Woke up at 7am and went for a small run. I am truly surprised as I haven’t ran in years. Used the barefoot shoes I bought and my feet were really straight while running though I was heel striking/jolting hard, it was a different kind of run for me.
I’m not sure where the interest or urge came from but I took it. This is quite an unusual occurrence but I enjoyed it. It’s good to see positive changes happening.
Mon 6:20am
1 loop LBH - 1:30
1 loop custom - 1:30
First day at new job, decided to drop loop time today. The rest of this month is going test me in many ways. Lots of questioning thoughts yesterday after interactions, conversations ect. Inner dialogue is working again, challenging my actions and beliefs, good.
I felt slightly optimistic yesterday after my loops.
But today, I woke up kinda down, feeling empty. Until about 11am when texting this girl back n forth for a few. We’ve been butting heads the past 2/3 weeks but our communication frequency is almost daily.
I just realized that this is probably Ascension right? The increased status, self worth must be changing me behavior and communication and the beta box she put me in isn’t holding anymore so subconsciously she’s acting out. It’s been annoying honestly. I am curious what the right move is though, end it/walk away when this tension comes to a head? Or is there a better way to take the power and use it for my benefit?
I can’t say the 1:30 loops caused all this as it’s been happening over time but the past day I’ve noticed more recon from LBH and my situation/dynamic is becoming increasingly conflicted.
Maybe I’ll do 1:30 tomorrow as well. Weird day
Weds - 5:30am
1 loop custom - 1:30
1 loop LBH - 1:30
It’s beating me up, LBH. Woke up with a sadness again today, feels very much like self love recon. Who knew such a short loop would cause more obvious effect vs. 3, 5 +
I’m getting such a nagging feeling over “what I want” or “what the right path is” my minds posing questions that are aggravating as I haven’t found an answer yet. Questioning if school/program is what I really want or if it’s something “I should” do. Questioning this job too, where I live ect. Probably Ascension?
This week has been trying. I’m happy with day shift but man, I really don’t enjoy the work, it’s clear I’m no longer interested in manufacturing. Been cruising jobs online everyday, on break, lunch and after work. I guess I need to push through, though feeling burnt out after only 3/4 days is a pretty big testament.
Almost everytime I interact with this girl I talk to, she gets upset over something. I’m pretty non-reactive due to Lion IV but it’s so weird, literally the past 3ish weeks it’s been a perception nightmare. Taking things in the worst way even when the intention is clearly positive. Is she responding to a new vibe? Is my tone or form of texting so different that it’s upending her perception of me/my communication?
I don’t feel like myself this week, I’m feeling irritated at work, misunderstood with others, flat and disconnected at home. Confused about what I even want. Life feels chaotic even though it’s pretty dull and quiet. Still feeling sad periodically.
Friday 5:40am
1 loop Custom - 1:30
1 loop LBH - 1:30
Letting go and acceptance on my mind this morning. Accepting what is and how to become unaffected. Yesterday I realized I am being over expectant with myself, especially at this job acting like if I don’t know everything day 1 then this isn’t for me. I can not like the work anymore but a man still goes and does it. I’ve been too caught up in this form of entitlement where I somehow deserve better. I do deserve to become better but not act in such a way that I’m above doing what I chose to accept.
Instead of fighting the current, go with it. Accept the present while pursuing a better future.
It’s challenging stopping myself from trying to stop/fix/change things but I notice acceptance brings much peace. This is my lesson for today.
It’s funny how I started today with Acceptance.
Today was the first day I did not want to quit. Everyone was friendly towards me as well as talkative. Compared to the off-putting indifferent vibe all week.
I was put on a more complicated machine/part today, seems I’m moving forward/up quickly as well as being directly told once the lathe is fixed, I’ll be running two machines with the most expensive/complicated part going forward. All of this seems like a big compliment to me as I just finished my first week.
I started work today with acceptance for what is, not trying to resist anything or even think about things outside my control and today a lot of things changed.
Neurofeedback went well also. I was complimented on my intelligence which was really unexpected but appreciated, therapist was more friendly/interactive than usual and I’m feeling improved so far.
I’ve even hit a point of relaxed detachment with the girl I’m interacting with. I seem to have updated my perception. I’m seeing actions over words and responding in a much more mature/detached way. I’ve backed off and asserted myself more when things become unpleasant. I’m really proud of myself here, it’s as if my scarcity mindset towards her is dying. By just accepting what is and detaching…
Radical acceptance…who knew
Monday, 6:20am
1 loop custom - 2 mins
1 loop LBH - 2 mins
Definitely noticed head fatigue from 1:30 to 2 mins on custom. Starting to feel frustrated and doubtful about this 3 core custom. My minds been on Genesis all weekend, been craving sugar the past few weeks. Read some posts mentioning sugar cravings and yet I still think it’s reconciliation urging me to stop listening and go to Genesis or main store LBH/Ascension. Reading about Matrix’s energy drop on LotS was relatable, got me thinking it’s all too much. I’ve reduced loop time and it kinda helped but yet didn’t.
Got a lot of doubt going on, questioning a lot. Uncertainty about the future, everything I think, I question. Friday was a good day at work, now this morning I’m not interested again. It’s all very irritating, everything feels fickle. Part of me wants to stop listening and part of me says it’s recon.
I succeeded leaving my 3rd shift dead end up, found jobs, ended up on 1st like I wanted. So part of this custom has obviously worked but other parts not yet. Should I just stay with it, will it get better. Why do I feel so unsatisfied, thoughts flow like “I don’t like this shit anymore” or “what is the point in doing this/that” most days I just want to sit around and stare off into space, am I powering off to escape or what. All I know is my internal world isn’t right and things haven’t really changed. I focus on accepting what is and the stress of resistance leaves but from a long term perception, I am dissatisfied with things and I feel the deep frustration. What upsets me the most is not knowing how to fix/change this state.
