Geoff's Journal - Closing The Gap

Have you run limitless? If so, did you notice any improvement in subliminal assimilation or improved results?

I wonder if swapping LBH for Limitless for a cycle would be beneficial.

I used QL.

I don’t know about

I think that was because of DR.

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Saturday,

Went for a run at 5:30am again. Once a week, the consistency is good for me. I noticed Inner Voice module alive within me while running. I only had a moment of self doubt half way through my run and immediately positive encouragement filled my thoughts. It was like having supportive and wise council engage my weak thoughts with compassion and transmute them into uplifting reinforcement.

I finished my run, went inside only to find out my son hadn’t gone to bed and ā€œcouldn’t sleepā€ so I had him go for a quick jog and we ran together, now he’s been asleep for awhile. I’m happy that I was able to run twice with no real fatigue or soreness, unlike last week. Proud that he obliged me and ran with me as well.

Today has started out well and I’m grateful.


On another note, I’ve felt some dissatisfied mixed with an empty/indifferent feeling recon from LBH. I’m surprised it hasn’t been more intense since listening to 15 mins. So my custom must be the hard hitter as this past week I didn’t experience and food cravings or extreme apathy. The subliminal masterclass has been helpful already, looking forward to more indepth information on sub usage to help maximize my assimilation and utilization and I’ve always felt less efficiency in my usage comparatively speaking.

Less focus on the sub schedule I create and more intuitive listening is needed. I’m leaning towards a 15 min loop of custom on Monday to gauge, just as I’ve been doing since Weds LBH loop. If I get intense recon from it then my best idea is to either just run LBH rest of year or LBH/Ascension and let the rest go as I would assume that 2 titles would be my mental max.

Sun, 6pm

1 loop Custom - 15 mins

1 loop LBH - 15

Decided to go full loops today vs tomorrow morning incase I get foggy, rather have processing time vs jumping right into work. I’m going to let this ride, maybe all week before any other loops.

Didn’t feel anything in the head until maybe 9 or 14 mins of custom but I do listening to LBH but I’m just going to ride it through to 15 mins and accept the reconciliation.

Going to read today’s masterclass email, it’s been insightful and helpful for me. I’m focusing on being less rigid with my listening schedule and learning more intuitive ways.

This weekend was one of the better times I spent with my son. I was in a goofy, happy mood yesterday and today. I think he l really appreciated the time with me. I’m not usually in such a mood (LBH credit from full loop last Wednesday) once I gauge how my custom expresses this week, I’ll be able to decide whether to continue, downgrade or drop it.

I’m tempted to just run LBH as you can’t lose and only gain.

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Mon, for tracking.

Flat and calm demeanor/exterior
Spoke only when spoken to
Slight headache in afternoon
Sensations on forward/top of head along with prefrontal
Under the surface is a lot of frustration
Mild road rage driving home, mostly speeding/impatience
Significant thoughts about what I want
Intolerance with my current job/boredom
Low concern about what others perceive when looked at, less preoccupied with external worries

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Tues, tracking

Calm at work until text emotionally unsettled me
Boss confirmed I’m getting my negotiated $1 at 90 days(basically honoring offer letter) I felt indifferent
Drive home was good, only went 90 at most
Annoyed with my circumstances
Realizations of just how traumatized I am and how it’s made my life so so difficult
Custom has been helping pull me/keep me from sliding into victim mindset or woe is me emotion
Heads lighter today, not as much fullness or sensations

This job, the shifts seem to go by quickly. It isn’t freaky fast but time does pass quicker compared to my job of 8 yrs where nights drug on and on. I credit khronos key for sure but it’s much more subtle than I expected.

A lot of irritation and frustration, some moments of wanting to cry but it still never happens, I’m blocked I think, couldn’t even cry on Dragon Reborn either. Tired of losing, my subconscious needs serious reprogramming in the Alpha area, self esteem/love area and knowing how to interact with females psychologically. I need a strong mental game.

Definitely feeling lost and stressed, as much ā€œinformationā€ as there is out here, I don’t seem to assimilate nor internalize any of it. I just consume it, in 1 ear and out the other. Most days I’m just in a mental haze waiting for my neurofeedback optimal threshold so I can live my best life but in the meantime I’m just here feeling disconnected and full of recon, living an unfuffilling life with no drive or hunger for anything, just moving to the beat of should/bare minimum.

