquer addictions myself. I did not turn quite around of my own accord. The Lord said “while you were yet my enemy…I saved you” and that’s exactly what he did.
Hindsight is always 20/20, even though I struggle to see the changes happening now, I know I’m not the same as I was last year.
I know I’m no longer a people pleaser, I can see that, feel that within me. Validation seeking is low, its not 100% but close. Inner strength/backbone has improved a lot and openness…the fear and pain of “life” that shut me down is lifting. I am starting to feel alive again, willing again. I am starting to care again.
I value myself now and though I struggle with sabotage as I have my whole life, it’s becoming apparent, I’m noticing it more. Once you can see the problem, you can fix it. And that is a great thing.
I used to shut people out due to not loving myself, fear, inadequacy and feeling that I was too broken or weird to be around others. I wore my insecurities on my sleeve, kept them at the forefront of my identity.
Now, DR has taken all that and burned it. I know feel I’ve gained empowered choice. I hang out with those I value, I let go of others who are not good influences. I protect myself now. Everything in life is a choice, in the past it was needs based, sacrificing myself for approval, support and attention when all I needed was to value myself. Looking for others to value me was a death sentence and it took over 15 years to recognize that. My heart breaks for the younger me.
I went from broken and lost to Empowered and Stable with DR.
I like that you use quotes and bible verses before and after you write a post while making it a full story. It’s a way people in AA share their insights and thoughts. You read or hear something, take it in, and rephrase it in a way to learn more about yourself. Intelligent way of taking in knowledge in my opinion.
I’m glad you found Jezus and that he became your savior. It doesn’t matter to me what religion you believe in. When people get saved, that always warms my heart.
Keep it going brother, it’s a pleasure to read your journal! Especially how you are moving through the Valley and getting on top. 
Thank you Jim, I really appreciate your post. The quotes that speak to me, help identify things I’m going through while giving me a base to build my thoughts on. Sometimes thoughts/feelings are hard to express and then you see a quote about it and bam you’re typing a short story lol.
I finished a 4 days dryfast this morning. I needed more self deprivation, a reset. I feel tired and weak yet oh so humble. I realize that ego makes us think we are powerful but when you take away basic needs, it all crumbles around you and leaves you realizing how truly helpless we are. How truly reliant we are.
Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV
“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; And lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, And he shall direct thy paths.”
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During my fast I felt all the burdens leaving, things that felt important no longer were. Your world minimizes until only what truly matters remains. I love the humility. I love the clarity and I even love the suffering I put myself through. I wish I could go longer, but with my job it’s not feasible.
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Proverbs 16:9
“A man’s heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.”
The more I try to control my life and environment, the more resistance I encounter. Everyone needs control but the way I’ve been going about it has been counter productive. Don’t fight it, learn to move with it, use it to your benefit. Rigidity does not serve me. I’ve been living wrong. I get told often how intense I am. I think that relates to rigidity, at least I see a connection to it.
We become rigid when we lack control and my childhood was exactly that, no control over my peace. I became cold, angry and stern. It’s okay to have beliefs and positions, morals, values, ethics and principles I would like to be intelligent with obstruction, resistance. No longer putting up a wall and blocking things out.
Trusting in the higher powers to “order my steps” while I make the best choices I’m able to, always focusing on the effect I’m having on the external.
It’s important to bring positivity, not negativity. Let the bad stuff go and be true in all ways.