Weds - 6:20am
1 loop LBH - 1 min
1 loop Custom - 1 min
39 today, while I always feel a sense of regret for not accomplishing more each year, I do recognize the progress I’ve made this past year. I usually get pretty depressed and negative on each passing Bday but this year it’s not as bad.
Still looking for my subliminal sweetspot, I’m not really noticing effects this week. Just a lot of indulging in foods I shouldn’t, low energy and no interest/stamina in exercise, even when I force myself the strength and endurance is just not there. Gained 3lbs too. September has flown by quick and the whole month I’ve gone backwards. Is this all reconciliation in its glory? Thoughts of dropping LBH…maybe I’m just listening to too much. I can’t figure out why I’m going backwards, 1 or 2 mins hasn’t shown anything yet. Considering just stopping all together but I second guess myself as it could be recon getting me to stop. Am I overexposed and running myself into a wall? Shouldn’t I be improving, not going backwards.
I must have a bottom level flow factor. The point is, I don’t know what the issue is but I dropped to 1 min today.
Today somehow went better than I expected. I don’t know but feels like something clicked. Had a better day at work. Moods slightly improved and less foggy today. I drove home and did not stop at store for junk nor did I eat bad today. You’d think I’d treat myself for my Bday but I’m doing the opposite.
Maybe 1 min is/was the sweet spot? Idk, something is different today. Hopefully tomorrow follows the same path
Shout out to Victory’s Call
Eliminate avoidance with Victory’s Call, and get the things you know you have to do done.
I applied to Michigan reconnect program, filed fafsa for school, should be able to register for winter classes soon. Took care of paperwork for job.
I just realized I have been meeting challenges head on. Even at work when boss asks me to do more, I simply just go attack it, there’s no thoughts like “oh man, why me” or “he could’ve gotten someone to do this” none of that. There’s almost no thoughts at all, just action.
This is quickly becoming a favorite module. I guess avoidance is just like procrastination. I never wanted to admit it but I’ve struggled with avoidance for decades, hell all my life and I’m so grateful this module is helping like it is. It’s definitely a keeper.
Happy birthday man.
Victorys call is nice does what it should
Thank you, much appreciated.
Fri - 6:20am
1 loop LBH - 1 min
1 loop custom - 1 min
Since Weds my state has changed, Weds is when I listened to 1 min. Foggy mind reduced like 90%, haven’t binge ate on anything either.
Had a lot of thoughts come up last night about how I act/things I say and analyzing why. How weakness shows up, in not just me but everyone. How we communicate. How we cope with insecurities and core wounds. I’m becoming more concerned with what I’m telling/showing in a subconscious and nonverbal way as well as my overt communication.
Happy birthday!
Been on washout until today when I woke up way early sick, ended up driving to work then “calling in” and driving home…smh.
Listened to 7 mins of my paragon custom a few hours ago. Then decided to randomly listen to a 15 min loop of LBH now at 6:15pm.
Washout has been interesting, I became depressed, unmotivated and seriously dissatisfied with things. Shouldn’t I be feeling good, doing good things and getting better running subs. Seems like results come and go but I end up feeling low. It’s been almost 3 weeks at job and it’s one step up from button pushing and I find it mind numbing, half way through the shift I feel pent up frustration and want to walk out. There is this feeling of “I’m better than this” but it clashes with the realist side of me which sees the world how it is and how I should be grateful I have a job.
I feel frustrated most days due to unhappiness with my life. I have everything I need, yet I feel so empty, hollow. I question the things I’m doing, the subs I’m running trying to understand what it is I’m even doing. I see everyone on the forum chasing wealth and I wonder what for. Or women and I think the same. My mindset isn’t right, hasn’t been right. What sub pulls you out of a rut/perception of life is vain and pointless? I guess I want to be inspired by something. See the value in living again.
Whether I run 2 mins or 15 all I seem to get is reconciliation and then before I know it I’m eating junk food going backwards in life. Wtf is the problem.
I lack commitment
I lack direction
I lack discipline
I lack a willingness
It’s so challenging to care about life these days, the urge to be better comes and goes just like everything else. What am I doing and what do I want. I take a look around and I’m just complaining.
Maybe I should just stop. Everything I thought was important, isn’t really.
Can subs even help when you stop caring and do the minimum. Just living life is boring and requires more effort than I want to give. It’s like I see low ROI in trying. This is not a healthy perspective. Is it reconciliation or am I just stuck.
What have you been listening to for the past 10 days?
How many months have you been listening to each?
How many times per week are you listening to each title?
I’ve gone from 5 mins, 3 mins to 1:30, to 2 mins to 1 min. I take plenty of rest days and washouts average 4 to 7 days.
Yesterday I broke washout to run Paragon due to feeling sick, then later on ran LBH fully just because I felt so down. But yesterday was a random one off listen, not part of my pattern.
In terms of feeling stuck, what are your thoughts about taking 10 days of a wash out, or maybe adding in Genesis?
I’ll be going another 4 days, planning on starting Monday and just trying one full loop of each but going at least 3/4 days before considering another loop.
I don’t see how adding subs would help. You did see my custom is 3 Cores? So with LBH, that’s 4. Which is why I’ve been so conservative with loop time. If nothing changes by end of Oct, I’ll probably stop running and reevaluate.
My intention is to move into Emperor in January, so I’ve been trying to prepare for it.