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Sending hugs and love your way!

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Thanks for the kindness

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Weds, tracking

Was put on two machines today and ended up more productive than yesterday

Had one coworker ask me 3 times if I was okay or having a good day

Had another coworker comment to me that ā€œYou looked seriously bored today running your machinesā€

Robotic autopilot like word, not very present mentally

Rejected by a girl I’ve known for awhile ā€œAnd I also need to be with someone who I can trust fully, and that’s not youā€ - says I have dark energy or a darkness about me, maybe from my trauma she said.

Achiness intermittently in head, in different places

Today’s been difficult. I’m aware of conflicting thoughts/beliefs in my mind. I know scripting is being processed but damn I’ve felt so empty today. Overpowering sense of hopelessness today. Low ambition to the point of avoiding things that need attention outside of work. My mom called today to check in, told me I sound unhappy and immediately broke into her schpeel about how I need to find a partner etc. All that did was intensify the hopless mindset that feels like a black hole.

I hope tomorrow is better, everyone on here talks about amazing things after reconciliation…I wonder if I’ll wake up one day as a new better me. I try not to be negative but for the sake of accurate tracking, it is what it is.

I guess good things today were no road rage, mild impatience at one point. No desire for junk food or binging. I did good work, didn’t half ass anything. So there’s that.

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Thurs, tracking

Hopelessness dissipated today.
Ran fast paced machine today, no time to be in my head. On autopilot mostly.
I felt productive but kept to myself, not talkative.
No real anger or frustration
Canceled an interview I had today then regretted it once I started working.
Intolerance for poor treatment is increasing internally.
Slowly making progress with direct communication and boundaries.

Today I seemed to start the day with a sense of acceptance, not as much resisting/controlling of circumstances. Hopelessness the last two days has dissipated though I feel more flat/vacant today than anything else. I’ve been protective of myself, speaking up when not being treated the way I should be which is not a usual thing for me.

I’ve done the dishes consistently this week which is a return to my old standard prior to last few months where I’ve been procrastinating, avoidant and apathetic.

It took 3 full days to wake up feeling lighter, less burdened and emotionally neutral. I’m wondering if today should be my listening day? I feel like I could listen though tomorrow is my neurofeedback session and I’d rather not go into that with reconciliation diluting my ability to give accurate feedback (which helps therapist adjust training) so I think I’ll just run full loops again on Sunday. Continuing to track each day.

Today has been the least negative day since I ran my full loops last Sunday.

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Friday, tracking

Started the day tired, I looked checked out at work.
Indifferent, maybe even apathetic today
Was irritated with the part I was running at work, I’m usually in an ā€œit is what it isā€ mode but not today.

Went to neurofeedback and therapist wanted to make a dramatic change. We were high frequency and training bilaterally. Now I’m at the lowest frequency (ground floor) total reset but training intra-hemispheric. Lots of head sensations coming and going but noticeable fullness especially in top and back head, some front. I’m ready for this to be a positive change. I get looks at work because I look so detached or checked out. I had to tell my boss earlier at review that I was doing this therapy and no, I don’t hate my job, I’m just bored and hypo-aroused.

Aside from that, I thought I felt a semblance of Stronger module today. Strong will and how I wanted to avoid bad things etc. No real noticeable reconciliation compared to earlier in week. I’ll leave my mind alone until sunday.

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Saturday, tracking

Woke up semi conscious around 4/430 tossing n turning. By 5am I was awake, achiness in head and feeling physically primed for some reason.

Went for run at 6am, run felt harder from a nervous system/breathing standpoint compared to last sat. I finished, did 10 mins on vibration plate then unexpectedly started working out. Worked out enough to have elevated heart rate so more than usual. I haven’t done this is weeks. Ended with some nauseousness and temporary shakiness.

Juiced the last watermelon from my garden and took out the trash. I seem to be on a productive path this morning. It’s 8 am and I have just decided to have a seat and journal. I woke up with a semi positive/neutral mood which was not apparent yesterday.

I have noticed earlier this week that I’ve been perceived as a jerk or unkind or just blunt. I’m assuming ascension is activating. I had sent a text stating a situation was handled and no need for them to get involved and it was taken as I had hurt their feelings. Also the girl who rejected me the other day has been acting offended towards me and telling me how her interest in me is ā€œclose to zeroā€ and that ā€œit used to be much higherā€ yet continues to reach out/talk to me. Is this all the external reactions to a confidence/status increase? Or am I doing something wrong. I seem to be more blunt, possibly less kind as far as not sugar coating how I say things.

Self improvement as a whole is great but my main goal I realize is developing a strong mind/masculine, dominant mindset. It occurs to me that if the mindset is weak then the life is weak. I spent too much time focusing on isolated things and not building the mind. Becoming detached from literally everything, cultivating masculine indifference and total strength of mind is the goal now. The body, life will follow.

I’m wondering if this custom/LBH till December is best or if slimming to Ascension/LBH is better. This one loop a week so far has been alright. At least 3 days of overt reconciliation then a slow leveling off rest of week. Tomorrow starts a new week.

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Sun, 8:30am

1 loop LBH - 15 mins

1 loop Custom - 15 mins

No overload or resistance listening to LBH first. Running Custom second, some slight sensations around 7/8 mins. Some mental resistance, not sure thats the right word for it but it feels as though the flow has slowed as far as assimilation. Easier listening burden today overall I’d say. I’ll see how the next few days goes.

Woke up at 6am, went running again at 6:30am. I don’t usually run two days, a little sore from yesterday’s run/workout but I ran the same distance today. So Extreme Exercise Motivation is finally showing up along with LotS supporting me. I’m at 138lbs which is still the same from before but I had that food struggle a few weeks ago while in reconciliation and went up to 142 for a minute. I do feel Stronger has helped me ignore or avoid foods I’d previously would of bought when shopping. Last night shopping with my son I wanted to buy Siete cinnamon chips but after sending him to the aisle I retracted my request and we left. As well my appetite has been good, no over eating or indulging. I stopped tracking my calories with my app due to the process itself but I’m still semi aware of what I’m eating.
Virtue Series: Temperance coupled with Stronger seems to be helping me with being content with what I have, not over using things, living in moderation and also understanding that consumption gets you nowhere. I feel streamlined in a sense, a lot of bad habits are seemingly disappearing or at least I’m not acting on them.

Iron Frame I’m still not really sure what the scripting does. I’m less reactive to situations, I tend to remain separated more from others views when before I’d get sucked into others views or ā€œframesā€. It’s a work in progress but I see improvement. Not sure what core or module but I think I’m experiencing outcome independence a little, when something I want doesn’t happen, I experience this disappointed acceptance vs trying to control the situation or put more effort in changing the undesired result.

All in all, last week was moving in the right direction and this week seems to be off to a good start.

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I keep thinking about how small my life is, while I have peace mostly, it’s very limited. Some brain fog since my loops earlier. I’m wondering if expanding socially is a thought of mine or some kind of cope stemming from inadequacy. I’ve never really felt a need to have a network or large circle of friends yet here I am today with this thought. :thinking: do I want people around me or in my life? I’ve lived alone so long I’m not sure I could tolerate a partner or that just fear talking.

I’m very Cost vs. Benefit based with people. I hardly find spending time with others valuable enough to justify the effort it takes. That sounds harsh but I’m not coming from a place of angst over it. Am I realizing now the long term cost of being a loner. I never learned how to have fun sober almost 9 years ago but that can’t be my excuse forever.

I wonder if this is LBH recon, seems like it, reading what I just wrote. Hours after my loops, my productivity dropped off, I’ve been in a cloud since, like everything just slowed down. At least I’m not feeling angry or frustrated, just tired.

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Monday, tracking

Pretty irritated today, mostly about my job
Consistent doubts about job, the work I do
Doubts about going into my automation program
Coworkers definitely noticed I wasn’t in the mood
Impatience and speeding today
Overall more negative thinking today

I’m definitely having doubts, about work, school, life, my circumstances etc. I get the urge to drop custom and buy genesis. I get the urge to drop custom and just run ascension. Irritated about my circumstances. Questioning if I have self respect. Thinking I can do better and constantly screening Indeed for jobs. I want to be more clear on what I want, How do I know if automation is for me. What if I don’t even want to do it. I’m 39 and still haven’t found a field I’m really interested in.

I’ve been going through Khan and Emperor threads trying to decide which one to run in January with Limitless to help me breeze through school and work. This custom is making me feel like I’m not ready for anything. I do see changes but I’m just impatient, serves me right for 3 Cores plus LBH.

I have to always remember that everything I have and do not have is because of me. You just can’t blame the external. My life is a result of my choices and if I’m hating my life, then it’s my fault.

I just need to figure this out, am I even running the right subs now. Am I just fucking with myself due to reconciliation…let’s just put all this on the shelf, tomorrow is another day.

Why am I so weak. Weak minded. Weak willed. What’s it going to take.

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Tuesday, tracking

A good amount of frustration today, felt physical and mental.
Working is starting to feel agonizing, impatient.
No road rage today.
Strong urge to stop listening to custom.
Irrational thinking, scorched earth thinking.
Disinterested demeanor
Low motivation

Today, Irrational thinking is in full force. I’m getting urges to stop my custom, look at other school programs, thoughts of selling my house and starting over somewhere else(even though I’m broke) and questioning things that I thought I was sure on.

Last night before bed, I logged onto school site and registered for the one class I need to start. I’m not sold on this program but I can’t keep doing what I’m doing, I already can’t stand it. You’d think that’d motivate me but it isn’t. Where’s the drive and ambition from Ascension at…

Headache today as well. My mind feels like it’s spazzing out but GLM keeps me stoic on the outside. Reconciliation so far is consistent with last weeks loop, one more day to see if it’s exactly the same. I might try 12 min loops next listening day. Kind of wondering to myself what the point of this is, what’s getting better :thinking: how am I growing. I know Reconciliation is not a bad thing but today I’m just not appreciative of it.

Sense of self is stronger I guess, less externally fixated or needy. I feel a lot more detached but why, I’m not sure. Disconnected from myself - detachment or sub related - detachment. Ones positive, ones a negative. I’m not sure yet.

I run once a week, sometimes twice and eat much less yet I’m pretty stable between 138lbs and 140lbs. I’m really not going anywhere and it’s getting old, I still have a gut and I don’t get it. Is LotS just not activating for me? It’s probably just me not doing something right on top of too many subs. :confused: yea, I should lower loop time.

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The theory of weight management I work from with hypnosis clients is that the SubC mind has a weight in mind it considers ā€œhealthy and safeā€ for you.

Looking at it from that theory, it sounds like your subconscious is doing a fantastic job of maintaining that for you.

A cool way to find out what exact weight it has in mind for you is to close eyes and imagine you’re in a ā€œmaster control roomā€ for your entire body.

Somewhere in there is a dial or display or readout that shows the current ā€œhealthy and safe weightā€ it has for you.

And they’ll be some way you can change that readout or display to show the weight you’d like to get to.

Change it, see the new reading/target change. And as it does, become aware of how you start to feel more and more different in mind and body.

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Thanks, I just visualized turning the dial to 130lbs. It’s crazy how I haven’t seemed to move even with increased activity and less calories. Do you visualize it everyday or just the one time?

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You’ll know when it’s enough when you go look at it and it shows 130 without you needing to do it again.

Weds, tracking

Today I felt reactive and agressive maybe even internally hostile. Cut up my hands at work, I’ve never had so many cuts, smh. I can’t stand machining anymore. Ever since my traumatic childhood issues starting moving/clearing, I no longer feel the need to hide at an unfufilling job like I used to. Things are changing.

I don’t feel the standard ambition increase too much but I do feel an irritated urgency. Urgency to find what I want to do, find a new job that’s not machining. A lot of questions, not enough answers. I feel irritated as hell and it’s internally focused.

I read the Ascension threads last night and been thinking about the reviews. I definitely relate to feeling ā€œSeriousā€ a lot, it’s like my sense of humor went on vacation and I’m direct with communication.

I didn’t realize others had such intense experiences with finding out your purpose etc just like I’m dealing with.

I definitely relate to these posts.

All I felt today was urgency and resistance. It’s almost like having a D.I. in my head pushing me, telling me to get with it, move faster, find the answers etc. Lack of patience today too, like I’m way behind. I feel really stuck but I’m looking everyday. Deep sense of dissatisfaction though.

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